


You, the Ocean, and Me

by billet_doux



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Clexa, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Mermaids, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa, lots and lots of clexa, mermaid au, the mermaid/h2o au that nobody asked for but i'm delivering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-09 19:08:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 109,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11675259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/billet_doux/pseuds/billet_doux
Summary: When an accident at sea takes her father's life, Clarke Griffin has to learn to deal with her fears and anxieties surrounding the water.  It's up to her best friend and aspiring marine biologist, Lexa Woods, to help Clarke through her fears--and to help her when something mysterious and unimaginable happens.Or;Three girls,  all in the wrong (right) place at the wrong (right) time, are bound together with a shared secret.  They can only rely on one girl, an aspiring scientist, to help them figure out what has happened to them--and possibly find a way to turn them back.





	1. Prologue: The Metamorphosis

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Hope you all enjoy this prologue! Let me know if you want me to continue it!
> 
> Just a heads up: Clarke has a panic attack in this prologue. All ends well, but if panic attacks are triggers for you, please be careful! 
> 
> Enjoy!

“Lexa, you know how I feel about boats,” Clarke sighed, wrapping her arms around her body protectively.  She glanced out over the dock, eyes set on the horizon, so far away.  

 

“I know, I know,” Lexa smiled, giving her friend a bump with her shoulder.  “But you are the one who decided to do a project on the Mako coral reefs,”

 

“Which I thought we could just research in the library, like normal humans,” Clarke rolled her eyes.  Her spine tingled at the very thought of going out into the open sea.  She’d gone on boat rides here and there over the past few years, but none lasting longer than a few minutes, and certainly none that had gone so far out into the abyss that was the ocean.

 

Not since the accident, at least.

 

“Where’s the fun in that, though?” Her friend countered.  Lexa pushed her reading glasses up onto the bridge of her nose as she threw her satchel into the motorboat.  “Come on, Clarke.  I promise I’ll keep you safe.  Have I ever broken a promise?”

 

Clarke shuffled on her feet, giving Lexa a small smile.  “Yes, you promised me when we were six that you would marry me.”  Clarke pointed to her left hand, free of any diamonds.

 

“We’re still young, give it time,” Lexa winked, laughing.  She stepped into the motorboat, extending a hand to Clarke.  “I’m going with or without you.  I don’t half-ass my projects,”

 

“Lexa,” Clarke tutted, settling her hands on her hips, “going to the library for research, watching seven documentaries, and examining samples already collected from Ark Community College isn’t half-assing a project.  It’s doing way more than any seventeen year old would in the first place.”  After a pause, Clarke continued, “It’s way more than I would’ve done if you weren’t my bio partner.”

 

Lexa dropped her extended hand, shrugging.  “I want to collect my own coral samples.  You know I love scuba diving, anyway,”

 

“I don’t understand how,” Clarke laughed nervously, walking further down the dock to examine the boat.  “Are you sure this is safe?”

 

“Yes, Clarke,” Lexa promised.  “You were here, ten minutes ago, when I had the inspector check it out.  It’s in tip-top shape.”  Lexa moved closer to Clarke, stepping out onto the dock once more.  Placing her hands on Clarke’s shoulders, she said, “The boat is safe.  There’s no storms in the coming week, not even a chance of rain today.  I have all the scuba gear we need--you don’t even have to go in the water, you can stay in the boat.” She gestured towards the large packages on either end of her small boat.  “I have life preservers, vests, and a phone I can use to call the coast guard.  I won’t let anything happen to you, Clarke,” she promised, tucking a stray piece of hair behind Clarke’s ear.

 

“I know,” Clarke sighed.  “It’s just--you know how nervous I get.”

 

“I do,” Lexa nodded, hand coming back to rest on Clarke’s shoulder.  “But, if you choose to come, I think that this will be good for you.  I want to help you re-acclimate to the water.  But I won’t make you come if you don’t want to, okay?  I just thought...a day trip to Mako with your best friend would be a good start to getting back in the ocean.” Lexa smiled, giving Clarke’s shoulder a squeeze.  “Don’t you trust me?”

 

Clarke nodded shakily.  “Of course I do, Lexa.”

 

“Would you rather go with someone else?” Lexa asked.

 

“I’d rather not go out into the water at all,” Clarke mumbled.

 

Lexa sighed, nodding her head.  “Okay, I respect that.” She wrapped her friend in a tight hug, and gave her hip a squeeze.  “Call me if you need anything.  Not that my cell will have good service in the middle of the ocean, but I’ll do what I can.” Lexa winked, stepping back into her boat.  “Don’t you worry, I’ll be back before sunset, okay?”

 

Clarke nodded, wringing her hands behind her back.  

 

She knew Lexa was just trying to help her--it was the type of person she was.  She’d been trying to help Clarke get back in the water, ever since the accident three years prior, when they had started high school.  Clarke had been slow to warm up, but eventually agreed to short paddleboat rides with Lexa, and even going on a party boat with her for Lexa’s 16th birthday party the year before.  She could handle those.  They were short-lived, and usually in ponds or lakes--but going out into the ocean?  It was still something she was afraid of.

 

She admired Lexa for helping her take the baby steps necessary to get comfortable with water and boats again--and especially admired her for being so patient.  She knew it couldn’t be easy to be friends with someone like her when Lexa was--well, Lexa.  

 

Lexa lived for adventure.  She’d always loved watersports, going diving, snorkeling, fishing--if there was anything to do with water or the ocean, Lexa was there.

 

Clarke used to be like that too, once.  But that was a long time ago.

 

Lexa started up the motor, reaching for the rope tying the boat to the dock.  “Clarke,” Lexa said, giving her friend a small smile.  “Don’t worry about me, okay? I’ll be fine.  I promise you.”

 

“I just--wish you didn’t go out there alone, is all,” Clarke sighed, running a hand through her hair.  “I just...sit and think of everything that could go wrong, with no one to help you, and--”

 

“Clarke,” Lexa laughed.  “I’m a lifeguard, okay?  I’m trained for going out into the ocean.  I have enough life saving equipment that I could have single handedly saved every person aboard the Titanic.  I’ll be okay.”  Lexa reached over the edge of the boat, untying the tight knot around the wooden post, letting the rope fall back into her boat.  “You sure you don’t want to come, Clarke?”

 

If she went, Clarke would most likely be panicking the entire time she sat in the boat, worried sick about what could happen to her and Lexa; if she stayed, Clarke would most definitely be worried the entire time Lexa was gone, coming up with worst-case scenarios and thinking about all the boat-related deaths she’d seen either in person or on the news in her life.

 

There really was no winning situation for Clarke.

 

She’d already told her mother she’d be going to Mako with Lexa for their AP Biology project.  Her mom had looked so proud of her--and had told her how proud she was of Clarke, for facing her fears.  If she went home, she’d surely let down both Lexa and her mother.

 

With a long sigh, Clarke shakily stepped into Lexa’s boat.  Lexa’s face lit with a smile, reaching to help stabilize Clarke.  “I’m proud of you, Clarke.”

 

“Thanks,” Clarke squeaked, sitting down quickly onto the boat’s bench.

 

“You don’t have to do this if you really don’t want to,” Lexa assured her.  “I would never pressure you into something you’re not ready for, okay?  You won’t let me down if you go home.”

 

Even though Lexa said the exact opposite of what Clarke was thinking, it still didn’t convince her in the slightest.

 

“No,” Clarke exhaled, trying to calm herself.  “I won’t let you go alone.  I’ll worry sick until you get back.  Besides, this is my project, too,” Clarke said, trying to sound brave.  “I’ll help you get the samples.”

 

Lexa cocked an eyebrow, a knowing smile on her lips.

 

Clarke rolled her eyes, defeated.  “Okay.  I’ll sit in the boat and most likely cry out of worry while you’re underwater.”

 

Lexa laughed at Clarke, reaching into one of the packages and pulling out a life vest.  “Here,” Lexa said, making her way to Clarke.  She helped Clarke put the brightly colored vest on, snapping the buckles into place.  

 

“Thanks,” Clarke said, inhaling sharply.

 

“It’s only twenty miles out, Clarke,” Lexa said, playing with the end of Clarke’s braid.  Golden locks splayed through her fingertips as Lexa tried to ease Clarke’s mind.  “The coast guard will answer any emergency calls.  We can make it to Mako in under an hour. You don’t have to go in the water if you don’t want to.  I’ll keep you safe, okay?”

 

Clarke nodded, leaning her head into Lexa’s hand.  “Okay, yeah,” she said, exhaling.

 

“Good,” Lexa smiled wide.  “I really am proud of you.  If you get nervous, let me know, okay?  We can always turn around.  I can always come back tomorrow and do this alone.”

 

Clarke nodded.  “Let’s just...get this over with.”

 

* * *

 

“I’m telling you, this is the dumbest fucking idea you’ve ever had, Reyes.”

 

“You say that about every idea I have, Blake.”

 

“Because, somehow, your ideas get worse every single time you think up a new one!”

 

Raven rolled her eyes, exasperated at her best friend.  “Octavia, I appreciate your concern, but someone’s got to do this!”

 

“No one has to do this, you fucking moron!” Octavia huffed.  “What in your goddamn crazy mind makes you think that this is a good idea?”

 

“Listen, I’m trying to prove a point here, okay? I need a witness. And someone to get proof. Otherwise, anyone could say they swam around Mako two times and lived to tell the tale.” Raven said, as if it were the most obvious and reasonable answer in the world.

 

“Why are you so keen on this?   _I’m_ the athlete out of the two of us,” Octavia sighed, burying her head in her hands.

 

“Because I want to shove this down Woods' throat and make her choke on it,” Raven huffed.  “That arrogant bitch needs to have her ego slam dunked back into check,”

 

“Just because someone dares you to do something doesn’t mean you have to do it!” Octavia said, eyes shooting daggers at her best friend.

 

“Uh, yes it does!  That’s the whole point of a dare, Blake!” Raven said, bringing the motor to a stop.

 

“Raven, please,” Octavia said, reaching for her friend’s wrist.  “Your leg--”

 

“Will be fine,” Raven assured her.  She stood, changing out of her regular clothes and putting on her wetsuit. “It’s only got a diameter of two miles.”

 

“You really think you can swim four miles, Reyes?” Octavia asked, watching as Raven slipped on her goggles.

 

“I don’t know! That’s why you’ll be following me in the boat! If I start to sink, jump in after me, bitch!”

 

Octavia sighed.  “I need new friends.”

 

Raven smiled, pecking Octavia on the cheek.  “I love you, Blakey Boo.”

 

“Ugh,” Octavia groaned.

 

“Come on, Octavia!” Raven said, nudging her friend.  “You _are_ the athlete out of the two of us.  Why don’t _you_ want to prove a point to Woods?”

 

“Because even though I am a swimmer,” Octavia stated matter of factly, “my longest distance I’ve ever done without quitting is three miles.  I’m humble enough to realize when someone’s bet is just batshit crazy.  And also humble enough to realize that I’m a high school swimmer, not an Olympian athlete.”

 

“Yeah, well,” Raven shrugged, “guess I’m crazy.”

 

“I’ve known that since preschool,” Octavia sighed.  “Please be safe. Blow the whistle if you start drowning.”

 

Raven nodded, slipping the whistle bracelet around her wrist and securing it.  “You got this video camera ready?”

 

Octavia nodded.  “All set and ready to go,”

 

Raven smiled.  “Oh, one last thing--if I die, I want you to know that I have had a crush on you since we met.”

 

“That’s not a secret,” Octavia rolled her eyes.

 

“Still straight?” Raven asked jokingly.

 

Octavia nodded.  “Still straight.  Sorry, Reyes.”

 

“My poor lesbian heart,” Raven cried, clutching at her chest.  “What a cliche, the gay girl has a crush on her straight best friend--she’ll die alone in the ocean, never having known what it was like to kiss her.  Because she’s so damn straight.”

 

Octavia shook her head, pushing Raven off the boat and into the water.  Raven sputtered as she surfaced, glaring at Octavia.  “We talk about your crush on me every day, Reyes.  This changes nothing.  Go prove your point to Anya.”

 

“If I live, can I have a victory kiss?” Raven asked playfully.

 

Octavia smirked.  “Sure, Reyes.  You can have a victory kiss if you live--and prove Anya right.”

 

Raven nodded.  “Yep.  You’ll be hoppin’ aboard the Reyes-train by the time I’m done with you.”

 

“You know, thirteen years of flirting, and the Reyes-train still doesn’t appeal to me,” Octavia hummed, pretending to think about it.  “I wonder why?”

 

“It’s okay, we can cure your straightness,” Raven said in mock-seriousness.

 

Octavia laughed, waving her hand at her friend.  “Alright, Raven.  Be safe.  I’m serious, blow that whistle if you need help.  I’ll be right behind you.”

 

 

* * *

 

Clarke peered over the edge of the boat, watching intently.  To say she was worried was an understatement.

 

Lexa had been underwater now for--she checked her dad’s watch--twenty minutes.  How long could it take to collect coral samples?  Her mind instantly started racing with everything bad that could have happened to Lexa--her tank could have had no air in it, suffocating her way at the bottom of the ocean.  A shark could have eaten her alive.  A giant squid could have wrapped its tentacles around Lexa and pulled her into the depths of the ocean, crushing her under the pressure.

 

She tapped her foot anxiously in the boat.  She hated this.  She absolutely hated this.  There was nothing around her but water.  Mako island was about fifty yards away, but if anything happened to the boat, that would be fifty yards too many for her to swim.  She should have stayed home and disappointed her mom.  She was good at it, anyway, what would one more disappointment be?

 

Tears welled in Clarke’s eyes as the panic started setting in.  Suddenly, the life vest, which had been the only thing making Clarke feel safe, began to feel too tight, too suffocating.  Her palms were sweating, her heart was pounding in her chest--she was having a panic attack in the middle of the ocean, and there was no one to help her.

 

She fumbled at the buckles on her vest, needing to get it off of her.  Her hands were shaking too hard to clamp down on the locks; her fingers were too slippery with her own sweat to even keep from slipping off the plastic.

 

She closed her eyes, willing herself to calm down.  Lexa would be back any minute, and she would help her out of the vest.  Nothing had happened to her.  Lexa found some really cool, really rare samples that would get them an A on their project for sure.  She was fine.  Lexa was fine.  Everything would be fine.

 

But nothing was fine--she was suffocating in a vest that was supposed to save her life, and she felt like her heart was going to jump right out of her throat.

 

Suddenly, two pairs of hands were on her body, tearing the vest from her chest.  Clarke gasped for air, eyes flying open to find two strangers in the boat with her.  They were clearly saying something--asking her something, probably--but her ears were ringing and it was hard to hear them.

 

One of the girls, a short, pale girl with chestnut colored hair, was breathing in and out deeply, looking at Clarke intently.  Clarke realized--the girl was trying to help her even out her breathing.  Clarke tried to follow suit, breathing in time with the girl in front of her, while the other girl moved and sat behind Clarke, running a hand soothingly along her back.

 

When she had finally gotten her breathing back in check, reality was coming back to her.  She could hear the waves lapping in the ocean--hear the breaths of the girl before her, feel the comforting rubbing from the girl behind her.

 

“Are you okay?” Chestnut asked.

 

Clarke nodded, realizing her cheeks were covered with tears.  Quickly, she swiped at them with both hands.  “I think so.”

 

“That was a pretty bad panic attack.  You didn’t even hear us at first, did you?” The girl behind her said.

 

Clarke turned, assessing the girl; this one looked like she’d be slightly taller than the other, with dark brown hair and dark eyes.  Clarke shook her head.  “No.  I didn’t.  I’m so sorry.”

 

“Hey, you’re okay,” Tall, Dark, and Gorgeous said, assuring Clarke.  “I can get pretty bad anxiety, too.  I get you, girl.”

 

Chestnut nodded, looking around the small boat.  She pulled out a bottle of water from one of Lexa’s packages, handing it to Clarke.  “Drink up, you’ll feel better.”

 

“Thanks,” Clarke croaked, taking the bottle.

 

“I’m Octavia,” Chestnut said, “And that’s Raven.  We’ve seen you around school--Clarke, right?”

 

Clarke nodded.  Somehow, Octavia and Raven didn’t sound as good to the ear as Chestnut and Tall, Dark, and Gorgeous, but she’d keep that to herself.  “I am.”

 

Octavia smiled reassuringly.  “Do you need anything else?”

 

“Can--can you guys stay with me? Until Lexa gets back?” Clarke asked, glancing over into the water nervously.

 

“Lexa? As in, Lexa Woods?” Raven asked.

 

Clarke nodded.  “You know her?”

 

Octavia smiled.  “She’s Anya’s half-sister, right?”

 

Clarke nodded again, confused.

 

“Raven here has a rivalry with Anya.  I think it’s more of a crush than anything, though,” Octavia winked at Clarke.

 

"Anya? How do you know Anya? She's in college," Clarke asked, confused.

 

"Well, I take some classes down at Ark Community College.  We happened to be in the same chem lab.  We hang out, sometimes," Raven shrugged.

 

"All the time," Octavia rolled her eyes.  "She's head over heels for Anya."

 

“Hey! There’s no way I like Woods like that. She’s an insufferable, pompous, arrogant know-it-all who--”

 

“Calm down, Elizabeth Bennet, we all know how _Pride and Prejudice_ ends.” Octavia rolled her eyes.  “Lovebird Raven over here tried swimming around Mako twice to ‘prove a point’ to Anya, who dared her to do it.  Really, I think she’s just trying to impress her.”

 

Raven pouted, crossing her arms.  “I am _not_ an Elizabeth Bennet.”

 

“What’s wrong with Elizabeth Bennet?” Clarke asked, facing Raven. The need to defend one of her favorite literary characters began to overshadow the looming fear in the back of Clarke’s mind--just enough to distract her for the moment. “She’s a well developed, strong female literary character.  Sure, she’s prejudiced and quick to judge, but the whole novel is about realizing and rectifying the downsides of one’s personality.  Darcy may be haughty and proud, but he’s loyal, and they come to love each other in spite of their flaws; they actually are the ones to help each other realize their flaws, and work on bettering themselves.  Elizabeth is a good character to look up to, one I’d be proud to be.  She’s not perfect, but she’s as human as a human can get.”

 

Octavia quirked an eyebrow.  “You a literary critic or something?”

 

Clarke blushed.  “I’d like to be,”

 

“Makes sense,” Raven snorted after a moment.  “The bio nerd and the book nerd dating.”

 

“What?” Clarke asked, bewildered.  “What do you--”

 

“You know,” Octavia interrupted, “you and Lexa?”

 

Clarke flushed, nearly a sickly pale.  Her and Lexa? Dating?

 

“What? Me and Lexa? Dating? I mean--not that I’d be opposed to that she’s...a lovely girl...but--us? Together? No,” she babbled, wishing desperately the ocean would swallow her whole.  At least then she’d be dead and no longer afraid of being quite literally in the middle of nowhere, and wouldn’t have to deal with the embarrassment from these two strangers.

 

“So...you aren’t dating?” Raven asked, bewildered.

 

“No?” Clarke said, rubbing the back of her neck.

 

“No shit,” Raven and Octavia said at the same time.  “Huh,” Octavia continued, “everyone thinks you’re together.”

 

“Well, that’s probably because neither of us have many friends outside of each other,” Clarke laughed nervously.  “Kind of a side effect of being a nerd, I guess.  At least, that’s what they all call us.  Nerds.  Which, whatever, I don’t care, I just--”

 

At that moment, Lexa breached, holding up multiple vials triumphantly.  She pulled her goggles off with her free hand, before taking out her mouthpiece.  “Who are you?”

 

“I’m Raven Reyes--this is Octavia.  Your sister probably talks about me a lot, huh?” Raven asked.

 

Lexa tilted her head.  “Anya’s never talked about a Raven Reyes before,”

 

Octavia patted her dejected friend’s shoulder.  “Your crush will come around eventually.  Too bad you couldn’t even pull off a mile, but maybe she’ll appreciate your tenacity in trying,”

 

“Crush?” Lexa asked, making her way back onto her boat.  “You like my sister?”

 

Raven flushed.  “No.”

 

Lexa laughed.  “Well, good luck with that, I guess.  Anya only dates older women.” Noticing her friend, flushed and silent and without her life jacket, Lexa dropped her her knees, shucking the tank off of her back.  “Clarke? You okay? What happened?” She asked, placing her hands on Clarke’s arms.

 

“I’m okay.  I--had a little attack, while you were under.  Raven and Octavia helped me,” she shrugged.

 

“A panic attack?” Lexa asked, feeling her heart drop as Clarke nodded.  “Shit.  Fuck, Clarke, I’m so sorry--I never should have asked you to come out here, it’s all my fault--are you okay?”

 

“I am now,” Clarke said, grabbing one of Lexa’s hands in her own.  “I just--I need to get out of this boat for a while.”

 

“We can stop on Mako for a bit, yeah?” Lexa asked, squeezing Clarke’s hand.  “I brought some food, just in case--we can have a nice beach picnic and calm down, okay?”

 

Clarke smiled.  “Okay.”

 

“Uh--any chance I can mooch off some of that food?” Raven asked, tapping Lexa on the shoulder.  “I kind of forgot breakfast this morning.”  After a pause, she added, “And lunch.  And dinner, too.  All I’ve had today were cheetos.”

 

Lexa rolled her eyes, but acquiesced. Octavia and Raven made their way back into their own boats, following Lexa and Clarke as they made their way toward the island.  After a few minutes’ ride, Lexa pulled the boat in safely, helping a shaky Clarke stand on solid ground again.

 

“Thank you,” Clarke mumbled, pulling Lexa into a hug.  She ignored how wet Lexa’s wetsuit still was--all that mattered was that her feet were on dry land and Lexa was in her arms.

 

“I’m so sorry, Clarke,” Lexa sighed, rubbing her hands down Clarke’s back.  “I feel like shit.”

 

“It’s not your fault,” Clarke assured Lexa, looking up at her with a smile.  “I chose to come with you.”

 

“But you weren’t ready.  And I should have respected that--”

 

“You did, Lex,” Clarke promised. “You told me to stay home, you said you respected it.  I just...wanted to give it a go to be with you.  Things didn’t pan out like I hoped, that’s okay.  Now we know though….maybe we should stick to kayaks in rivers for a while.”

 

Lexa smiled, taking out Clarke’s now very loose and disheveled braid.  “Come on, let me redo your hair and then we can eat.”

 

From behind the two girls, Raven called out, “You sure you two aren’t dating?”

 

* * *

 

When the four girls finished their impromptu evening picnic, Lexa stood, ready to take Clarke home.  “It was nice meeting you two,” she said, giving them a polite nod.  “Thank you for helping Clarke when I couldn’t.”

 

“No problem, legs,” Raven winked.  Lexa rolled her eyes, extending her hand for Clarke, who gratefully accepted it.  “You two sure you want to head out?  Octavia and I were thinking about exploring the island a little.”

 

“Oh, I don’t know--I want to get Clarke home before it gets too dark, she likes to see the water when we boat.” Lexa said.

 

“Please? It’ll be fun,” Octavia said, gesturing to the wilderness.  “Besides, we can all get on one boat and go back together if it will make Clarke feel safer.  Raven and I can bring her boat out tomorrow to get mine,”

 

Lexa sighed, looking at Clarke.  “It’s up to you, Clarke,” she smiled.  “I’m fine if you want to go home now,”

 

Clarke nodded, but looked over at the two girls.  Something about them made her want to stay--something felt like she _needed_ to stay for a while, with these girls and Lexa.  “I...think I’d be up for walking around a bit,” Clarke shrugged. “My sealegs haven’t quite come back yet.”

 

Lexa smiled, squeezing Clarke’s hand.  “Okay.”  She looked over towards Raven and Octavia.  “So?  Lead the way, girl scouts.”

 

“I take no offense to that,” Octavia said, standing and brushing the sand off of her shorts.  “I was the best girl scout in the whole damn troop.”

 

“After me,” Raven teased.

 

“Who had more badges, Reyes? Oh that’s right, _moi_.” Octavia quipped.

 

“Are you two going to lead us or squabble all night?” Lexa asked, growing annoyed at the strangers.

 

“Alright, prissybritches, we’re moving,” Raven rolled her eyes.

 

The four wandered along for the better part of an hour or so, coming across multiple little ponds, streams, and finally, a waterfall.

 

“Holy shit,” Octavia said, sizing up the rocks before her.  “That would be so much fun to jump off of!  Rae, how deep do you think the water is?”

 

“One way to find out,” Raven said, tossing a smirk over at Octavia.  She ran across the pebbly ground, to the edge of the rocks underneath the waterfall, and jumped it.  After a few long moments, she resurfaced.  “Didn’t touch the bottom!  I’m treading here, it feels pretty deep!”

 

Octavia grinned, making quick work of climbing up the rock structure to the top of the waterfall.  When she reached the top, she took off her shoes, throwing them to the side of the waterfall’s pool.  “Geronimo, bitches!” She yelled, jumping off the ledge.

 

Clarke’s heart jumped into her throat, watching anxiously as Octavia plummeted about thrity feet.  How she’d managed to make it up to the top so quickly, and how she’d jumped without any hesitation, left Clarke speechless.

 

“You wanna try?” Raven called out to Lexa and Clarke.

 

Clarke shook her head immediately.  “Nope.  No thanks.”

 

Lexa sized up the waterfall, humming to herself.  “I kind of do.”

 

“Whoo! Go, Woods!” Octavia cheered, paddling over to Raven.  “Do it!”

 

Clarke grabbed Lexa’s wrist, giving her a cautious look.  “Lexa...be careful, please.”

 

Lexa smiled, giving Clarke a quick hug. “You don’t need to worry about me,” she said, tugging on the bottom of Clarke’s braid.  

 

“You know I always will,”

 

Lexa laughed, before turning and scaling the rocks.  It took her a considerable amount of time longer than Octavia, but it was still quite fast, compared to anything Clarke had ever seen or done.  She followed Octavia’s lead, chucking her shoes to the side.

 

“C’mon, Woods!” Raven cheered, moving back to give Lexa more space to land.

 

Lexa glanced at Clarke, sending her a wink, before jumping off the ledge.  Clarke rushed to the side of the pool, waiting anxiously, hoping to whatever deity existed out there that Lexa hadn’t cracked her head open on any rocks--when Lexa popped out of the water like a daisy in the spring.

 

Lexa laughed airily, extending her hand for Clarke.  “Do you want to get in?”

 

Clarke shook her head, backing up.  “No, thanks.  We should probably start heading back soon, the moon is starting to ri--” Clarke’s words were interrupted by a harsh scream as she tumbled back and downwards.

 

“Clarke!” Lexa yelled, hoisting herself out of the pool.  She ran to where Clarke fell, seeing a long, narrow hole.  Without thinking it over, Lexa dove in after her, feet first--and slammed right into Clarke at the bottom.

 

“Fuck!” Clarke yelled after her head collided with Lexa’s.

 

Lexa rubbed at her own forehead, but paid no mind to the dull throb.  “Are you okay?”

 

Clarke nodded.  “Yeah, I think I sprained my ankle, though,” she grimaced, looking down at it, feeling it ache.  “I landed funny,”

 

Lexa reached for her leg, gently holding Clarke’s calf to examine the ankle the best she could in the dim lighting.  “Yeah, that looks sprained,” Lexa said, sighing.  “Come on, let’s try to stand up,” she said, wrapping one of Clarke’s arms around her shoulder for support.  “Is there any way out of here?”

 

“This is so weird,” Clarke said, examining the cave-like structure they were in.  “Ow!” She hissed, jerking her foot up.  “I definitely did something.  Can’t put too much pressure on that.”

 

Lexa smiled softly.  “You’re going to be okay.  Hopefully Octavia and Raven go get some rope and we can--”

 

“Holy shit!”

 

“Fucking hell, dude, you hit my head!”

 

“Your head was in the way of my head!”

 

Lexa sighed, closing her eyes. “Did you two morons come down here without a rope?”

 

“Where were we supposed to get a rope?” Raven asked.

 

Lexa sighed, shaking her head.  “Okay. Okay, it’s fine.  We’ll find some way out of here.”

 

The four ventured onward, deeper into the cave, narrow walls making them walk single-file.  Lexa gripped Clarke awkwardly, walking sideways in an attempt to help Clarke stay off her ankle as much as she could.  The cave finally widened the further they went in, opening to a large, sandy area with a small, deep pool of water.  Lexa looked up, blinking in surprise.  “This is no cave,” she said, astounded.

 

“Dude!” Raven yelled, slapping Octavia excitedly.  “We’re in a volcano!”

 

“A dormant one, thankfully,” Lexa said, moving Clarke so that she could sit on a smooth rock.  “Look at this place, it’s--beautiful,”

 

“It’s dark,” Clarke remarked, looking up through the mouth of the volcano, noting the sky rapidly getting dark.  

 

“I have an idea,” Lexa said, looking at Clarke.  “There’s no way we can climb back up where we fell from--it’s steep, and Clarke’s hurt,”

 

Raven and Octavia nodded, both crossing their arms as they moved closer.

 

“Clarke, you’re really not going to like this plan,” Lexa frowned, looking at the pool of water.

 

Clarke shook her head.  “No.  Lexa, I can’t--”

 

“You can,” Lexa said, dropping to her knees.  “I know you can.  You know how to swim, you’re just scared.  And your fears are okay, Clarke--but you can do it.”

 

Tears welled in Clarke’s eyes.  “There’s no way, Lexa…”

 

Lexa sighed, rubbing her hands along Clarke’s thighs to comfort her.  “Okay...okay.  I’ll swim, I go back and get my boat, and I’ll wait outside, right outside wherever this lets out, okay?  You’ll only have to swim for a minute, Clarke.”

 

“We’ll help you,” Octavia said, giving Clarke a reassuring smile.  “I’m captain of the swim team, I can carry three hundred pounds underwater.  If you don’t want to swim, just latch on my back, I’ll bring you up safe,”

 

Raven nodded, assuring Clarke the same.  “We’ll get you out of here, princess.”

 

“I--I don’t want Lexa to go on her own,” Clarke said, grasping for Lexa’s hand.  “It’s dark, who knows what could be out there.”

 

“I’ll go with,” Raven said, smiling at Clarke.  “Lexa and I will get the boat, then I’ll come back and swim out with you two, showing you the way.  Okay?”

 

Clarke sighed, knowing it was probably the best plan they were going to come up with.  She didn’t like the swimming part a bit--but she knew she’d have to buck up and face the music at some point.  No time like the present to face your fears, she figured--especially when it was probably the only way she’d make it out of the volcano alive without a SWAT team to rescue her.

 

“Be safe,” she told Lexa, giving her a quick hug.

 

“We will be,” Lexa promised. “Ready?” She looked at Raven, who nodded in turn.

 

The two girls dove into the pool, swimming out through the wide opening at the bottom.

 

Clarke and Octavia sat in silence, waiting and waiting.  The sky above grew darker and darker, until it was pitch black, with only slivers of moonlight coming into the mouth of the volcano.

 

“Full moon tonight,” Octava remarked, peering through the opening.  “Looks like it’ll be right over the mouth here in a minute.”

 

“Cool,” Clarke said, dejectedly.  “Do you think Lexa and Raven are okay?”

 

“Totally,” Octavia nodded, patting Clarke’s leg reassuringly.  “We walked quite a bit, they have a far way back to the boats and coming back here.”

 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Clarke sighed.

 

“So...wanna tell me why you’re so afraid of water?” Octavia asked, curious.

 

Clarke frowned.  “It’s not exactly something I go around telling any new friend I make.”

 

“Well? I’m not just any new friend, am I?” Octavia asked, smiling brightly.

 

Clarke sighed.  “Boating accident.”

 

“How old were you?”

 

“Fourteen.”

 

“Hey, you made it out alive,”

 

“Not everyone did,” Clarke snapped.

 

Octavia nodded, feeling as though the conversation were over.

 

“Sorry,” Clarke said after a moment, sighing.  “It just--”

 

“No, it’s okay.  I pried.  Personal shit, I get it,” Octavia said.  “Sorry to have pestered.”

 

Clarke shrugged, trying to smile at the girl.  It ended up looking more like a grimace.

 

At the sound of a splash, the two girls looked over at the pool of water, seeing Raven pop up.  “Water’s kind of cold, just so you know,” she sputtered, making her way over to the rocky edge of the pool.  She rested against the rocks, catching her breath.  “It’s about a twenty second swim to clear the tunnel leading out of here.  Can you guys do it?”

 

“Yeah,” Octavia nodded.

 

Clarke gulped, but nodded as well.

 

Octavia hopped into the pool, extending her hand for Clarke.  Gently, Clarke took it, easing herself ever so slightly into the water, instantly feeling cold.  “Hey, look,” Raven said, looking up.

 

They were straight under the volcano’s vent, staring up into a clear night sky.  Above them the moon shone brightly, directly over the pool’s waters.

 

“What the--” Clarke gasped, watching as the pool began to bubble.  “What’s this?”

 

Octavia shrugged.  “Some...reaction? Maybe...the water in here is sensitive to moonlight or something?”

 

Raven shook her head.  “This is...so weird.”

 

The three girls treaded water in the moon pool, watching the bubbles around them burst upon reaching the surface.

 

“Dude...scientists would freak to see this weird shit,” Raven said, looking between the moon and the pool.  “Your nerdy girlfriend has to come back, to take water samples, test all of this…”

 

“Can we do that some other time, please?” Clarke said, teeth chattering.  “I just want to go make sure Lexa is okay.  She can investigate this next month if she wants to.”

 

“I want to help her,” Raven whistled.

 

“Yeah, of course,” Octavia said, turning her back to Clarke.  “Hop on.  Ready, Raven?”

 

Raven squinted at the moon, before looking back down at the water.  Something was off.  

 

“Raven?” Clarke asked, wrapping herself around Octavia’s torso.

 

“Hmm?” Raven hummed, tearing her eyes away from the water to look at the girls.

 

“You ready?” Octavia asked.

 

Raven nodded.  “Yeah.  Let’s go.  I’ll lead.  Take a deep breath, you two.”  With that, Raven inhaled deeply, before diving back underwater.

 

Clarke and Octavia followed suit, and Octavia made quick work of keeping up with Raven.  Clarke held on to Octavia for dear life, feeling her lungs burn as the girl swam.  She hadn’t been in water in so long, underwater in so long, she forgot how hard it was to hold her breath.

 

Finally, after what felt like hours to Clarke with her lungs burning and her body shivering in the cold water, Octavia breached, allowing Clarke to breathe.

 

“Clarke! I’ve got you.  Octavia, bring her here,”

 

Octavia swam to the small boat, helping Lexa get Clarke aboard.  

 

Clarke coughed, feeling her throat burn.  “I did it,” she whispered, looking up at Lexa.

 

Lexa nodded, wrapping a towel around Clarke.  “You did, Clarke,” she grinned, pressing a kiss to her forehead.  “You went underwater!”

 

“It fucking sucked,” Clarke laughed.

 

“But you did it,” Lexa said, laughing along with her. “That’s all the matters.  Look at you--going on a boat, in the ocean, swimming through underwater caves….Jake would be so proud of you today, Clarke,” Lexa whispered, pressing another kiss to Clarke’s cool skin.

 

“Yeah?” Clarke asked, sniffling.

 

Lexa nodded. “He is.  He’s watching you right now and he’s so proud of you, Clarke.  I know it.”

 

The boat rocked as Octavia lugged Raven over, throwing her down into the middle.  “Ugh, Blake, you broke my back.”

 

“You deserve it, you broke mine, fatass.  Lose some weight before I haul you onto a boat again.”

 

“I can feel the love.”

 

Clarke and Lexa laughed, shaking their heads at the best friends’ antics. “You guys ready to go home?” Lexa asked.

 

“Please.  I need a shower and my bed.” Raven groaned.

 

Lexa chuckled, starting up the engine.  “Hold on, Clarke,” she whispered. “We’ll be home in a half an hour, okay?”

 

 

* * *

 

That night, Lexa helped Clarke into her house, laying her down in her bed after helping change her.  “You take it easy on that ankle, okay? Have your mom wrap it when she gets home.  I would, but I’m afraid I’d fuck it up.”

 

“What should I tell her happened?  I don’t want to freak her out and tell her we got lost on Mako,”

 

“Tell her you tripped getting out of the boat.  She’d believe that,” Lexa snickered.

 

“Hey,” Clarke laughed, swatting Lexa’s arm. “I’m not that clumsy.”

 

“Okay, Miss ‘I broke both my arms because I tripped on my shoelaces and fell down the stairs.’”

 

“That was fourth grade,” Clarke rolled her eyes.

 

“I know.  I love giving you shit,” Lexa laughed.

 

“Thank you, Lexa.” Clarke said after a pregnant pause.

 

“For what?”

 

“Everything.  I’m sorry I was so...panicky today.  But I think I might be able to start….start getting in the water again.”

 

Lexa smiled wide.  “That’s so good, Clarke.”

 

“You encourage me, and support me...just...thank you,” Clarke sighed, holding Lexa’s hand.  “You mean a lot to me.”

 

Lexa used her free hand to swipe away the stray hairs along Clarke’s forehead.  “You mean a lot to me, too.”

 

“You wanna stay the night?” Clarke asked, patting her bed.  “I could use a cuddle buddy.”

 

Lexa smiled.  “Do you even have to ask anymore?”

 

* * *

 

In the morning, Clarke crept into her bathroom, trying not to put too much pressure onto her ankle.  A hot bath would do wonders for her--it would help her warm up, help her hurt ankle, and overall, just help her feel better.  She crept quietly, hoping to not disturb Lexa, who slept soundly, tucked under her covers.

 

While Clarke wasn’t the biggest fan of open water, she still loved baths.

 

She turned the faucet up hot, sitting on the rim of the tub until it filled.  When the water finally was where she wanted it, Clarke stripped carefully, settling into the bathtub.

 

She relaxed, feeling utterly and completely peaceful.  She let her eyes flutter shut and breathed in deeply.

 

The peace lasted a whole of ten seconds, before her legs went numb.  Alarmed, Clarke’s eyes shot open, only to see a long, blue tail where her legs had once been.

 

Eyes wide, Clarke reached out, touching it.  She pulled her hand back, aghast, feeling real fish scales along her legs.  Or, where her legs had once been.

 

Holy shit.

 

She had a _tail_.

 

She shook her head.  “No.  I’m still asleep,” she mumbled to herself in disbelief.  Hastily, she pinched at the skin on her forearm, hard enough to make it bleed.

 

“Well, shit,” she breathed.

 

She lifted her tail-- _her goddamn tail_ \--feeling its weight.  It was...heavy.

 

“I’m a fish.” She muttered, eyes still wide in shock.  “I’m a fucking fish!”

 

Not knowing what else to do, she did the one thing she always did in times of crisis.

 

“Lexa! Lexa, I need you!”


	2. May: Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa begins looking for answers; Clarke has a hard time dealing with her newfound identity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the wonderful comments! I love that you're enjoying the fic. This chapter is mainly for world building, plot building, and laying the groundwork for character & relationship development--but we'll get into the beginnings of the plot starting with the next chapter. I hope you all enjoy!

Lexa stirred in Clarke's bed, scrunching her nose.  Why was Clarke calling for her?  Lexa threw her hand across the bed, shushing Clarke, but was surprised to find only emptiness beside her.  Opening her eyes with a frown, Lexa sat up, looking around the bedroom.

 

"Lexa!"

 

Lexa's head whipped around towards the bathroom door.  "You okay, Clarke?" She called out, reaching onto the bedside table to find her glasses.  Pushing them up her nose, Lexa threw the covers off of her body, yawning as she ambled over to the bathroom.

 

"No," Clarke whined.

 

At that, Lexa panicked, picking up her pace and throwing the bathroom door open.  "What's wrong? Are you hurt? Are you--holy...moly..." Lexa trailed off, eyes flying open.  "You--tail," she squeaked, feeling rather faint.

 

Clarke looked up at her, eyes pleading as they filled with tears.  "Lexa, help me," she cried, hands coming to her eyes.  "I don't know what happened--my legs went numb and then I grew scales and now I have a tail!" She wailed, swiping furiously at her cheeks.

 

"Okay, okay," Lexa shushed her gently, moving to her side.  She reached into the tub, pulling Clarke's wet hand into her own.  "Calm down,"

 

"Easy for you to say, you're not the fish!" Clarke cried, squeezing Lexa's hand in her own.  "What happened to me?"

 

"I don't know," Lexa said, free hand coming to push Clarke's wet hair out of her face.  "But we need to stay calm.  I'll help you figure this out, okay?"

 

"How on earth should we stay calm?" Clarke asked, bewildered.  "I need my mom--she's a doctor, she'll help me figure this out--"

 

"No!" Lexa yelled, taking Clarke by surprise.  "Sorry," Lexa shook her head, voice lowering.  At the wobble of Clarke's bottom lip, Lexa's heart sank.  "You can't tell your mother, Clarke.  This is...a scientific, medical phenomenon.  You'll be...dissected like a frog if doctors get their hands on you.  This has to stay a secret, okay?"

 

"But...what if there's a cure?" Clarke asked, tail flapping in the water.  "Oh, stop that!" She yelled at it, willing it to be still.

 

"Clarke," Lexa said softly, urging her attention back on Lexa.  "I don't know what's happened, but this needs to stay between you and me.  When did you get this...tail?"

 

"I woke up normal," Clarke said, chest heaving.  Lexa averted her eyes with a blush, realizing just how bare Clarke was from tail up.  "I got in the bath.  After a few seconds, my legs went numb and then..." she gestured with her free hand wildly.  "Fish!"

 

"You aren't a fish," Lexa noted, stroking her hair. "You don't have gills."

 

"Okay, Miss Marine Biologist, but I have a tail and scales!" Clarke said, tail flapping outside of the porcelain once more.  "Why do you keep doing that?"

 

"Well, it's instinctual for aquatic animals to constantly swim, your body is probably just--" at Clarke's glare, Lexa's words trailed off.  "Rhetorical question, right?"

 

Clarke nodded once, before gripping Lexa's hand tighter.  "What do I do?"

 

"Okay," Lexa said, worrying at her lip.  "You said you got the tail when wet, right?  Well, maybe if you get dry, it'll go away.  Is your mom home?"

 

Clarke nodded.  “She worked the night shift, so she’s probably asleep right now…”

 

"Okay," Lexa repeated, pulling her hand from Clarke's gently.  She stood, pacing around the bathroom, before walking to her bathroom door and locking it.  After, she moved back to Clarke’s side, dunking her hand into the bath water and pressing on the drain, popping it open.  "How heavy do you think you are?"

 

"Excuse me?"

 

"Like, with the tail." Lexa said, waving her hands.  "Never mind.  I'm going to try pulling you out, okay?"

 

Clarke nodded. She raised her arms for Lexa to hook her own under.  From behind, Lexa did just that; hooking her arms under Clarke's, she pulled Clarke's torso back towards her own and lifted.  Lexa groaned, eyes flying wide at the sudden weight.  Clarke certainly wasn't her usual 135 anymore.  Lexa usually had no problem lifting her, or giving her piggyback rides.  She had to weigh near 300 pounds with this tail.  Lexa pulled hard, dragging her out of the tub.  "Sorry in advance," she grunted, before letting Clarke's tail flop to the floor.  

 

"Oof," Clarke grunted, bottom hitting the tile hard.  "At least we know I can feel with my tail," she groaned, back falling onto the tile gently as Lexa laid her down.  Lexa scurried around the bathroom, gathering as many towels as she could.  She began hastily scrubbing Clarke's tail down, soaking the water from her scales.  "Ow!" Clarke cried out, swatting at Lexa's hand.  "Be gentle!  I just said I could still feel this stupid thing,"

 

"Sorry," Lexa said, but kept her speed and pressure.  Clarke rolled her eyes, hands coming to rest on Lexa's.  "Can you...try the hair dryer maybe?  I can scrub while you blow,"

 

Lexa nodded, handing Clarke the towel.  She walked to Clarke's vanity, plugging her hair dryer in and turning it on.  She crouched next to Clarke, blowing the hot air onto her tail.

 

It took nearly twenty minutes, but once Clarke was completely dry from head to toe, her legs replaced her tail.

 

Her bare, naked legs.  Along with the rest of her bare, naked body.

 

Lexa yelped at the sudden transformation, tearing her eyes away from Clarke's pale thighs.  Or rather, the place between Clarke's pale thighs, suddenly exposed to the world.

 

Clarke flushed red as Lexa jumped up, clearing her throat. Lexa faced away from Clarke, turning the dryer off and setting it on the vanity.  "Hypothesis proven," she muttered, feeling her face heat up like an oven.

 

"Thanks, Lexa," Clarke sighed as she stood.  Her knees buckled underneath her, sending her stumbling over to the vanity, next to Lexa.  Lexa cleared her throat again, squeaking out a "No problem!" before tossing a dry towel at Clarke and all but running back into the bedroom.  Wrapping the towel around herself, Clarke pushed her now dry hair back behind her ears, joining Lexa in the room.  "What do we think caused this?  You got wet, and you didn't pop a tail."

 

"Maybe...the environment at Mako triggered some sort of biological mutation?" Lexa asked, unbelieving of the words that left her own mouth.  "Bacteria in the water could have...reacted with your skin?  Some sort of mutated fish could have contaminated you?  Did you get cut, have any open wounds?"

 

"No, no cuts," Clarke said, shaking her head.  "Why wouldn't whatever...mutated fish affect you, too?"

 

"I have no idea," Lexa said honestly.  

 

"Oh no!" Clarke cried, hands flying to her mouth.  "Raven and Octavia!"

 

* * *

 

Octavia huffed, poking at the stomach of the girl on top of her.  "Raven," she whispered, urging the girl to wake up.  "Raven!"

 

Raven whined, rolling off of Octavia and over onto the other side of the bed.  "What time is it?"

 

Octavia looked at her alarm clock, rubbing at her eyes.  "Almost noon."

 

"Wake me up at noon-thirty," Raven mumbled, shutting her eyes once more.

 

"How's your leg doing?" Octavia asked, nudging Raven's side.  "You did a lot of swimming yesterday,"

 

"Hurts," Raven grunted.  "I'll take some medicine later."

 

"No," Octavia sighed, sitting upright and pulling Raven with her.  "You need to take it now, before you forget.  You get to take painkillers for a reason, Raven."

 

"Okay, Mom," Raven relented, moving from the bed.  As she stood, her knee buckled beneath her, sending her flying into the wall.  "Shit," she mumbled, fingers gripping at the wall listlessly.  "Can you toss me my brace?" She asked, shaking her left leg out. Octavia nodded, reaching into the bedside drawer and pulling the brace out.  She took it in her hands, crawling across the bed and hopping off, moving to Raven's side.  Slipping an arm under Raven's, Octavia helped her friend stand upright before handing her the brace.  "Thanks," Raven said, leaning her weight into Octavia and clipping the brace around her leg.  After making sure she was all strapped in, Raven untangled herself from her friend.

 

"You need to start wearing this thing more, you know," Octavia sighed, walking into her bathroom.  Reaching into her cabinet, she pulled out Raven's pills, tossing them to the girl waiting in her bedroom.

 

"Yeah, yeah," Raven said, catching the bottle.  Unscrewing the lid, she popped a pill in her mouth, swallowing it dry.

 

Octavia grimaced.  "How can you stand to do that?" She asked, her own throat burning at the thought.

 

"When you spend your life taking medication, you get used to it," Raven shrugged, tossing the bottle back.  Octavia tucked it in her cabinet, shutting the mirrored door with a click.

 

"Hey," Octavia sighed, moving towards her bath.  After plugging the drain, she adjusted the water, setting it to warm.  "Take a bath.  It'll help."

 

"Thanks," Raven said, walking into the bathroom to join her friend.  She tugged off her shirt, throwing it in the hamper.  "I really appreciate you letting me kinda live here, you know.  You take good care of me."

 

"Someone has to," Octavia smiled, pulling Raven in for a hug. "You're welcome here as long as you need a place to crash.  I wish you'd take advantage of the guest room, though," she teased, poking Raven's side.

 

Raven jumped, a smile spreading on her lips.  "Nah, we both like the cuddles too much."

 

"You got me there," Octavia laughed.  "Now get in the bath.  I'm going to change and then I'll go make lunch,"

 

"Belly boy here?" Raven asked, stepping out of her pants.

 

"Nah, he'll be out of town for the rest of the weekend.  Some exhibition going on a few towns over.  Nerds like him have to be there," Octavia rolled her eyes.

 

Raven snorted.  "Side effects of being a classic literature professor, I guess."  Raven stepped into the tub, letting herself drop into it slowly.  Octavia hummed, pulling a clean shirt over her head.

 

Raven let her eyes fall closed, relaxing into the water.  Her leg felt good.    _Really_ good.  Almost...numb?

 

Raven reached down to touch at her leg, seeing if it had really gone numb--and pulled her hand back in alarm with a shout.  What the fuck?  What was on her legs?  "Are you okay?" Octavia called from the bedroom.

 

Raven stared ahead blankly.  She had scales. Fish scales.  Scales that should belong to fish.  Not humans.  On her legs.  Or--tail?  She had a tail.  A tail.  Not legs--a motherfucking tail.

 

"Octavia, did you give me hallucinogens?"  Raven asked, reaching to touch the tail once more.

 

"What?  You know I don't do drugs." Octavia said, walking into the bathroom.  "What are you--holy fucking shit," she yelled, running toward the bathtub.  "You have a tail," she gasped, eyes wide.

 

"Okay," Raven said, fingers drumming on the sides of the bathtub.  "I'm not seeing things?"

 

"No," Octavia breathed.  "Can I touch it?"

 

"Sure," Raven said, blinking in shock.  Octavia reached into the bathwater, running her fingers along Raven's scales.  

 

"Oh my god they're real," she said, looking at Raven.  

 

“I know,” Raven said, tapping her tail with her own fingers.  “Feels pretty damn real to me.”

 

Furrowing her eyebrows, Octavia froze.

 

"What?" Raven asked, looking at her friend with worry.

 

"My legs are numb.  I can't feel--oof," Octavia fell backwards onto the hard tile floor.

 

Raven peered over the edge of the tub, gasping.  "You're a fish, too!"

 

Octavia flapped her tail against the tiles, propping herself up on her elbows.  "What the fuck?"

 

"Did you take loony pills too?"

 

"I didn't give you loony pills, I gave you your prescription!" Octavia shrieked, tail hitting against the tiles repeatedly.

 

"Stop that! You sound like a fish flopping on a boat deck," Raven cried, waving her hands wildly.

 

"I can't help it!" Octavia yelled back, before groaning. "What the fuck is going on?" Octavia asked, reaching to touch her scales.  "Why are we fish?"

 

Raven's hands shot up to her neck, fingertips feeling the skin.  "No...we aren't fish," she said, finding only smoothness under her fingers.  "We don't have gills,"

 

"Then what are we?" Octavia wailed, letting herself fall onto her back with a thud.  

 

"We can't be..." Raven trailed off, eyes focused on her scales.

 

"Don't say mermaids."

 

"Mermaids?"

 

"Mermaids aren't real."

 

"Then what do you make of these?" Raven asked, flapping her tail wildly in the water, spilling water over the edge of the tub.

 

"I don't know..."

 

At that, Raven's phone rang.  Octavia reached up for it on the countertop, seeing an unknown number.  "Should I answer it?"

 

"Is it a FaceTime?" Raven asked.

 

"No."

 

Raven paused.  "Go for it."

 

Octavia unlocked the phone, answering the call.  "Hello?"

 

"Octavia?  Are you with Raven?"

 

"Lexa?" Octavia asked, looking at Raven with wide eyes.  "Yeah, she's with me.  I'm putting you on speaker."  Octavia pressed the button, before asking Lexa, "How do you have Raven's number?"

 

"Anya gave it to me when I texted her.  No time to talk.  Are you two fish?"  Raven and Octavia stared at each other, neither knowing what to say.  After a long moment, Lexa said, "I'll take the silence as a yes."

 

"What? No," Octavia scoffed, panicking.  "Why would we be fish? That's ridiculous.  You're ridiculous."

 

"Clarke has a tail!" Lexa cried, cutting Octavia off.  "I need to know if you two do, too.  Something happened to her yesterday and she's freaking the fuck out.  Are you two or are you two not also freaking out about being fish?"

 

Octavia glanced at Raven, eyes wild.  Raven shrugged, scratching her head.

 

"Fine.  Don't tell me, I'll just--" Lexa trailed off.  "I don't want to hurt either of you.  I told Clarke I would help her, and I need to know if something strange happened to you two as well.  Something...weird is going on."

 

Octavia sighed.  "Yes, we have tails.  Don't you?"

 

"No.  For some reason, I don't," Lexa sighed, her pacing footsteps echoing through the phone.  "Did you two get them when you touched water, too?"

 

"Yeah," Raven called from the tub, rubbing her eyes.  "Lexa, what the hell happened to us?"

 

"I don't know," Lexa said, trying to keep her voice steady.  "But I'll get to the bottom of this.  We need to meet up today.”

 

“Come over here,” Octavia said.  “My brother’s out of town all weekend.  We’ll have the house to ourselves until tomorrow night.”

 

“Okay, give us an hour.”

 

Octavia nodded, ending the call with Lexa.  Reaching up, she pushed Raven's phone back onto the countertop.  "I...can't really move.  How are we going to get dry?"

 

Raven reached down into the tub, unplugging the drain.  With a sigh, she said, "Lots and lots of towels."

 

* * *

 

An hour later, with Raven and Octavia finally dry, Clarke rang Octavia’s doorbell.  The girls let Clarke and Lexa in, all four staring at each other in silence.

 

“So,” Raven said, exhaling shakily.

 

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded, hugging her arms awkwardly to her body.

 

“What do we do?” Octavia asked, leading the others to the small living room.  “Was it just a one-time thing?”  

 

“One of us will have to get wet to test it out,” Raven said, looking at Clarke.  Clarke shook her head, looking at Octavia.

 

Octavia sighed.  “Fine.”  She got comfortable on the couch, gesturing for someone to pour water on her.  

 

“I’ll go...get a glass,” Lexa said, walking to the kitchen.

 

“Cupboard above the sink,” Raven said, pointing for Lexa.  Lexa nodded, making quick work of grabbing a cup and filling it halfway with water.  When she reached the girls again, she shrugged, tossing the water onto Octavia.

 

Octavia sputtered.  “Did you have to splash my face?” She sighed, wiping at her eyes.  

 

The girls waited.  Clarke counted the seconds on her fingers.  As soon as she got to ten, Octavia gasped, legs tingling and turning to her bright purple tail.  

 

Octavia blushed, hands coming to cover her now bare chest.  “Where did my clothes go?”

 

“No idea,” Raven said, looking around the couch and under it.  “They can’t just...disappear, can they?  Like magic?”

 

“Octavia has a tail,” Lexa pointed out.  “Her clothes disappearing is the least of our worries.”  Lexa shrugged off her jacket, handing it to Octavia, who lay it over her chest with a small thank you.

 

“No fair,” Clarke said, crouching next to Octavia and running her fingers along Octavia’s scales.  “Yours is so much prettier than mine,”

 

Lexa rolled her eyes.  “Your tail is pretty too, Clarke.”

 

“What color is yours?” Raven asked.  “Mine was….orange?”

 

Octavia nodded.  “Yeah, I thought it was weird that they weren’t the same color,”

 

“Blue,” Clarke said, standing upright again, before crossing her arms.  Turning, she looked at Lexa.  “Lex, what do we do?  This is too freaky for me.”

 

Lexa settled her hands on her hips, observing Octavia.  “The most important thing for now will be for you three to avoid getting wet in public,” Lexa said.  “I’m going to try to find a way to fix...whatever this is.”

 

“How are you going to do that?” Raven asked.  “We’re just kids,”

 

“I have access to the lab at school,” Lexa started, moving toward Octavia.  “I work in the lab during my study hall all the time.  Kane is never in there then, it’s his lunch break.”

 

“Don’t you think that will be risky?  Investigating….  _this_ in the school lab?” Octavia asked, gesturing to her tail.  “It’s not just like I can pop a tail and lay on the dissection table!”

 

“No, no,” Lexa shook her head.  “I’ll need samples.”

 

The three girls stared at her, matching confused looks on their faces.  “What?”

 

“Of your guys’ DNA.”  Lexa said, as if it were a usual request to make to your seventeen and sixteen year old friends.  “You sure you have the house to yourselves all weekend?”

 

“Yep,” Octavia nodded.  “All today and until Sunday evening tomorrow.  Bell’s in Tondisi an hour away for some classic Greek lecture or whatever.  Why?”

 

“I need all three of you to turn into….” Lexa gestured.  “Mermaids.”

 

“Really, Lex?” Clarke sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose.  “Mermaids aren’t real!  You’re a scientist, you know this.”

 

“And as a scientist,” Lexa said, “I can’t deny evidence that’s right before my eyes.  Look at Octavia!” She said, pointing to her.  “She has the torso of a human and the tail of a fish.  I don’t know why or how, but Clarke, that’s the definition of  _mermaid_.”  Lexa took the cup, walking into the kitchen to fill it up.  “Get comfortable, you two.”  She said, setting the glass on the counter.  “Octavia, do you have rubber gloves and tupperware?”

 

“Yeah,” Octavia said, lifting herself up onto her elbows.  “Gloves are under the sink.  Tupperware is in the cabinet by the stove.”

 

Lexa made quick work of collecting a few small containers, bringing them and the glass over to the rest of the girls.  Setting everything on the table, she said, “I need scissors, nail clippers, and tweezers.”

 

“All up in O’s bathroom,” Raven said with a sigh.  “I’ll go get them.”  She made her way back up the stairs slowly, a limp in her step.

 

Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed, watching Raven walk.  “Is she okay?” She asked Octavia.

 

Octavia nodded.  “You’re not the only one who had an accident,” she said, simply.  “Not my story to tell.”

 

Clarke nodded, understanding.  “I’m sorry for snapping at you last night,” she apologized, rubbing the back of her neck.  “It’s just not something I like to talk about.”

 

Lexa quirked an eyebrow.  “Jake?”

 

Clarke gave a single nod.  Lexa frowned, reaching for Clarke’s hand with her own and giving it a squeeze.  Before she could say anything else, Raven was making her way back down the stairs slowly, but steadily, calling out, “I’ve got everything!”

 

Lexa nodded, reaching for the marker on the table.  She labeled each of the small containers “Clarke,” “Octavia,” and “Raven.”  Raven set the supplies down next to the tupperware, falling onto the couch opposite Octavia with a sigh.  Clarke followed suit, sitting next to her.  Lexa reached for a blanket on the couch, handing it to the two girls.  “Cover up when you get wet,” she said.

 

With an apology, Lexa spilled the glass of water on the other two girls.  Clarke counted to ten on her fingers again--and without fail, all three girls were mermaids once more.  Lexa blushed, averting her eyes while Clarke and Raven covered themselves with the blanket.

 

Lexa went to work quickly.  Slipping on the rubber gloves, she picked up a pair of tweezers and sat next to Clarke.  “Sorry if this hurts,” she apologized, running her hand along Clarke’s tail.  Clarke gave her a small smile and a nod to proceed.  Lexa nodded back, taking the tweezers in her right hand and scanning Clarke’s tail.  When she found a particularly large one, she took the tweezers, tugging it gently out of Clarke’s tail.  Clarke squeezed her eyes shut in pain.  “Hurt?”

 

“Stings a little,”

 

“Sorry,” Lexa said, dropping the scale into the small container.  She took the nail clippers next, holding her hand out for Clarke.  Clarke placed her hand in Lexa’s, letting her clip a small part of her pinky nail off before placing it in the container as well.  “You okay with letting me cut some of your hair?”  Clarke nodded, just wanting the poking and prodding to be over.  Lexa set the clippers down and picked up the scissors, taking one of Clarke’s golden curls in her hand.  “Sorry,” she apologized again, before cutting a centimeter or so off, placing the hairs in with the rest of the samples.

 

“You really need samples from all of us?” Raven asked.

 

“What are you going to do with them?”  Octavia followed.

 

“Well,” Lexa said, putting the lid on Clarke’s container.  “I’m not one hundred percent sure.  I want to analyze the scales to see if they’re just like fish scales--or if there’s any discrepancies.  Your fingernails, I want to try to look at under a microscope, connect it to the computer to see the molecular structure--see if your cells are different than they should be.  Your hair--well, I’ll run a DNA test, see if there’s anything off.”

 

“You can do all that in the lab at school?” Clarke asked, astounded.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded with a smile.  “Kane has a PhD, you know.  He needs top of the line equipment for his research, the school funds him since he represents them and wins all those awards.  It’s not the best technology out there, but there’s a good bit in there.  Well, I hope.”

 

“And he just lets you...use his expensive equipment?” Raven asked.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa sighed, moving to Raven’s side and beginning to take her samples.  “Kane knows how serious I am about becoming a marine biologist.  He wants me to get used to the equipment, he’s trying to get me a good internship for the summer.  I’d have to use real equipment if I worked on a team,”

 

“Lexa,” Clarke said, proud of her friend.  “You never told me any of this,”

 

Lexa blushed.  “Well,” she said, looking back at Clarke, “I didn’t want you to be upset if I didn’t get the internship.  And, well…” Lexa looked away, clearing her throat, “It’d be a few weeks away from you.  I’d be over in Polis at the university with Dr. Greene, researching most of July.  I didn’t want to tell you until I had to...leave you.”

 

Raven and Octavia exchanged a look, each smirking.  “Lexa has it bad,” Raven mouthed, to which Octavia snickered and nodded.

 

Lexa made her way to Octavia after packaging Raven’s samples with care.  

 

“Still, that’s pretty big news,” Clarke said, stunned.  She folded her hands together, setting them on her tail.  

 

“I may not say yes,” Lexa said.

 

“Why not?” Clarke asked, bewildered.  “Lex, an internship with a real marine biologist would be huge for you!”

 

“I don’t know if I want to spend a month away from--” she hesitated, before settling on saying, “from Arkadia.”

 

“What’s holding you here?” Clarke asked, shaking her head.  “This is too big for you to say no to if Kane gets this for you.  Besides…we only have two weeks left of school.  You won’t be able to use the lab in the summer.  If this...Dr. Greene has a lab you can use, I’m sure he won’t bat an eye if you go in after hours!”

 

Lexa smiled softly.  “She would be okay with it, I’m sure.  But, I don’t know, there’s Aden…”

 

“Your brother isn’t a kid, Lexa, he’s thirteen.  He can be without you for a month,” Clarke said.

 

“I don’t want to leave you, okay?” Lexa said, setting Octavia’s samples down on the coffee table.  “Especially now that...this has happened.  I can’t leave you three alone for a month.”

 

“We can take care of each other,” Raven said, crossing her arms.  “You can’t pass on a career-changing internship.”

 

“But it’s the summer going into our senior year,” Lexa said, taking her gloves off.  “I always planned on spending it traveling with Clarke, and--”

 

“I won’t let you say no,” Clarke interrupted.

 

“What?” Lexa blinked.

 

“I’m making up my mind now,” Clarke said, lifting her chin up.  “I’m not going on the road trip with you this summer.  You have no obligations tying you here now.  You’re going to take Dr. Greene’s internship.”

 

Lexa smiled softly, shaking her head.  “I don’t even know if I’m getting it.”

 

“Lexa,” Clarke stopped her.  “You’re taking AP Chemistry, AP Biology, and AP Human Biology.  You’re signed up to take AP Marine Biology next year.  You’re being recommended by a man with a PhD from Columbia.  You’re getting the internship,”

 

Octavia whistled lowly.  “Shit, Woods, how smart are you?”

 

“Smarter than your sister, it seems,” Raven snickered.

 

Lexa laughed at that.  “Anya’s smart.  She just didn’t apply herself enough in high school.”

 

“Don’t knock on her just because she goes to community college, Raven,” Octavia frowned.  “It’s still a college degree.”

 

“She’s actually only going to Ark Community because she’s saving money.  That, and she wants to work up a better GPA in college than she had in high school.  She wants to apply for the medical program at UC Berkeley,”

 

“Shit.” Raven said.  “Now I feel bad.”

 

Lexa shrugged, smile on her lips.  “She doesn’t want anyone to know how smart she is.  She thinks her rebellious ‘I don’t care about anything’ attitude suits her better.”

 

“It  _is_ hot,” Raven said absentmindedly, before flushing.  “Don’t tell her I said that.”

 

“She totally knows you have a crush on her,” Octavia rolled her eyes.

 

“She’s too old for me!” Raven groaned, head falling back.  “She’ll never even consider it.”

 

“She’s only nineteen,” Lexa hummed, stacking the tupperware containers and setting them in her backpack gently.  “Like I said, she goes for older women now...but who knows?  She dated a freshman during her sophomore year of high school.  I wouldn’t write you off totally,”

 

“Yeah, but if she likes older women now, she’ll never consider a sixteen year old sophomore in high school,” Raven frowned.

 

“You just have to impress her somehow!” Octavia supported Raven.  “Show her how smart you are!”

 

“Wait, you’re taking Chemistry at Ark with Anya?  As a sophomore in high school?” Lexa asked, shaking her head.  

 

“Yep.  I’m a genius, I know.”

 

“She tested  _out_ of AP Chemistry,” Octavia rolled her eyes.  “She’s taking senior classes already.  Her entire schedule junior and senior year is going to be all AP classes and college classes.”

 

“Seriously?” Lexa asked, to which Raven nodded.

 

“Yep.  I’ll take four classes in the morning at Ark High before heading over on campus for afternoon classes.”

 

“What the hell do you want to do?” Lexa asked.

 

“Work for NASA,” Raven winked.

 

“Wow,” Clarke mumbled.  “You’re all so smart,”

 

“You’re smart, too, Clarke,” Lexa rolled her eyes.  “You’re in AP Bio with me,”

 

“Yeah, but I only took it to  _be_ with you.  And I have a  _seventy four_ in it….my only other AP class is literature.”

 

“There are different kinds of smart, Clarke,” Octavia piped up.  “I’m...not book smart at all.  I’m in all regular classes--even a few basic.  But when it comes to sports?  I  _rock_ at anything athletic.  Raven and Lexa may be science smart, but you sounded pretty lit-savvy yesterday,”

 

“Being good at English and art will get me nowhere in life,” Clarke sighed, flapping her tail over the couch’s end gently.

 

“Stop it,” Lexa reprimanded, giving Clarke a stern look.  “You’re smart, Clarke.  So what if bio isn’t your thing?  I wish I were good at art,”

 

“Yeah, but you’ll make money as a scientist, get a career,” Clarke sighed.  “No one who’s an English or art major makes anything of their lives.”

 

Raven rolled her eyes.  “Shut up, Clarke,” she said, punching her arm.  “Being bad at science isn’t the end of the world.”

 

“It is when your mom wants you to become a surgeon like her,” Clarke said dejectedly.

 

Lexa sighed.  “This is all Abby’s fault,” she said, shaking her head.  “Jake  _always_ supported and encouraged you.  It’d be nice if your mom did the same for once instead of picking you apart.  You used to be so excited about art and literature--” Lexa shook her head, before standing.  “Whatever.  Not my place.  I’m going to go get some towels so you guys can dry off.”

 

As Lexa walked away, Clarke ran her hands through her hair, frustrated.

 

“You okay?” Raven asked at her side.

 

“No.”

 

“Want to talk about it?” Octavia asked from the other couch.

 

“Just--” she sighed, hands falling to her sides.  “I wish my mom was supportive of me.  She’s got it into my head that I’ll never succeed.”

 

“Moms can be like that,” Raven said gruffly.  “Trust me, mine’s a bitch.  She’s always pushing me, always telling me I’m a disappointment, not good enough.”

 

“You?” Clarke asked.  “Seriously?  But you’re...so smart!”

 

“It’s never enough with her,” Raven sighed.  “Side effects of having a druggie for a mom.  She’s a whack job.”

 

“Shit,” Clarke mumbled.

 

“Yep.” Raven sighed, before giving Clarke a small smile.  “I know nagging mothers.  That’s why I left mine. I stay here with O,”

 

Lexa came back in the room, tossing each girl a fluffy bath towel.  “You stay here?” She asked.

 

“Yeah,” Raven shrugged, running the towel along her tail.  

 

The three girls scrubbed at their tails for a long while, all growing frustrated.  “This will be annoying,” Clarke sighed.

 

Raven threw her towel to the side.  Throwing her hands over her tail, she sighed, wiggling her fingers.  “I wish we had some mermaid magic.  A steam-clean would be  _great_ right now.”  As if on command, sizzling echoed around the room, steam rising from Raven’s tail.  She yelped in surprise, hands dropping.  The steam stopped.  “I was joking!”  She said frantically.

 

“No way,” Octavia said, throwing her own hands over her tail.  She furrowed her eyebrows, concentrating, until steam began rising from her tail as well.  “Holy shit!”

 

Lexa’s jaw dropped as she moved to Clarke’s side.  “You can….control water!” She yelled, before grabbing the glass off of the table.  “All of you, keep doing that!  Maybe you can pull all the water out of your tail until you’re dry!”  She called back to the three as she filled up the cup, and then two more.  She carried the three cups back to the table, full of water, and set them down.

 

Clarke shook her head slowly.  “No.  No way!  That’s...ridiculous.”

 

“Just give it a try.  For me?” Lexa asked.  After Clarke held her gaze for a long moment, she acquiesced, sighing as she let her own hand hover over her tail.

 

Sure enough, in a minute, all three girls had steamed themselves dry.

 

“No way,” Octavia laughed in disbelief.  “Wicked!”

 

“We have freaking mermaid powers,” Raven whispered, gleefully.

 

“I can’t believe this,” Clarke said, narrowing her eyebrows.  She looked down at her body, seeing all her clothes from earlier back in place.

 

“All of you,” Lexa said, gathering their attention.  “Glasses.  Go.” She said, pointing to the three cups of water.

 

“What?” They all asked.

 

“Waterbend!” Lexa said, gesturing wildly.  “Move the water!  Freeze it!  Boil it! See what all you guys can do!”

 

“Lexa,” Clarke shook her head, “this isn’t  _Avatar_.  Waterbending is just fiction!”

 

“Well, I thought mermaids were, too,” Lexa said, sitting next to Clarke and grabbing her hands.  “But you three proved that wrong.  You all had tails a minute ago!  You’re--the closest thing to mermaids there could possibly be.  You all just  _steamed_ the water out of your tails!  You obviously have some...power over water,” Lexa said, squeezing Clarke’s hands gently.  “See what you can do,”

 

Raven nodded excitedly, holding her hands out.  She gasped, watching as the water froze in the glass.  “No way!”

 

“How’d you do that?” Octavia asked, thrusting her own hands out to do the same.

 

“I just thought ‘freeze the water’ and it froze!” Raven laughed, her hands dropping to her lap.

 

In a few seconds, Octavia did the same.

 

Lexa dropped Clarke’s hands, nodding towards the last glass, encouraging Clarke.  “You can do it,”

 

“No way,” Clarke shook her head, standing.  “Do none of you find this creepy?” She asked, scoffing.  “Are none of you scared?  This isn’t cool!  We’re freaks!  We grow tails when we’re wet, we can boil our insides and not die, we can freeze water--do you have any idea how fucking  _crazy_ this is?  I hate water!  I absolutely hate it!  I never asked for this, never asked to be some...  _sea creature_!”  Clarke’s eyes filled with tears.  “How can you be enjoying this?  Our lives are ruined!”  She ran from Octavia’s living room, bolting out of her house and slamming the front door behind her.

 

Lexa shot up and chased after her, running out of Octavia’s house.  “Clarke, wait!”  She called, running up to her.  She grasped for Clarke’s wrist, pulling her to a halt.  Clarke whirred around, cheeks streaming with tears and eyes puffy.  

 

“Let go of me!” Clarke shouted, pulling her wrist out of Lexa’s hand.  “I’m going home.”

 

“You’re wet,” Lexa said, confused.

 

“What?” Clarke sniffed, stepping back.

 

“Your tears--” Lexa said, gesturing to Clarke’s face.  “But you have no tail…”

 

Clarke scoffed.  “Can you drop this?  I don’t want to be a fish!  I just want to be a normal girl and stay away from water.  I never asked for this!”

 

“I know, I know,” Lexa said, shaking her head.  “I’m sorry.  I’m just...confused.  I thought water triggered the reaction, but your body must not react to its own fluids...maybe it’s only foreign water touching you that triggers a transformation.”

 

“I’m not some biology project, Lexa!” Clarke shouted.  “Stop treating me like one!  I don’t want this!  If you want to do freaky tests, do them on Raven and Octavia from here on.  I’m done!”

 

“Clarke--”

 

“Don’t follow me!  I want to be left alone,” Clarke shook her head, swiping at her tears.  

 

“Clarke, please,”

 

“I’m serious, Lexa.”

 

Lexa sighed, but nodded.  “Will you at least let me know if you get home safe?”

 

Clarke clenched her jaw, but nodded.  She turned, leaving Lexa without another word.

 

Lexa sighed, running her hands through her hair.  She watched as Clarke ran down the street, heart falling into her stomach.  Only when the girl was out of sight did Lexa turn to go back into the house.  

 

Octavia and Raven stood on the front porch, each sporting a grimace.  “That could’ve gone better,” Raven mumbled.

 

“You think?” Lexa barked, sighing as she walked back inside.

 

“Why does she hate water so much?  This is...so cool,” Raven said, following Lexa in.  “We’re real life mermaids!”

 

“Her dad died in a boating accident at sea,” Lexa said, moving into the living room.  She sat down on the couch, burying her face in her hands.  “Her dad died, and ever since, she’s been petrified of water.  She’s been working her way back into going into the water slowly…” Lexa shook her head.  She let her hands fall to her knees, lifting her head back up.  “This is horrible for her.  I should’ve been more sensitive...I  _know_ how terrified she is of the ocean, turning into a sea creature when she’s wet must be horrifying for her.”

 

Raven and Octavia looked between each other, before sitting on either side of Lexa.  “It’s not your fault that she’s upset,” Octavia said softly, setting her hand on Lexa’s knee.  “You’re just excited, is all.  This must be huge for you, wanting to be a marine biologist and all…”

 

“Still,” Lexa said, eyes focused on her hands.  “I didn’t even stop to think...how freaky this probably is for her.  She’s terrified of the ocean, being a...a  _mermaid_ must be really….jarring for her.”

 

“It is for all of us,” Raven said with a shrug.  “It isn’t your fault, no matter how she reacts.”

 

“I should go after her,” Lexa said, standing.  She grabbed her backpack, slinging it over her shoulders.

 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Octavia asked, standing with her.  “She said she didn’t want you to follow.”

 

“She’s my best friend,” Lexa said.  “Leaving her alone when she’s upset isn’t what I do.”

 

“But will it make her more upset if you’re there?” Raven asked from the couch.  “If she wants to be alone, maybe you should leave her alone.”

 

Lexa shook her head.  “No.  I caused her to get so worked up, I should make sure she’s okay.”

 

“Lexa,” Octavia said, grabbing Lexa’s forearm.  She shook her head.  “Give her space to breathe.  I know she’s your best friend, but as her best friend, you need to respect when she doesn’t want you to be there.”

 

“But…” Lexa trailed off.

 

Octavia’s grip on Lexa loosened.  “I know you care about her,” she gave Lexa a soft smile.  “Raven and I can see it.  Hell, everyone sees it--our whole school thinks you two are a thing.”

 

Lexa flushed.  “No--”

 

“Don’t deny it,” Raven laughed.  “You’re in love with her!”

 

“Does it matter?” Lexa asked, shaking her head.  “She’s straight, okay?  She’s had the biggest crush on Finn Collins ever since we were in the second grade together.  She still likes him, I know it for a fact.  She was  _just_ going on for twenty minutes the other day about how he complimented her in their art class and how she didn’t know what to do about it.  Look--Clarke doesn’t like me the way I like her, and I’ve accepted that.  I’m happy to just be her best friend.  But as her best friend, I really think I should go make sure she’s okay.”

 

Octavia sighed, shrugging as she dropped Lexa’s arm completely.  “I don’t think you should.  You should let her be alone for a while.  She said she’d call you later.  Wait until then, and test the waters.”

 

Lexa finally relinquished, nodding and letting her backpack fall back onto the floor.  She sat back down on the couch, frowning.  Octavia took her seat next to Lexa once more.  “Have you tried telling her how you feel?”

 

“No,” Lexa shook her head, falling back against the couch.  “I don’t want to freak her out.”

 

“What do you mean?” Raven asked.

 

“Well--we do everything together.  We always have.  We took baths together when we were little, we change in front of each other, we hang out in our underwear--I don’t want her to think I’m--” she gestured, searching for the right words.  “I don’t want her to think I’m some pervert or something.”

 

“Lexa,” Octavia shook her head.  “Clarke would never think that.”

 

“Well, what would you guys think if you told each other you’ve been in love with them since you were five?”

 

At that, Octavia and Raven burst out laughing.

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing, it’s just--” Octavia’s laughs cut her off.

 

“I  _do_ have a crush on Octavia,” Raven snorted.  “I have since we were little, too.  I can’t help it, it’s just how I feel.”

 

“And that doesn’t….freak you out?” Lexa asked Octavia.

 

Octavia shook her head, swiping at her wet eyes.  “No,” she said between laughs.  When her laughter finally died down, she cleared her throat.  “I’m straight.  Raven knows this.  It doesn’t freak me out,” Octavia smiled.  “But she’s very respectful.  We do all the same things you and Clarke do.”

 

“You don’t think anything of it?” Lexa asked, voice hardly above a whisper.

 

“No,” Octavia said, grabbing Lexa’s hands.  “Look.  Raven and I are best friends.  I know she can’t control her feelings,” Octavia shrugged.  “You like who you like.  Raven and I cuddle every night.  We change in front of each other, we lounge naked sometimes.  I don’t think a second of it is weird.  She’s my best friend--” Octavia smiled.  “She respects my boundaries.  She flirts with me, yeah, as a joke.  But she knows and accepts that I just...don’t feel the same.  And I totally respect her feelings, too.  We can’t help who we fall for.”

 

“Hey now,” Raven piped up.  “I’m not  _in love_ with you, I’m just attracted to you.”

 

Octavia rolled her eyes.

 

“But what if I am?” Lexa asked quietly.

 

“What if you are what?” Raven asked.

 

Lexa looked over at her.  “In love with Clarke,” she said, softly.  “It isn’t just...a crush.  I love her,” she shrugged, sighing.  “I’ve been with her through everything in our lives...my feelings for her are more than just attraction.  I mean, sure, I think she’s pretty, but her looks aren’t why I like her at all.  I just...love her heart and soul.  She’s my everything,”

 

Octavia squeezed Lexa’s hands.  “You should tell her that,”

 

“I know she won’t feel the same,” Lexa shook her head, eyes watering.  “She’s straight, okay?  She’s never told me otherwise.  And she would’ve, if she wasn’t.  We tell each other  _everything_ ,”

 

“Well…” Raven said, “you...haven’t told her that you love her.  So, you don’t really...tell each other  _everything_.”

 

“She--”

 

“Are you gay?” Raven asked.

 

Lexa nodded.  “Yeah...I told her I was a lesbian years ago, way back in grade school when I figured it out.”

 

“And she was fine with it?”

 

“Yeah.  So, she  _knows_ I would never judge her or tell anyone if she  _were_ gay or bisexual or whatever...she definitely would have told me,” Lexa sighed.

 

“She could just be scared,” Octavia said with a shrug.

 

“Why?  I’m  _gay_ , she knows I wouldn’t care!”

 

“Not scared to tell  _you_ ,” Octavia said.  “But maybe just...scared.  I mean, I’ve always known I’m just straight, but I can’t imagine it’s all sunshine and daisies when you realize you’re  _not_ straight.  Is her mom homophobic?  Maybe she’s scared of what kids at school will say?  Or maybe she’s just...scared in general.”

 

“Abby isn’t homophobic, she’s fine with me being gay.  And kids at school are already mean to her anyway, I don’t know…” Lexa trailed off, before shaking her head.  “She would tell me.”

 

“Even best friends don’t tell each other  _everything_ , sometimes.” Raven said, squeezing Octavia’s knee.  “I keep some stuff from Octavia.”

 

Octavia nodded.  “I keep some stuff from her, too.  Just because someone is your best friend doesn’t mean you  _have_ to tell them everything--it just means you’re comfortable enough that you  _would_ tell them everything, if you wanted to.  We aren’t obligated to tell each other everything...we just know we have someone to turn to if we need it.”

 

“Like I said,” Raven said gently.  “You’re keeping a pretty big secret from her.  Maybe she’s keeping one from you, too.  It doesn’t mean you don’t trust each other or anything.  It’s just...we’re afraid of how people will react, all the time.  Even our best friends.  Actually, especially our best friends.”

 

Octavia gave Lexa a reassuring smile.  “I think you should tell her.  It’ll be a perfect opportunity for her to tell you anything that she could be keeping from you.”

 

“But what if, at the end of the day, she really  _is_ straight and doesn’t feel the same?” Lexa asked.  “What then?  Twelve years of friendship, down the drain.  It’ll just become awkward.  I’ll just be the girl she grew up with who had a weird, gay crush on her, and she’ll not want to spend time with me, she’ll push me away, and--”

 

“I don’t know Clarke that well,” Raven interrupted Lexa, “but I can tell you one thing.  If Clarke would reject you or think you’re a perv for having a crush on her, then she’s a shitty person and an even shittier friend.”

 

Octavia nodded.  “Real friends...real friends wouldn’t let that break them.  Sure, things may get awkward for a while, but you’re best friends for a reason.  Clarke loves you, even if it’s not the way you love her.  And while I don’t know her like you do, she doesn’t seem like the type to push you away over that.  And if she does...it’ll be her loss, losing a friend like you.”

 

“Come on,” Raven said, reaching over awkwardly and swiping at Lexa’s tears.  “Stop crying, Woods.  Anya would be making fun of you if she were here. She made fun of me for crying when I messed up a lab, I  _know_ she’d make fun of you for crying over a girl.”

 

Lexa snorted at that, nodding her head as she swiped at her cheeks.  She froze, then, staring at Raven.  “Your fingers--”

 

“Shit,” Raven cursed, but froze.  “Why am I not a mermaid?”

 

“Body fluids,” Lexa shook her head.  “Clarke didn’t turn when she cried...you didn’t when you touched my tears.”

 

“Huh...so we’re picky mermaids?  We choose what water we transform with?” Octavia asked.

 

“No... I just think your bodies recognize bodily fluids.  Maybe it...differentiates.  Which is good,” she sniffled, sitting upright.  “Most likely, people’s tears and sweat and urine won’t turn you into mermaids.  It just seems like...foreign water substances will.”

 

“Your tears are foreign to my body, though,” Raven said, swiping the water off onto her jeans.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa said, sighing.  “I don’t know.  My best guess right now is that your body can just...detect body fluids, see they aren’t a threat or trigger.  We’ll have to do some tests.”

 

“Well?  What are we waiting for?” Octavia said, standing.  “We have all weekend!  Test away!”

 

* * *

 

And later that night, after a myriad of tests and multiple transformations from human to mermaid to human once more, Clarke sent Lexa a single text.

 

_I some time to think about all of this.  I'm sorry for pushing you away, but I really want to be alone right now.  I hope you understand.  Love you, Lex._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if anyone is curious, here's basically a run-down of what has been discovered about the girls so far:
> 
> -As Lexa is figuring out, bodily fluids (whether the girls' own or someone else's) cannot trigger a transformation. Essentially, their bodies can now detect different types of fluids and differentiate what triggers a transformation--in the case of this fic, no bodily fluids will be triggers. In the show H2O, this topic was never really covered, but I found it strange that when the girls would cry, sweat, etc, they wouldn't transform. So, essentially, their cells either react to fluids as "threats" or "non-threats" -- and bodily fluids aren't a trigger.  
> -When they do come into contact with a fluid that is a trigger, the girls have about ten seconds until their transformation is triggered. (Not too much of a spoiler, so I'll continue: in these ten seconds, if they manage to dry the area(s) where they are wet, they can avoid a transformation.)  
> -When they are completely dry, the girls can switch back to their human form.  
> -They have mysterious powers over water. They can freeze water, boil it, & manipulate it. In the show, each girl only had one power; I've decided, however, to take more of an "Avatar" waterbending route, as it's more interesting, in my opinion.
> 
> So, yeah. So far, this is what has been discovered. More will be revealed soon!
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed! Leave a comment down here or over at my tumblr, @gothamsgirlgang (UPDATE: as of 5/19/18, I am at the URL @legendofbisexuals on tumblr! I may switch back to @gothamsgirlgang later, but I was in want of a good change. If you go to @gothamsgirlgang, no worries, it'll redirect you to my new URL!)
> 
> I love getting feedback from all of you! <3


	3. May: Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls get their first experience with the full moon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments, guys! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Lexa knocked on Clarke’s front door.  She waited, shuffling on her feet outside of the Griffin household.  When no answer came, she sighed, reaching into her backpack and pulling out the spare key Clarke had given her years ago.  She made quick work of unlocking the door and opening it, stepping inside and letting the door fall shut behind her.  “Clarke, are you home?” She called, throwing the key back in her bag and zipping it up.  Rolling her eyes, Lexa shouted, “I know you’re here, your car is in the driveway.”

 

She frowned, walking up the staircase and heading towards Clarke’s room.  “Clarke?” Lexa called again, approaching the shut door.  She knocked gently.  “Can I please come in?”  When she was met with no response, Lexa jiggled the doorknob, only to find it locked.  “Clarke, please,” Lexa pleaded, voice soft.  “I’m sorry, Clarke.  We don’t have to talk about….recent events,” she said, “but I miss my best friend.  Can you please let me in?”

 

Soft footsteps made their way to the door slowly, before Clarke unlocked the door and opened it.  Clarke stepped aside, crossing her arms as she let Lexa in.  Lexa gave her a gentle smile, before making her way into Clarke’s room and setting her bag down next to Clarke’s bed.  “Why are you here, Lexa?” Clarke asked with a sigh.  “I told you, I just...need some space while I figure out how I’m feeling about all of this.”

 

“I know,” Lexa promised, sitting on Clarke’s bed.  “It’s just...we have a project to finish for biology,” she shrugged, “and I miss my best friend.  We don’t have to talk about it.  We don’t have to talk at all, actually--I just really want to get this project done tonight, we’re so close.”  She cleared her throat, before gesturing to her backpack on the floor.  “I’ve spent the last week studying the coral samples during my study hall.”

 

Clarke quirked an eyebrow, reaching into Lexa’s bag and pulling out her notebook.  She flipped through the pages lined with neat handwriting, before finding the notes Lexa had took of each species.  “I thought you were studying  _ me  _ during your break,” she said, skimming the notes.

 

“Ah,” Lexa rubbed the back of her neck.  “I haven’t got around to  _ those _ samples yet.  I doubt I actually will.  I’ve been doing….other things with the girls.  Kane has just recently decided to start eating lunch in his room, apparently he’s doing some research work as well and so he needs to use the equipment when he has time.”

 

“So you won’t be studying me like a dissected frog any time soon?” Clarke asked, shutting the notebook and laying it back on the desk.

 

Lexa frowned.  “Clarke, I can only apologize so many times.  I never meant to make you upset...I should’ve taken, you know, your feelings into consideration.  I’m sorry--I was just...excited.”

 

“Nothing about this is exciting, Lexa,” Clarke sighed, standing up.  She grabbed her bottle of lotion off of her desk, throwing it Lexa’s way.  Lexa caught it, giving her a confused look.  “I can’t moisturize anymore.  At least, not with water-based lotions.  I can’t wash my hands after going to the bathroom, I have to use hand sanitizer all the time now.  I can’t wash my face unless I grow a tail, I can’t use water-based hairspray, I can’t do anything anymore without turning into some fish!”  Clarke shook her head, wrapping her arms around her body.  “I hate this,” she said, fingers digging into her arms.  

 

Lexa set the moisturizer aside, crawling to the end of Clarke’s bed.  “I know, Clarke.  I’m really sorry.”  After taking a deep breath, Lexa continued, “But, if you’d help me and the others out, I can find a way to...turn you back, faster.”

 

Clarke scoffed.  “You really think you can just...poof my tail away?  Like you’re some wizard or something?” She asked, incredulously.  “Lexa, this shit is crazy.  Something weird happened in that pool, something science won’t be able to explain.  You’re delusional if you think you can just...fix me!”

 

“I can try,” Lexa said, reaching for Clarke’s hand.  Clarke sighed as Lexa tugged on her, pulling her closer.  “Look, I’m just as confused as you are.  You’re right, this isn’t something science can explain...at least, not yet,” Lexa shrugged.  “People always doubt what science can prove, until it’s proven.  I know I’m just a kid and I’m not some hotshot scientist, but I can still  _ try _ to figure out what’s going on.  If I can observe  _ how  _ you change, if it’s cellular or whatever, I can try to find a way to block it, or a way to  _ stop _ it all together.”

 

“How?” Clarke asked, shaking her head.  “Lexa, how do you plan on doing that?  Say you can look under a microscope and watch my cells change, how on earth will you stop them from doing that?”

 

“I don’t know yet,” Lexa said, honestly.  “But right now, I’m working with Octavia and Raven to try to find something to make you guys...waterproof.  At least until I can find a more permanent solution.”

 

Clarke quirked an eyebrow.  “More permanent? Like what?”

 

“Like…” Lexa gestured, before sighing.  

 

“Exactly,” Clarke said quietly, pulling her hand from Lexa’s.  “Look, I appreciate that you want to help me, but it’s not realistic.  I don’t want to be some...lab rat, and get my hopes up that you’ll solve this problem.”

 

“I know you’re scared,” Lexa said, sitting back on her feet.  “Clarke, I can’t even begin to understand what you’re feeling right now.  I know you have issues with water, I know you’re scared of swimming….it can’t be easy having turned into, well,”

 

“It’s not,” Clarke said quietly, moving back to her desk and sitting down at it.  “And you have no idea what I’m going through.”

 

“I’m not going to make any promises that I can fix this.  But I will try,” Lexa said softly, but Clarke didn’t look back.  Lexa sighed, getting up from the bed and walking toward her bag.  Picking it up, she slung one strap over her shoulder.  “Can you please just finish your part tonight? I’m putting the slideshow together, I want to submit it tomorrow.”

 

Clarke nodded, handing Lexa her notebook back.  “Yeah.  I can do that.”

 

Lexa took the notebook, sliding it back in her backpack.  She hated this.  She and Clarke rarely had fights, and the few times they weren’t on speaking terms, Lexa felt awful.  But this felt worse than any other time they’d fought--this time, it  _ wasn’t  _ a fight, the two girls were just...distant.  And in a way, being distant was much worse than just fighting.

 

“Okay.  Well, just email it to me in the next few hours, please,” Lexa sighed, walking back to Clarke’s door.  She stopped at the doorway, before turning, looking at Clarke, and saying, “You know, I’m just trying to help you.  It’d be nice if you acted like my best friend and let me in, instead of treating me like I’m just...just some scientist who wants to poke and prod at you.  I’ve hardly seen you this week, and when I do, you treat me so...so cooly.  I’m sorry if I made you upset last weekend, Clarke, but I can only apologize so many times. I just want to help you. When you’re done acting like this, I’d love for you to give me a call.  I miss my best friend.”  With that, she turned and left, shutting Clarke’s bedroom door behind her.

 

* * *

“She’ll get over it, sooner or later,” Octavia promised.  “She just needs some time alone to process all of this.  It isn’t something easy to get used to.”

 

Raven nodded.  “I’m sure she doesn’t want to shut you out, Lexa.  The girl just needs her space.”

 

Lexa sighed, shaking the bottle in her hands.  “I know.  It’s just--all I want to do is help, you know? And she won’t even give me the chance.  She’s upset that this has happened to her, but she won’t let me try to fix it for her!” She shook her head, before holding her hand out to Octavia.  “Arm, please.”

 

Octavia sighed, placing her hand in Lexa’s.  Lexa sprayed the solution onto Octavia’s arm, and the three waited in silence.  Finally, after ten seconds (which felt more like ten minutes to the three girls waiting anxiously), Lexa laughed in triumph.  “Yes!” 

 

“How much was that one?” Raven asked, eyes wide.

 

“Twelve percent water.”  Lexa grinned ear to ear, tucking the bottle into her bag.  “Okay, it looks like anything twelve percent water based or less should be good for you girls to use.  I wonder if we can find a moisturizer that’s under that percentage...well,” Lexa sighed, crouching down to scribble away on her notebook, “I guess I can always make my own.”

 

“Why?” Octavia asked, running her fingers over the liquid on her skin.

 

“Clarke was complaining that she can’t use her moisturizer, because it’s water-based,” Lexa explained, tucking the pencil behind her ear as she stood once more.  “I’ll just have to fuck around this weekend and make a lotion for her.  I’ll try to stick to ten percent, I think that’ll be a safer bet than pushing it at twelve…I know she likes rose, so maybe I’ll drop in some essential oils?” she hummed.  “But I have to take into account if there’s any water in those….”

 

Octavia glanced at Raven, giving the girl on the couch next to her a grin.  “Even when Clarke’s mad at her, all Lexa thinks about is Clarke,” she whispered.

 

“Okay, so we know twelve percent won’t affect you anyway, so when I try this, I’ll use the twenty percent solution I made,” Lexa mumbled, pulling another spray bottle from her backpack.  She crouched in front of the girls and looked at Raven this time, extending her hand.  Raven rolled her eyes good-naturedly, extending her arm for Lexa to spray.  “Okay, this is a stronger solution for the waterproofing serum that I’m trying.  Hopefully this one will work,” she said, reaching for the bottle labeled “20%” on the coffee table.  She quickly gave Raven’s arm a few spritzes, and the three waited.

 

This time, however, the girls had no luck.  Raven groaned when she popped her tail.  Lexa coughed, springing up on her feet.  “Okay, I’ve seen your boobs too many times this week.  Why can’t you three magically pop on a shell bra, too?”

 

Raven wiggled her eyebrows at that, shaking her chest seductively.  “What, you’re not a fan of M á s y Menos?”

 

Lexa laughed aloud.  “You named your boobs  _ plus and minus _ ?”

 

“After the little bitches from  _ Teen Titans _ !” Raven said, poking her tongue out.

 

" _ ¡Más y Menos, sí podemos! _ " Octavia sang the twins’ battle cry, laughing.  “We love that show.  It was our favorite cartoon when we were little.”

 

“When we were little?” Raven scoffed, tossing her hair back over her shoulder.  “Bitch, it’s  _ still _ my favorite cartoon.”

 

Lexa hummed, turning away with a small smile as she reached to write in her notebook again.  “Clarke and I watched that, too.  She always loved Starfire.” After a moment, Lexa smiled fondly, looking down at her notes.  “She made me pretend to be Robin way back in, like, the first grade on superhero day at school, so she could dress up as Starfire.  Our favorite show was  _ Sailor Moon _ , though.”

 

“Ooh,” Raven sang, leaning forward.  She swatted Lexa with her tail, a grin on her face.  “Did you pretend to be her Tuxedo Mask?”

 

“Actually,” Lexa blushed, setting the pencil down to look up at Raven and Octavia.  “We went as Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask every year for Halloween, up until high school.  Clarke thought we were too old to go trick or treating after eighth grade, so we kind of stopped.”

 

“How sweet,” Octavia said, nudging Lexa’s side with her foot.  

 

Lexa rolled her eyes.  “Yeah, it was cute.”

 

“More like Clarke was a cute Usagi, you mean,” Octavia snickered.

 

“Hey!” Lexa said suddenly, crossing her arms.  “We always used to get made fun of for watching cartoons.  You two are just as big nerds as we are, how come you guys never got picked on at school?”

 

“Because we were nerds in secret, Lexa,” Raven winked.

 

Suddenly, the jingling of keys in the front door grabbed the girls’ attention.  Raven turned toward Octavia, eyes wide.  “You said he wasn’t going to be home until ten!”

 

“He normally isn’t home this early!” Octavia hissed, springing up off of the couch.  She ran across the room, grabbing a blanket from the other couch and throwing it onto Raven.  Lexa quickly helped Raven cover her tail, making sure the blanket fell all the way to the floor, encasing the entire tail.

 

“O, I’m home!” Bellamy called from the front door, before shutting and locking it.  He turned, face going pale as he saw a topless Raven sitting on his couch.  “Jesus, Raven!” He said, covering his eyes with his hands.  

 

“Sorry!” Octavia and Raven called out at the same time.

 

“Put those away or so help me,” Bellamy said, shaking his head as he made his way to the kitchen.  Lexa quickly pulled her own sweater off of her body, leaving her in her tank top underneath, and handed it to Raven.  “Is the coast clear?” Bellamy asked, keeping his hand up so he couldn’t see.

 

“Yeah,” Raven called out, cheeks flushed.  “Sorry, Bell-Bell Binks.”

 

Bellamy sighed, putting his hand down.  “You know, I’m almost thirty.  Please don’t lounge around my house topless, Raven.”

 

“We were, uh…” Octavia began, looking at Lexa frantically.

 

“Playing strip poker,” Lexa piped up, standing.

 

Bellamy cocked an eyebrow.  “Where’s the cards?”

 

“Oh, it was--on our phones!  There’s an app for that,” Lexa smiled, hastily walking over to Bellamy and extending her hand.  “Lexa Woods,”

 

Bellamy nodded, eyebrows furrowed as he shook Lexa’s hand.  “Bellamy Blake.  You one of O’s friends?”

 

She nodded.  “New friends,” she said, dropping his hand.  

 

“Since I’m assuming you’re a minor too, please be topless in Octavia’s room if you have to be topless,” he said, shooting a glare to Raven, who just shrugged.  “Anyway, if you girls need me, I’ll be in my office,” he said, reaching in the fridge for a bottle of water.  “Give me a shout if one or all of you is naked so I can just stay in there forever.  Desecrating my house,” he mumbled.

 

Lexa nodded, folding her hands behind her back as she watched him leave.  He walked slowly, giving the three girls a look of confusion at their stares, before shaking his head and muttering something about teenagers under his breath.  When he was finally down the hall with the door shut, the three girls released the breaths they’d been holding.  Raven threw the blanket off of her body, tearing the sweater overhead and tossing it aside.  She made quick work of heating her tail up to evaporate the water, legs popping back after a minutes’ effort.  “That was too close,” she sighed, handing Lexa her sweater back.

 

Octavia nodded.  “I’m so sorry.  He’s usually on campus late, he has a study group every Saturday night.  They must have canceled today.”

 

“It’s okay,” Lexa said, gathering up her supplies and throwing them back in her bag.  “He’s right, maybe we should stick to doing this in your room, Octavia.  At least that way, we can lock the door.”

 

“I wonder if he thought my boobs were cute,” Raven said after a moment.  When Octavia glared at her, Raven shrugged.  “What? Guys love boobs, not my fault!”

 

“You’re sixteen, he’s twenty nine!” Octavia yelled, swatting Raven’s arm.  “That’s so illegal!  Plus, he’s like,  _ your  _ big brother, too!”

 

“It’s nothing he hasn’t seen before,” Raven rolled her eyes.  “We hardly wore clothes in pre-school!”

 

“Why do you even care? You’re gay!” Octavia huffed, shaking her head.  “Ew.  Now I’m imagining my brother and you--”

 

“Okay, stop there,” Raven said, putting a hand up.  “Big ol’ lesbian.  Ew.”

 

Lexa rolled her eyes.  “You shouldn’t have said anything then, dummy,” she laughed.  

 

Raven waggled her eyebrows.  “Hey, one gay to another.  Do you think I’ve got a hot rack?”

 

Lexa flushed, laughing awkwardly.  “I don’t want to answer that.”

 

Octavia shook her head, standing from the couch.  “You don’t have to, Lexa.  She’s being a prick.”  She grabbed a juice from the fridge, before popping the straw in.

 

“Oh, come on!” Raven whined.  “I think my rack is good, but of course I do!  I need to know!”

 

“They’re very,” Lexa said, holding her hands out.  She turned them, so her palms were facing the ceiling, curling her fingers, cupping the air.  “Very--ah. Very perky.” She cleared her throat.  “Proportional.”

 

Octavia shook her head, sipping her juice through the straw.  Releasing the straw with a pop, she muttered, “Useless lesbians.  Raven, you’ve got the best rack I’ve ever seen.”

 

Lexa nodded once, before slinging her bag over her shoulders.  “Okay.  I’m--going to go now.”

 

“You broke her,” Octavia tutted, shaking her head.  “Way to go, Raven.”

 

“I bet you like Clarke’s tits more!” Raven called after Lexa, whose cheeks burned bright red.  Raven shrieked with laughter, clutching her stomach.  Lexa all but ran out of the living room, slamming the door behind her.

 

* * *

“Lexa!” Dr. Kane called cheerily, walking into his room.  “How’s the research going?”

 

Lexa peered up from the microscope, giving him a polite smile.  “Pretty well, Dr. Kane.”

 

“What exactly are you looking at, over there?” Kane asked curiously, settling at his desk.  “Your project is done.  Speaking of--good job, Lexa.  I can tell how much effort you put into it.  I wish my students would be more like you.  You and Clarke were very thorough--though, I should be reprimanding you for going out to Mako to get your own samples, when Ark has some on file.”

 

Lexa nodded sheepishly.  “I know, Dr. Kane.  I just don’t like half-assing my work.  Besides, it was kind of fun scuba diving.”

 

“You didn’t run into any Mako sharks, did you?  Those are some nasty creatures when they feel their territory is being threatened.”

 

“A few swam by, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle.  I’ve been diving since I was a toddler.”

 

Kane nodded, sifting through his paperwork at his desk.  Lexa made quick work of clearing her slide, settling the sample back in its container and turning off the microscope.  Today was the first day she had tried to look at one of the girls’ scales--but she would have to find other methods of doing so.  It would be too risky to look into something this strange while Dr. Kane was in the room.  There were too many things that could go wrong.

 

Lexa held back a sigh as she cleaned up her station, wishing Kane would have just stayed out for ten more minutes.  “Well, thanks for letting me use the lab,” Lexa said, gathering her notebooks in her arms.  

 

“No problem, Lexa.  Don’t forget to start studying for the final, it covers the whole semester.”

 

Lexa nodded.  “Of course,”

 

“Oh, and Lexa?” Kane said, looking up from his paperwork.  He reached into his desk, pulling out a thick envelope and handing it to her.  “This came for you.  I wonder why they didn’t send it to your house, but I’m assuming since you needed a teacher recommendation, they just mailed it here.”

 

Lexa’s steps faltered, coming to a halt at his desk.  “Wait, really?” She asked, reaching for the envelope.  She set her books down on the corner of Kane’s desk, all but ripping the large envelope open.

 

_ Alexandria Woods, _

 

_ We are happy to inform you that you have been chosen for the 2017 Young Biologists Summer Internship!  Here at YBSI, we value ethical marine research as we work to protect the ocean and the species that inhabit it.  We are very excited for you to join our team as we work this July to research marine life in the California area and develop ways to protect endangered species. _

 

_ We are looking forward to seeing you this July at Polis University in Polis, California for our month-long program.  Please meet the team promptly at 9:00 AM in Scott Hall Auditorium on July 8th, 2017 for your day-long orientation and training.  Your housing, travel expenses, and food expenses will be covered by the YBSI Team.  Any expenditures outside of this will be initially covered by the team, but billed and mailed to your home. _

 

_ Please fill out all mandatory forms enclosed, and have them returned to Polis University by July 1st.  Please send to the mailing address as follows: _

 

_ 1 College Avenue  _ __  
_ Polis, CA _ _  
_ __ 90001

 

_ Have a good rest of your school year, and good luck on your finals!   _

 

_ You can contact us at  _ _ YBSI@polisuniversity.edu _ _ or at 100-555-9080 if you have any questions. _

 

_ Signed, _

 

_ Costia Greene, PhD _ __  
_ costia.greene@polisuniversity.edu _ [ _  
_ ](mailto:costia.greene@Polis.edu) __ 100-555-9081

 

Lexa looked up at Kane with wide eyes.  “I got the internship,” she laughed, excited.  “I got the internship!”

 

“Congratulations, Lexa,” Kane smiled.  “If anyone deserves it, it’s you.  You work very hard, Lexa.  You’ll be great.”

 

Lexa couldn’t help but jump a little, giddy out of her mind.  “Thanks!” She said, quickly scooping up her books.  “I’ll see you eighth period!”

 

Lexa walked down the hallways quickly, glancing up at the clock on the wall.  She only had a minute or so before the end fourth period bell would ring, so she made her way to her locker and pulled out her lunch quickly.  As the bell rang, she moved as fast as she could to the cafeteria, sitting at the small corner table where she and Clarke usually ate lunch.  She waited patiently for Clarke, sifting through the papers in the internship envelope, but there was no sign of her best friend even halfway through the period.

 

Lexa sighed, setting her papers aside as she began to eat her lunch.  Clarke had been avoiding her the last week and a half, not sitting with her at lunch--but still, every day she hoped her friend would join her again.

 

Across the lunchroom, Raven and Octavia exchanged looks of pity as they sat with their friends.  “It’s really sad,” Octavia muttered with a frown, biting into her sandwich.  “I bet she misses Clarke.  Where even is she?”

 

“Yeah.  I’d hate to sit alone during lunch,” Raven said, frown matching her best friend’s.

 

“You guys talking about Woods?” Their friend, a fellow sophomore named Luna, asked.  Neither girl confirmed it, but Luna let out a small chuckle.  “Woods is such a geek.  So is her girlfriend, Griffin.  They’re going to be seniors in two weeks, and they don’t have any friends besides each other?  It’s pathetic.  God, I’d hate to be such a loser.”

 

Octavia frowned at her friend.  “Hey, Luna,” she said, shaking her head.  “Don’t be so fucking rude.”

 

“Why are you defending her?” Luna scoffed, looking at Lexa.  “Look, she’s reading a book while eating lunch alone.  If that doesn’t scream sad, I don’t know what does.  Even her girlfriend probably sees what a loser Lexa is, that’s probably why she’s been ditching her at lunch the past week.”  Luna rolled her eyes.  

 

“Stop that,” Octavia said, bewildered by her friend’s words.  “You don’t even know her!”

 

“What, like you do?” Luna asked, amused.  “Please, Blake, you care way too much about your social status to hang out with the likes of Lexa Woods.  It’s practically social suicide to talk to her or Clarke.  They do nothing but...study, and hang out with each other.  They’re such teachers pets, too.  If Lexa wasn’t a lesbian, I’d bet anything she’d be shacking up with Dr. Kane, with how much time she spends in his room. I mean, she has to be doing  _ something _ to him to get the grades she gets.”

 

Octavia scoffed, offended.  “Don’t say that stuff about Lexa.  She’s smart, and she works hard.  She wouldn’t have to sleep with her teachers to get the grades she gets.”

 

“You’re right,” Luna rolled her eyes.  “It’s probably Clarke that sleeps with him.  Everyone knows she’s awful at science and math, there’s no way she should be in Kane’s AP class.  She definitely seems like the type who would sleep around with adults like a slut to get what she wants.  I mean, she’s shy and everything, but she’s probably a freak.  I bet she isn’t even gay, she just probably dates Lexa to humor her.  Pretty sad, if you ask me.”

 

“Clarke and Lexa aren’t together,” Raven interrupted, feeling the anger in her rise, “and Clarke is not the type to sleep around, either.  Nice slut-shaming, by the way, Luna.  But can you really talk about what other girls do with their time?  Haven’t you had, like, four boyfriends in the past month?  You don’t see any of us slut-shaming you, so knock it off.”

 

Luna cocked an eyebrow.  “Have you been hanging out with the loser squad lately, Reyes?”

 

“For your information,” Octavia said, setting her wrap back down on her tray.  “Yes, I have.  Clarke, Lexa, Raven, and I have been hanging out a lot, recently.  And I’ll have you know, Lexa and Clarke are some of the nicest people in this whole damn school.  They don’t care about your stupid labels or how you treat them.  Lexa is a genuinely nice person.”

 

At Luna’s side, their other friend, a small, mousy girl named Harper, frowned.  “But, why would you want to hang out with them?  They have no friends beside each other.”

 

“Yeah, and they’re just fucking weird,” Luna mumbled, crossing her arms.  “Like, they’ve been here three years and haven’t managed to find other friends?  That’s pretty sad.”

 

“Maybe they haven’t managed to find friends because everyone in this school is a judgmental asshole like you,” Raven quipped.  

 

“You know, we’ve only really been hanging out with Lexa in the last week, but in that week she’s treated us better than you have in the past two years we’ve been friends, Luna.  She actually cares about people, and she’s got a big heart.  So what if she’s got a 4.3 GPA? So does Raven, and you’re friends with her.” Octavia added.

 

“‘Cause Raven isn’t a total freak,” Luna said, glancing back at Lexa.  “Raven actually knows how to socialize, and function like a normal human.”

 

Raven grit her teeth, throwing her sandwich back in her paper bag.  Adjusting the straps on her brace, Raven stood, picking up her bag and looking at Octavia.  “Wanna go?” She asked.

 

Octavia nodded.  She stood, saying, “Actually, yeah, I do.”

 

“You’re actually going to go sit with her?” Luna asked, eyes wide in disbelief.  “Why?”

 

“Because Lexa’s our friend,” Raven said, holding the bag in her hand tightly.  “And she’s a damn better friend than you’ve ever been.”

 

“Whatever,” Luna rolled her eyes, shaking her head.  “Go commit social suicide, like I care.  Just don’t bother coming to sit back with us again tomorrow.”

 

“Won’t plan on it,” Raven huffed, leaving the girls behind.

 

Octavia shook her head sadly at her friends, before following Raven and heading towards Lexa’s table.

 

“Lexa,” Octavia called out, waving with one hand while she held her tray with the other.  “Mind if we sit here?”

 

Lexa shook her head, eyes narrowed.  “No...but why do you want to?” She asked, curiously.

 

Raven rolled her eyes as they sat across from Lexa.  “Our friends are pricks.”

 

Lexa nodded, muttering an “Ah,” as she looked back down at her book.  “Gossipping about me?”

 

“Yeah,” Octavia said softly, giving Lexa an apologetic glare.

 

“Hey, no hard feelings.  I know it looks pretty lame to eat by yourself, but hey, it’s better than in a bathroom stall,” Lexa said, giving the two a soft smile.

 

“Have you done that before?” Raven asked.  When Lexa gave a simple nod, Raven felt her heart break for her friend.  “Shit.  Why?”

 

“Freshman year.  After Clarke was in the accident, she got bronchitis and was out for a while.  That, and, well...dealing with everything with her dad, she wasn’t in school much that year.  I was afraid what people would think, sitting here alone, so I just…” she shrugged, looking back up at the two.  “Ate in a stall.”

 

“That’s so sad,” Octavia said, shaking her head.  “I’m sorry people treat you like shit.  I mean, why do they?”

 

Lexa shrugged again, setting her book down.  “We went to a small grade school, so everyone knew everyone.  When I came out in the sixth grade, people kind of….started treating me poorly.  Ostracized me.  But Clarke stayed by my side, and as a result…” Lexa trailed off.  “The stigma of being the weird ones out just didn’t leave us in high school, I guess.  Even if being gay isn’t as taboo as it was when we were twelve, people still just say we’re the outcasts.  I don’t really care, that much.  I mean, as long as I have Clarke, I’m happy.”

 

Raven smiled at Lexa, pulling her sandwich back out again.  “You really should tell her how you feel.”

 

Lexa nodded, looking down at her plate of food.  “I know.  I’m just scared.  I don’t want to lose her too, you know?  She’s kind of what I have left,”

 

“You have us, now,” Octavia said.  Raven nodded with her.  Lexa mumbled a small thank you, but the girls could tell the conversation was over.  Octavia cleared her throat, nodding to Lexa’s pile of paperwork.  “What’s all that?”

 

“Oh,” Lexa said, lighting up.  “I got the internship.”

 

“No way, Woods!” Raven cheered.  “That’s so cool!  So, are you going to do it?”

 

“I don’t know,” Lexa sighed, handing Raven the envelope to look at.  “It’ll be a month away.  I just don’t really want to leave you three behind with everything that’s going on, not until I can figure out a way to help you all first.”

 

“But you’ll have access to a crazy cool lab, right?” Raven asked, skimming the paperwork.  “You’ll have even better equipment than you would’ve had here, or at Ark Community, yeah?”

 

Lexa nodded, taking back the papers.  “I would…”

 

“You just don’t want to leave Clarke,” Octavia said.  

 

Lexa blushed.  “Well, we’ve never been apart for that long.”

 

Raven and Octavia’s jaws dropped.  “Seriously?” Raven asked.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded, tucking a strand of her wild curls behind her ear.  “It’d be weird being away for so long.”

 

“Lexa,” Octavia chided her.  “This is huge for you.  This will look so freakin’ good on your college apps!  This will, like, set you above the rest!  Working with an accredited university for a summer internship in high school?  You’ll definitely get into any college you want!”

 

“Well, Polis  _ is  _ my first choice,” Lexa said, a smile playing on her lips.  “They have the best marine biology program on the west coast.  It would definitely look good, since I’ll be working with them…”

 

“I don’t see the problem here,” Raven said.  “You have to take the internship!  You’ll get into Polis for sure!”

 

“Does Clarke want to go there?” Octavia asked, curious.

 

Lexa shrugged.  “She doesn’t know yet.  Which is another thing--”

 

“I swear to god, Woods, if you choose your college for a girl, I’ll smack you,” Raven said, tutting.  “You go where you’ll get the best prep for your future, not where the girl you like is going.  I’m sorry, but people who choose their college for their boyfriends or girlfriends are dumb.”

 

“It’s nice when they want to go the same place as you,” Octavia nodded, “but you really need to think about yourself.  Do what’s going to be best for you, not for Clarke.  I love Raven, but I know she wants to go to Tondisi State for their engineering and physical science programs.  I want to become a teacher,” Octavia shrugged, “and it’ll be best for me to go to Arkadia University.  We aren’t going to follow each other just because we’re best friends.”

 

“What does Clarke want to do, anyway?” Raven asked.  “Does she know?”

 

Lexa sighed, picking at her food with her fork.  “She’s got it in her head that she should be a nurse or doctor, like her mom wants her to be.  But she hates science, it’s never been her strong suit.  She won’t say it out loud, but I know what she really wants to do is major in either English or art.  She’s just afraid she won’t make anything of herself if she does.”

 

“Bullshit,” Raven said, drinking her juice.  “English majors rock!  You can go to law school, or go into journalism or editing or publishing.  She could be a literary critic!  She could write business proposals, or work at a firm.  There’s a ton she could do.”

 

“I try to tell her that,” Lexa sighed.  “She’s scared to death of majoring in art, though.  Abby shoves it down her throat that she’ll be homeless if she does.”

 

The end lunch bell rang, causing Raven to groan.  “I don’t want to go to Calculus.”

 

Octavia rolled her eyes, nudging her friend onto her feet.  “We’ll see you later, Lexa,” she waved, before picking up her tray.

 

“Bye,” Lexa called after them, a smile on her lips.

 

It was nice to have someone to talk to during lunch.

 

She really missed Clarke.

 

* * *

As the week drew to a close, Clarke lugged all her books home to start studying for finals.  They only had one week left of actual classes--which would mostly all just be review, anyway--and then three days of finals before summer break.

 

As Clarke spun in her desk chair, trying to study for her biology final, she couldn’t get Lexa off of her mind.  She felt really, really bad about distancing herself from Lexa over the past few weeks.  She knew all Lexa was trying to do was help her...but it still made her feel like a massive freak. Whenever they were together, the  _ issue  _ always came up, and Clarke could just feel the anxiety bubbling within her.  All she wanted to do was forget about her little tail problem and go about her life, making adjustments as necessary to keep the tail time to a minimum.  Still, she thought, she really owed Lexa an apology.

 

Shoveling all her books into her bag, she wrote a quick note on a post-it for her mom, telling her she’d be gone for the night and to call when her shift was over.  Making her way downstairs, she stuck the note onto the fridge, grabbed her keys, and locked the door behind her.  As she got in her car, Clarke turned on the radio, letting the music play quietly as she drove.  

 

She stopped at a quaint flower shop, putting her car in park.  Reaching over into the passenger seat for her purse, she pulled out her keys, threw them in, and made her way into the small flower shop.

 

She was greeted by a tall woman at the counter, cleaning the desk with a wipe.  “You got here just in time,” she said, eyes meeting Clarke’s.  “We close in a few minutes.  Is there something I can help you with?”

 

“I’ve kind of been a bad friend,” Clarke said, stepping towards the register.  “I want to give her flowers as an apology.  I know she loves orchids, do you have any?”  

 

The woman pointed to a corner of the small shop.  “Single orchid plants are over there, by the tulips.”

 

Clarke nodded, reading her name tag.  “Thank you, Alie.”

 

Alie nodded back, eyes assessing Clarke.  “You know,” she said, watching as Clarke picked up a plant with a few bright orchids.  “I’d be careful of the full moon, if I were you.”

 

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows, bringing the plant to the register.  “What do you mean?” She asked Alie, eyes narrow.

 

Alie hummed.  “Consider the plant a gift.  Just promise me that when the full moon comes next week, you will be prepared.”

 

“Uh, sure,” Clarke said, picking the pot back up.  “Are you sure you don’t want me to pay?”

 

Alie nodded, a smile gracing her lips.  “The only payment necessary will be your safety.  Whatever you do, young one, don’t touch the water when the full moon rises.”

 

Clarke’s heart beat against her chest.  Did this woman know--but there was no way!  No one outside of Lexa and the others knew.  They couldn’t!  Not unless someone spilled already...but who would tell a flower shop owner?  “What are you talking about?” Clarke squeaked, voice unsteady.

 

Alie’s eyes fell from Clarke’s as she continued cleaning the desk.  “You’ll find out soon, child of Mako.”

 

Clarke nodded, turning on her heel and moving quickly out of the flower shop.  Child of Mako?  Did this Alie girl really know about what happened on Mako that night?  Did she know about Clarke?

 

In seconds, Clarke was speeding away from the small flower shop towards Lexa’s house.  She all but skidded into the driveway, tires squealing as she made the sharp turn.  She jumped from her car, slinging her bag over her shoulder and grabbing her purse in one and and plant in the other.  She knocked on the Woods’ front door loudly, jumping back when Lexa opened it after only a second.  “Clarke, are you okay?” She asked, concerned.

 

“We have a problem,” Clarke said, thrusting the orchids into Lexa’s arms.

 

“What’s the problem?” She asked, shutting the door behind Clarke.

 

“Clarke!” A young voice called, followed by the echoing of footsteps running up the stairs from the basement.  Lexa’s little brother barreled into Clarke’s arms, latching onto her tightly.  “I missed you!  You haven’t been over in weeks!  Mom was starting to think you and Lexa had a fight or something!”

 

Clarke gave Aden a quick hug back, assuring him that everything was fine between her and Lexa.  “Can you give me and your sister some private time, Aden?”  She asked, casting a glance at Lexa, who was still holding the orchids to her chest.

 

Aden frowned.  “What, are you two going to go make out?  I need a partner, Clarke, Tris is kicking my ass at COD right now!  You’re so good at it,”

 

“Maybe later, okay bud?” Clarke said, ruffling his hair.  “Your sister and I have some...biology homework to do,” Clarke lied, before turning to go up the stairs.

 

“Sorry, kid,” Lexa said, patting his back.  “I’ll share her later.”

 

Aden rolled his eyes.  “You two don’t fool anyone, you know.  Mom says you have to keep your door open when your girlfriend is over!”

 

Lexa and Clarke both blushed at the thirteen year old’s words.  “Well, it’s a good thing I don’t have a girlfriend, so scram, kid,” she said, pushing him towards the basement stairs.  

 

Aden stuck his tongue out at his big sister.  “Fine, at least you can’t get her pregnant!”  He yelled, before walking down the stairs.  “Don’t come crying to me for backup when Mom yells at you for screwing Clarke with the door shut!”

 

“I’m sorry,” Lexa apologized as she and Clarke made their way to her bedroom.  “I don’t know why everyone thinks--”

 

“Someone knows,” Clarke interrupted, quickly shutting Lexa’s bedroom door behind them.

 

Lexa paused.  “What?”

 

“This flower shop lady--I went to go get you those as an apology,” Clarke said, gesturing to the orchids.  “She called me a ‘child of Mako’ and then said to watch out for the full moon and to not touch water when the full moon rises,”

 

“Seriously?” Lexa asked, setting the orchids on her bedside table.  “You think she knows about you?”

 

“She knows something!” Clarke cried anxiously, sitting down on Lexa’s bed.  “I mean, she has to!  Calling me a child of Mako isn’t just some coincidence, she knows something weird happened to me there.  And then the whole thing about telling me not to touch water?”

 

“Okay, don’t freak out,” Lexa said, placing her hands on Clarke’s arms.  She rubbed them gently, calming her.  “She could just be a freak.  Maybe she says weird stuff like this to people all the time.”

 

“But it’s too coincidental, Lexa,” Clarke sighed, wrapping her arms around Lexa’s torso.  “I’m really sorry.  I miss you, Lexa,”

 

Lexa smiled, hugging Clarke back. “It’s okay.  I know you were just scared.”

 

Clarke rested her head in the crook of Lexa’s neck, pulling her closer.  “Still.  I feel bad.  I was kind of shitty to you.”

 

“You were scared, Clarke,” Lexa said, bringing a hand to smooth down Clarke’s hair.  Her fingertips played softly against Clarke’s scalp, calming her in the best way she knew how to.  Clarke leaned into Lexa’s touch, a gentle sigh escaping her lips.  “You know, I do have something for you.”

 

“What is that?” Clarke asked, pulling away slowly.

 

Lexa smiled, opening her the drawer on her nightstand, pulling out a white tube.  “I found out that anything 12% water or less won’t trigger a reaction for you girls.  I know you were upset about not being able to use your favorite moisturizer, so I tinkered around a bit and made one.  It’s only 10% water, so it won’t be super moisturizing, but I think it’ll still work well.  I put in a few drops of rose oil so it smells like the one you--oof,” Lexa grinned as Clarke tackled her in a hug, sending the two onto her bed.

 

“Lexa, you shouldn’t have,” Clarke said, eyes filling with tears.  “Thank you.”

 

Lexa laughed, pressing a soft kiss to Clarke’s temple.  “I know it’s not much, but maybe it’s something that will make you feel more normal.”  She brought a hand up to Clarke’s cheek, thumb swiping away at the warm tears that spilled over.  “Don’t cry,” she laughed as Clarke hovered above her.  “It’s just lotion.”

 

“No,” Clarke said, rolling off of Lexa and lying next to her.  “It’s the point.  You’re just such a good friend, Lexa.  I’m sorry that I’ve been distant lately.”

 

“I understand,” Lexa said, rolling onto her side to face Clarke, who did the same.  “I should have been more considerate of your feelings.  I was just so excited, it was something I thought was so cool...I didn’t stop to think how you would be feeling.”

 

“I’m still pretty freaked out,” Clarke admitted.  “Especially now that there’s some stranger who knows about me...I haven’t told anyone, Lexa, I promise.”

 

“I know,” Lexa nodded.  “Neither have we.  I think it’s probably just some weird lady being weird.  But we’ll keep an eye out, okay?”

 

Clarke nodded.  After a moment, she said, “Do you at least like the flowers?”

 

Lexa grinned.  “I love them.  Thank you, Clarke.”

 

Clarke sat up with a sigh, giving Lexa an annoyed look.  “I would love to just chill, but there’s a reason I came over here--well, two reasons, one of them being that weird Alie girl.”

 

“And what is that?” Lexa asked, sitting up as well. 

 

Clarke glanced over at her bookbag, discarded by the bedroom door.  “The biology notes make no sense to me.  I was hoping you could help me study,” she asked sheepishly, giving Lexa a small smile.

 

Lexa rolled her eyes with a laugh, nudging Clarke’s arm with her own.  “Fine.  What chapter are you stuck on?”

 

“...Chapter eight.”

 

“Clarke! That was the beginning of the semester!”

 

“I know, I know, I just suck at bio, Lexa!  Please help me.”

 

* * *

The last week of school flew by.  Finals rolled around, leaving the four girls irritated and stressed, but they finally managed to finish the school year.

 

They all piled into Clarke’s bedroom that night, having had decided to kick off the summer with a sleepover.  Abby would be out all night, working the nightshift, anyway, so the girls had the Griffin household to themselves until the morning.

 

“Raven,” Octavia said, throwing a piece of popcorn her way.  Raven caught it in her mouth, causing the other three to cheer.  “Truth or dare?”

 

“No!” Raven groaned, swallowing the salty piece of popcorn.  “What is this, the fifth grade?”

 

“I’ve never played truth or dare,” Clarke said after a moment, glancing at Lexa.  “We never really play sleepover games together.  It’s not that fun when there’s only two of you...and you already know everything about each other,” she laughed.

 

“Trust me princess, you don’t know  _ everything  _ about Lexa,” Raven winked.  Lexa shot Raven a glare, but luckily, Clarke didn’t ask what she meant.

 

“I think it would be fun!” Octavia said, slipping out of her sleeping bag and sitting atop it.  “Clarke and Lexa need to have a real sleepover experience.  Truth or dare, pillow fights, Never Have I Ever--the whole shebang!”

 

Raven groaned, but her smile betrayed how she really felt.  “Fine.  Dare.”

 

Octavia giggled, bouncing on her knees.  “Okay.  Raven, I dare you to...call Anya and tell her that you like her.”

 

“What!” Raven shrieked, sending a pillow flying into Octavia’s face.  Clarke and Lexa laughed at Raven’s beet-red face.  “That’s so mean, Blake.  So, so mean.”

 

“Is Raven Reyes one to back down from a dare?” Octavia taunted, pretending to be shocked.  “But I thought she always went on and on at all of our other sleepovers about being the queen of dares?”

 

Raven sighed, reaching for her phone from her pocket.  “Fine.  But for the record, Octavia, I’m getting you back big time for this.”  She went to Anya’s contact, pressing the call button as the four waited in silence.  

 

“Put it on speaker!” Octavia whispered excitedly, laughing as Raven groaned and did just that.

 

_ “Hello?” _ Anya asked from the other end of the line.   _ “What’s up, Reyes?” _

 

“Uh, I just have something I wanna tell you,” Raven said, shooting daggers at her best friend.

 

_ “Okay….what is it?” _ Anya asked, sounding intrigued.

 

“I’m madly in love with you.”

 

There was a pause on the other end of the line, before Anya laughed aloud.   _ “Are you at a sleepover or something?  God, I remember being sixteen.  My friends dared me to call an older girl and say the same thing, Reyes.  Is my sister there?” _

 

“Yeah,” Raven said, dejectedly.

 

“Hi, Anya,” Lexa said, stifling a laugh behind her hand.

 

_ “Hey, squirt!  Alright, I’ll let you crazy kids go.  Don’t do anything stupid, like streaking.  I got thrown in jail for that one.” _

 

“Okay.  Yeah, bye Anya.”  Raven said grumpily, hanging up the phone.  “Now she’ll never take me seriously if I ever do tell her I like her.”

 

“She’s good,” Clarke said, blinking.  “Caught right onto that one.”

 

“Yeah, Anya’s perceptive,” Lexa said with a shrug.

 

“Okay, blondie,” Raven said, turning to Clarke.  “You said you’ve never played truth or dare?”

 

Clarke nodded.  “Yep.  This would be the first time,” she admitted.

 

Raven rubbed her hands together, waggling her eyebrows.  “Alright.  I’ll start easy on you.  Truth or dare?”

 

Clarke squirmed under Raven’s gaze, saying, “Truth.”

 

“That’s no fun,” Raven frowned.

 

“Raven!  Let Clarke warm up to the game.  No one in their right mind picks dare on the first go,” Octavia said.

 

“I did!”

 

“That’s why I said no one in their  _ right  _ mind, Raven.” Octavia said, to which Raven shoved her.

 

“Fine.  Um...do you like anyone?” Raven asked, looking between Clarke and Lexa.

 

Lexa’s heart started beating faster in her chest, anxiously awaiting Clarke to respond.  Clarke let out a little laugh, her cheeks dusting a light pink.  “I do.”

 

“Who?” Raven asked, leaning forward.

 

“That wasn’t part of the question,” Clarke said, rubbing the back of her neck.

 

“Come on, don’t leave us all hanging!” Raven whined.

 

“Um.  Just some boy,” Clarke said after a minute, sighing.  “Finn Collins.  I’ve had a crush on him since we were little, it just...never went away.”

 

Lexa’s heart dropped.  So Clarke really  _ didn’t  _ feel the same way that Lexa did.  “I think I’m going to go to the bathroom,” Lexa said, stepping off of Clarke’s bed.  She quickly made her way into Clarke’s bathroom, shutting the door behind her.  Octavia glared at Raven.  

 

“Did you have to do that?” She hissed at her best friend, and Clarke tilted her head.

 

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

 

“Nothing,” Octavia said quickly, shaking her head.  “Alright, Clarke, you get to ask one of us something.”

 

“Um...Octavia, I’ll do you.  Truth or dare?”

 

Meanwhile, Lexa stood with her back against the bathroom door, taking a deep breath.  She knew her best friend didn’t return her feelings, but it still felt like a knife to the chest hearing Clarke say she liked Finn, instead of her.  She rubbed at her eyes angrily, not letting any tears fall, before making her way to Clarke’s vanity and splashing some cold water on her cheeks to get rid of the redness.

 

She felt like an idiot, getting her hopes up.  She felt even more like an idiot for even thinking for a second there should be a  _ reason  _ to get her hopes up.  She knew damn well about Clarke’s crush on Finn, and yet, through the years, Lexa held out hope that maybe one day Clarke would feel the same as she did.

 

Picking up one of Clarke’s hand towels, Lexa dried her face, looking out the bathroom window.  It was a clear night, no clouds in the sky, the full moon shining brightly into the dimly lit bathroom.  

 

After waiting a few more long moments, Lexa finally went back into Clarke’s bedroom, putting on a brave face.  “Do you think we can watch a movie?  I’m starting to get tired,” she said, giving Clarke a pleading look.

 

“Everything okay, Lex?” Clarke asked, concern etched on her features.

 

Lexa nodded, lying.  “Everything’s great.  I just think a movie would be good.”

 

“Sure,” Clarke said, bouncing off her bed.  “What’re you in the mood for, Lex?”

 

“Uh, whatever Raven and O want to watch,” Lexa smiled.  “I’ll just go make some popcorn and grab some drinks.”

 

“Sounds good to me!” Clarke said, bumping Lexa’s hip with her own.  “Can you grab some gushers while you’re downstairs?”

 

Lexa nodded, moving quickly from the bedroom.

 

“Hey, I gotta pee, pick a movie from the bookshelf and put it in,” Clarke said, giving Raven and Octavia a smile before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door.

 

Octavia crossed her arms and glared at Raven.  “You just fucked things up.”

 

“I know,” Raven sighed, looking through the movies on the shelf.  “I thought it would help...move things along!”

 

“Raven, their love lives should be left to them.  This isn’t like me teasing you about Anya, they’ve been best friends their whole lives.  It’ll be entirely world changing to them if they get together--they should move at their own pace,” Octavia said, shaking her head.  “But I think Lexa is right….I don’t think Clarke feels the same for her,”

 

Raven frowned.  “Of course she does.  She just can’t see it yet.  I mean, they’re so...soft and loving with each other.”

 

Octavia shrugged.  “They could just be friends.  Who knows, maybe they’re better off as just friends.”

 

Raven finally settled on  _ Stardust _ , one of her own personal favorites, walking over to Clarke’s TV and popping it in.

 

In the bathroom, Clarke hummed as she moved to go sanitize her hands.  Noticing that Lexa had accidentally not turned the faucet all the way off, Clarke reached over to turn the nozzle, pulling her hand back when she found it still wet from Lexa’s hands.  “Shit,” she mumbled, picking up the hand towel, only to find it damp.  She swore again, but was surprised to not have a tail.  She looked down at her feet, confused, before shrugging.  Glancing out the window, she grinned at the sight of the full moon.  She always did love the moon….

 

An urge to keep humming surged through her body.  She began humming a soft tune, wiping her hands on her pajama pants.  As she walked back into her bedroom, she felt light, airy--like she was floating.  All she could think about, all she could focus on, was singing aloud.  

 

Raven and Octavia watched as Clarke settled herself on her bed, humming quietly.  “You okay there, Clarke?” Raven asked, eyebrow raised.

 

Clarke didn’t answer.  She sat, facing her open window, staring at the moon while she hummed quietly.

 

“What is she doing?” Octavia asked warily, looking over at Raven.  Raven shrugged, and the two walked to Clarke’s side.  “Clarke...are you alright, Clarke?”

 

Clarke smiled, looking at Octavia and nodding sweetly, before continuing her melodious humming.

 

“What song is that?”  Raven asked, trying to get a response from Clarke.  “What are you singing?”

 

“I don’t think it’s  _ any  _ song, Rae.  She’s just...humming.” Octavia noted, frowning.

 

“Okay, Clarke, you were out of gushers so I brought up some fruit roll-ups instead--” Lexa’s voice trailed off as she stepped into Clarke’s room, dropping the open bag of popcorn and the box of fruit roll-ups.

 

“Lexa!” Octavia said, moving to her side.  “You okay?”

 

Lexa didn’t respond.  She was all but frozen at the doorway, eyes locked onto Clarke’s figure.

 

“What the hell is happening?” Raven asked, moving to shut the curtains.  Blocking the moon didn’t stop Clarke from humming, it only caused her to turn around and look at Lexa and Octavia.  

 

“Lexa,” Clarke said sweetly, holding out her hand.  “Come here,”

 

Lexa nodded, walking towards Clarke slowly.  Clarke began singing aloud, a soft melody with no words, just gentle, airy sounds.

 

“Holy shit,” Raven gasped after a minute.  “She’s a siren!”

 

“What?” Octavia asked, watching as Lexa grabbed Clarke’s hand, entranced.  Clarke pulled Lexa onto the bed so they were sat next to each other, singing sweetly to Lexa as she pushed Lexa’s hair back behind her ears.

 

“Sirens!  Mermaids in mythology.  They sang songs to lure sailors to their deaths...she must have entranced Lexa,”

 

“Why wouldn’t we be affected?” Octavia asked.

 

“Well...we’re mermaids, too,” Raven said with a shrug.  “A siren’s call didn’t affect other sirens, only the men attracted to them.”

 

“But Lexa’s a girl,” Octavia said, watching as Clarke moved closer to Lexa.

 

“But it’s no secret that Lexa’s in love with Clarke,” Raven said, observing the two.  “We need to find a way to get Lexa away.  I don’t know what Clarke’s capable of, but if it’s anything like the sirens in mythology, we need to make sure they don’t go near water.  She could drown Lexa,”

 

“Would she really?” Octavia asked.  “Lexa’s her best friend,”

 

“I don’t think that’s really Clarke in there right now,” Raven said, clapping her hands.  Neither Clarke nor Lexa turned to look at her.  “Something happened to her.  It’s like a switch was flipped in her brain…”

 

And then suddenly, the two girls leaned forward, lips meeting in a kiss.  “Shit,” Raven mumbled, hands flying to her head.

 

Octavia gasped.  “They’re kissing!”

 

“I see that!” Raven said, before walking to Clarke’s bed.  “Sorry, Lexa,” she said, grabbing Lexa’s shoulders and pulling her away.  Glancing at Octavia, she said, “Keep Clarke in here.  I’m taking Lexa into the guest room.  We need to keep them separated while we...wait this thing out.”

 

Octavia nodded.

 

“No, bring her back,” Clarke said, standing.  “I’ve called for her, she answered.”

 

“Okay…” Raven nodded, but continued pulling Lexa from the room.  “I just need to borrow her for a minute, alright?”  With that, she shut the door behind them, and Octavia ran to it, locking it.

 

Clarke pouted, sitting back on her bed.  “That’s no fun, I lured her fair and square,”

 

“Clarke, you just kissed her!” Octavia said, moving back to Clarke’s side.  “Snap out of this.”

 

“Of course I kissed her,” Clarke said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.  “She answered my call.”

 

“What were you going to do with her?”

 

“Well, I was going to take her for a swim, pull her underneath…” Clarke trailed off, a smile spreading across her face.  “Do you think she’d like to swim with me?”

 

“No,” Octavia quipped, and Clarke’s smile fell.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Clarke, you’re a siren.  You’d kill her.”

 

“I would not!” Clarke said, offended.  “I’d just pull her under, keep her as mine forever…”

 

“Okay,” Octavia sighed, before pushing Clarke onto her back.  She pulled Clarke’s comforter over her body, tucking her in.  “Get some sleep, okay?  Lexa will be here when you wake up.”

 

Across the hall, Raven was having the same amount of success with Lexa.

 

“Lexa!  Snap out of this!”  Raven said, clapping her hands in front of Lexa’s face.

 

“Stop,” Lexa whined, pushing Raven aside.  “I want to go back to Clarke.”

 

Raven beat her to the door, standing in front of it.  “No, you can’t.  Clarke’s not herself right now, and neither are you.”

 

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked, confused.

 

“She’s a siren right now, Lexa.” Raven said.  “You can’t go in there.  Her song affects you,”

 

Lexa paused, shaking her head.  Why did her head feel so fuzzy?  She groaned, rubbing at her head, looking around the room.  “Why am I in the guest room?”

 

“Are you back to being normal Lexa?” Raven asked, standing up straight.

 

Lexa glared at Raven.  “What’s that supposed to mean?” She asked, crossing her arms.  “Raven, why are we in here?  And why is my head all fuzzy?”

 

Raven sighed in relief, clapping Lexa on the shoulder.  “Lexa, some weird shit happened.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Clarke’s a siren,” Raven deadpanned, staring into Lexa’s eyes.  Lexa tilted her head.  

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, something happened to her, she started singing, and you went all goo-goo eyes and kissed her!”

 

Lexa’s eyes went wide.  She vaguely remembered that….did she really…?

 

“Yeah,” Raven nodded.  “You can’t go back in there.  My guess is, since O and I are mermaids, her voice doesn’t affect us, but it affects you.  So...you probably need to stay away for the night.”

 

Lexa gasped.  “The full moon!”

 

“Excuse me?” Raven asked, confused.

 

“Clarke said some strange woman warned her about the full moon.  She said something along the lines of ‘don’t touch water’ when there’s a full moon...did she?”

 

“Uh, she went to the bathroom?” Raven said, thinking.  “She may have touched some in there.  Do you think the moon made her a siren or something?”

 

“I have no idea,” Lexa said, shaking her head as she thought.  “But maybe that stranger was right...the night we were all on Mako it was a full moon, right?”

 

Raven nodded.  “I think so.  Yeah, it was.  The moon went overhead the volcano, and the water started bubbling and got all warm…”

 

“It was the moon!” Lexa said, pacing around the room.  “The moon is what turned you all into this!  Something about the full moon, in that small moon pool in the volcano...it did this to you!  So, the full moon must have some effect on you three…”

 

“What should we do?” Raven asked, glancing at the door.  “You can’t go back in there.”

 

Lexa nodded.  “We’ll just need to wait it out.  Until then…” she shook her head.  “I have no idea.”

 

“Alright.  Well, I’ll go check on them, okay?  Then I’ll come back in here and crash with you.  I just want to make sure Clarke’s alright.”

 

Lexa nodded, watching as Raven left and shut the door behind her.  She sat on the bed, thoughts racing.

 

She needed to collect samples of the environment at the moon pool.  Water samples, soil samples, rock samples--anything she could.  She’d need to test this all, compare it to samples of the same things from other places on the island, see if there were any discrepancies.  She’d have to start looking into astronomy and moon cycles, see if there was anything astronomically anomalous the last month, see how the planets and the moon could affect all this, look into mermaid mythology…

 

She would have to find a way to face Clarke tomorrow, knowing that she’d kissed her.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment either here or over on my tumblr, @gothamsgirlgang to let me know what you think!
> 
> (UPDATE: as of 5/19/18, I am at the URL @legendofbisexuals on tumblr! I may switch back to @gothamsgirlgang later, but I was in want of a good change. If you go to @gothamsgirlgang, no worries, it'll redirect you to my new URL!)
> 
> If you have any questions, ask away! I'll answer anything that won't give away the plot to come :)


	4. June: Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa have to deal with the aftermath of their kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I hope you all enjoy this new chapter! I know it's the next day, but I'm just having so much fun writing this fic, I couldn't help myself. Don't expect daily updates all the time--especially because I'm headed off to college this week!
> 
> I hope you all enjoy :)

Lexa didn’t get much sleep.

 

She was wide awake through the night, looking up anything she could about mermaids and mermaid folklore and mythology on her phone.  The earliest instance of mermaid folklore she could find was about the Assyrian goddess Atargatis, a story which dated back to around 1000 BCE.  The story claimed that the goddess had accidentally killed her mortal lover, and threw herself into a lake in shame to take the form of a fish.  It was said that the earth’s waters could not conceal her divine beauty and turn her fully into a fish, so she became the first mermaid, a woman on top, a fish on bottom.  She’d read about Alexander the Great’s sister, supposedly having turned into a mermaid after her death, who would question sailors about her brother.  If they answered her questions in a way that pleased her, she would calm the seas and allow them to pass.  She read about the sirens, of course, populated by _The Odyssey_ and other Greek works of fiction; mermaids in mythology who would sing sweet songs to lure sailors into their deaths.  These women were half bird rather than half fish, and somewhere along the line, their image got distorted from its authentic Greek self, into the more popular ideal vision of a mermaid.  She read an excerpt from the Chinese work, _Jottings on the South of China_ , reading two Chinese versions of mermaid stories.  

 

Cultures all around the world had their own mermaid stories.  From Eastern Europe to Western Europe, the Mediterranean to Africa, China to Thailand and the British Isles--it seemed that every place on earth had their own visions of mermaids, and their own famous people who either claimed to see them, or were claimed to be one, themselves.

 

None of them seemed to perfectly fit what was happening to the girls.  There were bits and pieces of folklore that matched up--such as mermaids being entranced by the moon, or their siren abilities--but no story was a match through and through.  It was frustrating, to say the least, for Lexa to feel like she was on the verge of uncovering the truth, only to find a twist in the story that didn’t add up.

 

Still, despite the fact that no one culture’s story was a match, it was interesting to Lexa to find bits of truth in every culture about mermaids.  It couldn’t just be coincidental; besides the fact that she had three live examples in the same house as her, her research into folklore was just another confirmation that mermaids had to exist, and that they’d existed for a long, long time.

 

Lexa hardly noticed as Raven woke up, grunting a good morning before going to get breakfast.  She was too entranced by all she was reading, all the information she could gather from what other people wrote off as myths and legends and works of fantasy for children.  She used to be a skeptic; a month before, if anyone had asked if she believed in mermaids, she would have thought like a true scientist--while it’s highly unlikely, so much of the ocean has been untouched and undiscovered, that it would be impossible to make a confident assumption either way.  But now, with the indisputable proof of three mermaids in the next room over, of finding all the information she could from various cultures, there was no reason to deny that mermaids existed.

 

The question now was not “Is it possible?” but rather, “How did it happen?”

 

A creaking sound pulled Lexa from her thoughts.  She looked up, seeing Clarke standing in the doorway, knocking gently on the doorframe.  “Can I come in?” She asked.

 

Lexa nodded, sitting upright and making space for Clarke to sit on the bed.  Her face was flushed; she could feel all the blood in her face, coursing hotly under the skin, no doubt turning her cheeks an angry red, or at least a dusted pink.   “What’s up?” She asked, clearing her throat.

 

“I just...heard what Octavia and Raven said happened to me last night,” Clarke said, her own, paler cheeks rapidly matching Lexa’s.  “I guess that Alie girl was right.  I went into the bathroom, the sink was still on so I turned it off, and I...got wet,” Clarke said, taking a seat next to Lexa.  “I remember, I was confused when I didn’t grow a tail, and the full moon caught my eye from my window.  I just had this...need to sing,” Clarke said, narrowing her eyes as she thought.  “It was weird.  I just remember thinking that it was something I had to do; I was antsy, and when I started singing, I felt...calm, almost like I was floating.  Everything after that is a little hazy--but Octavia says it took me forever to finally shut up about you and go to sleep,” Clarke laughed awkwardly.

 

“Do you remember…” Lexa began, but trailed off.  Clarke tilted her head, eyes searching Lexa’s.  “We kissed,” Lexa finally said, wringing her hands together as they sat on her lap.

 

Clarke nodded shyly.  “Yeah, the girls told me.”

 

This was it, Lexa thought.  This could be the moment where she finally confessed her feelings to Clarke, got it over with.  Clarke had to have _some_ type of feelings for Lexa; the kiss was mutual, as far as she remembered.  It wasn’t like she sprung herself on Clarke and took what she wanted, she remembered Clarke kissing her back, almost bringing a hand to Lexa’s side, pulling her in closer…

 

“Look, Clarke.  About that kiss,” Lexa began, and Clarke shook her head.

 

“I know,” she said, reaching for Lexa’s hands.  She took them in her own, giving them a squeeze.  “It’s okay, Lexa.”

 

Lexa blinked.  Clarke knew?  How long had she known that Lexa had feelings for her?  She was okay with it?  Did that mean she liked Lexa back, too?

 

“It is?” Lexa asked, breathless.

 

Clarke nodded. She gave Lexa a smile, saying, “I know it was just the impulse.  You don’t have to explain the weird siren effect to me, I know all about those things.  It was just the moon influencing us both.  There’s no reason to let this ruin our friendship, right?”

 

Lexa’s heart felt caught in her throat as she tried to respond.  When she could summon no words, all Lexa could do was nod weakly, feeling her heart drop down into her stomach like a rock.

 

Clarke smiled wide at her, squeezing her hands again.  “And I don’t want you to think it’s super weird or anything because you’re gay,” she continued.  “You know I’m not like that.  I don’t think any less of you, or feel weird about it in any way.  You’re my best friend, I won’t let this change anything about us, okay?”

 

Lexa cleared her throat, pulling her hands from Clarke’s.  “I have to go,” she said after a moment, shocking Clarke.  “There’s a ton of research to be done.  I’ll text you later,” she said, getting out of the bed and walking across the hall into Clarke’s room.

 

Clarke followed, confused and a little hurt by Lexa’s sudden leaving.  “Well, can’t you stay?  The girls and I were going to go shopping, we hoped you’d come, too.”

 

“You know that’s not my scene,” Lexa said briskly, gathering her things from Clarke’s room and throwing them in her bag.

 

“Lexa, did I say something that upset you?” Clarke asked, concerned.  She truly hadn’t meant to offend Lexa, she just wanted to make sure her friend knew that one small kiss wouldn’t make things weird between them!

 

Lexa shook her head, slinging her bag on her shoulders.  “Bye, Clarke,” she said, shoulder brushing Clarke’s as she left.  Clarke followed her down the stairs, calling out after her.

 

“Lexa, at least let me drive you home!” She said, chasing the girl.  “It’s a thirty minute walk to your house!”

 

“I need some fresh air, anyway,” Lexa said, pausing at the front door.  She turned to face Clarke, seeing Octavia and Raven behind her, standing awkwardly in the kitchen.

 

“What did I say, Lexa?” Clarke pleaded.  “You were fine a minute ago, you’re acting all...jumpy, and weird.  Did I do something?  I can only apologize for kissing you so many times!”

 

Lexa’s eyes met with Octavia’s and Raven’s.  Each were giving her a look of pity, standing uncomfortably watching the situation unfold.

 

The last thing Lexa wanted right now was to be _pitied._

 

She was humiliated.  She’d made the first mistake of falling in love with her best friend--her _straight_ best friend--and insult only added to injury with year after year of constantly getting her hopes up.  Now that they’d kissed, now that she had her window to tell Clarke how she felt, getting rejected before even saying a word did her in.  She felt exposed, embarrassed, entirely and utterly mortified.

 

She did _not_ need to feel pitied on top of it all.

 

She shook her head, eyes filling with tears as she turned around and slammed the front door behind her.

 

Clarke turned back to her new friends, feeling her heart breaking in her chest.  “What did I do?” She asked them, tears running down her own cheeks.  “Why is she so upset?  Did I do something else, last night?”

 

Octavia sighed, exchanging a look with Raven.  “Should we tell her?” She asked Raven quietly.

 

“You’re the one who said let them figure this out on their own,” Raven whispered back.  The two girls looked back at Clarke, who was approaching them.

 

“Tell me what?” Clarke asked, reaching the girls at the kitchen island.

 

“Nothing,” Octavia said after a moment, shaking her head.  “It’s nothing.”

 

“Tell me!” Clarke cried.  “What did I do?  I hurt my best friend and I don’t know why or how so please, just...just tell me,” she begged.

 

Raven was the one to bite the bullet.  “Lexa loves you.”

 

Clarke sniffled, wiping at the tears on her cheeks.  “I know that, she’s my best friend.”

 

“No,” Octavia said with a sigh, moving around the island to stand next to Clarke.  She placed a gentle hand on Clarke’s arm, rubbing it softly.  “Lexa is _in_ love with you, Clarke.”

 

Clarke shook her head, feeling her heart thrumming wildly against her chest.  “What do you mean?”

 

“We mean that Lexa has a crush on you, Clarke.  Well, more than a crush.  She has feelings for you,” Raven said quietly, coming to Clarke’s other side.  “We kind of hounded her about it, it’s our fault--well, mine, really--that she told us.”

 

“When did that happen?” Clarke asked, staring at the marble countertop in disbelief.

 

“She said she’s always felt that way about you,” Octavia told her, giving her a reassuring smile.  “Lexa thinks that you don’t feel the same, Clarke, but after everything that happened last night...I’m sure she’s just a little heartbroken, right now.”

 

“What all happened?  Was there more stuff?” Clarke asked, looking at Octavia.  “What did I do?”

 

“It’s my fault,” Raven said with a sigh.  “I asked you about who you like, and you started talking about Finn...Lexa got all upset about it.  It doesn’t help that you kissed her...and I’m guessing that you didn’t...exactly say what she was hoping you’d say when you talked about it,”

 

“What did you say, Clarke?” Octavia asked gently, pushing Clarke’s hair out of her face.

 

Clarke’s lip wobbled.  “I told her...I knew it was an accident, that it was the moon affecting us...that it wouldn’t change anything between us,” she trailed off, getting choked up.  “Oh, god, that’s why she’s so upset?  Because she’s hoping that...I’d feel the same?”  She asked, looking at Raven.

 

Raven nodded gently.  “Yeah, probably,” she said.

 

“I mean, do you feel the same?” Octavia asked.

 

Clarke tore her gaze from the girls, looking down at her own hands resting on the island countertop.  Did she?  She never thought about it, really.  She knew she loved Lexa, but only in a friendly way, right?  She never really imagined herself _with_ Lexa.  She’d always had a crush on Finn, she never even really gave much thought to liking anyone else.

 

“Lexa and I have always been together,” Clarke said, shaking her head sadly.  “I mean, we’re always affectionate, but I just thought...we were really close friends.  I feel like shit, now.  All the hugs and cheek kisses and holding hands, I just led her on, didn’t I?”

 

“You didn’t lead her on, Clarke,” Octavia said, patting her on the back.  “But I’m sure the...affection only made her fall for you, more.”

 

Clarke shook her head, moving away from the girls.  “I have to go talk to her, don’t I?”

 

“What can you say, right now?” Raven asked.  “Clarke, I think the best thing right now is to leave Lexa be.  You really need to figure out what you feel and pick your words carefully.  If you just...run after her, you might make everything worse.”

 

“It’s for the best,” Octavia said after Raven finished.  “You’d probably just hurt her more if you tried to figure this out right now.”

 

“I just--how did I never see it?” Clarke asked, heart hurting.  “God, I mean, I call myself her best friend, you’d think I’d know if she was in love with me!”

 

“People are oblivious when it comes to love,” Octavia said.  “It’s not your fault, just like it’s not Lexa’s fault for having feelings for you.”

 

Clarke inhaled shakily, rubbing a hand across her chest in an effort to calm herself.  “I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I?”

 

“No,” Raven said, shaking her head.  “You haven’t, Clarke.  Lexa will just...need some time for a while, and you need to give her space.  You really need to figure out what you feel for her.  If you don’t feel the same...it’s going to be a blow for her,” Raven winced at her own blunt words.  “But you have to tell her the truth.  Now that you know, you have to be upfront--anything from here _will_ be leading her on if you’re unsure of your feelings.  The best thing will be to...take some time apart, I think, and let her be a little upset.”

 

“I don’t want her upset,” Clarke said.  “I just want to fix this.”

 

“You can’t just apologize to fix a situation like this, Clarke,” Octavia said.  “Either you feel the same or you don’t.  If you do, your whole relationship will change and be different.  If you don’t...I mean, it’ll hurt Lexa,” Octavia sighed.  “But it’ll be best to tell her the truth.”

 

“I--I don’t know what I feel,” Clarke said, honestly.  “I know I love her--she’s my best friend.  But I never….imagined a romantic aspect, um, for us.”

 

“Okay, easy way to find out.  Are you straight?” Raven asked bluntly, leaning against the kitchen island.

 

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows, crossing her arms.  “Excuse me?”

 

Raven shrugged.  “If you’re straight, then you won’t have feelings for a girl.  I mean, simple logic.  If you think you’re bisexual or gay, then, well,” she shrugged again.  “You’ll have feelings for girls.”

 

“I...never really thought about that, much,” Clarke sighed, bringing a hand to her head.  She ran her fingers through her bedhead, untangling her curly knots.  “Look, I just,” she sighed.  “I knew I liked Finn in grade school and the crush never left.  I never really thought about my sexuality before, okay?”

 

“Not even when Lexa came out to you?” Octavia asked.

 

Clarke shook her head.  “I remember...wondering why she was gay,” she shrugged.  “Because all the other girls liked boys.  But I know I didn’t, like, judge her or anything.  She’s my best friend, I mean, of course I’d stick by her side.  I guess I thought about what it’d be like...to like a girl, instead of a boy, but I just...never really thought about it much.”

 

“You can’t force yourself to be something you’re not anymore than Lexa can control having feelings for you,” Raven said.  “So, you need to put on your big girl pants and figure yourself out.  Lexa’s in a vulnerable spot right now, so you can’t just...apologize and act like nothing happened.  One way or another, you’re going to have an uncomfortable talk with Lexa.  Either you’re going to have to confess how you feel, or you’re going to have to let her down gently.”

 

“I just want us to be like we were,” Clarke said.  

 

Octavia gave her a sympathetic smile.  “I know, Clarke.  But...one way or another, things are probably going to change,” she said, grimacing.  “I’m sorry, Clarke.”

 

Clarke nodded slowly, before saying, “I think you guys should go.”

 

“I think that’d be best,” Octavia agreed.

 

“Do you need a ride, at least?” Clarke asked, walking to grab her keys.

 

“We’ll walk,” Raven said, stopping Clarke in her tracks.  “We’re only a few blocks over.  You just...hang out, and think a bit, okay?”

 

Clarke nodded, letting each of the girls give her a hug.  

 

Almost as soon as the girls had left, her mother arrived home from her shift, tired and ready to go to bed.

 

Abby paused at the door, seeing her daughter sitting on the living room couch, staring at the wall.  “Clarke, honey, are you okay?”  Clarke’s sniffle gave it away.  Abby sighed, dropping her things at the door and coming to sit next to her daughter.  “What happened, Clarke?”  She asked, placing her hand on her daughter’s back.

 

“I messed things up with Lexa,” Clarke said, swiping at her cheeks.

 

“How, honey?” Abby asked, rubbing circles on Clarke’s back.

 

Clarke shook her head.  She couldn’t tell her mom everything--but right now, she just needed her mom to hold her and tell her it was going to be okay.  “She kissed me last night,” Clarke finally said, holding back her tears.  She looked at her mom, saying, “And I kissed her back.  But, um--I wasn’t really, um….myself, I guess.”

 

Abby sighed.  “Well,” she said after a moment, “I’m glad that if you girls are drinking, you’re at least doing it in the house and not at parties.  But that’s a conversation for later.”

 

Well, Clarke thought, she’d run with the drinking.  It was easier to explain than being a mermaid who was affected the full moon and turned into a siren.  She nodded.

 

“What happened after that?  You two didn’t....” Abby trailed off, gesturing.  When Clarke stared at her, Abby sighed.  “Did you have sex?”

 

“God, mom,” Clarke groaned, wiping at her cheeks again.  “No.  That...that didn’t happen,”

 

“Then what did?  How did you...mess up your friendship?” Abby asked gently.

 

“I, um,” Clarke said, clearing her throat.  “I blamed it on... _drinking_...and said that, uh, I knew it was just a thing we got caught up in.  And that it wouldn’t have to change anything between us.”

 

“Okay,” Abby said, nodding.  “So why did that ruin things with Lexa?”

 

At that, Clarke broke, a sob shaking her body.  “She has feelings for me, Mom,” Clarke said, throwing herself into her mom’s arms.  “Raven and Octavia told me that they--they pestered her to tell them.  They said she’s...had feelings for me for a while, and I just--Mom, she was so sad and embarrassed--”

 

Abby shushed her gently, wrapping her arms around her daughter’s shaking body.  “It’s okay, Clarke.”

 

“What do I do?” Clarke asked, looking up at her mom.  “I think I broke her heart,”

 

Abby sighed, shaking her head slowly.  “I think you did, chickpea,” she said softly, pressing a kiss on her daughter’s head.  “I think it would be best to give her some space.  It’s not easy when the person you like doesn’t feel the same.”

 

Clarke sniffled, but said nothing.

 

At that, Abby hummed.  “Or do you feel the same?”

 

“I don’t know,” Clarke croaked, honestly.  “I really don’t.  I mean, she’s my best friend--I know I love her, but...I never thought about us, like that.”

 

“Your father,” Abby began, rubbing Clarke’s back gently again, “always said that you two would end up together.”

 

“Really?” Clarke asked.  “Why?”

 

Abby laughed.  “Well, we both had an inkling that Lexa was gay.  When she came out, we accepted her, of course...but Jake started noticing the way she’d treat you, the way she’d act around you.  We both figured she had a little bit of a crush on you,” Abby smiled.

 

“How did everyone know except for me?” Clarke groaned, embarrassed.

 

Abby laughed at that.  “It’s easy to see how she feels about you, Clarke.  But...how do you feel about her?”

 

Clarke was silent.  Abby sighed.

 

“Clarke, I know...we have differences of opinion about your future,” Abby began.  “But who you love doesn’t mean anything to me.  I could care less if you spent your life with a girl or boy.  All I care about is that you’re being treated right, you hear me?”  Clarke nodded.  “So, if you’re afraid of admitting your feelings because you don’t know how people will react...don’t be.  This is a serious situation between you and Lexa, and only you can decide how you feel about her.”

 

“I don’t want to hurt her anymore,” Clarke said.  

 

“But if you don’t honestly love her, then you’d be stringing her along if you pretended,” Abby said, patting Clarke’s back.  “I know this is a weird place you’re in right now, but I think you two should spend some time apart for a while.”

 

“Did anything like this ever happen to you?” Clarke asked, pulling herself out of her mom’s hold.

 

Abby hummed, thinking.  After a moment, she nodded.  “I was more or less in Lexa’s position, I think,” Abby said.  “I was a freshman in college when your dad was a senior.  I fell for him so quickly--he didn’t feel the same, not at first,” Abby shrugged.

 

“Really?” Clarke asked, bewildered.  She never knew that about her parents.

 

Abby laughed.  “Yeah.  He was almost twenty-three, he didn’t want to go out with a girl who just turned eighteen.  We went on a few dates, but he told me that we needed to end things.  He said he wanted to date people his own age, and that I should, too, to have a real college experience.”

 

“Well, what happened?”

 

“We broke up, I was a mess.  Five years and a few boyfriends later, I ran into your father at a bar.  We caught up.  I told him how I felt about him all those years ago, and the rest was history.  Clarke, sometimes it takes a while for things to work out.”

 

“What should I do, Mom?” Clarke asked, her heart feeling heavy.  

 

“You need to be honest with yourself,” Abby said.  “And then, you need to be honest with Lexa.”

 

* * *

 

Clarke waited each night for a phone call from Lexa, but never got one.

 

Finally, a week after their little kissing incident, Clarke broke, pulling out a journal and a pen.  She started jotting away anything that came to mind, anything she could say to apologize to Lexa for what had happened.  

 

She journaled for what must’ve been hours, putting any and every thought she had down on the paper.

 

_Do I have feelings for Lexa?  I have no idea.  When we were kids, she promised we’d get married.  I didn’t think much of it, but did her feelings for me really go way back to when we were five?  I remember genuinely liking the idea of marrying her when we were young.  I had no idea what marriage was, but I knew I wanted to spend my life with her.  But best friends can spend their lives together, too, right?  When she came out to me when we were twelve, I wasn’t really surprised...but I did wonder what it was like.  While I and all the other girls had crushes on boys, I guess Lexa had a crush on me?_

 

_Girls are quite beautiful, I suppose.  I never really stopped to think about it.  Lexa...she’s so pretty.  Her wild hair and her bright green eyes.  She’s gorgeous.  I’ve always thought she was gorgeous.  But am I attracted to her, or do I just think she’s pretty?_

 

_Dating a girl...it could be nice.  Girls are soft.  It feels right when Lexa holds me, when we cuddle together at night.  It’s nice to have someone to paint your nails and do your hair for you when you ask.  Girls always smell nice, too--especially Lexa.  I love her vanilla lotion.  It smells just so...Lexa.  Whenever I smell vanilla, I think of her._

 

_What would dating Lexa be like?  It might be awkward.  After years of friendship, don’t those relationships always end in disaster?  I can’t imagine after a decade of being friends, just...kissing, and touching each other.  Would that ruin everything?_

 

_Is it strange that it’s not the thought of kissing or touching a girl that bothers me?  It’s just the thought of things changing with Lexa.  I don’t want to lose her.  If we dated and things went south...would I lose her forever?_

 

_She would be a loyal girlfriend, I know that.  She’s a loyal best friend.  In that sense, nothing would change.  She would probably be a good girlfriend, too--she’s already such a gentlewoman, looking out for me and protecting me.  I guess nothing would really change along those lines, either.  Is a relationship just a friendship with more intimacy?  I don’t think I would really mind that with Lexa._

 

_I do love the way she holds me.  I always love it when she kisses my forehead or my cheek.  I never paid much mind to those kinds of things before, because they were just so common in our friendship.  I guess most friends don’t really act that way, do they?  Do most best friends snuggle every night?  Or kiss each other's’ cheeks?  Or have tickle fights until they’re both exhausted and can’t breathe?_

 

_Raven and Octavia are affectionate, I suppose.  They act like Lex and I do in a lot of ways...but their friendship is like mine and Lexa’s, one that’s lasted from childhood.  I don’t have much experience with friends outside of Lexa, so I guess I don’t really know what’s normal and what’s not normal for friends to do.  I just know what’s normal for Lexa and me…_

 

 _I’m trying to imagine...being intimate with Lexa.  She does have a beautiful body.  She’s always so tanned and toned from working as a lifeguard.  Her lips_ were _very soft…_

 

_When she touches me, I always feel at home.  Just a touch from Lexa can calm me when I’m upset or anxious.  A kiss on the cheek never fails to make me smile._

 

_Have we been in a relationship this whole time without my even knowing?_

 

_I trust Lexa.  She’s been there through the best and worst times of my life with me.  I feel safe in her arms._

 

_Finn is attractive.  He has that whole rebellious thing going on with his floppy hair and his pierced ears.  But he’s never noticed me, not in the way Lexa does.  He’s said hello, been polite, but I know he’s not interested.  Why would he be?_

 

_But Lexa...Lexa always tells me how beautiful I am.  She compliments me every day.  She’ll play with my hair and tell me how soft it is, how pretty it is.  She’s always there for me when I feel bad about myself, about the scars and stretch marks all over my body, telling me how pretty she thinks they are, how pretty she thinks I am._

 

_How could I not have seen how much she likes me? I feel like an idiot.  I feel horrible, like I’ve been leading her on and stringing her along.  She was so sad, so...embarrassed.  I hate knowing that I made her feel that way._

 

_God, I don’t know how I feel about her.  This is so hard....I wish I could just hold her and say I love her the way she loves me, but do I?_

 

_I know she makes me feel safe.  She makes me feel loved.  She makes me feel beautiful.  When I look in her eyes, I see nothing but happiness.  Even when I’m mad at her, I can’t stay mad for long._

 

 _Her being a girl doesn’t bother me in the slightest.  I’ve never thought about my sexuality, but bisexual seems like a good fit.  I do think girls are beautiful and attractive, and guys are handsome.  The bits and pieces of each don’t really make a difference.  It’s not “am I attracted to girls?” but rather “am I attracted to_ Lexa _?”_

 

_I’m afraid of having feelings for her.  I know she has them for me, but...I don’t want to lose her.  If we fight as friends, we can make up and get over it.  Is fighting different in a relationship?  It would be so easy to lose everything we have over a stupid couple fight.  It would be so much easier to lose everything in a relationship than in a friendship.  Right?_

 

_I think....I think I am attracted to her, physically.  The more I think about it, the...warmer it makes me feel?  In my stomach and in my chest.  She’s beautiful.  She really is beautiful.  Inside and out…_

 

_What do I do?  I can’t force myself to have feelings either way.  I can’t force myself to not like her any more than I can force myself to like her._

 

_I love Lexa, I know I do.  She’s my best friend, my rock, the person I can tell anything to, be fully honest with._

 

 _But how do I know if I’m_ in _love with her?_

 

_~_

 

_I’ve read article after article of how to know you’re in love._

 

_Cosmopolitan is pretty heteronormative in their article.  I don’t think I’m really falling in love with a ‘he’, so do these rules still apply when they’re with a girl?_

 

_According to Cosmo, you’re falling in love when you feel safe around them.  Like I said, I always feel safe with her…You’re falling in love when “he’s your person.”  Lexa is my person--she’s always the first I go to, the one I tell everything to.  You’re falling in love when doing little things are better when they’re around.  Lexa always brightens my day...she makes studying better, easier.  I love sitting in silent companionship when we both read.  When we go to the movies or watch TV or listen to music in the car, it’s always better than when I do those things alone.  Cosmo says that you’re falling for them when you’d rather stay in and do nothing than go out.  I guess this is true about me and Lexa...I always do prefer the nights in spent cuddled together than nights on the town or with a bunch of people._

 

_But is Cosmo really a reliable source?  It all seems pretty elementary to me.  You can feel all of those things for just a friend.  Your best friend can be “your person” as much as a lover--your friends can make the little things better, can prefer staying in with you.  Can’t they?_

 

_Psychology Today says that you’re in love when you truly miss someone when you’re apart.  I do miss Lexa, so much right now.  I miss her when we’re on vacation, I miss her when she spends the holidays with her family.  But friends can truly miss each other too?  Psychology Today also says that you’re in love when your sense of self grows from the relationship.  I guess knowing Lexa and being friends with her has made me more aware of myself and who I am...but again, aren’t all these articles just saying what friends do?_

 

_Elite Daily says that you’re in love when they’re the best part of your day.  I always look forward to seeing Lexa, even if it’s something as small as to study together...They also say that you’re in love when you’re not afraid to express how you feel in public.  Lexa and I always hold hands and hug and kiss each other’s cheeks in public.  We’ve never paid that any mind.  But...friends can do that, too.  Apparently, you’re in love when you think long-term and can’t imagine life without them.  I’ve always thought long-term with Lexa, I mean, we planned our wedding at five!  They say you’re in love when the person you love is your best friend…._

 

_Thought Catalog says you’re in love when you want to know every tiny bit about a person.  But there’s no need for me to want this--I already know everything about Lexa.  Thought Catalog also says that you’re in love when you can’t imagine a future without them.  I don’t remember my past before Lexa--and I know I don’t want a future without her.  I want her by my side, for the rest of our lives.  But best friends can want these things too!  These articles are so confusing…_

 

 _Thought Catalog ends by saying,_ “You’ve never really thought about love, never really understood the weight of the emotion, or how one knows love or feels it in their lives. But with this person, you simply know. You now understand that the saying was right, there are some things in life that cannot be explained, just felt. And this is one of them.”

 

_Like I’ve been telling everyone, like I’ve been saying to myself...I don’t stop to think about how I feel about Lexa.  She’s been a part of my life as far back as I can remember, and I just know I want her to stay a part of it forever.  I never stop and ask if I love Lexa, I just know I do.  Before recently, I never stopped to wonder how life would change if we were together, I just knew I wanted to stay by her side._

 

_My dad used to tell me that, all the time.  He would say, “Clarke, sometimes you can’t explain, you can only feel.”_

 

_And I can’t explain Lexa.  Not to anyone else, it seems, but especially not to myself.  I can’t explain how I feel about her, I just know how I feel and that I want her in my life forever._

 

_Shit._

 

Am _I in love with Lexa?_

 

* * *

 

Lexa groaned in exertion, placing her hands on the small of her back and arching, trying to crack her back.  She’d spent the last two weeks pretty much entirely on Mako, collecting samples of ocean water, moon pool water, and soil from different places each night.

 

She had a theory.  Maybe something about the composition of the water was altered in time with the cycle of the moon.  She’d test the water each night of the moon cycle, to see if anything was off--if the pH changed, or if the molecular structure was altered at all.

 

So far, she hadn’t gotten the results she was hoping for.

 

From all her tests, the water in the moon pool was the exact same as the water in the ocean surrounding Mako, and nothing changed throughout the course of the moon cycle.  Nothing was off in the sand or soil samples from the moon pool, or the rest of Mako, either.

 

Luckily, Anya had talked her chemistry professor into letting Lexa use the Ark Community College chemistry lab to do her tests.  Lexa had told both Anya and the professor that she had to do a preliminary lab for her internship, and luckily, they had both believed her.

 

She tucked the containers holding today’s samples in her bag, making sure they were sealed securely, before making her way out of the moon pool.  After a leisurely half-hour boat ride, Lexa was back on the mainland, tying up her boat in the dock and throwing her bag over her shoulder.

 

To say she was tired was an understatement.  When she wasn’t working on the beach as a lifeguard, she spent as much time as she could either at Mako or in the lab, avoiding Clarke and the others.  She just wasn’t ready to confront Clarke, not yet.  She didn’t need to face rejection a second time while Clarke tried to explain herself.  She couldn’t blame Clarke, she knew; Clarke couldn’t control the fact that she didn’t like Lexa, just like Lexa couldn’t control the fact that she did.  Still, it stung a little to know Clarke didn’t feel the same.

 

Deciding to make a pit stop at the mall to grab a coffee before heading over to the lab, Lexa walked the short distance, taking the elevator up to the large Starbucks.  She waited in line, surprised to hear familiar voices calling out to her from behind.

 

She turned, seeing Octavia and Raven.  The two girls rushed up to Lexa at the end of the line, each greeting her.

 

“Hi,” Lexa said politely, nodding.

 

“How are you?” Octavia asked.  

 

“Doing alright,” Lexa said.  “I’ve been doing a lot of experiments with water and soil at Mako.”

 

“How’s it going? Got any answers yet?” Raven asked.  Lexa shook her head, moving up as the line shortened.

 

“Not yet,” she said, shrugging.  “Hopefully I’ll find something here soon, though.”

 

“Well, we’re here shopping, if you want to join us,” Octavia said, giving her a smile.  “Surely you can wait to test today’s samples until tomorrow?”

 

Lexa sighed, shaking her head.  “No, sorry.  I really think I should just focus on this for right now.”

 

“Clarke misses you,” Octavia finally said.  Lexa flinched, as if the sound of Clarke’s name had the same impact as a hit to the jaw.  It kind of did, in a way.

 

Lexa didn’t know what to say.

 

“She really does,” Octavia said, sighing.  “She’s coming here today, actually.  She said she’d meet up with us at the food court.  I know things are...weird between you, right now, but I bet she’d really love to just see you.  Can’t we all just hang out together for a day?”

 

Lexa excused herself, ordering a black coffee, before walking toward the pick-up area.  “Look,” she said while they waited.  “I know it’s not Clarke’s fault, but I’m a little hurt right now.  I think it’s best that we just...take a break from each other,” she said, before thanking the barista and slipping the cardboard sleeve onto her hot drink.

 

“Come on,” Raven said, nudging Lexa.  “You two are best friends.  You’re leaving in three weeks, I know she’s going to miss you like crazy when you’re gone.  Can we please just hang out today?  If it’s too much or whatever, we won’t bother you again.”

 

Sighing, Lexa gave in.  “Fine,” she said taking a sip of her coffee.  She let Raven and Octavia lead her to the food court, the two girls waving wildly when Clarke walked in.  

 

Clarke smiled wide, hugging each of her friends, before catching sight of Lexa.  Clarke’s smile fell as her steps faltered.  “Hey, Lex,” she said, giving her friend a wave.  Lexa nodded, not saying anything.  Clarke cleared her throat.  “I didn’t know you’d be here today,”

 

“I just came for coffee,” Lexa said.  “Raven and Octavia had me tag along.”

 

“Well, where to first?” Octavia asked, cutting the tension in the air.  “I really want to go to Zumies, the guy that works there is _so_ hot, and I’ve been meaning to grab a new board anyway.  I kind of wrecked mine,”

 

“Because you suck at skating,” Raven rolled her eyes.  The four set off, Octavia and Raven leading the way, leaving Clarke and Lexa trailing behind.

 

“I haven’t seen you much, the past few weeks,” Clarke said.

 

“I know,” Lexa said.  “Sorry.  I’ve been busy,”

 

“Doing what?”

 

Lexa gestured to her bookbag, which she felt like a nerd for carrying through the mall, now that she thought about it.  “Been doing some research.”

 

“Mermaid research?” Clarke asked, curious.

 

Lexa nodded.  “Yep.”

 

“Cool,” Clarke said, folding her hands together behind her back.

 

God, it was awkward.  The whole thing was so awkward.

 

Clarke hated feeling this awkward with Lexa.  Lexa just wanted this day to end.

 

Octavia, sure enough, flirted with the cashier at Zumies like she’d promised.  He was attractive, Lexa noted, the definition of tall, dark, and handsome.  He had sleeves on either arm, black ink making bold, geometric designs.  His head was shaved, but he had a little bit of scruff on his face.  Lexa peered at the nametag, seeing his name was Lincoln.

 

“He’s cute,” Clarke noted.  “For Octavia,” she corrected herself instantly, kicking herself.  Talking about cute guys with Lexa probably wasn’t the best move right now, was it? Especially now that she was starting to come to terms with the fact that, yeah, maybe, _possibly_ she had feelings for Lexa, too.

 

“Yeah, they’d look good together,” Lexa hummed, eyes scanning the store.  She’d thought, many times before, about buying a Thrasher shirt--but always decided against it, not wanting to be such a lesbian stereotype.  Especially not when she couldn’t skateboard to save her life.

 

“So,” Clarke said, dragging her feet as they walked.  “What’s new with you?” She cringed at her own words.  What’s new with you?  That’s something you say to your old lab partner years down the road, not your best friend of twelve years.

 

“Um, nothing,” Lexa said, shaking her head.  “Just the same old, same old.”

 

“Nice.”

 

They stood in awkward silence until Octavia finally parted ways with the cashier, proudly grinning as she shoved a receipt in Raven’s hands when they left.  “I got his number, check it out,” she squealed.

 

“How old is he?” Raven asked.

 

“He’s twenty,” Octavia said, starry eyed.  

 

“Octavia, you’re only sixteen!” Raven laughed, shoving her friend gently.  

 

“Hey, he _just_ turned twenty, and I’ll be seventeen in a few months.  It’s only really three and a half years apart,”

 

“Well, good job, O,” Raven winked at her friend.  “He’s good looking.  Objectively, of course.”

 

Octavia rolled her eyes.  “Where else do you guys want to go?”

 

The four hopped through the mall stores for a while, Raven and Octavia thoroughly enjoying themselves, while Clarke and Lexa felt awkward beyond belief.  After nearly two hours in, Raven declared that she was hungry and it was time to embark back to the food court to fill up on food.  The four separated, each going to their own part of the food court to get what they wanted.

 

Lexa shifted on her feet, waiting in line at the pizza stop in the food court.  She really wanted to go home--this day was too awkward, too uncomfortable for her.  When she finally got her tray of food, Lexa was ready to just go sit and eat--until someone all but flew into her, sending her pizza face down onto the disgusting mall floor and her pop up into her face.

 

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” The woman said, frantically bending down to clean up the mess she made.  “Please, let me buy you new food,” she said, cheeks red with embarrassment.

 

Lexa sighed, wiping the pop that had spilled all over her shirt with her hands.  “Uh, it’s okay.  I’ll just go get something else.”

 

“No, I insist,” the woman said, placing the tray on the top of one of the large trash bins.  “I’m so sorry, I was on a work call and I was distracted.”  She held out her hand for Lexa.  “Costia Greene.  Again, I am so sorry.”

 

Lexa shook her hand, face lighting up. “No way!” She said cheerily.  “You’re my advisor for the YBSI program.  I’m Lexa Woods,”

 

Costia laughed at that, dropping Lexa’s hand.  She reached for some of the napkins on a nearby table, handing them to Lexa.  “Well, Lexa, this was not the first impression I was planning to make,” Costia said.  

 

“What are you doing in Arkadia?” Lexa asked, wiping the sticky soda off of her chest.

 

“We’re actually doing some fish population counts around the area.  Arkadia University partnered with us.  I’ll actually be here up until the program in Polis,”

 

“Where are you staying?” Lexa asked curiously, chucking the napkins in the trash.

 

“Some supervisors will actually be staying in some of the dorms,” Costia laughed.  “Just like you will during the program.  They’re small, but hey, they work,” she shrugged. "I happen to have my own apartment in Polis, since I work as a researcher at the university full time, so I'll be spared the whole 'reliving the college days in the dorm' experience."  She paused, and after a moment said, “Hey, I managed to get a copy of your final transcript in biology from Dr. Kane.  We review your final marks to make sure you’re still eligible for the internship program.  I have to say, Lexa, we’re very impressed with you.  A 97% in an AP Biology course is nothing too shabby,”

 

Lexa felt herself blushing at the praise.  “I’ve always loved science,”

 

“Me, too,” Costia said with a wink.  “Hopefully one day we’ll see you join our team permanently.”

 

“That’d be the goal,” Lexa said, assessing Costia.  She was rather beautiful.  Her skin was tanned, about the same shade as Lexa’s, with bleached blonde hair and bright green eyes.  “Sorry if this is rude, but--how old are you?  You look so...young, to already have a doctorate.”

 

Costia smiled, urging Lexa to join her back in the line for pizza.  While they waited, Costia explained.  “My parents are actually both scientists, as well.  My mother was a chemist, and my father is an astrophysicist.  I grew up surrounded by math and science, and well--I skipped a _few_ grades,” Costia laughed.  “I finished high school by the time I was fourteen, finished college in three years, and got my doctorate last year.  I’m twenty-four.  I hardly did anything _but_ school.”

 

“Wow,” Lexa said, shaking her head.  “You probably make my high school transcripts look like child’s play,” she laughed.  Costia let her re-order, before ordering food for herself and paying for them both.  While they waited off to the side, Costia began asking Lexa questions.

 

“How was the end of your year?”

 

“It was...okay,” Lexa shrugged.  “Nothing out of the ordinary in school.”

 

“Outside of school?” Costia asked, quirking an eyebrow.

 

Lexa shrugged again.  “Could be better.”

 

“Boy problems?” Costia asked.

 

Lexa cleared her throat.  “Girl problems,” she muttered.

 

“I’ve been there,” Costia said after a moment, giving Lexa a reassuring smile.  “I’m sure she’ll come around.”

 

“I hope so,” Lexa said, clearing her throat.

 

Noting the change in mood, Costia veered the conversation away.  “So, when’s your birthday?  The big 1-8 is coming up soon, right?”

 

Lexa nodded.  “July 2nd.”

 

“You ready to be an adult?” Costia asked, thanking the worker when she handed them their trays.  They walked over to where the napkins and straws were, each placing a few on their trays.

 

“I’m...ready to move on with my career and start working,” Lexa settled on saying.  “I can’t wait to be where you’re at.”

 

“Well, Lexa,” Costia said, giving the girl a pat on the shoulder, “I flew through school.  I didn’t ever take time for myself.  The few relationships I had were disasters.  I’m happy to be where I am today, but,” Costia said, shrugging.  “I wish I would’ve taken it a little slower, and taken some time for myself.  You’re a very smart girl, Lexa, and I have no doubt that you’ll end up where I am some day.  Just, do what I didn’t, and take your _time_.  You only go to college once, so enjoy it, okay?”

 

Lexa nodded.  “Yes.  I will.  Well, thank you for the pizza, Dr. Greene,”

 

Costia laughed.  “Lexa, you can just call me Costia.  We aren’t working together yet.”

 

Lexa smiled.  “Okay.  Well, thank you, Costia.”

 

Across the food court, three girls were watching Lexa with rapt attention.

 

“Who’s Malibu Barbie over there?” Raven asked, looking at Clarke.  “You know her?”

 

Clarke shook her head.  “No, I’ve never seen her before…” she watched as the woman said something that made Lexa smile wide, before laughing and nodding her head.  

 

Her stomach twisted in knots.

 

“Blondie over there seems to be laying it on _thick_ ,” Octavia said, shaking her head.  “She paid for Lexa’s food and everything!”

 

“Weird,” Raven mumbled, biting into her sub.  “Lexa seems to know her pretty well.”

 

Clarke cleared her throat, tearing her eyes away from Lexa.  She smiled, saying, “Well, let’s leave Lexa be.  I have a burger to eat, and I’d rather not throw it up watching that woman flirt so shamelessly.”

 

Raven and Octavia shared a look, before grinning at Clarke.  “Clarke Griffin, is that jealousy?” Raven teased.

 

Clarke scoffed.  “No way,” she said, shaking her head, looking back over at Lexa and the stranger, “she’s obviously a lot older.  Doesn’t she feel weird flirting with a high schooler?  It’s just sad, she probably can’t find someone her own age.”

 

Octavia rolled her eyes.  “Clarke, you definitely sound jealous.”

 

Clarke scoffed, biting into her burger.  Raven rolled her eyes at her friend, saying, “You know, it’s a good sign if you’re jealous and you think you have feelings for her...if you don’t want anyone else swooping in on your lady,” Raven shrugged, grinning.  “Maybe you do have feelings for her after all.”

 

Clarke...had never been jealous before.  Then again, their whole lives, they’d pretty much only spent time with each other.  Girls hadn’t come up to Lexa and flirted with her--maybe this jealousy was just _friend_ jealousy.  That’s a thing, right?  Like, she wouldn’t want someone else to take all of Lexa’s time and keep them apart.  Yeah, that definitely had to be a thing.

 

Regardless, Clarke found herself in a rather sour mood when Lexa came back to the table, a small smile playing on her lips while she picked at her food.

 

Okay, maybe Clarke was jealous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked the chapter!
> 
> Leave a comment either here or over on my tumblr, @gothamsgirlgang (UPDATE: as of 5/19/18, I am at the URL @legendofbisexuals on tumblr! I may switch back to @gothamsgirlgang later, but I was in want of a good change. If you go to @gothamsgirlgang, no worries, it'll redirect you to my new URL!)
> 
> Thanks to all the internet articles I had to read about mermaids and falling in love. The government is looking at my search history now going, "What the fuck is she doing?"


	5. June: Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa begins volunteering for a certain marine biologist, and gets a little progress done on her research for the girls. Clarke finally comes to terms with her feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay-more at the bottom!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy reading this :)

The day after Lexa met Costia, she got a call through Polis University.

 

“Hello?” She asked, picking it up.

 

_“Lexa?  Hi, this is Costia!”_

 

“Oh, hi Dr. Greene,” Lexa smiled into the phone.

 

_“Lexa, I told you, you can call me Costia.”_

 

“Right, right.  Well, how are you?”  Lexa asked, sitting on her bed and crossing her legs.

 

_“Well, actually, not so great.  This is actually why I’m calling...we offered the volunteer position to a candidate that unfortunately did not meet the requirements for the internship.  She was still an amazing student, so we wanted to give her some experience to put down on her resume.  Sadly, she won’t be able to join us here in Arkadia, she had a family emergency.  I’m calling to see if you can hopefully take her place and help us out?  We were really depending on that extra person to get some busywork done...I know it doesn’t sound appealing, but I’ll be blunt.  It won’t be much more than paperwork and coming onto the field to observe and learn how to write up reports.”_

 

Lexa sat, stunned silent for a moment.  When Costia asked if she was still there, Lexa blurted into the phone, “Yes!  Sorry, I’m just...you want me to help out?”

 

_“Ideally, yes.  We start tomorrow and can’t afford to lose that helping hand.”_

 

“I would love to!” Lexa said.

 

_“Great!  Are your parents home?”_

 

“Yeah, my mom is in her office doing some work,” Lexa grinned ear to ear.

 

_“Perfect!  Give me your fax number and I’ll send the forms right over for her to sign.  As long as you can get them faxed back over by five today, you should be all set!”_

 

“Thank you so much Costia,” Lexa all but squealed.  She gave Costia the information and hung up, running to the fax machine in her mother’s office and waiting patiently.

 

“What’s got you in a rush, Alexandria?” Indra mused at her computer, watching her daughter eagerly bounce by the fax machine.

 

“Dr. Greene offered me a spot to volunteer with her team.  They’re here in Arkadia for the month, and they need an extra hand.”

 

“The Dr. Greene you met yesterday?  The one who is going to be your supervisor?” Indra asked, swiveling in her chair to face Lexa.

 

Lexa nodded excitedly.  “Yeah,” she said, buzzing with happiness.  “She needs you to sign some forms--” as if on cue, the fax machine hummed, coming alive as it spit out paperwork.  “I start tomorrow.”

 

Indra sighed.  “That’s pretty sudden--”

 

“The girl dropped out, they need the hands,” Lexa said, folding her hands behind her back as she brought them together.  “Please?  Indra, it will look amazing to have both the internship and volunteer hours with one of Polis’ marine biology field teams on my resume.”

 

Indra appraised her daughter, before nodding.  “Fine,” she said, reaching over for the paperwork.  She read it thoroughly, signing and checking where necessary, before handing it back to Lexa.  “Read this,” she instructed.  “And sign where you must.  You know how to fax it back.”

 

“Thank you,” Lexa said, sincerely.

 

“Please, read in here quietly.  I have court tomorrow, this case is important.”

 

“Of course,” Lexa smiled, and Indra turned, facing her computer once more.

 

* * *

 

Octavia giggled, cell phone pressed up against her ear.

 

Raven rolled her eyes as she painted Clarke’s toenails, glancing up at the blonde.  “I cannot believe she’s been on the phone with that Lincoln guy for three hours.”

 

“So much for a girls’ night,” Clarke smiled softly.

 

“So,” Raven said, capping the nail polish.  “Octavia’s gotta beau.  I’m trying to woo an older lady.  How’s it going in your love department?”

 

“You mean with Lexa?” Clarke asked, scoffing.  “You saw how well yesterday went.”

 

“Well, it was alright until Malibu Barbie showed up,” Raven said.  “Besides, she’s got nothing on you.  You’re _Clarke_ , Lexa’s been in love with you forever.  She won’t just go hop on the first pussy she sees.”

 

Clarke blushed at that, swatting at Raven’s arm.  “Don’t be crude,” she scoffed.

 

“You need to tell Lexa how you feel,” Raven said.  “You were totally jealous yesterday.”

 

“So what if I was?” Clarke said, wrapping her arms around her knees.  

 

“It means you like Lexa,” Raven said, shooting a wink Clarke’s way.

 

“I just…”

 

“What?” Raven said, crossing her arms.  “Don’t lie, Clarke.  I saw you journaling your heart out the other day.  I saw the way you tried to flirt with Lexa yesterday.  I saw how jealous you got.  You should be happy!  You have feelings for Lexa, too.”

 

“I don’t know, okay!” Clarke said, shaking her head.  “It’s confusing.”

 

“It shouldn’t be,” Raven shrugged, offering a small smile.  “You either like her or you don’t.”

 

“It isn’t that simple, Raven.  We’re best friends...it would mean everything changes.”

 

“And that’s bad?”

 

“If I lose her, yeah.  I’d lose her for good,” Clarke sighed.

 

“Okay.  I’m going to ask you some questions.  You can _only_ say yes or no.  No elaborations, no buts, no excuses; yes or no.  Got it?” Raven said, moving closer to Clarke on her bed.

 

“Fine,” Clarke relented, shrugging her shoulders.

 

“Did you like kissing Lexa?”

 

“...Yes.”

 

“Have you imagined kissing her again?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Do you like it when she holds you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Do you like it when she kisses your cheeks?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Have you thought about having sex with her?”

 

“Raven!” Clarke said, feeling her face flush.  At Raven’s pointed look, she whispered a soft, “yes.”

 

“Have you ever gotten turned on thinking about her sexually?”

 

“...Yeah,” Clarke relented.

 

“Did you get jealous yesterday watching her flirt with that woman?”

 

“Yes,” Clarke said through a clenched jaw.

 

“Can you picture yourself dating her?”

 

“Maybe?”  Clarke thought, before sighing and saying, “Yes?”

 

Raven hummed.  “Does that answer your dilemma?”

 

“I guess so,” Clarke whispered.

 

* * *

 

Though it probably wasn’t the smartest thing in the world, Lexa brought some specimens from Clarke into the lab.  She found that around 2:00, everyone, Costia included, would take a break of a half hour, going to the lounge in the science hall and drinking a pick-me-up cup of coffee from the nearby campus cafe.  They left Lexa alone, none inviting her or the other volunteers to join, leaving them with some quiet time to do paperwork.

 

The other volunteers did not do paperwork.  They lounged on their phones, or went out for their own drink of coffee, or napped at their desks.  Besides, each of their stations was practically a cubicle, three walls around each workstation offering privacy.  Lexa could easily use the microscopes and other equipment without anyone noticing; and by the other students’ lack of enthusiasm, she doubted any of them would wonder what she was doing, anyway.

 

She had been working three days already, and she noticed it was a pattern; each day, without fail, Costia and the other team members would leave Lexa virtually alone in a high-tech lab, a lab that could answer a lot of Lexa’s questions.  On day four, she brought in a single scale from Clarke’s tail completely dry. She mounted it on a slide, placing a slip over it to protect the microscope lens.  She hooked up the microscope to her computer to see the image magnified.

 

“Huh,” she mumbled.  It looked just like a cluster of human skin cells.  She paused, reaching for a plastic dropper bottle.  She pulled the slide up off of the microscope, lifted the slip, and dropped a few drops of water, before letting the slip fall back in place, creating a wet mount.  She positioned the cell under the microscope once again, nearly gasping aloud at what she saw.

 

It was completely different in molecular structure.  Instead of looking like a cluster of human skin cells, it now appeared to be a cluster of fish scale cells.  She took a picture of it on her phone, jotting down hasty notes on a post-it next to her computer and sticking it up on her wall.

 

Looking up at the clock, she saw it was 2:26.  Costia and the others would be back soon.  Sighing, Lexa unhooked the microscope, sliding it back against the wall of her desk and turning it off.  She grabbed the wet mount from the slide, throwing it in the trash.

 

“Lexa!” Costia called from the doorway.  Lexa jumped, looking up.

 

“What’s up?”

 

“Karen wants to show you something down in lab B,” Costia smiled.  “They did some cool stuff with coral samples, and I _might_ have told her how promising a future marine biologist you are,” she winked.

 

“Sure, I’ll head over!” Lexa said cheerily, moving from her desk.  She smiled at Costia as she left.

 

Costia glanced around the room.  She walked back to her desk, setting her nearly empty cup of coffee down.  She glanced over at Lexa’s desk, sat right across from hers, noticing she had pulled out a microscope.  “Miss Woods, what are you up to?” She smiled, walking over.  

 

She looked at the microscope, seeing a specimen sitting atop a damp glass slide.  She hummed observing it--it looked like a small part of a scale.  Nothing interesting, she shrugged, musing Lexa must have just been keeping her hands busy.  She turned to head back her to desk, but a bright green post it on the wall of Lexa’s cubicle.  She peeled it off the wall, looking at it.

 

 _Specimen CG dry = human skin cell molecular structure_ __  
_Specimen CG wet = fish scale molecular structure_  
Proves hypothesis on scientific level, gather specimens OB and RR for testing

 

Costia’s eyes lit up.  “What in the world?”

* * *

 

Lexa scribbled away in her notebook intensely.

 

After the previous day’s results, she needed to do more tests.  Today, specimens OB and RR reacted the same way that CG did; she had seen, on a scientific level, that the girls’ molecular structure changed with contact to water.  Now, she needed to figure out _how_ it did that, and it wouldn’t be an easy task.

 

Noticing Costia walk back into the room, Lexa placed her pencil in her notebook, shutting it.

 

“You’re good at this, you know,” Costia said with a smile. “Very dedicated.”

 

Lexa looked up from her work, eyes drawn to the low cut of Costia’s sundress.  She glanced upwards quickly, smiling.  “Thank you,”

 

“It’s about lunchtime,” Costia said, looking over at the clock.  “All our co-workers have clocked out for the hour. Wanna go grab a bite and join them?”

 

“Sure,” Lexa said, standing from her desk. She was surprised; she’d been volunteering for a week, and this was the first time Costia offered for Lexa to join her and the others.  The past week they’d left with a quick goodbye, leaving Lexa on campus to go eat at the food court. “Where would you want to go?”

 

Costia hummed.  “What about the bar?”

 

“The one on the pier?” Lexa asked, blushing.

 

“Yeah, that one,” Costia smiled.

 

“Um, but I’m not quite eighteen yet, I can’t get into the bar.”

 

“Damn, you’re right,” Costia said, pulling her damp hair into a messy bun on the top of her head.  “I bet I could get you in, though.  The ladies there know me. A couple weeks is nothing, they’ll overlook two weeks.  Besides, they have amazing chicken tenders.”

 

“Hey, I can drive us,” Costia said.  “It’ll save you some gas money,” she smiled.  “Besides, it’s more fun to drive with someone else.”

 

Lexa smiled. “Sounds good.”

 

“Oh, damn it,” Costia cursed loudly, earning a concerned look from Lexa.  “I totally fucked up.  Lexa, before we go, can you do me a favor?” Costia asked, crossing her arms.

 

“Sure, what’s up?”

 

“I left a binder back in lab F - I know it’s a way’s walk away, but I really need it.  I have some last minute paperwork to fill out right now from the on-site trip today, and I’d really like to get it done before we go.  Can you grab the binder for me?  It’s bright purple, you can’t miss it.”

 

“No problem,” Lexa smiled, heading out of the lab.

 

Costia smiled as she left, before all but bolting to Lexa’s desk.  She opened the notebook to the bookmarked page, skimming it.

 

_Trials A-E yielded the same results: specimens CG:A, B, C, D, and E, OB:A, B, C, D, and E, and RR:A, B, C, D, and E all experienced a molecular change from human skin cell to fish scale cell when in contact with water._

 

_Previous experiments proved samples 12% water or less did not cause physical shift; see if this is the same for molecular shift._

 

Costia searched through Lexa’s desk drawers, finding small baggies, five or six of each labeled “CG,” “OB,” and “RR,” followed by an A, B, C, D, or E, indicating which sample of which specimen was in each bag. She swiped CG:A, shutting the desk drawer quietly and closing Lexa’s notebook, before walking back to her own desk and putting the bag safely in her own desk drawer.

 

She would certainly have some tests to run later.

 

She made it just in time, as Lexa entered the lab with a smile, handing Costia her binder.  “Here you go,” she said.

 

“Fantastic,” Costia said.  “Ready to go?” At Lexa’s nod, she grabbed her keys from her cubby, and locked the lab door behind them. Costia swiped her ID, clocking out for her break, and led Lexa to her car.

 

“So, Lexa,” she said once they were settled in.  “How has your first week been?”

 

“Good!” Lexa said cheerily, folding her hands on her lap.  “I’m enjoying getting to watch you do some field work.  It’s exciting to see what I could be doing some day.”

 

“I’m glad,” Costia smiled.  “Work hard, and you’ll get a spot on our team one day.  I’m sure of it,” she said, smiling as she looked over at Lexa.  “I’m not supposed to have favorites for these things, but there’s something about you, Woods,” Costia said, looking back at the road.  “Maybe it’s your curiosity.  I can’t wait to see what you discover,”

 

Lexa glanced at her, confused, but took the compliment nonetheless.

 

The drove in silence for the next few minutes along the coast, until Costia pulled up at the pier.  After getting out, she locked her car, slipping her keys in her bag.  Once they arrived at the pier bar, Costia smiled at the woman working the door.  “Hey hotstuff,” she winked.  The redhead chuckled, letting her in.  

 

“Hold up,” she said when Lexa tried to walk in behind her.  “Can I see your ID?”

 

“Here’s the thing, Cherry,” Costia said sweetly.  “Lexa here is my little guinea pig for the summer.  I’m showing her the ropes.  She turns eighteen in a few weeks, but you can make an exception, right?” Costia asked, batting her eyelashes.  “We’ll be good.  I won’t drink while she’s with me.  We’re just here for food,”

 

The redhead sighed, but rolled her eyes.  “Fine.  Don’t tell my boss though, he’s very strict on this being an eighteen and up establishment.  But I’ll bend the rules for you, Costia.”

 

“Thanks,” Costia smiled, running her hand down the redhead’s arm.  She glanced back at Lexa, nodding towards the bar.  “C’mon, Woods.”

 

“Okay...forgive me if I overstep any bounds, but have you dated her?” Lexa asked with a grin as they sat at the bar.

 

“Date is a word for it,” Costia chuckled.  “Cherry greeted me the first night I came here last week.”

 

“And by greeted you mean…” Lexa smiled, laughing when she saw Costia shrug.  “Hey, no judgement.”

 

“Yes, I mean we had sex,” Costia laughed.  “I don’t have much time for relationships, Lexa, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have fun.  You should take that as a lesson, you know.”

 

“Oh, are you speaking as my supervisor now?” Lexa asked with a laugh.  “I didn’t see love life counseling as a part of your job description,” she teased.

 

“No, I’m speaking as a friend.  I’m not your supervisor yet,” she hummed.  Just then, a waitress came over, and Costia ordered for them both.  “You’ll love it, I promise,” she told Lexa as she handed the waitress back the menus.  “Anyway, as I was saying...I’m not technically your supervisor yet.  We can be friends...and friends have these girl talks, you know.”

 

“You’re interested in my dating life,” Lexa said, quirking an eyebrow.

 

“I can’t help it,” Costia shrugged.  “You mentioned you were having girl problems and well...I’ve been there.  I can offer an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.”

 

“It’s...complicated.” Lexa said, smile dropping from her lips.

 

“Girls always are,” Costia said, nudging Lexa’s elbow with her own.  

 

“I don’t really want to talk about her,” Lexa said, shoving a feeling of--betrayal?--down her throat.  It felt wrong, saying she didn’t want to talk about Clarke.  God, she loved talking about Clarke.  All her good stories involved Clarke, it _would_ be nice to vent a little to an older friend with experience, someone who could help her...but said older friend was wearing a dangerously low cut sundress, and Lexa was rapidly getting distracted.

 

“Lexa,” Costia tutted, tearing Lexa’s thoughts about a topless Costia away. “Are you sure?” She asked genuinely.

 

“I mean...I don’t want to bother you with my love life, Costia.”

 

“It wouldn’t be a bother,” Costia shook her head.  “I’ve had my fair share of heart breaks.  I wish someone would have offered to listen to me when I was in college....I’m here if you need someone, okay?  That’s what friends are for.”

 

Lexa relinquished with a sigh.  “I guess I do want to talk about her.”

 

“Talk away, babe,” Costia said, sipping at her water.  “I’ll offer any advice I can.”

 

And so she rattled on, venting for a good twenty minutes while they ate. In turn, Costia offered her advice; it was good advice, in all honesty.

 

“But, you know,” Costia smiled at Lexa as she paid their bill, “you deserve someone who is confident about their sexuality.  It can be...hard dating a girl who’s unsure, or closeted.”

 

Lexa quirked an eyebrow.  “You mean to say I should date a girl like you?” She asked, a smile playing on her lips.

 

“Your words, not mine,” Costia winked.  “Come on, we should head back to the lab.”

 

* * *

 

June was passing fast.  Clarke kept journaling, finding it a good way to express her feelings and get her thoughts together.

 

_It’s been weeks since Raven asked me all those questions.  In those weeks, I’ve done my fair share of personality tests and quizzes and read enough cosmo articles to last me a lifetime._

 

_I’m apparently a three on the Kinsey scale.  Bisexual.  I took about a million other knockoff tests, and it was pretty much the same.  Some said I was bi, leaning towards men; some said I was bi, leaning towards women; but all of them said bisexual._

 

_I talked with my mom about that...for someone who disagrees with me so much on my future, she’s surprisingly easy to talk to about sexuality.  Apparently my mom had a girlfriend in college?? I never knew that about my mom.  It wasn’t just some one-night stand, either...apparently Abby locked in a girlfriend for a solid seven months.  She said she thought she was bisexual then, but times change, and so does sexuality.  She says she hasn’t given it much thought since she married my dad...but now that she’s single again, and I’m going through this crisis, apparently I’ve sparked a desire in my mother to learn more about herself._

 

_I guess I should feel weird about my mom questioning her sexuality, but I don’t? It’s actually been kind of comforting to have someone go through this with me.  Raven’s out and proud as a lesbian, she’s a great help, but it was different.  She knew about herself, she was confident.  And Octavia is straight; she tries to help, but that’s like the blind leading the blind.  My mom scored a date last night, actually, with a nurse at her hospital.  Her name is Maggie.  She has a daughter, about four years old.  She’s only thirty-three--I never thought my mom would be a cougar.  That I am a little weirded out by, but whatever…it was nice to see my mom happy.  But she’s even more confused about this whole situation than I am!_

 

_-_

 

_I’ve kind of settled on the term.  Bisexual.  I used to never think there was a need for labels, but coming to terms with it actually feels...invigorating. Freeing._

 

_Raven took me to pride.  She bought me a bisexual pride bracelet, and she kissed me.  She did it to be funny, everyone thought we were a couple--some professional photographers were taking free pictures, and she planted one on me!  I know she didn’t mean anything by it--and I’m not angry at her.  Actually...it was kind of nice.  I don’t have feelings for her, not at all.  But I mean, standing there, holding a girl in my arms and kissing her, feeling proud of being who I am, having people cheer all around us...it felt nice.  It felt right.  Well, it felt like the right situation, but with the wrong person.  It was fun. The picture is framed.  Raven thought it was so funny, she got several copies printed, framed them all, and gave one to me, Octavia, and even Bellamy, for some reason.  He gave it back to her, saying it was weird, I have no idea what she did with the last one._

 

_Raven tried to get Lexa to come along, but she’s busy volunteering with Dr. Greene.  I have to say, the thought of them spending everyday together makes my stomach turn a little.  I saw how shamelessly they were flirting, how giddy Lexa was when she came back…_

 

_At this point, I’m afraid to tell Lexa about this journey of self-discovery.  I think she and Dr. Greene are together.  I always call her, and she hangs up really quickly, saying Costia needs her.  I surprised her once to take her out for lunch while she was working, but some of the staff said she and Costia were at some bar getting lunch like they do every day.  Her instagram has become flooded with pictures of her and Costia on location, doing work--and don’t even get me started on her snapchats.  She pretty much posts daily about their beach excursions._

 

_I want to be happy for her.  I was too late in coming around in my feelings, I know this.  And I do love her, and I want what’s best for her.  But god, jealousy is one sick son of a bitch._

 

_Still.  I want her in my life.  I should be glad she’s moving on; I should be glad she allowed me to figure out who I really am.  But it hurts.  Seeing her with someone else._

 

_I guess...I guess I do have feelings for her.  Romantically.  It wouldn’t hurt like this if I didn’t._

 

_But I miss Lexa.  And if she’s happy with Dr. Greene, I’ll try to support her...even if their age difference is a bit odd.  Lexa is a week away from being eighteen, after all.  She’s pretty much an adult.  I’m sure Indra and Gustus have given their blessing, anyway...Dr. Greene is so well-educated, so mature, so advanced in her career for her age, they probably would have no problem with their relationship.  Costia is definitely setting up Lexa for a good future._

 

_-_

 

_I’ve decided I’m going to surprise Lexa with a picnic for her birthday next week.  She used to love having picnics with me in the park.  It’s a weekend, too, so she won’t be at work with Dr. Greene.  Costia.  I don't know what to call her._

 

_I’m going to come clean.  I’m going to make her a nice picnic dinner, tell her how I feel, and say I know it’s probably too late, but she deserves the truth.  And then I’ll try to make nice and ask her about her relationship with Costia, and tell her I’ll support her._

 

_It’s going to be hard.  I really don’t want to be rejected, but I guess I deserve it after the way I unintentionally rejected Lexa._

 

_Still...maybe Costia is a flirty person in general.  Maybe they’re just friends--better yet, maybe just colleagues.  Maybe I have a chance.  A shot at a relationship with Lexa…._

 

_A relationship with Lexa.  That sounds good.  It sounds amazing._

 

 _God, I’m so scared.  On the one hand, I’m scared of being rejected.  On the other, I’m scared of_ _not_ _being rejected, and starting to date Lexa.  Either way, I could lose her…_

 

_Or, maybe our relationship will grow stronger.  Better._

 

_I’ll never know unless I try, right?_

 

* * *

 

“What’s got you in such a good mood?” Anya asked, kicking Lexa’s feet as they sat next to each other in the game room.  On her other side, Aden looked over, joining in on questioning Lexa.

 

“Yeah, you have been smiling all afternoon.”

 

“It’s nothing,” Lexa said, looking down at her phone.

 

_Costia: Hey, some of my friends are in town and we’re grabbing dinner.  La Bella’s?  It’s actually pretty close by where you live.  Want me to pick you up to join?_

 

“Lexa, either play the game or leave!” Aden whined, swatting at her phone.  Lexa chuckled, standing.

 

“I’m leaving.”

 

“Got a hot date?” Anya teased.

 

Lexa rolled her eyes, looking over her shoulder.  “Sure.”

 

“Who is it?”

 

“Just Costia,” she said, slipping on her shoes.

 

“Costia?” Aden said, scrunching his nose.  “The supervisor who flirts with you?”

 

“Yes, that Costia,” Lexa rolled her eyes.  “Bye, guys.”

 

As Lexa left, Aden paused the game.  He turned to his sister, eyes wide.  “What the hell?”

 

“What?” Anya asked, crossing her arms.

 

“Why is Lexa dating someone other than Clarke?” Aden asked, baffled.

 

“They aren’t dating, kiddo,” Anya said.  “Lexa is just making friends with her supervisor.  It’s a smart move; if this volunteer program and the internship goes well, she may be able to land some work study with the team.  She’d pretty much guarantee herself a full-time job once she gets her degree.”

 

“Yeah, ‘cause sleeping with your boss is real ethical,” Aden grumbled.

 

“Chill, dude,” Anya sighed, moving to Lexa’s bean bag chair to sit next to him.  “Listen, we all know how bad Lexa has it for Clarke.  But you’re pretty young, you haven’t been in any relationships yet...they’re weird, Aden.  Clarke has so many factors against her right now.”

 

“Like what?” Aden asked.  “We all know Clarke likes Lexa, too.  We see how they flirt.  It’s disgusting.”

 

Anya laughed at that, punching Aden’s shoulder softly.  “Kiddo, listen...Clarke isn’t out, okay?  She’s never said anything to Lexa or us about her sexuality.  She could be having a hard time coming to grips with it, okay?  Not everyone is like you, me, and Lex.  We’re lucky...we have a support system.  For some people like us, it’s easy to come out as bisexual or gay.  Some people...find it harder.”

 

“But why would Clarke?  She knows I’m bi, she knows you and Lexa are gay, she’s friends with that Reyes girl now, and _everyone_ knows what a huge lesbian Raven is.  It’s not like we would judge her!” Aden cried out.

 

“Still, Aden.  Even if you know everyone will support you, it can still be hard.  We know she’s Christian, maybe her religion plays a role in in.  We know Abby disagrees about her career path, maybe Abby might have a hard time coming to terms with her sexuality, too.  Maybe Clarke’s dealing with internalized homophobia; there’s so many factors, Aden.  We shouldn’t be quick to judge just because it was easy for all of us to accept who we are.”

 

“I guess so,” Aden huffed.  “But still...it’s obvious she likes Lexa.  They can be a thing without Clarke having to put a label on herself.”

 

“Aden, they’ve been best friends for literally as long as you’ve been alive.” Anya pointed out.  “You came to us as a baby, and the day we got you, Clarke and Lexa were already friends.  It’s not easy going from being friends to being in a relationship.  There’s an adjustment period.  We have to let them figure things out at their own pace.”

 

“Fine...but I don’t like the thought of Lexa dating this Costia girl,” Aden said, running his hands through his messy hair.

 

“Aden,” Anya laughed, “Costia is an adult.  I’m sure she wants to date people at least in college.  I wouldn’t worry about that.”

 

“But you _hear_ the way Lexa talks about Costia,” Aden said dramatically.   _“Oh, Costia!  She’s so pretty!  Her hair is so wavy!  She’s so good at her job!  Costia is soooo smart!  Costia is so funny! Blah blah blegh,”_ Aden mocked Lexa.

 

“Aden, Lexa’s a huge lesbian.  Of course she thinks her supervisor is pretty.  She’s gay, dude. She’ll fawn over girls.  But she loves Clarke,” Anya shrugged.  “We just gotta let them figure everything out.”

 

-

 

Dinner with Costia and her friends was an experience.

 

It was interesting to see Costia, with people her own age for once, instead of stuck with stuffy, boring biologists twice her age.  She was relaxed; she let her hair down, literally, and ordered a cocktail with her dinner.  “I’m off the clock,” she teased, winking at Lexa, seated at her side.  “I know I promised I wouldn’t drink around you, but that’s only during working hours.”

 

“It’s fine,” Lexa smiled.  “You’re allowed to have fun, Costia.”

 

Her two friends, a blonde named Niylah and a redhead named Harper, sat across from them.  “You two are adorable, you know that?” Niylah said, sipping her margarita.  “Costia, you didn’t fill us in on your new girl,”

 

“We aren’t together,” Costia said, right at the same time when Lexa argued,  “She’s just my supervisor,” with a blush.

 

“Supervisor, yeah right,” Harper winked.  “I’m sure she’s supervising something,” she and Chloe laughed.  

 

“Behave yourselves,” Costia chuckled.  “Lexa really is a student.  She’s joining me for an internship this summer through Ark High.”

 

“Damn, didn’t know you were robbing the cradle, Costia,” Harper winked.

 

“I’m almost eighteen,” Lexa smiled awkwardly.

 

“Give her a break,” Costia said, wrapping an arm around Lexa’s shoulders.  

 

Harper signaled for a waiter to come over, and she ordered two more margaritas.  “Two?” Costia said, quirking an eyebrow.”

 

“One for your baby girlfriend,” Harper winked.

 

“I don’t need a drink, thank you,” Lexa smiled.

 

“I insist! Early birthday present,” Harper said.

 

“Yeah, three years early,” Lexa chuckled.

 

“Yeah, sure, we’ll go with that,” she said, thanking the waitress and handing one off to Lexa.  “Loosen up, girlfriend.  You caught yourself an older woman, get used to a little evening drinking.  Costia loves her red wine on movie night,” she winked at Lexa.

 

“Harper,” Costia laughed.  “I’m sorry about them, they’re desperate for me to be in a relationship because they’re gossip leeches.”

 

“It’s alright, my siblings are the same way,” Lexa smiled.

 

“But Harper is right,” Costia said, giving Lexa a smirk.  “I do love my red wine, and I won’t tell anybody if you have a few drinks around me.”

 

“I guess,” Lexa said, sipping at the margarita.

 

“Thatta girl,” Niylah cheered.  “To Lexa and Costia; may you get your rocks off with each other real soon.”

 

“Niylah!” Costia laughed, swatting at her friend’s arm, urging her to put her glass back down.

 

Lexa felt her cheeks heat up, and her blush only deepened when she realized Costia stopped protesting the idea of a relationship with her.

 

* * *

 

Clarke, Octavia, and Raven had picked up a new habit: bathing together.

 

It wasn’t weird; Clarke had an abnormally large tub, more like an indoor hot tub, to be precise, one of the perks of having a well-off surgeon as a mother.  There was more than enough room for all three girls to sit side by side, tails flopping out over long side of the bath as they drew some bubbles.

 

It was a good way for them to bond, and to test their abilities together.  It was a good way for Octavia and Raven to ease Clarke into the whole phenomenon, in the comfort of her own home.  With Abby gone working the day shifts, now, it left the girls plenty of time to splash around.

 

Clarke, sat in the middle, flopped her tail a bit, watching as it bounced out over the edge of the tub.  “How is swimming in the ocean with these things?” She asked, glancing between Raven and Octavia.

 

“It’s so much fun,” Octavia sighed dreamily.  

 

“We can hold our breaths for almost twenty minutes, Clarke!” Raven added, gripping her shoulder excitedly.

 

“God, it’s so incredibly freeing to just...swim next to stingrays and sharks and schools of fish.  None of them pay any mind to us, we’ve never been attacked…”

 

“It’s like all the sea creatures know that we’re peaceful.  That we aren’t a threat, or a snack,” Raven added.  “It’s just amazing.”

 

“We really want you to join us one of these days,” Octavia said, resting her head on Clarke’s shoulder.  “We’ll protect you, you know.”

 

“Without Lexa running all her dramatic tests, it’s about the only way we can figure out what we can do,” Raven agreed.

 

“By the way, we can swim real fuckin’ fast,” Octavia laughed.  “Like, torpedo speed.”

 

“It’s so much fun,” Raven sighed.

 

Clarke hummed in thought.  She’d only tested out her tail in her bathtub; she hadn’t gone swimming for real, but then again, she hadn’t gone swimming in years, tail or not.  “I’m scared,” she admitted quietly.

 

“I know,” Raven said softly.  “But we found this amazing place...it’s a cave on Mako, right?  It’s not the moon pool, it’s much bigger, and it’s only about six feet deep all the way in the water.  There’s a huge expanse of sand in the cave to just lounge in and walk around.  The way in starts shallow, only a few feet, but it doesn’t get deeper than about six feet until it spills out into the ocean.”

 

“It would be the perfect place to start, Clarke,” Octavia smiled.  “It’s only as deep as a swimming pool, and it is very well hidden in Mako.  There’s no way anyone could possibly see us there, we didn’t even find it until we purposefully went looking for new spots to swim out there.”

 

“Yeah, it’s only got a few small vents opening up to the sky, nothing quite as big as a volcano mouth.  It’s just enough light to see well, but the top isn’t open enough to alert anyone who may be on the island of it being a place that’s open.”

 

Clarke nodded, processing.  It did seem like a good place to start...no deeper than a swimming pool.  Sand to rest on if she got scared.  An ocean that it opened up to, for when she felt braver later on.

 

It would make Lexa proud to know that she would start swimming again.

 

“Okay,” Clarke said, putting a brave smile on her face.  “We can go soon.”

 

“Really?” Raven asked, proud.

 

“Really,” Clarke nodded.  “I need to do this.  If this is who I’m going to be...I can’t be afraid of myself.”

 

* * *

 

“Where have you been, young lady?”

 

Lexa grinned at the voice, kicking her shoes off at the door.  “Volunteering,” she said, turning to give her little brother a hug.  “Sorry I’ve been out so much, let me make it up to you tonight, alright buddy?  Let’s go play some video games.”

 

Aden rolled his eyes.  “Whatever.  You already missed the tournament.”

 

At that, Lexa felt her heart drop. “Tell me you’re joking.”

 

“No. Tris and Atom beat my ass so hard they pretty much made me astral project onto the next plane of existence.  It’s easy to do that when I had to play with _Anya_.  You know she sucks at COD.”

 

“How do you even know what astral projection is?  You’re hardly thirteen,” Lexa said, hanging her keys on the hook by the front door.  At Aden’s unamused look, Lexa sighed. “Look, I’m sorry.  I got my days mixed up, I’ve been so busy lately with Costia--”

 

“You’re supposed to be spending the summer with _me_ , Lex! Not flirting with some older hussy,” Aden said, punching her arm.  “You’re gonna be gone all July and then it’s your senior year and then you’re leaving me for college!”

 

“Ow,” Lexa mumbled, rubbing her arm.  “Don’t hit me, dude, take out your anger on your pillow like the rest of us.”

 

“You promised,” was all Aden said.

 

Guilt enveloped Lexa.  “I’m sorry.  I messed this one up.  When’s the next tournament?”

 

“Doesn’t matter, we’re out.  Tris and Atom are now going on to the semifinals instead of us,” Aden sighed.

 

“I’m sorry, Aden,” Lexa said, sincerely.  “I know how much this tournament means in your friend group.  Can you tell everyone it’s my fault?  Ask for a rematch?”

 

“No, it’s over and done with,” Aden sad, turning to walk up the stairs.  Lexa sighed, following him up to the game room.

 

“Aden, wait,” Lexa said, stopping him before he could slam the door in her face.  “I can still play a couple rounds with you, if you want?”  She said with a smile.

 

Aden paused, before opening the door and letting her in.  “Fine, but we’re playing Borderlands.  Anya ruined COD for me for at least a few weeks.”

 

“You know I hate Borderlands,” Lexa grumbled, but followed her little brother anyway, shutting the door.

 

“Consider it a punishment for making me look like a noob in front of my friends,”

 

“Kids are still saying noob?” Lexa asked, more to herself than to her little brother.

 

The two settled into the bean bag chairs, Aden starting up the game and handing Lexa her controller.  

 

They played in silence for the better part of the hour.  Finally, Lexa sighed and began talking to her brother.  “I’m sorry, okay?  I really am.  But I have to work to save up for college, you know?  And this volunteer opportunity is a good way for me to get some more stuff on the applications for college, buddy.  I know it’s infringing on our summer together, but I’m still here for another year.  We’ll do plenty of COD tournaments with your friends, I promise.”

 

“Whatever,” Aden huffed, and Lexa knew it was pointless trying to make him feel better.  

 

“You would like Costia, my supervisor.”  She finally said after a moment.  “You’d probably have a crush on her, you and your thing for blondes,”

 

“You’re the one with a thing for blondes,” Aden said, looking over at Lexa.  At Lexa’s confused look, he said, “Clarke, you dumbass.”

 

“Aden…” she sighed.  

 

“What?  Don’t tell me you sobbing like a baby for three nights in a row wasn’t about Clarke.  I know you’re in love with her.”

 

“Well, I’m trying _not_ to be.” Lexa said, sighing as her character got killed.  “Can you heal me?”

 

“No.” Aden said, clicking away at the controller buttons.  “You’ll respawn in a minute.  Why are you trying to get over Clarke?”

 

“She doesn’t feel the same, Aden.”

 

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” he said, cussing as he shot at another player.  “You two have been flirting since kindergarten.”

 

“Yeah, well, that doesn’t mean she loves me, Aden.”

 

“So what, you’re crushing on your supervisor now?  To what, move on to someone new?”

 

“No,” Lexa said, scoffing despite the warmness of her cheeks.  “And besides, would it be so bad to move on?  Clarke doesn’t feel the same, she made that perfectly clear.  It’s unhealthy to pine after someone who doesn’t feel the same.  Life isn’t some cheesy rom-com, Aden.  Wishing someone will love you won’t make it happen.”

 

“Clarke loves you,” Aden said confidently, looking over at his sister.  He paid no mind as his character got gunned down.  “You need to stop being a pussy and confront her about it. I’ve known that she’s been flirting with you for as long as I’ve known what flirting is.  So she’s probably scared of coming out, or whatever, you can’t push her to be ready.  But she has feelings for you, I know it.  So go talk to her about it.”

 

“Aden...you’re just a kid, you have no idea--”

 

“You’re a kid too, Lexa!” He shouted.  “And quite frankly, trying to get over Clarke by boning Costia is not the right move.  She’s not Clarke!  If you want to move on from Clarke, whatever, make that mistake and leave your obvious soulmate behind.  Just go fuck someone your own age at the least.”

 

“Aden!” Lexa chastised him.  “First of all, you need to calm down on the curse words.  You know Indra disapproves of them.  And Aden, I’m almost eighteen.  I’ll be adult in a week, and I can sleep with whoever I want!  And you know what, it’s none of your business who I decide to like or sleep with.  You are thirteen, I’m going to be eighteen in a week.  You don’t get to tell me what to do with my life, Aden.  And besides,” she said, calming down.  “I don’t want to sleep with Costia.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

“Aden,” Lexa tutted.

 

“Your face goes all red whenever you say her name,” Aden scoffed, picking up his controller and starting the next mission.  “You clearly have a crush on her.”

 

“Whatever,” Lexa mimicked him, sighing as she joined the game, trying to ignore the exact blush rising on her cheeks that her brother was talking about.

 

* * *

 

On June thirtieth, two days before Lexa’s birthday, Clarke knew what the best present she could give Lexa would be: her, conquering her fears and swimming for the first time.  She, Octavia, and Raven set out for Mako, opting to go out on Octavia’s boat instead of swimming the distance out, for Clarke’s comfort.  After an hour’s journey through the island, Octavia and Raven led her to the small opening into the cave.  It was a tight fit, but Clarke was amazed with how massive the place was inside.

 

It was beautiful.  There was about ten feet of sand ahead of her, pure white.  Looking up at the rocky ceiling, Clarke saw many small holes about the size of tennis balls, providing enough light into the cave to sparkle onto the water below.  The girls were right; it was just enough light to keep the place visible, but from the outside, it simply looked like a closed-in rock.  The water was a clear blue, stretching out past the sand for at least twenty feet, and Clarke could easily see out into the bottom.  It really was only about five or six feet deep; it calmed Clarke immensely to be able to see it for herself.  It really was only like a swimming pool.

 

She could handle this.

 

Clarke took a deep breath, before smiling warily.  She slipped off her sandals, peeling off her top and shorts, leaving her only in a bathing suit that would soon disappear.  She nodded at her friends, taking one hand of theirs each in her own.  “I’m ready,” she said.  

 

“We’ll start slow,” Raven promised, giving Clarke’s hand a squeeze.

 

“We’ll lounge in the shallow end for a while until you’re comfortable, okay?” Octavia said.

 

Clarke nodded.  Together, they walked into the pool, sitting in the shallow water.  In seconds, their legs were replaced with their tails, all glistening in the small specks of light coming from above.  Clarke took another deep breath.

 

“This is just like your bathtub,” Octavia spoke calmly.  “This is even shallower than your bathtub right here.  You’re safe.  There’s no current here.  Nothing can pull you under.  You can decide how deep you want to go.”

 

The two talked her through the process calmly.  Slowly, they went deeper, until Clarke couldn’t sit anymore, and had to shakily stay upright, moving her tail to stay afloat.

 

“That’s right, you’ve got it!” Raven cheered her on.  “Do you want to go under and try swimming?”

 

“Will it burn my eyes to open them?” Clarke asked, warily.

 

“Actually, no,” Raven said.  “I guess saltwater doesn’t sting our eyes now, being part fish.”

 

“Okay.” Clarke nodded.  “Can I watch one of you swim first?”

 

“Sure,” Octavia said.  “Raven?  Stay by her side,” she said, as she began to swim away.  Then, she dove under the water, arms reaching out in front of her.  Her tail moved gracefully, pushing her through the clear, crystalline waters.  She did a small flip underwater to turn herself around, swimming back towards Raven and Clarke.  She popped up from under the water, smoothing her hair back with wet hands, giving Clarke a smile.  “See? Easy peasy.”

 

“Will you two swim by my sides?” Clarke asked, looking between them.

 

“Sure,” Raven said with a smile.

 

“Okay,” Clarke repeated again, putting her brave face on. “Let’s do this.”

 

“We’ll all go under on three,” Octavia said.  “Okay?”  Clarke nodded.  “One,” Clarke grit her teeth.  “Two,” Clarke inhaled deeply.  “Three,” they all dove under.

 

The experience was surreal.  Clarke could see everything clearly underwater.  Her eyes didn’t sting; it didn’t even feel like she was holding her breath.  She mimicked the girls on either side of her, holding her hands out in front of her, resting her left hand atop the right. Together, they elegantly glided through the water.  Clarke felt her long hair fan itself behind her head as she swam, trailing her body like the smoke after a firework, and she felt just as explosive.  A wide smile broke across her face as she flipped her tail, propelling herself forward to keep up with her friends.

 

It was blissful.

 

The way the small holes overhead sparkled into the clear water.

 

The way she felt her tail pushing her whole body forward.

 

The way her friends stayed by her side, glancing over to give her looks of encouragement.

 

The way the white sand looked beneath them, casting shadows of their lithe bodies and long tails.

 

The three emerged from the water at the end of the cave wall, right before the opening to the ocean.  Clarke laughed aloud, excited as she kicked her tail to say afloat.  She inhaled deeply, though she felt no physical need to.

 

“That was awesome!” She cried out, smiling wide.  “Let’s swim back!”  She dove under on her own, not waiting for her friends to join her, swimming early back to the shallow end, where she propped herself up on the sand and let herself fall back, staring up at the holey cave ceiling.

 

“I did it,” she whispered to herself.

 

Raven and Octavia popped up moments later, joining her.  Raven whooped, cheering her friend on.

 

A cold bout of air made Clarke’s hands go to her chest.  She sat up, cheeks pink, saying, “I feel kind of weird swimming with my tits out,”

 

“Ah, you get used to it!” Octavia laughed.

 

“Besides, now that you’re swimming with us, when you invite Lexa to come and watch…” Raven winked.  “Already got a show to put on for her.”

 

Clarke scoffed before laughing, splashing Raven in the face.  “You’re incorrigible!”

 

* * *

 

As it turns out, counting populations of fish is actually exhaustive work.

 

It was hefty work in the beginning--juggling her paid job, lifeguarding, with her newfound hobby of collecting samples from Mako, and now adding this to the mix--but Lexa was finally beginning to settle in with her new schedule as June drew to a close.

 

The resume building was why she was really here, but Lexa had to admit, spending time with Costia was a bonus.

 

Getting away from Clarke was good.  It was needed.  Lexa needed some time, some space to let her heart patch itself back up.  She didn’t want to lose Clarke, but she had to accept that her feelings weren’t going to be reciprocated.  And while it would be hard, some distance would do her wonders; Clarke was her best friend, and she’d be damned if a crush put a wrench in their relationship.  Some time apart was good, it would heal the fracture between them.

 

Or so, Lexa told herself.

 

Spending time with Costia was a breath of fresh air.

 

Most of their time together was spent working, but the lunch breaks quickly became the best part of Lexa’s day.  The two would sit together for those forty-five minutes every day, eating at the little pier bar off Arkadia’s coast.  

 

There was just something about her that made Lexa’s stomach tie itself up in knots.  Maybe it was the way she continually pushed her reading glasses up her nose, too big for her small nose.  Or maybe it was the way she always looked frazzled, hair tied up in a messy ponytail and more often than not, two different socks on her feet.  Or maybe it was the way that, despite looking frazzled and like a mess, Costia was one of the most intelligent and hardworking people she’d ever met.  Or maybe, it was the way her pink lips and fluttering eyelashes could get just about anyone to do just about anything for her.  She was dangerous, and not in the “badass female empowerment way;” more in the way that she looked innocent, but was proving herself to be a sweet-talker and a bit of a rebel.

 

She’d been talking about Costia to her family for weeks, now.  Her parents must have heard every story about Costia twice over.  She couldn’t help it--there were so many funny stories from mistakes at the lab, too many good stories Costia would tell her about her years of training that Lexa wanted to pass on.

 

Aden always seemed to disappear from the room as Lexa told said stories, but she didn’t mind.  Her parents were enthralled by their daughter’s supervisor.

 

“Looks like the rainbow trout’s numbers are down from last year,” Costia frowned, grabbing Lexa’s attention.

 

“Well, what do you think is causing it?” Lexa asked, making her way over to Costia’s work station.  

 

“Well,” Costia sighed, tapping her pen against the spreadsheet, “that’s the frustrating part, there’s so many factors.  But, my job isn’t to figure that out or find a way to fix the problem,” she smiled, standing from her desk.  “I just report the numbers.  We leave the problem solving to another marine team, back in Polis.”

 

Lexa hummed, nodding at her soon to be supervisor.  “Well,” she said, glancing down at her watch, “I guess my time is up today.”

 

“So it seems,” Costia smiled back.  “Well, go ahead and sign out at the desk, I’ll make sure to log your hours for this week.  Thanks for all your help, Lexa.”

 

“It’s no problem,” Lexa said, going back to her own, smaller desk and opening her logbook.  She scrawled her clock-out time next to her name, before clicking the pen shut and closing the binder.  “You know, my parents really want to thank you for all the opportunities your team is giving me this year,” Lexa said after a moment of hesitation.  “Well, they’re my adoptive parents, but you know as much from...all my forms.”

 

Costia chuckled lightly, watching as the teenager blushed.  “Okay?” She asked, a soft smile on her lips.

 

“Well, tonight is lasagna night, and Gustus always makes way too much.  I’m talking, like, four lasagnas for five people in the house,” she laughed awkwardly.  “Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that Indra and Gustus have been pestering me to get you to come to a family dinner so they can meet you.  I know it’s short notice, and you probably have plans tonight but--”

 

“No plans,” Costia interrupted, shaking her head.  “Are you sure it won’t be an intrusion on your parents?”

 

“No,” Lexa said, too quickly.  She cleared her throat, repeating, “no, not at all.”

 

“Okay,” Costia laughed, typing something on her keyboard.  “Let me just finish your log for this week and we will head over together.”

 

“Cool,” Lexa said, acting nonchalant.  In truth, her heart felt like it was about to jump right out of her chest and up her throat.  What was with that? Sure, she’d been harmlessly flirting with Costia for weeks now, but she didn’t think it meant anything.  Why was something...like _feelings_ creeping up on her?  She shook her head, urging her cheeks to cool down.  “I um, I drove over here today, you just want to follow me?”

 

“Sure,” Costia said, clicking the computer monitor off.  “Just let me grab my keys and we can head out.”  

 

Lexa watched as she slipped off her lab coat, draping it over the back of her chair as she stood.  Costia’s long legs grabbed Lexa’s attention as she glided across the room, grabbing her purse from her designated cubby.  Lexa tore her eyes away from Costia, telling herself to chill and stop checking out her supervisor.  

 

Okay, so maybe the real reason spending time with Costia was a bonus was because Costia was pretty hot.  Lexa was two days away from eighteen, she was confident in her sexuality, and she was single; she had no reason to feel bad about the tiny, maybe-crush she might have on Costia.  It’s not like she would do anything about it anyway, she was a wimp when it came to girls; case in point, Clarke.  She quite literally bottled those feelings up for twelve years, and the situation obviously didn’t turn out as planned.  No, Lexa wasn’t good at making the first move; and she wouldn’t any time soon, not after the fiasco of kissing Clarke.  She would ride the gay train out into the distance, as far as she could, waiting for some other unfortunate soul to announce their feelings for her at some pit stop in the middle of nowhere.

 

“--Lexa?”  Costia’s voice broke her train of thought.  Lexa’s eyes widened, embarrassed.  “Everything okay?  You kinda spaced out for a moment there, girl,”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa squeaked out, going over to her own cubby and grabbing her keys.  “Sorry, I--I remembered a summer reading project I meant to get started on.  I’m a little behind, is all,” she lied, ignoring the hammering in her chest.

 

“Oh, if the volunteer hours are too much, we can dial them back this upcoming week!” Costia said, moving so Lexa could step out of the lab.  “Your birthday is in two days, you know.  You can dial it back next week before we head over to Polis for the internship.  You deserve a chance to rest and get some of that summer work done...coming back in August to a mountain of work will be a bitch,”

 

“No, it’s alright,” Lexa said.  Now she felt bad for lying about having summer work, but she couldn’t go back on that, now.  “It’s just a book.  No papers or anything with it,” and now she was adding to the lie.  God, she hated lying.  But, it was better than telling her supervisor she was staring at her long legs, wondering what they’d feel like wrapped around her own.

 

“If you’re sure,” Costia laughed, locking the lab door behind them.  She pulled her ID out, swiping it in the slot next to the door, a green light beeping as it recorded her time out for the evening.  “Lead the way,” she said, gesturing for Lexa.

 

-

 

Dinner with the Woods family was never quite a spectacle.  Indra and Gustus ran a tight ship, so none of their three adopted kids dared to step a toe out of line and mess around at the dinner table.  Usually, they ate in relative silence, until Aden would begin chattering about his day at school or his day with his friends, and then a relaxed conversation would follow.  While Indra and Gustus were good parents, they weren’t the touchy-feely, lovey kind. Well--Indra wasn’t.  Gustus pretended not to be, but he was.  They had started simply as Lexa and Anya’s foster parents, but Gustus, secretly being a softie, couldn’t bear to send them away, and adopted them swiftly.  The same happened when they fostered their third kid, a sweet boy named Aden, and after Gustus had adopted him, too, Indra shut their doors with a grunt, saying they couldn’t spare any more money taking in “street dogs” to feed.  Lexa knew that deep down, Indra had a big heart and a huge love for her kids; though she showed it in weird ways, Lexa took it, nonetheless.

 

“You must be Doctor Greene,” Gustus greeted her at the door, extending a large hand for Costia to shake.  “Welcome to our home.  You picked a good night to come, Lexa’s siblings decided they’d join us tonight instead of stealing food from one of their friends’ houses.”

 

“Costia is just fine, Mr. Woods,” she smiled, shaking his hand firmly.  

 

Gustus lead the two girls into the dining room, where Anya and Aden were setting the table.  “Lex, who’s this?” Aden asked as he finished placing the last fork.

 

“This is my supervisor, Costia,” Lexa smiled.  “She’s the one I’ll be working with all next month in Polis.”

 

At that, Aden’s eyes narrowed.  “Oh.  Okay,” he said, brushing her off.

 

Anya cocked an eyebrow at her little brother, bumping him with her hip.  “Don’t be fucking rude, Aden.”

 

“Language,” Indra grunted as she came in from the kitchen, carrying the salad bowl.  “Though Anya is right.  Where did your manners go, boy?” Indra chastised.  “Go shake her hand, I’ve raised you better.”

 

Begrudgingly, Aden walked over and shook Costia’s hand once, before making his way to the table.  Anya rolled her eyes, introducing herself to Costia politely, before joining her brother.  Once Indra set the salad bowl down, she greeted Costia was a smile.  “Lexa has told me much about you.  Please, take a seat next to Lexa,”

 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t bring something to contribute,” Costia smiled as she shook Indra’s hand.  “Your daughter surprised me with an invitation.  Next time I’ll make sure to bring a bottle of wine, at the least, for you and Mr. Woods.  Maybe I’ll bring a dessert for Aden,”

 

“Next time?” Aden asked in an accusatory tone, before Anya smacked him upside the head.

 

“Why are you being a brat today, Aden?”

 

“No hitting,” Gustus reminded Anya.  “Why are you both acting like children as soon as we have a guest over?  You’re giving Doctor Greene a bad impression, you two.”

 

“Oh, please,” Costia laughed, taking a seat next to Lexa.  “I had a ton of cousins growing up, I know how kids are at the table.  I used to be one of those kids, long ago.”

 

Gustus laughed at that.  “Long ago?  You’re still practically kid yourself!  Don’t go making me feel so old now,”

 

“She’s twenty-four, Dad,” Lexa said, clearing her throat.  

 

“Yes, I know, you’ve told us this, many times” Gustus smiled at his daughter.  “You’ll see when you’re in your twenties.  You think being twenty suddenly means you’re an adult--but you still have a lot of growing up to do in that decade, let me tell you.  You don’t just jump from being a kid to being an independent adult.”

 

“I suppose so,” Costia hummed in agreement.  “I had a lot of growing up to do on my own, so I probably did mature faster than most kids.”

 

Aden glanced next to him at Anya, rolling his eyes.  Anya shot him a glare, before asking Costia, “What do you mean?”

 

“Well,” Costia said, folding a napkin over her lap, “I was an only child.  Both of my parents are scientists, always in the lab, so I raised myself a lot.  It didn't help that my mom ended up passing away when I was about thirteen.  Not to say they were bad parents; they were great, just...not the most present.  I’ve been working since I can remember, and pretty much taking care of myself since I graduated high school at fourteen.  I guess I was one of those rare cases of jumping right into adulthood, that’s why I feel being a child was so long ago.”

 

Gustus nodded at that, cutting his lasagna.  “That I can understand.”

 

“Lexa, we have way too much lasagna,” Aden suddenly said.  “Look how much Dad made!  And since you already invited one friend over, why don’t you go call Clarke?”

 

“Ah, Clarke,” Gustus said, biting into his lasagna.  “I miss her.  Why isn’t she over anymore?”

 

“Yes, it has been a while since the Griffins were over,” Indra said.  “Perhaps we can invite them for Lexa’s birthday dinner on Sunday,”

 

“That sounds great!” Aden said, shooting a glare at Costia.  Baffled, Costia blinked at the teenage boy, before turning to Lexa.

 

“Is this _the_ Clarkel?”  She asked with a smile.

 

“Yes,” Aden interrupted before Lexa could get in a word.  “Lexa’s been in love with Clarke since they were kids.  They have one of those sappy fairytale romances, you know?  The whole childhood friends to lovers thing.  Well, they’re working on it.  Lexa likes Clarke, she just needs to grow a pair and do something about it.”

 

“No,” Lexa said quickly.  “Not anymore.”

 

“Whoa, back up,” Anya said, setting her fork down.  “You’re over Clarke?  That’s unlikely,” she scoffed.

 

“Do we really have to discuss my love life over dinner and in front of my supervisor, Anya?” Lexa asked through grit teeth.

 

“Calm down, girls,” Indra said.  “Lexa’s business is her own, Anya.” After a moment of hesitation, Indra looked at Lexa, saying, “But once again, Anya is right.  We’ll discuss this later.”

 

At that, Lexa broke.  “There’s nothing to discuss!” She all but shouted.  “Clarke kissed me, said it was a mistake, and now we barely talk.  Happy?  Can we please get on with dinner?”

 

Costia coughed uncomfortably at the silence that enveloped the table.  “This lasagna is good, Mr. Woods,”

 

“Oh, go suck up to some other teenager’s dad,” Aden said, standing from the table.

 

“Aden James!” Indra said, slamming her fork on the table.  “What has gotten into you tonight?”

 

“May I please be excused?” Aden asked in a tone that implied he was about to leave regardless of the answer.  Just as Indra was about to argue, Gustus raised a hand, calming his wife.

 

“Let him be, Indra.  You know how teenagers are.”  He sighed, nodding once.  “Clean your plate and put your dishes in the washer.”

 

Aden snatched his plate and his glass of milk, marching out of the dining room.

 

“I’m sorry for him,” Lexa said, giving Costia an apologetic look.

 

“It’s fine,” she smiled, resting her hand on top of Lexa’s.  Lexa gasped a little at the sudden touch, eyes flickering down to see Costia’s tan hand perched over her own, turquoise ring resting delicately on her middle finger.  She looked back up at Costia, giving her a quick, uneasy smile as her chest suddenly felt tight.  “I know how young teenagers can be.  You and Anya are such mature girls, I’m sure Aden will grow up to be like you two, soon.”

 

“We can hope,” Indra grunted.

 

Anya glanced between her sister and Costia, noting that Costia made no effort to move her hand from Lexa’s.  She hummed quietly to herself, drinking from her own glass before clearing her throat.  “So, Costia, do you have a boyfriend?”

 

With a pink twinge to her cheeks, Costia slid her hand off of Lexa’s.  “No, Anya.  I’m actually a lesbian.”

 

“Who isn’t these days?” Indra asked with a smile.

 

“Not my fault you ended up with three queer kids,” Anya snorted.

 

“I don’t mind at all, Anya.  You know how your father and I are.”

 

“Very liberal,” Gustus nodded, reaching for a second piece of lasagna.  “Big democrats in this household.  Go gays.  At least neither of my daughters will end up pregnant any time soon,”

 

“Unless we date a woman who can get us pregnant, Dad,” Anya rolled her eyes.  

 

After a pause Gustus laughed.  “You’re right!  Please don’t tell me you’re pregnant, Anya.”

 

“No, Dad,” Anya sighed, though a smile broke on her lips.

 

“So, do you have a girlfriend?” Indra asked Costia, inviting her back into the conversation.

 

“No, I don’t. I guess I haven’t met the right person yet.” Costia smiled, looking over at Lexa.  “Or maybe I have, but I haven’t made my move yet,” she smiled, looking back at Indra and Gustus.

 

“Well, I best get to cleaning up,” Gustus said, picking up his plate.  “Darling, do you want to help me with these while we let the girls chat a bit?”

 

“Sure,” Indra said, picking up her own plate and following her husband into the kitchen.  The two left the room, leaving only Lexa and Costia sitting side by side, and Anya sitting across them.

 

Anya’s eyes narrowed.  Maybe her brother was onto something, giving Costia the third degree.  It did seem like she was flirting with Clarke...“It must be hard, meeting people your _own_ age,” she said.  “Your colleagues must be much older than you.”

 

“Yes, they are,” Costia said with a tight-lipped smile.  “I don’t get to socialize much with my own age group, no.  Not unless I go out at bars, but I’m usually too tired to go out at night.  I have a small group of friends, but they live out in San Fran, where I did my undergraduate studies.  I hardly get to see them.  Lexa did get to accompany me to dinner with them a while ago,” she mentioned.

 

“How old are most of your coworkers?”  Anya asked, feigning curiosity.

 

“Most are in their late thirties, early forties.”

 

“No one in their twenties, like you?”  Anya asked, cocking and eyebrow.

 

“No,” Costia said, setting her fork down.  Her own eyes narrowed, matching Anya’s.  “What are you asking here, Anya?”

 

“Nothing,” Anya shrugged.  “Just observing.  That must make it hard to date,” Anya said, twirling her fork on her plate.  “I mean, the only person you really socialize with close to your age is Lexa.”

 

Lexa glared at her sister, mouthing, “ _What are you doing?”_

 

Costia stood, picking up her plate and walking into the kitchen. Lexa shook her head at her sister, snatching her own plate up and following Costia.

 

“Thank you so much for dinner,” Costia said, clearing her own plate and setting it in the washer.

 

“Of course!” Gustus said, smiling.  

 

“How would you like to come back on Sunday night?” Indra asked.  “We’ll either have dinner here, or out at a restaurant for Lexa’s birthday.  Whatever she chooses.”

 

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to impose,” Costia smiled.

 

“It wouldn’t be an imposition at all,” Gustus promised.  “Consider it a thank-you.  You’re making our daughter look _very_ appealing for Polis’ marine biology program.”

 

“It would be nice to have you over again,” Lexa said with a smile.  

 

“Well, if you insist,” Costia said with a wink.  “What should I wear?”

 

“Well…” Indra said, wiping her hands off on a dish towel.  “Eighteen is a big celebration.  Lexa, would you like to go to Firefly?”

 

“The lounge in L.A.?” Lexa asked, appalled. “That’s a bit of a drive,”

 

“It would be fun,” Indra said.  “I’ll even order you a drink,”

 

“Wow.  Um, okay,” Lexa nodded.

 

Indra looked over at Costia, saying, “Wear something nice.  It will be our treat.”

 

“Thank you, Mrs. Woods.”

 

“Ah, I’m afraid we won’t have enough space in our family car…” Gustus hummed.  “I’d hate to make Dr. Greene drive all by herself to meet us in Los Angeles.”

 

“I could drive Costia,” Lexa said.  “If that’s okay with you,” she said, smiling at the girl.

 

Costia nodded.  “It would be fun.”

 

“Cool, I’ll tag along with you fun kids,” Anya winked, walking into the kitchen.  “Girl time,”

 

“That sounds like fun,” Gustus laughed.  “Though Aden would feel lonely with us old farts,”

 

“He can tag along too!” Anya said, clapping her dad on the shoulder.  “What a fun bonding experience for all us kids,”

 

“Great,” Costia smiled politely.  “Well, I better be going--my dog is probably begging to get out, she’s not used to me being out so late.”

 

“Hmm.  You have a dog,” Anya said, setting her plate in the dishwasher.

 

“Yes, I do,” Costia said, curiously.

 

“Lexa hates dogs,” Anya remarked with a smile.  “Says they’re too smelly.  We’re a cat family.”

 

At that, Costia raised an eyebrow.  “Really?”

 

“Very misunderstood creatures,” Gustus said.  “Ours are probably upstairs hiding, they don’t take well to new people.  I’m sure they’ll come around if you’re over more, though. And I hope you are!  You’re a good connection for Lexa to have,” Gustus and Indra excused themselves, making their way toward the family room for their after-dinner glass of wine.

 

“We have four cats,” Lexa said, a smile gracing her lips.  “Each of the kids in this house have one, and our parents have one, too.”  

 

“What are their names?” Costia asked, curiously.

 

“Well, Aden was only seven when we adopted them, and he insisted on naming them all after Pokemon,” Lexa smiled.  “Mine is Skitty, Mom and Dad’s is Meowth, Anya’s his Mew, and Aden’s is Mewtwo.”

 

“That’s adorable,” Costia said.  “I used to love playing that card game with my cousins.”

 

“You know,” Anya butt in, “Lexa is too _young_ to have ever played the real Pokemon games.  The cards, you know.  She grew up on the _DS_ versions, not even the GameBoy ones.  That was my childhood.”

 

Sensing Anya’s hostility towards her, Costia inhaled, plastering a smile on her face.  “Well, I’ll be off.”  She glanced at Lexa, pulling her in for a hug.  “I’ll see you Sunday, birthday girl,” she said with a smile.  She thanked Indra and Gustus, before shooting a look at Anya and walking out the front door.

 

Anya glared at Lexa once Costia was gone.

 

“What?  Not you, too.”

 

“She’s seven years older than you.” Anya said, crossing her arms. “And was totally flirting with you in front of our parents.”

 

“Six and a half, actually,” Lexa rolled her eyes, walking to the dining room to clear the rest of the table.

 

“Lexa, she’s a little old for you, don’t you think?”

 

“Drop it, Anya.” Lexa said.

 

“No,” Anya said.  "Lexa...just be honest with me.  Has she pressured you?  Has she...been inappropriate with you?"

 

"Anya, Jesus," Lexa huffed, pushing past her sister.

 

"Don't walk away from me, not right now, Lexa," Anya said, grasping her sister's arm.  "Listen, I get it.  You're an adult now.  I've dated my fair share of older women.  I dated women about Costia's age when I was your age.  I get it, okay?  Just be honest with me.  She's respecting you, right?"

 

"Yes, Anya," Lexa said, pulling her arm out of her sister's grasp.  "She's never touched me.  She's never tried to kiss me.  Yes, she flirts with me, and yes, I flirt back.  But it has never progressed past that.  If I was uncomfortable, I would tell her to knock it off.  There's nothing going on that I'm not okay with."

 

Anya relented, holding up her hands.  "Okay.  I just...still look at you as my baby sister."

 

"Well, I'm not a baby anymore.  I’ll be eighteen in a few days.  If I want to date her, I will.  Besides,” Lexa shrugged.  “She’s old fashioned.  She told me she’s asked every girlfriend’s father for their blessing before dating their daughter.  Until she goes to Gustus, no one needs to worry about anything.”

 

“Do you like her?” Anya asked, and Lexa shrugged her shoulders.

 

“I guess so.  She’s very kind.  She’s beautiful.  She’s intelligent.  What’s not to like?”

 

“The fact that she’s not Clarke,” Anya said, crossing her arms.

 

Lexa sighed.  “Anya, Clarke doesn’t feel the same.”

 

“She could just need some time to figure everything out, Lex.”

 

“Maybe,” Lexa shrugged.  “But the fact is, she rejected me before I could even get a word out. She literally ‘no-homo-ed’ our kiss.”

 

“But you love her,”

 

Lexa paused.  “Yes.”

 

“And you only _like_ Costia.”

 

“I haven’t known her long enough to feel anything else for her,” Lexa said, shaking her head.  “Can you just drop this? It’s my life, Anya.”

 

“I know, and you deserve to spend it with the person you love, not someone you tolerate because she’s nice and passably cute,”

 

“It could turn into love,” Lexa shrugged.  “Besides, you’re way ahead of yourself. We aren’t even dating. Like I said, all we've done is flirt.”

 

“If Clarke showed up right now and told you she loved you, what would you do?” Anya asked, seriously.

 

“I don’t know,” Lexa said.

 

“That’s bull.”

 

“You’re probably right,” Lexa said, turning back to the dining table and beginning to clean it.

 

“You’d take her in a second, wouldn’t you?” Anya asked.

 

“Yes, okay?” Lexa sighed.  “I would.  But Anya, she hasn’t told me she feels the same.  I’m not going to wait around like a lost puppy for her while she figures out her feelings.”

 

“Maybe you haven’t given her the chance to tell you them,” Anya said, grabbing Lexa’s elbow when she put the dishes in the sink.  She made Lexa turn to face her.  “Admit it, you’ve been giving her the cold shoulder.”

 

“Yeah.  She broke my heart, Anya.”

 

“She didn’t mean to,” Anya said softly.  “Call her.  Invite her over.”

 

“I can’t,” Lexa said.  “I have to work all day tomorrow.  And Sunday’s the dinner.”

 

“Then call her on Monday,” Anya said.  “She deserves a chance to say what’s on her mind.  I’ve seen her try to call and text you.  You can’t expect her to tell you she loves you if you won’t give her a chance to talk.”

 

“Fine,” Lexa said, resigned, knowing her sister was right.  “I’ll call her Monday.”

 

Once Lexa was out of earshot and upstairs in her room, Anya made her way into the family room, glancing between her parents. "Well?"

 

"Costia seems like a good woman," Gustus said, sipping his wine.

 

"Very well educated. She's very polite," Indra agreed.

 

Anya scoffed. "She was shamelessly flirting with your daughter in front of you."

 

"We noticed," Gustus laughed.

 

"And you're both okay with this?"

 

Indra sighed. "Like we overheard Lexa say,--very loudly--Lexa is an adult now, Anya. She can date who she wants. Besides, she never put up a fuss when you were seventeen and you dated that twenty-two year old." 

 

Gustus nodded. "We liked her, we gave her our blessing, and she treated you well," Gustus said. "Sure, Costia is a few years older than your ex was, but Lexa is also about to be eighteen now. Legally, she can be with whoever she wants."

 

"I don't care about legality," Anya sighed. "I just want her to be careful who she gives her heart to. I'm afraid she's rushing into things after having her heart broken, with someone a bit older, nonetheless."

 

"Lexa will have to make her own mistakes," Indra sighed. "Look, Anya, we all want Lexa to stay a little girl forever. But she's a woman, now. Costia is a respectable partner. She's got a good education, she'll put Lexa on the right career path, and she seems to treat Lexa with respect. If she wants to date Lexa, that's Lexa's decision." Gustus said.

 

"It's clear that nothing serious has happened between them," Indra agreed. "Just some flirty banter. Costia seems like a very respectful young woman."

 

"You forget how big an age gap is between me and your mother," Gustus smiled, ruffling Anya's hair.  "Your grandmother was not pleased that I was already thirty by the time your mother turned twenty."

 

"But we were both consenting adults who knew what we were getting into," Indra said, gruffly.  "Your sister was very vocal about Costia not having done anything to pressure her.  If she's been respectful of Lexa, there's no need to fear the way she will treat her in a relationship."

 

Anya sighed. "I hope you two are right." 

 

"Go get some rest, Anya. I appreciate you looking out for your sister, but ultimately, she's grown now. Who she gets involved with is her business."

 

"You're her parents, its yours, too," Anya said, pointedly.

 

"Yes," Gustus said, sighing.  "And we can see that Costia makes Lexa happy."

 

Anya nodded, sensing the conversation was over.

 

Still, something about Dr. Greene didn't sit well with Anya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you all liked the chapter. 
> 
> I've been MIA, I know. College and life kicked my ass. The studying was hard, I was always busy, and I had a pretty bad breakup. I've been real depressed and anxious lately, more than usual, and it definitely has to do with this big breakup I went through. I'm sorry I didn't have it in me to write - and when I post things, I want them to be quality, and everything I've been writing has been pretty shitty, to be honest. I'm pretty proud of this chapter, though.
> 
> I'll try to update more regularly next semester! Thank you all for your patience :)
> 
> Come chat over @gothamsgirlgang on tumblr! (UPDATE: as of 5/19/18, I am at the URL @legendofbisexuals on tumblr! I may switch back to @gothamsgirlgang later, but I was in want of a good change. If you go to @gothamsgirlgang, no worries, it'll redirect you to my new URL!)


	6. July: Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Costia makes her move, Aden admits why he really dislikes Costia, and Clarke has a pretty rough day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Thanks so much for the comments, I love reading them! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Besides the news of swimming, Clarke knew she wanted to get Lexa a physical gift as well.

 

For as long as she’d known Lexa, Clarke knew that Lexa had an affinity for jewelry from Tiffany’s.  Perhaps it was because Lexa adored the movie _Breakfast at Tiffany’s_ , or maybe it was just because Lexa purely liked the jewelry; she never elaborated on why she loved those pieces so much, but she did make it a point to stop at the Tiffany’s whenever they went shopping in Los Angeles together, the few and far between times they went.

 

It was the day before Lexa’s birthday, and Clarke was kicking herself.  She knew it was too late to order online, and driving into L.A. for a necklace was going to take a good chunk out of her day, but she wanted to do this for Lexa. Lexa, despite loving the jewelry, had never bought herself a single piece; not even a charm for her charm bracelet.  She said it was because she never wanted to waste that much money on herself; but Lexa never said she would object to receiving something as a gift.

 

Clarke pulled up her bank account, frowning at the number.  She hadn’t been working much lately, and her funds were starting to show it.  Sighing, she realized there was only one option left.

 

She made her way into the kitchen, watching as her mother sat at the breakfast table, idly reading a book while she picked at some fruit.  “Hey, Mom,” Clarke said, padding barefoot across the kitchen to join her mother.  

 

“What do you want, Clarke?” Abby asked, looking up with a teasing smile on her lips.

 

“What do you mean?” Clarke asked, feigning ignorance.

 

“Your hands are clasped behind your back.  You’re practically tip-toeing over to me.  You want something.”

 

“I need to borrow some money,” Clarke said with a hopeful smile.

 

“What for?” Abby asked, setting her book down.

 

“Well...I want to get Lexa something nice for her birthday.  She’s always wanted a necklace from Tiffany’s...I have a hundred-twenty-five in my account, but I need to borrow seventy-five.  I promise I’ll pay you back as soon as I start working again,” Clarke pleaded, giving her mother her best ‘I’m a good child’ smile.

 

Abby sighed.  “Fine.  My purse is on the kitchen counter.  Take the hundred dollar bill, you’ll need some extra for the tax.”

 

“Thank you,” Clarke hugged her mom, squeezing her tight.  “She’ll love it.”

 

“I know she will,” Abby laughed, pushing her daughter off of her.  “Go, it’s an hour drive to Los Angeles.  You should leave so you have plenty of time to find the necklace and engrave it.”

 

“How did you know--”

 

“Because you’re you, Clarke, and of course you would get a necklace engraved for your best friend,” Abby smiled. “And I know a love confession when it’s coming.  You need a good bargaining chip, don’t you?”

 

Clarke blushed.  “I guess so,” she said, smiling happily.

 

“Now, go, shoo, go spend my hard earned money to win yourself a girlfriend,” she teased her daughter.

 

“You’re the best!” Clarke smiled, grabbing the money from her mom’s wallet and tucking it in her own.  She quickly ran out to her own car, hopping in and speeding off.

 

She listened to albums the whole way there, mindlessly singing along.  She got stopped, as usual, in L.A. traffic, groaning the whole time.  Eventually, she finally made her way into the grand Tiffany parking lot, all but running into the store.

 

She searched up and down the displays, eagerly looking for the exact necklace.  She found it, breathing a sigh of relief.  It was simple.  A simple sixteen inch sterling silver chain, holding a small heart shaped pendant reading “ _Please return to Tiffany & Co., New York, 925” _and a small key pendant overlapping the side of the heart.  She had seen Lexa looking at this exact pendant the last time they were here, and Lexa had almost bought it, but resigned at the last minute, saying it was too much to spend on herself.

 

Well, Clarke had a love confession to make tonight.  A pricey gift was probably a good add-on.

 

“Can I help you, ma’am?” An elderly worker asked, pushing his glasses up his nose.

 

Clarke smiled at him.  “I’d like the heart and key pendant, please.” She said, pointing the the exact one.  

 

The man nodded, opening the glass door with shaky hands and pulling the necklace out.  “Would you like an engraving, ma’am?”

 

“Yes, please,” Clarke nodded.

 

“I’m afraid my hands are too shaky to do it myself,” he laughed, leading her over to the register.  “Let me go and ask my daughter to handle this.  If you wouldn’t mind staying here,” he said, and Clarke nodded.  “Thank you,”

 

She waited patiently, tapping her foot as she looked around.  This place never failed to amaze her; it was stunning, all chandeliers and tiffany blue walls.  Lexa was a lover of old cinema, and she knew it was surreal for her best friend to be in the store that inspired one of her favorite classics.

 

Her attention was pulled back when a middle aged woman appeared with the old man.  “What would you like engraved, dear?” She asked.

 

“I’m getting this for my friend,” Clarke smiled.  “I’d like her initials engraved.  AAW, please.”

 

“Give me a few minutes, love,” the woman said, nodding her head.  “If you’d like, you can wait here at the register, or you can go lounge in the sitting area.  It will be about ten minutes.”

 

Clarke thanked her, deciding to stay standing.  She pulled out her phone, debating on whether or not to text Lexa and let her know of her plans for the following evening.  On the one hand, it would be nice to surprise Lexa, to catch her off guard.  It would also ensure that Lexa couldn’t say no to her and avoid her, as she had been doing all month.  On the other hand, if Lexa already had plans, she could be forced out before even getting a single word in that she wanted to say.

 

_Hey, Lex.  It’s me, Clarke.  I think I’ll pop over tomorrow for your birthday.  I miss you._

 

No. It felt to impersonal.

 

_Lexa - happy early birthday!  If it’s okay, I’m going to swing by tomorrow and say hello.  I’ll be out of your hair in no time._

 

No, that was a lie.  Clarke planned on spending the better part of her evening with Lexa, hopefully.

 

_Lexa: you, me, tomorrow night. Birthday dinner. Boom._

 

Who was she kidding?

 

Sighing, she shut her phone off, tucking it in her back pocket.  She would just surprise Lexa tomorrow.  That way she wouldn’t sound awkward or rude on the phone trying to make plans with the girl who had been pointedly avoiding her all month.

 

Clarke couldn’t blame her.  She did reject Lexa, after all, even if she didn’t know it.  It had to be embarrassing; and Lexa probably thought Clarke didn’t have feelings for her, despite the self-discovery journey of the last three weeks.  Granted, it was half Clarke’s fault; she could have clued Lexa in on her situation sooner, but she didn’t want to give her friend false hope.  She figured it was better to wait it out, and not tell Lexa about her struggles with putting a label on her sexuality and to figure out her feelings for Lexa.  That way, if she ended up truly only seeing Lexa as a friend...she wouldn’t hurt her.  Her friends and her mom were right; telling Lexa she might have feelings for her would only give Lexa high hopes.  Clarke wanted to avoid hurting her friend any more than she already had; so she stayed quiet.  Still, it was frustrating trying to reach out and getting radio silence from Lexa.  It was always short phone calls, ended with an, “I’m busy, I’ll get back to you later,” only to never be returned, or brief, sometimes almost rude texts, showing Lexa’s obvious disinterest in the conversation.  

 

Lexa had every right to be upset, but enough was enough.  Clarke was putting her foot down.  Tomorrow, she’d make things right; she’d admit the truth, apologize for hurting Lexa, and say that if Lexa had already moved on, she’d support her.  It wasn’t going to be easy, but it had to be done.  Lexa deserved the truth. Lexa deserved to know that Clarke hadn’t meant to reject her; that it just took Clarke’s brain a little while to catch up with her heart and make sense of her feelings for Lexa.

 

She was pulled out of her own thoughts when the elderly man brought the necklace in its blue box, placed delicately inside.  “You can look at the engraving to make sure it’s right,” he smiled.  Clarke thanked him, checking it out on the back of the necklace, and nodding when she saw it was correct.  

 

“Thank you so much,” she said as she pulled out the cash her mother loaned her.  She gave him her debit card to finish up, swiping it gently and feeling relieved when it beeped its approval.

 

* * *

 

Lexa looked in the mirror, stepping back to assess herself.  She wanted to look nice for the evening; not because Costia would be there (that would be silly), but because it was her eighteenth birthday, and she deserved a nice night out with her family.

 

She knew her taste in fashion was eclectic, and she found herself hoping that Costia, for some reason, would like her dress.

 

It was a tea-length dress, resting mid calf.  It was a dark navy blue, nearly midnight in color, velvet cradling her body.  An empire-waist, it accentuated Lexa’s small chest nicely, a thin panel of lace cradling the line between her chest and stomach.  Sleeves, slightly puffed, enveloped Lexa’s forearms, ending just above her elbows.  Panels of velvet and lace made a pattern down her legs, and the last panel of lace enveloped Lexa’s calfs, delicately ruching at the bottom.  She slipped on a pair of simple suede black kitten heels, opting for a delicate matching clutch as her purse for the night.  Her hair rested in waves over her shoulders, makeup minimal, simply mascara, blush, and a light peach gloss.  She rarely found herself getting dressed up, but looking in the mirror, Lexa wondered if she should try more often.

 

A knock at her door caught her attention.  She smiled, looking over at her big sister, dressed simply in a long, black velvet dress, reaching her knees.  Her signature leather jacket stayed perched on her shoulders, and her messy hair still stayed in their wild braids pulled up into a ponytail; things rarely changed with her sister.  “You ready?  Aden’s getting antsy.”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded, turning off her light as the two made their way down the stairs.  “Any idea when Clarke will be here?”

 

“Clarke?” Anya asked, looking over at Lexa when they reached the bottom of the stairs.

 

“I said Costia,” Lexa said, tucking a loose wave behind her ear.

 

“You definitely said Clarke,” Anya grinned.  “Anyway, Costia texted you, you left your phone downstairs.  She said she got stuck in traffic and she’d be about ten more minutes.”

 

“Okay,” she breathed, walking into the family room.

 

“Alexandria, look at you!” Gustus boomed.  “You really are all grown up.  You look beautiful,” he said, buttoning his suit jacket.  Indra rolled her eyes, pulling her white shawl up over her shoulders.  

 

“Augustus, don’t you start crying before our guest arrives.” Indra rolled her eyes.

 

Aden grumbled.  “I’m hungry,” he sighed, sitting on the couch.

 

“Don’t wrinkle your suit!” Indra said, eyeing him.  “You would not believe how expensive kids’ suits are.”

 

Just then, the doorbell rang.  “I’ll get it,” Lexa said, hurrying towards the front door.  She took a deep breath, plastering a smile on her face as she opened the door.  “It’s good to see you--Clarke?” She blinked.

 

Standing there on her front porch was her best friend, holding a large woven picnic basket.  Clarke blinked, looking Lexa up and down.  She swallowed thickly, saying, “Well, I may be underdressed,”

 

“What are you doing here?” Lexa asked, leaning against her door frame.

 

“Well, I thought it would be nice to surprise you,” Clarke said with a small smile. “You know, you took me on that picnic for my last birthday, and I thought it would be nice to do the same for you, but I see you...had other plans,” she said, voice dropping dejectedly.

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Lexa whispered, taking in Clarke’s appearance.  She was in jean shorts and a simple white tank top, a red flannel tied around her waist.  She looked beautiful.

 

“Lexa, who’s at the door?” Indra asked, making her way over.  “Oh, Clarke!  Well, come on in, don’t leave her standing outside like a stray dog, Lexa,” Indra tutted, opening the door for Clarke to come in.

 

“I don’t want to bother,” Clarke shook her head, taking a step back.  “I should’ve known you would all have plans.  Big birthday,” she let out a shaky laugh.

 

And then, a pair of heeled footsteps approached the house, making all eyes turn onto the porch step.  

 

“Costia, so glad you could join us!” Indra said.

 

Clarke felt her stomach drop.  She appraised the woman like a fine piece of jewelry, inspecting her from all angles.  She was beautiful, Clarke had to admit.  Long, blonde hair sat toppled up on her head elegantly, showing off the diamond-studded choker taking up a good portion of her neck.  Her dress was simple, a silken black slip dress, draping itself over her slender body.

 

“Costia,” Lexa said, nearly stuttering over the word.  She glanced anxiously between Clarke and Costia, seemingly having a stare-off.  Costia broke the harsh gaze first, giving Clarke a smile.

 

Costia stepped up to join Clarke on the porch.  “Do we have another friend tagging along?” She asked, extending her hand.  “Costia Greene.  And you are?”

 

“Leaving,” Clarke said, shaking her hand.  “I’m really sorry Lexa, I didn’t mean to ruin your night.” She said, feeling her eyes water.  “I--I’ll just head on home.”

 

“Wait, Clarke,” Lexa said, reaching out and grabbing her by the wrist.  “I’m sorry,” she said, heart shattering at the tear that fell down Clarke’s cheek.  Clarke swatted at it with her free hand, nodding.

 

“It’s okay.  I should have called before barging in on your night.” She looked over at Costia, nodding once.  “Nice to meet you,” she muttered, before stepping down the porch.

 

“Clarke, wait,” Indra called after her, stepping out of the house and meeting her on the pavement.  “Why don’t you come with us?” She asked, looking over at Lexa, who just wanted the ground to swallow her whole.

 

She really did not want to go to a dinner and sit between her childhood love and her newfound boss slash crush.

 

At the commotion coming from the porch, Aden, Anya, and Gustus all joined at the front door, curious as to what was keeping Lexa and her mother.

 

“I really don’t want to ruin Lexa’s night.  She’s got such a pretty date,” Clarke said, softly.  “I wouldn’t want to be a third wheel on her birthday.  She deserves a nice night with her family and…” Clarke nodded toward Costia.  “And I’m not at all dressed for the occasion,” she laughed half-heartedly.

 

“Clarke!” Aden called out, pushing past his older sister and stepping onto the porch.  “You can take my spot at dinner, I can stay home and play video games,” he said, walking over to her.  Clarke smiled down at him fondly, setting the basket down.

 

“No,” she said, pulling him in for a hug as he opened his arms.  “You need to be there for your sister, it’s a special day for her. Go have fun, buddy, you can Snap me some pictures of the restaurant like you always do,”

 

“I want _you_ there with her.  You’re special to her, Clarke.”  Aden said, looking over at Lexa and Costia.

 

Costia adjusted the choker on her neck, suddenly feeling like it was all too tight.  

 

Clarke gave Aden another smile.  “I know, buddy.  We’re friends, but tonight’s about family.  So go have a good time with her,” she said, fixing the piece of hair sticking up on his head.  

 

“You can borrow one of my dresses, Clarke,” Anya spoke up, stepping onto the porch. “I can easily steal a chair and put it at our table,” she said, crossing her arms.

 

Clarke shook her head, watching as Lexa spoke gently to Costia.  “Lexa clearly has another guest she wants tonight,” she said quietly, and Anya glanced over at the couple lounging in the doorway.

 

Bending down, Clarke picked up the basket again. She reached into the picnic basket, pulling out a small box, wrapped in a simple blue wrapping paper.  “Can you just give this to Lexa later?” she asked, turning to Aden, before looking over at Lexa.  Aden nodded, slipping it into his pocket.

 

Her heart dropped, seeing Costia press a soft kiss onto Lexa’s cheek.  Lexa smiled at Costia, making way for her to walk into the parlor.  Her eyes fluttered back to Clarke’s, holding her gaze.  “Rain check on the picnic?” She asked, a hopeful smile on her lips.

 

But seeing the way Costia brushed her hand against Lexa’s arm and whispered into her ear before stepping inside to join her made Clarke shake her head.  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she said, trying her hardest to keep a smile.  “I hope you have a nice night,” she said hastily, feeling more tears falling down her cheeks, before turning and leaving.

 

Lexa clenched her jaw, watching as Clarke all but ran back to her car.  Part of her wanted to go chase after her, to jump in that car with Clarke, as overdressed as she was, and go off wherever Clarke had planned.

 

But then Costia slipped her hand into Lexa’s, giving her a warm smile and telling her how excited she was for the night, and Clarke was already gone.

 

* * *

 

As soon as the door shut behind her, Clarke sank onto the floor.  She let her body fall against the wooden door, all but throwing the picnic basket aside.

 

“Clarke, honey?  Is that you?” Abby called from the kitchen, and Clarke buried her face in her knees, wrapping her arms around her thighs.

 

Her lib wobbled.  Her whole body was taut like a rubber band being pulled, ready to snap.  Tears flowed down her cheeks, staining them with black streaks as she sniffled.

 

“Clarke?” Abby called out again, stepping into the foyer.  “Oh, Clarke,” she sighed, moving to her daughter’s side.  She frowned, reaching out to touch her daughter, but hesitating.  After a moment, she gave in, pulling her daughter’s body close.  Clarke immediately wrapped her arms around her mother, burying her face in Abby’s neck as she sobbed.  “Oh, honey.  It’ll all be okay.”  Abby whispered, holding a hand firmly against Clarke’s head as she shook.

 

“I took too long,” Clarke cried, clutching onto her mother’s sweater like a lifeline.  “She--she has a fancy, older girlfriend and--and they went out to di--dinner together,” she mustered out between sobs.

 

Abby shook her head sadly, unable to find any words to make her daughter feel better.  She simply sat against the door, gently rocking her daughter back and forth as she cried.  She hadn’t seen her daughter this much of a mess since after the accident--and her heart tugged at the sounds coming from Clarke.

 

But what was a good way to talk about heartbreak with your heartbroken child?  There was no answer, no magic words Abby could say to make Clarke feel better; and the bluntness of saying that a heartbreak hurts but will pass is never what one wants to hear.  There’s nothing a mother can do but offer her mother’s love, and pray to whatever god there is above that her daughter will find a way to move on.  The only thing worse than experiencing a broken heart, yourself, is seeing someone you love going through those awful feelings on their own, and there’s really nothing anyone can ever do for another experiencing the awful pain of heartbreak.

 

So Abby sat silently, simply holding her daughter, rocking her gently as she sat on the hardwood floor, letting Clarke cry.

 

-

 

“I know I probably ruined your evenings,” Abby said, giving a grateful look to the two teenagers in front of her, “but I can’t…” she sighed.  “There’s nothing I can do for her.  I’ve been through this, and I know the last thing a teenage girl wants is some preachy ‘it’ll all be okay’ or ‘you’ll find someone who loves you someday’ or some ‘if it’s meant to be, it’ll be’ talk from their mothers.  I remember what I needed when I was her age.  I just needed some friends,”

 

“It’s no problem, Mrs. G,” Raven said.  “We’re glad you called us.”

 

“Yeah, it’s kind of our fault the two of them are even in this situation,” Octavia said.  “We kind of pushed Lexa into admitting her feelings, and that just...jump started a mess.”

 

“I know you two mean well,” Abby said, “and right now, Clarke needs you two.  She might be asleep, I’m not sure...but you two are welcome to stay as long as she wants you.”

 

“We’ll take care of her,” Octavia promised.

  
Abby nodded.  “Well...I’ll let you be, then. I’ll be down here if Clarke needs me.”

 

And so, Octavia and Raven quietly made their way up to Clarke’s room, gently knocking on the door.

 

“Go away, Mom,” Clarke said hoarsely from inside.

 

Raven opened the door, anyway, announcing their presence.  “Can we please come in?”

 

Clarke turned, bottom lip wobbling as she saw her friends.  “Yeah,” she said, swiping at her swollen eyes.  Octavia shut the door behind her, and the two made their way to Clarke’s bed, sitting on either side of her.

 

“Hey, tell us what happened tonight,” Octavia said gently, brushing back the hair sticking to Clarke’s tear-soaked cheeks.

 

“I--I thought I would surprise Lexa with a birthday picnic,” she said, sniffling.  “She did that for me, last year.  When I showed up, um,” she paused, her breathing staggered, “she was all--all dressed up.  And I told her I--I could just go, and then…”

 

“Then what, Clarke?” Raven asked softly.

 

At that, Clarke broke.  “Then miss perfect showed up in silk and diamonds and kissed her cheek and held her hand,” she sobbed, falling into Octavia’s ready hold.

 

Octavia and Raven exchanged a glance before both looking down at Clarke.  “Hey, you know what? Fuck her.” Raven said after a moment.

 

“What?” Clarke asked, looking up, bewildered.

 

“Fuck. Her,” Raven enunciated.  “If she couldn’t wait three damn weeks for you to figure out your feelings for her, she doesn’t deserve a single one of these tears you’re crying.”

 

“But--it hurts,” Clarke cried, eyes filling with tears again.

 

“Let it hurt,” Octavia said quietly, rubbing comforting circles on her back.  “Cry, yell, scream.  Feel sad, feel angry, feel hurt.  Let it all out.”

 

“I--I went through so much hell this month,” Clarke sobbed, clutching onto Octavia like a lifeline.  “I questioned every--every single part of me, and I--I felt like suck a f-fucking dick realizing I hurt her!”

 

“I know,” Octavia sighed.  “I know.”

 

“And I realize I--I _love_ her.  And n-now, she’s with someone else,” she whimpered, looking up at Octavia.  “It fucking hurts,” she said, and all she could do was let out a pained laugh as she cried.

 

“I know it does,” Octavia gave her own watery laugh.

 

Raven pulled Clarke up from Octavia’s grasp, pulling her in for a hug.  “You are worth so much more than crying over some girl, Clarke.”

 

“She isn’t just some girl, Raven,” Clarke said, letting herself go limp in Raven’s comforting hold.  “She--she’s everything. She’s my best friend.  And now I’ve l-lost her, just like I didn’t want to h-happen.”

 

“You aren’t losing anybody, Clarke,” Octavia said, reaching over to join in on the hug.  “You still have me and Raven.  Lexa will still be a part of your life if you want her to be.”

 

“I--I told myself if s--she had moved on, I’d be h--happy for her,” Clarke gasped out, choking on her words.  “But I can’t be,” she said dejectedly.  “I can’t be.”

 

“I know.  It hurts, I know,” Octavia mumbled comfortingly.

 

Raven shook her head.  “I’m so sorry, Clarke.  We caused all of this.”

 

“No,” Clarke said, wiping her eyes as she pulled away.  “No, you didn’t.  You two were just...trying to help,” she said, getting her breathing under control.  “This would have happened at some point...Lexa would have met C--Costia anyway, and I would’ve just had this breakdown on my own.”

 

“Hey,” Raven said, lifting Clarke’s chin up with two fingers.  “You’re gonna get through this.  It’ll hurt like a motherfucker, but one day, you’re going to be okay.”

 

“When?” Clarke asked, feeling hot tears leak out the corners of her eyes.

 

“It takes a while to heal a broken heart, Clarke,” Octavia said, rubbing her hands comfortingly on Clarke’s forearms.  “It won’t be right away.”

 

“God, I’m already sick of feeling this way,” Clarke breathed, “and it’s only been a few hours,”

 

Raven gave a lighthearted laugh at that, resting her head on Clarke’s shoulder.  “Yeah, the first few hours suck the most.”

 

“Each day gets a little easier,” Octavia said.

 

“One day, you’ll wake up and feel fine, and actually be able to feel happy for Lexa.” Raven promised.

 

“How do you know?” Clarke asked.  “Really, how do you know that, Raven?”

 

Raven sighed, moving back from Clarke.  She glanced over at Octavia, giving her a sad smile.  “Because my silly crush on Octavia was real at one point.”

 

Even Octavia looked alarmed at that.  “What?” Both she and Clarke asked, staring at Raven with wide eyes.

 

“I can’t help it,” Raven said with a huge grin.  “I fell for you, Octavia, way back when we were kids.  And getting over you when I realized how fucking straight you are was a nightmare.  And it hurt like a bitch to get up every day and hang out with you, knowing you’d never feel the same...but one day, it was different.  I’d just accepted the fact that we were just meant to be friends, and I was happy for you when you started talking about the boy in geometry you had a crush on,”

 

“Raven, you sap” Octavia said, water welling in her eyes. “I thought you said it was never _love_ ,”

 

“Well,” she shrugged.  “I didn’t want to make you feel bad.  You can’t control not having feelings for me any more than I could control having feelings for you,” Raven said, giving her a smile.  “Besides, I’m _so_ over you. And now I’m into older ladies,” She winked.

 

Octavia laughed at that, swatting Raven’s arm.  “Dork.”

 

Clarke laughed a little, wiping the tears off her cheeks.

 

“See?” Raven said, looking back over at Clarke. “It takes time, but I promise one day this hurt will be gone.”

 

“I hope so,” Clarke said, looking down at her hands.  “I just don’t want to lose her.”

 

“Hey,” Octavia said.  “Raven didn’t lose me,” she smiled, shrugging lightly.  “You and Lexa have a special bond, Clarke.  One way or another, you’ll come back to each other.”

 

Raven nodded.  “Just...for now, let yourself hurt.  Bottling it up will be a bitch to deal with later.”

 

“And Clarke,” Octavia said, giving her a smile, “I know this lame mom speech sucks to hear, and Abby said you probably wouldn’t want to hear it, but it’s worth saying.”  She placed a hand on Clarke’s knee, giving it a gentle squeeze.  “If it’s meant to be with Lexa, it’ll be.  Sometimes two people just need some time apart to realize how much they belong together.”

 

“Who’s the sap now,” Raven muttered, giving Octavia a smile, before wrapping an arm around Clarke’s waist.  “She’s right, though.”

 

At that, Clarke gave a small smile, letting her friends hold her tight.  And though her heart was hurting, she knew deep down, someday, it would be alright.

 

Afterwards, when Clarke was fast asleep, Raven glanced at Octavia.  “We could fix this for her.  All it would take is a text,” she said.

 

Octavia shook her head.  “Don’t, Raven.  We’ve meddled enough.”

 

* * *

 

After ordering their food, Lexa excused herself, making her way to the bathroom.

 

Costia seized her opportunity.  “Mr. Woods, Mrs. Woods, I have to ask you something,” she said, giving them both her stellar smile.

 

Anya and Aden glanced at each other.  Aden gripped at his sister’s elbow.

 

“What is it, dear?” Gustus asked.

 

“I know it may come as a shock because, well, there’s a few years between us, but the time I’ve spent with your daughter has been some of the best of my life.  She makes me smile, and I want to treat her right.  If I have your blessing, I was wondering if I could ask her on a date?”  Costia asked, hand resting on her glass of water, anxiously.

 

Indra and Gustus shared a look.  Indra sighed, but nodded for her husband to take over.  “Well, Costia,” Gustus laughed, “Lexa’s an adult, she can date whoever she wants.  We can’t be ones to argue over an age difference, I have a good few years on my wife, here.”

 

“What would this mean for Lexa, professionally?  I’m not about to let her drop out of that internship,” Indra added, ever the stern one in their relationship.

 

“Of course, if your daughter wanted to pursue a relationship with me, it wouldn’t impact her internship at all.  I would be more than willing to change my spot with another supervisor and mentor someone else.  A relationship wouldn’t interfere with her professional partnership with the university.  And of course, her new supervisor would be the one to write recommendations and such for her.”

 

“So, if things ended between you two, there would be nothing threatening her good reputation and her work with the university?” Indra clarified, giving Costia a stern look.

 

“No, ma’am,” Costia said, nodding once. “I didn’t intend to develop feelings for Lexa, but I did.  And I know how seriously she’s taking this internship, and I won’t let anything stand in the way of that, including myself.  Things at Polis would stay strictly professional, as I’d work with another intern in a separate group.  I would have no say over anything written or reported about Lexa.”

 

Aden rolled his eyes, to which Anya nodded.  

 

After a moment, Indra nodded.  “Fine.  You have our blessing.  But our permission doesn’t grant you our daughter; the choice is ultimately hers.”

 

Costia nodded.  “Of course, Mrs. Woods,” she smiled sweetly.  “I just always like to make my intentions clear.”

 

“And what exactly are your intentions?” Anya spoke up, pushing Aden back in his seat when he moved to jump up.

 

“Anya,” Gustus said, giving his daughter a disapproving glare.

 

“No, Mr. Woods, it’s alright,” Costia said, folding her hands on the table.  Looking directly across the table, she tilted her head to the side, piercing gaze settling onto Anya’s stoic face.  “My intentions with your sister are simple.  I have feelings for her, and I’d like to treat her right, if she’ll let me.”

 

Anya narrowed her eyes.  Before she could get another word in, Lexa rejoined them, clearing her throat as she sat down.  “Did I miss anything?” She asked, looking up at her parents with a smile.

 

“Nothing important,” Aden said, looking right at Costia.  Costia smiled at Lexa’s younger brother, a glint in her eye.  “Just a whole lot of kissing up,”

 

Lexa laughed, dismissing the comment. Indra and Gustus both shot Aden a look as if to say, “Shut up.”

 

“Oh, Lexa!” Costia said, reaching into her purse.  “I have a gift for you,”

 

Lexa smiled, taking the small box.  “You didn’t have to,” she said, feeling her cheeks hurt from the wideness of her grin.

 

“Well, I wanted to,” Costia smiled.  She opened the box to see a set of emerald earrings, simple studs in a golden setting.  “We’re only allowed to wear studded earrings in the lab--necklaces and rings and hoops can easily contaminate specimens.  I know you aren’t much of a jewelry person, but I thought they’d look lovely on you, and it will add some spice to the boring lab coats you’ll wear every day.” Costia said, smiling and glancing between Lexa and the box.

 

“Oh,” Lexa laughed, reaching for the earrings.  “Of course.  Thank you, Costia,” she smiled, grabbing the first stud and pushing it in her ear.  She clasped the base on, before repeating with the other earring.  “How do they look?”

 

“Beautiful,” Costia smiled, pushing back a bit of Lexa’s wavy hair to see it better.  “You look absolutely beautiful,”

 

As dinner progressed, Costia found herself settling in with the family.

 

“You know, your daughter does incredible work out on the field,” Costia said between their first and second course.

 

“Of course she does,” Indra nodded.  “She is my daughter, after all.  She’s hardworking.”

 

“I wish more of the experienced team members had half of Lexa’s drive,” Costia smiled sweetly, resting her hand on Lexa’s.  “She’s more dedicated to her research than a few of my colleagues who have been working with Polis for upwards of twenty years,”

 

“It’s just a little bit of fieldwork,” Lexa said, giving Costia a confused look.  “I don’t really do that much.”

 

“Oh, but I see how diligently you work on your little projects during break time,” Costia said, squeezing Lexa’s hand.

 

Lexa felt her blood run cold.  “You do?”

 

“Yeah,” Costia said.  

 

“Oh, so you--you know what I’m working on,” Lexa said, feeling her mouth go dry.  This was horrible--if Costia had gotten her hands on her research, she could expose Clarke and the others at any time--

 

“All I know is that you get all jumpy when I come around and close your notebooks up all tight.” Costia laughed, looking back over at Indra and Gustus.  “She likes to play around with some equipment when she has down time.  It says a lot about your daughter that even after working hard all day, when she has time to relax, she chooses to do some independent work.  You really have raised quite an incredible daughter, she’s going to make a great scientist.” She glanced back at Lexa.  “People with drives like yours go far in the scientific community.  I don’t know what you’re working on,” she said honestly, biting her bottom lip, “but I can’t wait to see what little discoveries you’re making over there.”

 

“It’s nothing!” Lexa said, quickly.  “I’m just comparing some fish scales.  We did a lab in AP Bio last year, it was relatively the same thing,” she lied, trying her hardest to not sound too scared.  “I wasn’t pleased with the grade I got, and so I took it on myself to just try it again now that I had some free time and fix my mistakes.  I know I won’t get a better grade, but I just want to...figure everything out for the sake of knowing.”

 

“Is that so,” Costia hummed, eyes boring into Lexa’s.  Suddenly, Lexa felt trapped by the intensity of her gaze.  Before Lexa could think too much of it, Costia smiled, tearing her eyes away from Lexa’s and looking back over at her parents.  “See?  Exactly the drive I’m talking about.  Most students would just accept the grade and move on.  Even though Lexa won’t get any credit now that her course is over, she still wants to study just for knowledge itself.”

 

“She always has been a studious girl,” Gustus said.  “We’re very proud of her.”

 

“As you should be,” Costia nodded.  "She's bound to discover something big, I know it," she smiled at Lexa.  "You'll have plenty of free time during the internship, I hope you spend it continuing to do this research.  I have no idea what you're up to, but I know it'll be huge.  Promise me you'll keep working on it?"

 

Lexa laughed shakily.  "Y-yeah," she stammered.  So, Costia says she doesn't know about the research...how was she going to navigate this one?

 

Anya stood from the table, excusing herself.  “I’m gonna go vomit,” she whispered to Aden, who snickered.

 

Once she was far enough away from the table, Anya sighed.  Something felt off about this Costia girl.  She kept walking until she reached the bathroom, and she sat in the swanky bathroom lounge on a large couch, pulling her phone out of her bag.  She skimmed through her contacts, before landing on _R_.

 

She clicked on the number, bringing her phone to her ear.  After a few rings, she heard a surprised, “ _Hello?”_

 

“Reyes, it’s Anya,” she grunted into the phone.

 

_“I can tell by your happy tone.  You always sound like birds in the spring.”_

 

Anya smirked, despite herself.  “Save it, Raven.  Are you with Clarke?”

 

_“Um, yeah.  She’s not doing well, if you wanted to talk with her.”_

 

“She cried for an hour before passing out, didn’t she?” Anya asked.

 

_“How’d you know?”_

 

“She’s been my sister’s best friend for years, I know that girl almost better than Lexa does,” Anya smiled softly.  “Listen, don’t repeat what I’m about to say to Clarke.”

 

“ _Okay_?”

 

“I think Costia is using Lexa.”

 

“.... _Okay_?”

 

“Raven, I’m being serious,” Anya said.  “She’s trying way too hard to get Lexa _and_ my parents to trust her.  It’s weird.  At first, I thought it was just an age thing, some...power play.  She doesn’t have colleagues her own age, so I thought at first, maybe she was just using the naive young girl, you know? But now she’s talking about stuff going down at the lab where she and lexa work, and Lexa doing some independent research that she’s interested in...now I’m thinking it’s less of an age thing and that...Costia must just be getting close to Lexa to figure out what she’s doing.  Do you have any idea about anything that could be going on?”

 

_“No, Anya, I’m sorry.  I don’t.”_

 

Anya picked up on the hesitation in Raven’s voice. “Well, try to figure out.  You’re friends with Lexa, she’ll tell you more about her love life than she will tell me.”

 

_“About that...I doubt any of us are going to be talking with your sister soon.  Clarke’s kind of a basketcase over here.”_

 

Anya sighed. “Yeah, she just about broke down in our driveway.”

 

_“How could Lexa do this to her?”_

 

“Hey, let’s not go blaming anyone.  It’s all miscommunication.  They’ll work it out.  In the meantime...I’m going to keep tabs on Costia. What does she really want?”

 

 _“Maybe she genuinely likes your sister. Or maybe she just wants to bang,”_ Raven said, bluntly.

 

“Okay, stop.  Costia just seems too nice. She’s always...smiling,” Anya grimaced.  “Trying to make nice with everyone, even when we say mean things to her.  She wants us to like her, wants us to trust her.”

 

“ _Or she’s a regular person with emotions_ ,” Raven said, her tone teasing.  At Anya’s silence, she said, _“Right, not the time for jokes.”_

 

“I’m afraid she’s using Lexa for something...I mean, she hand picked her, she knows how smart Lexa is.  I don’t like the way this is going.”

 

_“Well, keep me updated.  I’ll help however I can.”_

 

“You believe me?” Anya asked, surprised.

 

“ _Well, yeah, Anya,_ ” Raven grumbled.  “ _You’re right, it does seem...strange that a grown woman with her doctorate is spending so much time doting on Lexa_.”

 

“Yeah,” Anya said, before sighing.  “I’ve been holed up in the bathroom too long, I have to go before they send a search party.”

 

_“Alright.  Hey Anya?”_

 

“What?” Anya asked.

 

_“I know she didn’t mean to, but Lexa really hurt Clarke by choosing Costia over her tonight.  Kick her ass a little bit, okay?”_

 

Anya grinned.  “I’ll find a way.”

 

* * *

 

At the end of the night, after the Woods family had all gone inside to get ready for bed, Lexa and Costia remained outside, sitting on the porch swing.

 

“Lexa, I have to say,” Costia started as a gentle swing rocked them both in the cool summer night air.  “I’ve loved spending time with you,”

 

“Same to you,” Lexa smiled.

 

“And you know,” Costia said, turning to face Lexa better, “I really never meant to develop feelings for you.  You were just meant to be my intern for July, but you’ve become my friend, and...something more.”

 

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked, feeling her heart thrum against her chest.

 

Costia smiled, gently grabbing one of Lexa’s hands in her own.  “I’ve fallen for you over the past month, Lexa.” She reached over with her other hand, letting it run through Lexa’s loose waves. She moved closer just a bit, so their legs were touching as they gently rocked.  “I’ve really fallen for you,” she whispered. “You’re intelligent, and beautiful.  You’ve been such a pleasure, working with and spending time outside the field with.  Every time I talk with you, I can’t help but fall even harder for you.”

 

“Costia…” Lexa trailed off, feeling her whole body flush.  Her mind was racing.  Sure, she’d been flirting with the woman for weeks, but she didn’t actually think anything would come of it--she’d expected to maintain a professional relationship with Costia, a friendship at the most.

 

Lexa’s eyes darted from Costia’s red lips back up to her green eyes.  She was quite beautiful.  She couldn’t deny that she’d been flustered around Costia since they day they met; Lexa couldn’t lie to herself and say she wasn’t attracted to the older woman.  Anya was right; Lexa loved Clarke, but she only liked Costia.  She exhaled slowly.  But, then again, _she_ was also right; she could grow to love Costia.  They were compatible; they had the same interests, studied in the same field, shared the same sense of humor, the same goals and aspirations.  She couldn’t find a better match for her personality if she asked God herself to make one.

 

“I’m not asking for a lifelong commitment,” Costia smiled, fingers gliding gently down to Lexa’s jaw.  “Just one date, and we can see where things go from there.”

 

One date.  That was fair--Lexa could handle one date.  It would allow her to think, to sort everything out, to see just how compatible she and Costia really were--

 

“Okay,” Lexa breathed, nodding.  

 

Costia smiled.  “Okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa laughed, shakily.  “A date would be nice.”

 

“I’ve been dying to kiss you all evening,” Costia murmured, swiping her thumb along Lexa’s jaw.  “May I?”

 

Lexa nodded, swallowing hard, unsure of what else to do.

 

She had only kissed Clarke before, and that was under the influence of the moon; she had no idea what to actually do, how to actually kiss a girl, how to hold her, whether she should move or stay still--

 

“Relax,” Costia smiled, inching closer.  “I’ll show you.”

 

And just like that, soft, ruby lips pressed against Lexa’s pale ones.  Lexa felt her heart jump up in her throat--and what should she do with her hands?  She brought one to Costia’s side, resting it gently, and the other to the back of her neck, cradling it softly.  Costia pressed in firmer, hand running along Lexa’s side slowly.  Costia pulled back, smiling softly.  “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

 

Lexa laughed airily.  “No.  I’m--not quite sure what to do, though.”

 

“That’s okay,” Costia promised, leaning back in. “I’m a good teacher, and _you’re_ a fast learner.”

 

-

 

In the living room, Aden gagged as he pulled the curtains shut.  “Do they really have to suck face right outside the window?”

 

Anya chuckled a little at that.

 

“Anya,” Aden cried, whirring around.  “Why are you laughing at a time like this?  She chose Costia over Clarke!”

 

Anya nodded, letting herself fall on the couch.  She crossed her arms, grunting.  “Yeah.  And we have to accept it.”

 

“Accept it?” Aden cried out in shock.  “What the hell, Anya?  I thought you were on my side!”

 

“There’s no sides here,” Anya said, patting the couch cushion next to her.  “Bud, come sit with me, okay? We need to talk.”

 

Grumpily, Aden sat next to his big sister, crossing his arms indignantly.

 

“I don’t like her either,” Anya said, honestly.  “I have a bad feeling about her.  But, we need to give Lexa some space, okay?  She’s right...she’s the only person who can choose who she dates.”

 

“Why do you have a bad feeling about Costia?  Because she’s older?”

 

“At first, yeah,” Anya nodded. “I thought maybe she was just trying to use the inexperienced, young lesbian for some fun.  But after tonight...you know how Lexa always comes home, talking about how invested Costia is in the work she does?”  Aden nodded.  “Well, tonight Costia was pretty much worshipping Lexa for some...discovery, or something.  I think she’s just trying to get close to leech off of that discovery.  I don’t think it’s much of an age thing anymore.”

 

“You think Lexa found something big, and Costia just wants her name to be attached to it?” Aden asked.  Anya shrugged.

 

“Maybe.  Or, I could just be reaching and reading the situation wrong.  Who knows?”  Anya admitted.  “All I know is...I was okay with her at first even when you weren’t, but seeing how overly affectionate she is, how much she really wants us to like her, how she pretty much swoons over Lexa’s work...makes me a little curious as to what her real intentions are.”

 

“So what do we do?”  Aden asked.

 

“Nothing,” Anya shrugged.  “Just watch.  Observe.  Maybe...maybe Costia really does like Lexa.  Or, maybe she’s using her.  Either way, we could be wrong and mess something up for Lexa.  I know we don’t like her and I know it’ll be hard, but...we just have to let Lexa do this.  I’ll step in if more red flags come up, but until I have proof that she’s using Lexa, we have to shut up.  If she really does have feelings for Lex and is honestly just trying to be with her…” Anya trailed off.

 

“We wouldn’t want to ruin Lexa’s happiness,” Aden mumbled, a frown on his face.

 

Anya nodded, resting a hand on her brother’s shoulder.  

 

Aden pulled a small, rectangular box out of his pocket.  “Clarke gave this to me.”

 

“What is it?” Anya asked, taking it.

 

“Not sure.  She said to give it to Lexa, though.”

 

“A birthday gift,” Anya hummed.

 

“Should we open it?”

 

“That’s an invasion of privacy between the two of them, don’t you think?” Anya smirked, setting the box on the coffee table in front of them.

 

Aden sighed.  “You’re no fun at all today.”

 

“Hey, buddy, can I ask you something?” Anya asked gently, turning on the couch.  She kicked her heels off, tucking her feet underneath her body.

 

“Yeah?” Aden said, warily.

 

“You’ve been very...against Costia from the beginning.  Do you know about something I don’t?” Anya asked.  “Did you...see or hear her do or say something inappropriate?  Is that why you dislike her so much?”

 

Aden shook his head slowly.  “Never even heard her voice until the dinner a few nights ago.”

 

“So why have you been so against this from the start?” Anya asked.  Aden looked away from her, wringing his hands together on his lap.  “Aden, come on.  I know you usually go to Lexa or Clarke for advice, because I’m not so great with...feelings,” Anya said, wincing at the conversation about to come.  “But you know you can tell me anything.  I’m your big sister, too.”

 

And just like that, Aden broke.  Angry tears slid down his cheeks.  “I hate her because she’s taking Lexa away from us.”

 

“What do you mean?” Anya asked softly.

 

“I mean, Lexa promised to spend this summer with Clarke! She and Clarke were supposed to go on their road trip together and fall in love and come back together, and then the four of us were going to spend their last year in Arkadia all together!”  Aden all but barrelled into his sister’s arms, clutching her like a lifeline.  Anya grimaced, awkwardly patting his back as he cried.  “But now comes this beautiful, perfect woman who of _course_ Lexa would fall for, and she’s ruining everything!  She’s taking my big sister, Anya.  She’s taking her from all of us!  Lexa’s never home anymore, she’s always with her _girlfriend._  But the worst part is…”

 

Anya sighed as Aden choked on his tears.  “What is it, Aden?” She asked, pulling back and gripping his upper arms lightly.  “What’s the worst part?”

 

“I’m afraid, Anya.”

 

“Why?” Anya asked, rubbing her hands against his arms.

 

“I don’t want our family to be like everyone else’s.  All my friends...their older siblings leave for college and never come back.  They only see each other for Christmas, and that’s it.  Their older brothers and sisters move on, go far away, get married, and never come home.  I don’t want us to be like that.  You and Lexa and Clarke are my best friends, and I thought the four of us would...would stick together.  But she’s pulling Lexa away...and Clarke, too.  It’s bad enough losing Lexa, but I don’t think I can handle losing Clarke, too!  She’s like another sister to me, and I miss her so much, and she’s never around anymore because Lexa is treating her like shit.  I just...don’t want things to change.”

 

Anya nodded, giving him a small smile.  “I know, Aden.  I don’t, either.  You know, when I picture my future, the four of us are always the ones together.  I know what you mean.”

 

“If Lexa and Clarke were together, then we’d all be fine...we’d all still be best friends.  But now Lexa and Clarke are going to date other people...they won’t be together.  Clarke will stop coming over all together, and Lexa and Costia will have their stupid wedding and stupid babies and we’ll see Lexa once a year...and you’re transferring to Berkeley in the fall, and you’ll never be home...and you’ll probably fall in love and leave, too, and I’ll be left here all alone.”

 

“Aden,” Anya said roughly.  “Don’t think like that.  You’ll never be alone, okay?  I’m not going _anywhere_ , and if I do, I’ll drag you with me,” she promised.  “Growing up doesn’t have to mean growing apart.  I hate change, too, but it’s inevitable.  I’ll be coming home on the weekends anyway to work, buddy.  You’ll still see me.  I don’t know what’s going to happen with Lexa and Clarke, but only time will tell.  Maybe they’ll make up and stay best friends even if they date other people.  We’d all still be together, yeah?” Anya nodded.  “Or, maybe they’ll even get together.  Who knows?”

 

“But what if they don’t?  What if they...stop being friends all together?  I’ve grown up with Clarke...losing her would feel just as bad as losing you or Lexa,” Aden sighed, swiping at his eyes.

 

“Clarke loves you, you idiot,” Anya laughed.  “I know for a fact that any time you call her, she’ll answer.  If things between Lexa and Clarke do go bad...that doesn’t mean Clarke has to stop being your friend, too.  She’ll still hang out with you, she’ll still talk to you.  I know if you asked her to hang out, she’d say yes.  You’re practically her little brother, too, you know.  Maybe things will change in our little dynamic, but you won’t ever lose any of us, not really.”

 

“You promise?” Aden asked, looking up at his sister.

 

“I promise, Aden,” Anya nodded.  “One way or another, we’re all going to grow up and start families of our own...but we’ll always find our way back together, Aden.”

 

Aden sniffled.  "Okay.  I just...I love you guys," he mumbled.

 

"And we love you, too, buddy."  Anya chuckled, punching his arm lightly.  "But hey...I'll keep tabs on Costia, okay?

 

* * *

 

The next day at work was stressful.

 

She clocked in early, earlier than Costia for once.  Lexa made quick work of clearing her samples from the desk, not bothering to account for all the plastic bags containing her specimens, and dumped them all in her bookbag.  She hastily shoved in whatever notebook she could from her desk, shoving them in her bag with little care.  She messed up her workspace, trying to make it look like she hadn’t just stashed a bunch of things normally on her desk, when Costia walked in.  “Morning,” she greeted Lexa.  Glancing around the room and seeing that they were the only two in the lab, she sauntered over to Lexa, pulling her in for a quick kiss.

 

“Morning,” Lexa laughed in response, nervously.

 

“Can I pick you up at your house tonight?” Costia asked as she made her way over to her own desk.  “I’d like to take you out on that date,”

 

“Already?” Lexa asked with a smile.  “We practically had one last night.”

 

“I know,” Costia smiled, biting her lip.  “But a date away from the family would be nice.”

 

“You’re right,” Lexa laughed.  “Where are you taking me?”

 

“That’s a surprise,” she said cheerily, bending over her desk to plant a quick kiss on Lexa’s lips.  “Don’t worry about what to wear, just come casual.  It won’t be fancy.”

 

“Okay,” Lexa smiled.

 

“Seven good?”

 

“Works for me,”

 

And, true to her word, Costia showed up at seven on the dot, grabbing her hand and leading her into her car.  She rested her hand on Lexa’s as she drove down along the coast, the radio playing love songs quietly.  As the sun began to set, Costia pulled into a drive-in theater, flashing Lexa a smile.

 

“No way,”

 

“They’re showing Audrey Hepburn classics tonight,” Costia winked.  “I know she’s your favorite.”  Costia paid for the car to get in, and found a relatively good spot, parking in reverse.  She hopped out of the car, popping the trunk to show Lexa the setup: sheets, all across the back of the Ford, pillows strategically placed, and a few thin blankets folded up, ready to be used.

 

“This is amazing,” Lexa said, climbing in the back of the car.

 

“Good first date?” Costia asked, biting her lip.

 

“Great, so far,” Lexa said as Costia climbed in next to her.  They got comfortable, making idle conversation as the sun went down, waiting for the movies to begin.  Finally, just as the sun began to sink over the coastline before them, _Roman Holiday_ began to blare.

 

They made it through all of _Roman Holiday_ , and twenty minutes of _How to Steal a Million_ before Lexa found herself tangled up in the sheets of Costia’s car.

 

It started innocent enough; Costia pressed a chaste kiss on Lexa’s neck as she rested her head on Lexa’s shoulder.  Noting the sharp intake of breath, Costia laughed, asking, “Do you like that?”  And all Lexa could do was nod.  “Watch the movie,” Costia had breathed out, bringing her hand to the other side of Lexa’s neck to pull her closer, lazily pressing kisses against Lexa’s neck, shoulder, collar bones, leaving tiny little purple marks and swiping her tongue slowly.

 

Lexa lasted approximately ten minutes before she turned to face Costia, pulling her in eagerly, letting herself slide down the sheets, laying flat in the back of Costia’s car, pulling Costia closer and closer.  Her hands roamed the woman above her, sliding down her sides, her back, her thighs, landing on her hips and pulling her closer.  Costia gasped at Lexa’s boldness, grinning down at her in the low light of the giant theatre screen.  “Are you sure you’re ready for a steamy makeout, Lexa?” She asked gently, hands sliding up Lexa’s sides.

 

“Nothing more,” Lexa breathed.

 

“Of course not,” Costia nodded.

  
“But I can’t see how a little kissing can hurt,” Lexa flushed.

 

“So long as you don’t mind putting on a free show at this drive-in,” Costia teased, hands sneaking under Lexa’s shirt and resting on her waist.

 

“Well,” Lexa breathed, “it’s dark.  No one can see what we’re getting up to.  If you shut your trunk, there won’t be any need to worry,”

 

Costia laughed, sitting up and pulling her trunk shut softly.  “It’s a good thing I pulled these backseats out,” she mumbled, kissing her way down Lexa’s neck.

 

* * *

 

When Lexa got home, she pulled her hair over her shoulders, doing her best to hide the small purple marks left behind.

 

Anya glared at her as she made her way up the stairs.  She glanced between Lexa’s obvious hickies and her eyes, sighing.  “It’s Monday.”

 

“I know,” Lexa said, moving past her sister on the stairs.  

 

“You promised you’d call Clarke,” Anya said, holding onto the railing as she looked up at her sister.

 

Guiltily, Lexa looked away.  “It’s late,” she mumbled as an excuse, turning her back on her sister and making her way to her room.

 

-

 

Wednesday.  Another date with Costia.

 

The two went to the movies.

 

Lexa couldn’t tell a fact about the plot if she tried.

 

-

 

Friday.  Yet another date with Costia.

 

They went to the aquarium, Costia pointing out all the scientific names of the different fish and sharks, making Lexa laugh at her attempts at pronouncing the Latin words.

 

She tried bringing Lexa home early, but the two got a little caught up in her car.

 

* * *

 

 

Before Lexa knew it, the volunteer program was over, and she was packing up her room.  Costia stood at her side, the door wide open as per Indra’s house rule, helping Lexa pack enough for the month.

 

The two got distracted more than a few times, stealing kisses in Lexa’s closet and, once, in her shower.  They were fully dressed, but for some reason, reaching to pack Lexa’s hair products made Costia want to press a million kisses up and down her neck.

 

By the time night fell and Indra knocked on the door, quietly reminding Lexa that it was past “guest hours,” Costia kissed Lexa goodbye.

 

“One last thing,” she said, grabbing Lexa’s attention.

 

“Hmm?” Lexa asked, picking up another shirt to fold.

 

“Be my girlfriend,” Costia said, leaning on Lexa’s doorframe.

 

“What?” Lexa asked, laughing at the thought.  “We’ve only been on three dates.”

 

“And they were enough to let me know I was right,” Costia smiled.

 

“About?”

 

“Really liking you,” she grinned, walking over and grabbing Lexa by the belt loops.  “I’ve already switched with Roan.  He’ll be your supervisor for the month.  No conflict of interests at all for us over at Polis,” she said, lips ghosting over Lexa’s.  “What do you say?”

 

Lexa smiled against Costia’s lips.  “Okay.”

 

“Okay?” Costia asked, pulling back with a smirk.  “All I get is an ‘okay?’”

 

“Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend,” Lexa laughed as Costia pulled her closer, pressing her lips against Lexa’s once more.

 

“Oh,” Costia said suddenly, pulling back.  “Can you do me a favor?”

 

“Sure,” Lexa said, furrowing her eyebrows.  “Is everything okay?”

 

“Yeah, I just--I totally forgot to call my sister.  She’s in Australia for business and it’s her birthday.  I want to catch her before I head out, I’ll totally space if I don’t do it now.  Can you go grab my phone from your car? I think I left it in there; I’ll finish folding up these clothes,”

 

“Yeah, no problem,” Lexa said, smiling.

 

“Thanks,” Costia leaned closer, whispering, “ _girlfriend,_ ”

 

Lexa let out a nervous laugh at that, letting Costia press a few kisses on her neck before moving to let Lexa leave.

 

Once she heard Lexa on the stairs, Costia turned to walk into Lexa’s closet.  She saw the black backpack stored away in there while she and Lexa were grabbing clothes from the closet to pack, and she knew it was her one shot. Now, she was seizing her opportunity. She crouched, unzipping the bag and pulling out the notebooks.

 

“What do we have here…” she mumbled, pulling her cell phone out of her back pocket.  She flipped through the pages of Lexa’s notebooks, snapping pictures of her scrawling words and hastily drawn diagrams.  She didn’t bother stopping to overanalyze any page in particular; she just snapped as many pictures as quickly as she could, resigning herself to looking at them in detail later.  For now, she just needed to be quick.  She already managed to snatch one of the scales from Lexa’s desk--taking another would raise red flags.  She sighed, relenting and putting the notebooks back away in Lexa’s bag and zipping it up once more.  Costia moved back into the bedroom, slipping her cell phone on Lexa’s desk before walking back to the bed and folding up the remaining shirts.

 

Just as she folded the last shirt and placed it in the suitcase, Lexa came back in the room.  “Hey, Cos, I couldn’t find your phone.  I looked everywhere. I’m sorry,” Lexa said.

 

Costia smiled at her.  “It’s no big deal, maybe it’s in here somewhere, I can get a little scatterbrained.”  She hummed as if in thought, purposefully looking everywhere except for the desk.  Lexa joined her, looking underneath the suitcase, on the floor around her bed, and finally, the desk.

 

“Oh!” She said, picking it up.  “It was in here.  You must’ve put it on my desk earlier,” she laughed, handing Costia back her phone.

 

Costia chuckled, slipping it in her back pocket.  “Thank you,” she said, grabbing Lexa’s hand.  “Sorry I made you go search for it in the car.”

 

“No biggie,” Lexa promised.

 

From the bedroom door, Anya cleared her throat.  “Costia, it’s midnight.  Indra’s patient, but she’s not a saint.”

 

“Right, of course,” Costia said, letting go of Lexa’s hand.  “I’ll see you on campus Monday morning,” she smiled, tossing Lexa a wink.  She moved past Anya, giving her a sweet smile.  “Goodnight, Anya.”

 

“Night,” Anya said back monotonously, watching to make sure she went down the stairs.  She glanced back at her sister, an idle smile on Lexa’s lips as she zipped up her suitcase.

 

Anya sighed.  “You...really like her, huh?” Anya asked, walking in to sit on Lexa’s bed.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded.  “She’s very sweet.  She’s been treating me well, she makes me laugh,” Lexa let her shoulders drop.  

 

“I don’t like her,” Anya said gruffly, ignoring Lexa’s eyeroll.  “Hear me out,” Anya said, holding up a hand.  “I don’t like her, but I love you, Lexa.  If she makes you happy…I’ll learn to tolerate her.”  Just to watch her, Anya added to herself.  Just to make sure Costia is being truthful with her intentions.

 

Lexa glanced over at her sister, giving her a smile of gratitude.  “Thank you,” she mumbled.  “I know you and Aden want me to be with Clarke, but I need to move on.”

 

Anya looked around Lexa’s room, noticing the bare walls.  “You took down all your pictures,” she noted.

 

“They were all of me and Clarke,” Lexa shrugged.  “I didn’t want to give Costia the wrong impression.”

 

“What, that you’re in love with another girl?” Anya asked, folding her legs underneath her.

 

“Anya,” Lexa said, shaking her head.  “I’m trying not to be, okay!”

 

“I know,” Anya said, “but you still haven’t tried to talk to Clarke once since Sunday.”

 

“Well, she hasn’t reached out either,” Lexa said with a glare.

 

“She showed up on our doorstep looking like a sad puppy and you kicked her away,” Anya said, crossing her arms.  “She came to surprise you for your birthday and to take you on a nice picnic, and you let her walk away.  How do you know she wasn’t coming to tell you how she felt?”

 

Lexa shook her head.  “Even if she did, it wouldn’t matter now.  Costia asked me to be her girlfriend,”

 

“And you said yes.”  It was a statement, not a question.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa said, turning to face her sister.  She settled her hands on her hips, as if challenging Anya.  “So what if I did?”

 

“You don’t think this is too soon?  Too rushed?” Anya asked in disbelief.

 

“No,” Lexa shook her head.  “But I’m tired of you and Aden treating me this way.  This is my life, and I’ll make my own choices about who I want to be with.”

 

“You’re right,” Anya relented.  “Go be with whoever you want.  But remember what you told me the other night?  You said if Clarke came confessing her love, you’d pick her.  Well, Lexa, she came over to do just that and you chose Costia.”

 

“How do you know she was coming to do that, Anya?” Lexa challenged her.

 

“Well, there’s an easy way to find out.” Anya said, reaching into her jacket pocket.  She pulled out a small, blue-wrapped gift, throwing it on the bed.

 

Lexa picked up the blue-wrapped gift, confused.  “Who’s this from?”

 

“Clarke.” Anya said.  “Knowing her, she probably got something real sentimental to give you while she told you how she felt.”

 

“Why do you have this?” Lexa asked, feeling her anger grow.

 

“Because Clarke gave this to Aden.  We didn’t know when to give it to you...you’ve been with Costia all week, and you always come right home and lock your door.  Figured you’d might as well want it before you leave.”

 

Lexa looked down at the box.  With a shaky breath, she unwrapped the gift, seeing the black _Tiffany & Co. _logo stand out against light blue.  She pulled the top of the box off, seeing a white piece of paper folded up.  She picked the letter up, looking underneath it.

 

Lexa shook her head, feeling her eyes well with tears.

 

“Well?” Anya asked.  

 

Lexa cleared her throat, pulling the letter out of the box before shutting it.  “No necklaces allowed in the lab, I’ll just have to leave it here.”  She set the note down beside the box, turning back to face Anya.  “Can you go?  I’m tired, I want to sleep.”

 

Anya nodded, relenting. “Just one last thing,” Anya said.

 

“What?” Lexa asked, tiredly looking up at her sister.  “What is it, Anya?”

 

“I’m sorry.” Anya nodded sincerely.  “It’s your life.  You can do what you want with it, and be with who you want.  I just want you to know that I care about you, okay?  I’m not against Costia because she’s not Clarke.  I just have a bad feeling, like she’s using you or something.  Just...be careful about giving your heart away too quick, okay?”

 

Lexa ignored her, looking away.

 

Anya nodded slowly, wishing her a good night before shutting the door.

 

Lexa stood there for what felt like hours.

 

Of course, Clarke would get her something like that.  She knew how much Lexa loved that necklace, and to go out of her way to get it engraved…

 

Lexa picked up the note, unfolding the piece of paper.  Her hands shook as she read the short note, and Lexa felt her heart fall into her stomach.

 

_Lexa,_

 

_I know how much you love this necklace, and I couldn’t bear to let you pine after it for countless more years to come.  I can’t wait to see you wear it every day._

 

_I hope we can forgive each other and move forward._

 

_I miss you, Lexa._ _And...I love you._

 

_I'm in love with you._

 

_Don’t forget about me out in Polis._

 

_xo, Clarke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Comment down here or come on over to my tumblr @gothamsgirlgang :) (UPDATE: as of 5/19/18, I am at the URL @legendofbisexuals on tumblr! I may switch back to @gothamsgirlgang later, but I was in want of a good change. If you go to @gothamsgirlgang, no worries, it'll redirect you to my new URL!)
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> P.S. This chapter was....very hard for me to write. As some of you may have read, I went through a pretty bad breakup recently. A lot of the feelings Clarke is going through at this point in the story are the same ones I'm going through. I know from first hand experience how hard seeing the person you like move on is...found out my ex dumped me for a different girl, which really sucks. It's not the same position Clarke is in exactly, but the feelings are pretty similar. It's taken me a while to start getting over it, but I'm slowly but surely moving on. I just wanted to say something about broken hearts to encourage any of you who may be going through something similar to Clarke or me. Breakups suck, but I'm here for anyone who needs to talk! Trust me, I know the bad feelings that come with a nasty breakup, so I promise I'm here if anyone needs to reach out :)
> 
> Unfortunately in my life, my ex and I are done for good--there won't be a happy end between us. But I am promising a happy clexa endgame like we all deserve :)


	7. July: Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Lexa-centric chapter. Lexa finally apologizes, and deals with her sadness in not so constructive ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoy!

Sunday morning found Lexa wide awake, not having slept a wink at all.  She had tossed and turned all night, mind and heart racing, kept awake by the thoughts of two blonde girls.  

 

On the one hand, Clarke was her _person_.  She knew this.  Clarke was her person, her best friend, the girl she’d grown up with, and now, Clarke had confessed that she returned Lexa’s feelings.  The choice, she knew, should be simple; she should pick Clarke.  That’s what she yearned for through the years, after all, and now Lexa had the chance to be with the girl she had fallen for many years ago.

 

On the other hand, she now had Costia; an older, experienced woman, who was now her _girlfriend_.  She didn’t love Costia the way she loved Clarke, but Lexa knew that her love for Costia would grow over time, just like her love for Clarke could fade.  The two shared all the same interests, the same personality, the same career goals and aspirations--being with Costia made sense.  It was logical.  Costia would mentor her, not only in the field of work they share, but also in the area of love.

 

When it came to feelings, there was no doubt; Lexa felt for Clarke more than she did for Costia.  Lexa grimaced, thinking back on how she’d done a piss poor job over the last few weeks showing that, but it was true.  She’d fallen for Clarke before they even knew what love was.  Her heart had been full of hope that Clarke would one day return her feelings, and Lexa spent many years silently hoping, praying, that Clarke would feel the same.

 

When it came to who was a better match for her, however...Lexa found herself at a loss.  Costia suited her better than Clarke.  Lexa had more in common with Costia than with Clarke; they were both scientists, both driven by the same goals, and both had the same aspirations in life.  Spending her life with Costia would mean a lifetime of happiness in a suitable match.  Could she say the same for spending it with Clarke?

 

She and Clarke grew up together--they had already made so many memories together, and Lexa knew deep down she wanted to continue making more with her.  But then again, she’d been spending so much time with Costia, making such good memories with _her_ , and Lexa didn’t really want that to stop, either.

 

She had to choose; should she follow her heart, and choose Clarke, the girl she knew she loved?  Or should she follow her head, and choose the woman she knew would be a good mentor and girlfriend, the girl she knew would be a perfect fit, personality wise?

 

After hours of restlessness, Lexa finally gave up any hope of falling asleep.  As the sun rose, she kicked her blanket off of her body and made her way over to her desk, running her fingers along the gift from Clarke.  She hesitated, before pulling the necklace out of its box and clasping it securely around her neck.

 

She wasn’t sure what she was going to do.  She didn’t know who she would pick--or if she would pick either, for that matter, as things were rapidly becoming too confusing too quickly--but she knew she needed to talk things out with Clarke.  At the end of the day, she loved Clarke, be it as a friend or more or somewhere in between.  Putting aside all thoughts about labels and girlfriends and potential girlfriends, Lexa knew she just needed to _see_ her best friend.  

 

Lexa made quick work of dressing for the day, throwing on an old pair of jean shorts and a loose tee, before making her way downstairs.  

 

“Morning,” a voice called from the breakfast nook in the kitchen.  Lexa glanced over, finding Aden eating a bowl of cereal.

 

“Hey,” she said, steps faltering.  She grabbed her keys from the key bowl on the counter, leaning against it as she crossed her arms.  “What’s got you up so early?”

 

Aden shrugged.  “Couldn’t sleep.”

 

“Me either,” Lexa said, looking down at the ground.  “Bad dreams?”

 

Aden nodded.  “I guess you could say that.” Aden hummed, seeing a silver chain flash beneath Lexa’s shirt.  “What’s that?” He asked, pointing at Lexa’s neck with his spoon.

 

“Hmm?” Lexa asked, looking up.  Her brother’s eyes were focused on the chain around her neck.  Lexa gave a small smile, pulling it out of her shirt.  “Clarke gave it to me.”

 

At that, Aden perked up.  “You talked to her?”

 

“No, not yet,” Lexa sighed, making her way over to the round table.  “This was her gift for me. Can I sit?”  Aden nooded, scooting over on the bench.  

 

“Are you going to go talk to her?” Aden asked, taking another bite of his frosted flakes.

 

Lexa nodded.  “Yeah, we have some...things we need to discuss.”

 

“Yeah, you do,” Aden mumbled, lifting the bowl and bringing it to his lips.  He downed the milk in the bowl, before setting the ceramic back down on the glass table.

 

“Aden, I guess...I should apologize,” Lexa said softly.  “I know I’ve been...distant.  I didn’t mean to hurt anyone by spending time with Costia, but I’m seeing now that I did.  I’m sorry I haven’t been home very much,” she said, folding her hands on the table.  

 

Aden nodded, staying quiet for a long moment.  Finally, he spoke. “I guess I should, too.  I know Anya and I have been pushy.”

 

“An understatement.”

 

Aden gave his sister a look.  “Don’t push your luck, I’m a thirteen year old boy.  We rarely take responsibility for our actions.”

 

Lexa chuckled at that.  “You’re right.”

 

“Anyway,” Aden cleared his throat.  “I’m sorry I’ve been trying to tell you what to do.  And acting like a bit of a douche.  Okay, more than a _bit_ of a douche.”

 

“It’s okay,” Lexa placed a hand on Aden’s back, giving it a sub rub.  The smile that graced her lips let her little brother know she was sincere.  

 

“Do you love her?”

 

“Clarke?” Lexa asked, before nodding. “Yeah, I still do.  But it’s complicated.”

 

“I meant Costia,” Aden said with a grin.  “But you jumped right to Clarke, didn’t you?”

 

Lexa blushed, swatting at Aden’s arm.  “Shut up,” she mumbled, embarrassed.  “No, I don’t _love_ Costia, I’ve only known her a month.  But I do have feelings for her,” she said.

 

“That’s why it’s complicated, huh?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“So, are you going to see Clarke right now?” Aden asked.  “I miss her.”

 

Lexa nodded.  “I miss her, too.”

 

“Maybe it’s not my place, especially since you seem to like Costia, but I need to say something.”

 

“What’s that, Aden?” Lexa asked, brow crinkling.

 

Aden glanced at her, almost anxiously, twirling the spoon between his fingers.  It clanked loudly against the ceramic bowl as it twisted.  

 

“Aden?” Lexa encouraged him.

 

“I just feel like I’m losing you,” he shrugged.  “I don’t want that to happen.  And we both know we’re losing Clarke….and we both know we don’t want _that_ to happen.”

 

Lexa remained quiet, unable to meet Aden’s eyes.

 

“Just...don’t hurt her anymore, Lexa,” Aden said, grabbing his bowl and standing.  “I don’t want to lose her.  She’s special to me, too.  I guess I really have no say in your love life...but don’t throw away what you and Clarke have.  If you’re going to choose Costia, just--find some way to stay friends with Clarke, okay?”

 

“I wish it were that easy,” Lexa said, standing as well.

 

“It is,” Aden said, making his way to the dishwasher, where he put away the bowl and his spoon.  “You and Clarke have been friends forever.  If anyone can work through hard stuff, it’s the two of you.  Just start being honest with her, and start listening to what she has to say.  You’ve blown her off enough.  You left when she kissed you.  Who knows what she might have said?  You pretty much abandoned her while she was figuring out her sexuality...you treated her like a stranger when she showed up to take you out for your birthday.  Anya and I talk, you know, and she told me how you said--you said if the opportunity came up, you’d pick Clarke.”  Aden shook his head at his sister.  “Well, it did.  And you didn’t.  I know--” he said, shutting the dishwasher with a click.  “It’s none of my business.  I’m too young to understand, or I’m too nosy, or whatever.  But I love you, Lexa.  And I know you’re not the type of person who acts this way.  I know how much you care about Clarke.  And I care about her, too.  Maybe not in the way you do,” Aden laughed a little at that, earning a small smile from his older sister.  “But I know she’s hurting and you’re hurting. Neither of you deserve to be hurting when you both love each other so much. Maybe it doesn’t really have to be as complicated as you two are making it.”

 

Lexa paused.  Maybe her brother was right.

 

With a shaky exhale, Lexa nodded.  She bid her brother a soft “goodbye,” before leaving the house and driving toward Clarke’s.

 

On the ride there, her attention was grabbed by a small pink sign.  Lexa squinted, reading the writing.  A flower shop.

 

She supposed Clarke deserved at least some flowers as an apology for being an ass of a friend.  

 

Slowing down, Lexa turned into the parking lot, seeing that the small shop was open.  She turned her car off, grabbing the keys and shoving them in her back pocket.  She opened her glove compartment, pulling out the small bit of cash she left in her car--she cursed, having forgot her wallet at home.  Quickly, Lexa locked the car and made her way into the small shop.

 

 _Alie’s Flowers._  Why did that name sound familiar?

 

As she opened the door, a soft bell rung, alerting her presence.  Lexa glanced around the shop, taking in the smells and sights of various flowers.  Being a scientist at heart, Lexa was fascinated by flowers.  She loved to learn both about their functions in the ecosystem and their man-given meanings.

 

She walked around the room slowly, eyes flittering over all the different flowers. Red roses, obviously meant for love.  Marigolds, for jealousy.  Violets, for modesty.

 

A small wooden sign hanging from the ceiling caught Lexa’s attention.  

 

 _Make your own bouquet!_  
_Tell Alie what you want to say,_  
_And she’ll make your custom bouquet!_ _  
_ Now only $29.99!

 

“Can I help you?” A sweet voice asked.

 

Lex turned, seeing the woman she figured must be Alie.  She assessed the woman; tall, dark, and lovely.  She looked similar to Lexa, in fact; a similarity that threw Lexa off for a moment.  “Hi,” she said, clearing her throat.  She pointed up to the wooden sign.  “Are you still doing this?”

 

Alie smiled.  “Of course, dear.  Come on over to the counter,” she said, waving Lexa over.  “I have thousands of flowers in the back, these are just the ready bouquets.  What kind of flowers are you looking for?” She asked, pulling out a notepad and scribbling as Lexa spoke.

 

“Well, I’m leaving for a month tomorrow, and my best friend and I are...having some complications,” Lexa said, blushing.  “We’ve been...distant, and I want to apologize before I leave.  I guess I want to say goodbye, and sorry.”

 

Alie looked up from her notepad, nodding at Lexa.  “Give me a few minutes while I cut the flowers and make the bouquet.  You’re more than welcome to sit,” she said, gesturing to a small glass table and patio chair tucked away in the corner of the shop.  Lexa thanked her, walking over to the table and fiddling with her thumbs while she waited.  After what felt like an eternity, but was really only a few minutes later, Alie came back into the front room of the shop.  She waved Lexa over to join her at the counter.

 

“Purple hyacinths, for apologizing,” Alie spoke, placing the bouquet in a plastic pseudo-jar.  “Sweet peas, to say goodbye, and forget-me-nots, for true love and good memories.”

 

“True love?” Lexa coughed, blinking.

 

“And this, for free,” Alie said, sliding a small box over to Lexa.  “The child of Mako is the one you’re getting these for, am I right?”

 

Lexa felt her blood run cold. _Shit_.  This was the Alie that Clarke had told her about weeks before.  The one who was onto her--that’s why the name was so familiar.

 

“Sorry,” Lexa said, pulling the cash out of her pocket and setting it on the counter.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“Clarke,” Alie hummed.  “I do believe that’s her name.  The mermaid,” she said, a twinkle in her eye.  “Don’t worry, Lexa--I won’t tell anyone.  That is not my secret to share.”

 

Lexa’s jaw clenched.  She had two options; deny the truth, or confront the stranger who knew it.

 

“How do you know that?” She asked, voice barely above a whisper.

 

“Open the box,” Alie said, looking down at the box in question.  Lexa glared at the woman, pulling the lid off.  A silver locket lay on a plush satin pillow, sparkling in the low light of the shop.  “That belonged to my sister, many moons ago.  She shared the secret Clarke and her friends share,” Alie said.  “You’re good to her, and good _for_ her.  Don’t make the mistakes I did.  Show her how much you care, and protect her,” Alie said, very seriously.  “There are bad people you are close to that wish to hurt her.  If you truly love her, don’t let her go...don’t make the same mistakes I did,”

 

Lexa shut the box.  “I can’t take this,” she said, shaking her head.  “It’s important to you.”

 

“What’s important to me is that you protect Clarke the way I could not protect Becca.”  Alie spoke softly once more.  “There are two others, lost somewhere long ago.  I could never find them.  They belonged to the other two girls who shared Becca’s secret. It’s always been my dream to see the three lockets reunited.” She said, sliding the box back to Lexa. “In a way, it would be like those girls I loved reuniting. _They_ don’t have the chance, they’re all long gone…”

 

“How long ago was this?” Lexa asked, curiously.

 

“About thirty years ago,” Alie said.  

 

Lexa quirked an eyebrow.  “You barely look thirty, yourself,”

 

“The magic of flowers,” Alie shrugged with a smile.  “I mean no harm, Lexa.  I only wish to see those girls safe.  Please, take care of them.  Don’t let yourself become blind to the reality around you.”

 

Lexa nodded, picking up the box as she placed the money down on the counter.  “Okay,” she said, confused.  “I haven’t told anyone about them,”

 

“But people _will_ find out.  Some are already on the way to doing so.” Just as she was about to ask what Alie meant, a customer came in, frantically asking for a bouquet of roses for his wife.

 

Alie gave Lexa one last smile, before walking over to the frantic man.

 

Shaking her head, Lexa grabbed the flowers and headed back to her car.

 

* * *

 

She waited outside the Griffins’ front door for ages, willing herself to knock.  This was it.  She was going to sit down with Clarke, apologize, have a frank discussion about everything that had been happening between them--

 

She was losing her nerve.

 

It was only when Abby opened the front door, dressed in her scrubs, that Lexa was brought back to reality.  “Lexa?” Abby asked, slinging her purse over her shoulder.

 

“Hi, Abby,” Lexa said, suddenly feeling panicked.  There was no way Clarke hadn’t told her mother about the events that transpired the week prior.

 

Abby assessed Lexa with a glare, before finally sighing.  “Don’t you dare hurt her again,” she said, pointing a finger at Lexa seriously.  “I know you, Lexa, and I know you’re not the type to go out of your way and hurt my daughter, but she _is_ hurting.”

 

“And I’m here to apologize,” Lexa said sincerely, holding up the flowers.

 

Abby nodded.  “Good.  She’s asleep, but she’ll probably wake up soon,” Abby said quietly.

  
“Thank you, Abby.”

 

“For what it’s worth,” Abby said, stepping onto the porch.  “I always thought the two of you would end up together.  Jake did, too.  I know _you_ did.  I think deep down, Clarke did, too.  I can’t make you choose my daughter over this new girlfriend of yours,” Abby paused for a moment.  “But if you keep hurting her…”

 

Lexa nodded, swallowing thickly.  “I know.”

 

Abby placed a hand on Lexa’s arm, giving it a small, encouraging rub.  “All I can say is follow your  heart, Lexa.”

 

With that, Abby left, getting in her car and driving off.  Lexa took a deep breath, making her way into the house and shutting the front door behind her.  She made her way to the kitchen, swapping the plastic vase for a real one, and filling it with water.  She set the small box Alie had given her next to the flowers.  Settling her hands in her pockets, Lexa rocked on her feet, unsure of what to do.  She could go wake Clarke up--but thought better of it, knowing that ambushing Clarke in her own room after everything would probably be a bad move.  She could sit and wait here for Clarke to wake on her own, but sitting idly would just cause Lexa to worry more, and she has already exhausted from worrying all night long.  

 

Lexa smiled to herself, coming up with an idea.  Clarke always was hungry as soon as she woke up; announcing her presence with a peace offering of breakfast was sure to make Clarke less hostile if she was angry with Lexa.  Lexa made quick work of preparing the breakfast, knowing where everything in the kitchen was from years of cooking with Clarke.

 

Knowing Clarke would wake as soon as she smelled food, Lexa got to work on Clarke’s favorite breakfast quickly; omelettes with cheese, carmelized onions, crisp bacon, fresh herbs, and bell peppers.  She handled the omelette with care, knowing exactly how Clarke liked it cooked.  She popped some extra bacon into the microwave, setting three strips along the side on the plate.  She settled a few strips beside her own omelette as well, much simpler, with just cheese, and surely enough, Clarke’s footsteps echoed as she padded down the stairs.

 

“Mom?” Clarke called out.  “I thought you were working today--” she froze as she stepped into the kitchen.  “Lexa,” she said, breathless.  Suddenly self-conscious, she crossed her arms over her chest, shuffling on her feet as she stood in only an oversized shirt.

 

“Hi,” Lexa said, lamely.  “I made us breakfast--Abby let me in, I was hoping we could...talk.”

 

Clarke rocked on her feet, worrying at her lip.  “What’s there to talk about?” She finally said, after a long pause.  “You’re happy with Costia, I’m happy for you.”

 

A lie.

 

Lexa knew it, but didn’t press.  “Please?  Can I at least just eat with you before you kick me out?” She asked with a small smile, picking up their plates.  “It’s your favorite,” she said placing them on the kitchen island.

 

Clarke hesitated.  “Fine,” she relented after a staring contest with Lexa, resisting the urge to roll her eyes.  “But only because you know I’m a sucker for omelettes.”  She settled next to Lexa on the island, sitting on one of the tall bar stools.  She pulled her plate closer, cutting a piece of the omelette with her fork and taking a bite.  She had to stifle her thanks for Lexa’s cooking as she ate.

  
Lexa always _did_ make the best food.  But she didn’t really deserve Clarke’s thanks.

 

They ate in relative silence, Lexa afraid to speak, and Clarke busy ignoring her in favor of the food.  Only once they had both finished breakfast and Lexa carried the plates over to the sink did Clarke speak, noticing the bouquet on the kitchen counter.  “What are those?” She asked.

 

Lexa turned, seeing Clarke’s eyes focus on the flowers.  She smiled at Clarke, picking them up, and the box next to it, placing them in front of Clarke.  “For you,” she said.

 

Clarke assessed Lexa.  What was she doing?  Was she coming to reciprocate her feelings?  Suddenly, Clarke’s heart leaped into her throat.  “F-for me? Why?” She asked, heart pounding against her chest.

 

“Well,” Lexa smiled.  “The purple hyacinths are apologetic flowers.  The sweet peas are for saying goodbye, and the forget-me-nots are...pretty self-explanatory,” Lexa cleared her throat.  “I wanted to apologize for being distant.  I haven’t been the best friend lately, and I need to own up to that.  Aden and Anya have been...talking some sense into me,” Lexa smiled.  “And I figured it would do well as a parting gift.  I’m leaving tomorrow,” she said, the smile dropping from her lips as she watched Clarke nod sadly.  “Are you okay?”

 

Clarke sat, silently.

 

“Are _we_ okay?” Lexa’s voice was barely a whisper.

 

With a sigh, Clarke stood.  “I don’t want to have this conversation without panties on,” she said, looking over at Lexa.  “Can we do this in my room?  I’m starting to get cold.”

 

Lexa nodded, clearing her throat. The knowledge of Clarke in _just_ that shirt was making Lexa’s face turn as red as a cherry.  “Yeah,” she squeaked.  “We can--we can do that.”

 

Clarke didn’t wait up for her, turning and walking away.  Lexa grabbed the box quickly, holding it in her hands and she walked fast to keep up with Clarke.  Once they were in Clarke’s bedroom, Clarke shut the door behind them, pulling her shirt overhead without hesitation, an old habit of familiarity and comfort around Lexa.

 

Lexa averted her eyes as she walked over to Clarke’s bed.  She’d seen Clarke naked before, sure, but now with everything going on between them, it felt like an invasion of privacy.  Clarke seemed to realize her actions, too, as she cleared her throat awkwardly and made quick work of getting dressed with cheeks just as hot as Lexa’s. Lexa set the box on Clarke’s nightstand as she looked out Clarke’s large bedroom window, trying not to think about the nearly naked girl behind her.

 

Finally, Clarke spoke.  “I’m dressed,” she mumbled, embarrassed.  Lexa shifted slightly, glancing over at Clarke to see, yes, she was fully dressed, before turning completely to face Clarke.  Clarke climbed onto her bed, grabbing one of her pillows and cradling it against her chest as she sat with her legs crossed.  She looked so vulnerable, Lexa thought.

 

“I’m sorry,” Lexa finally said.  

 

“For what exactly, Lexa?” Clarke asked, feeling the energy sap from her body.  She really didn’t have the heart or the strength to go through with this right now.

 

“For all of it?” Lexa said, more of a question of her own than an answer to Clarke’s.  “Look--I’m sorry I ran out on you the day you kissed me.  I didn’t give you a chance to talk before I bolted like a coward.  I was just...so afraid that you’d reject me, that you wouldn’t feel the same, that I didn’t really...stick around to find out if you did or not.  And I know I’ve been a bad friend, spending all my time with Costia,” Lexa didn’t miss the way Clarke flinched at the name.  “I’m sorry that I didn’t follow you last week, that I didn’t hear you out.  I got your gift,” Lexa said, fiddling with the chain around her neck, and Clarke’s eyes widened.  “I feel like an ass,”

 

“Yeah, well, you are one,” Clarke huffed, looking anywhere but at Lexa.  

 

Lexa froze. After a moment, she grinned.  “Okay, I deserve that,” she said with a small laugh.

 

Clarke couldn’t help but grin, herself.  

 

A silence hung in the air between the two girls.  After a few minutes, Clarke was the one to break the silence.  “Do you love her?” She didn’t know if she wanted to hear the answer.

 

Lexa shook her head.  “No.  But I do have feelings for her,” she said quietly.

 

Somehow, hearing those words come from Lexa’s lips hurt Clarke more than seeing Lexa and Costia together.  She swallowed, fighting hot tears from falling down her cheeks, but to no avail.  Clarke nodded shakily, swiping at her eyes.

 

“I--I have no right to say this,” Lexa said, moving closer, “but I do have feelings for _you_ , too, Clarke.  I know I haven’t done a good job of showing it, but I do.”

 

“Lexa, just stop,” Clarke said, shaking her head.  “Don’t make me hurt even more.  I--I know you’re with Costia.  That she’s your girlfriend.”

 

Lexa nodded slowly.  “Yeah,” she breathed.

 

“It’s okay,” Clarke said numbly.  “I get it.  I took too long.”

 

“No,” Lexa shook her head, reaching out for Clarke.  She hesitated, before finally settling her hand on Clarke’s thigh.  “No, this whole...mess, none of it is your fault,” Lexa said, feeling her heart break more and more as Clarke’s shoulders shook.  “Anya has yelled at me more times than necessary for me to realize this is all my fault.  I...I should have been more patient, I should have waited,” Lexa said, moving closer to Clarke.  “I know coming to terms with your sexuality isn’t easy, I’ve been through it.  I should’ve been more empathetic, I should have...offered to support you, instead of avoid you, help you work out your feelings.  But, Clarke, I was--” she was silenced as Clarke finally looked up at her, eyes red and cheeks stained with tears.  Lexa couldn’t hold back her own any longer.  “I was afraid.”

 

“Of what?” Clarke asked, her bottom lip shaking.

 

“That you would realize you didn’t have feelings for me.  That you would--would end up feeling weird about the kiss, that I would lose you.  And--and I chose to leave before _you_ could, to save myself the hurt, but I ended up hurting you instead.  I was selfish,” she said, wiping at her own cheeks. “And I jumped into the first thing I could with Costia, to try to forget how I felt about you, and I just hurt you even more.”

 

“And you ended up developing feelings for _her_ along the way,” Clarke said, hiccupping between words and tears.  

 

Silently, Lexa nodded.  “I’m so sorry.”

 

“It’s okay--”

 

“No, it’s not,” Lexa said roughly.  “I hurt you, Clarke.  You’re my best friend,”

 

“Maybe that’s all I’m meant to be,” Clarke shrugged, plastering on a smile through her tears.  “It’s okay, Lexa.  If we--if we were meant to be together, it wouldn’t be this complicated.”

 

Lexa shook her head slowly.  “Do you want us to be together?”

 

“Not if it’s going to be this hard,” Clarke whispered.

 

Lexa slumped, feeling drained at Clarke’s words.  “How--how can I make this right?”

 

“I need space, Lexa,” Clarke said, finally gaining some composure as her tears subsided.  “You really hurt me.  I’m not going to be that girl who gives you an ultimatum, who tells you to pick between me and Costia,” Clarke said, wiping her cheeks one last time. “But I’m also not going to torture myself by staying so close with you right away, knowing how I really feel now.  It makes me sick to think…” Clarke trailed off, shaking her head.

 

“I don’t know what to do, Clarke,” Lexa said honestly.  “I _do_ love you,”

 

“Stop,” Clarke said, shaking her head.  “You don’t get to say that right now.”

 

Lexa flinched as though she’d been slapped.  After moments of heavy silence hung between the two, she mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

 

Clarke crossed her arms back over the pillow in her lap.  “I know.”

 

Not knowing what else to say, Lexa grabbed the box from the nightstand beside the bed and handed it to Clarke.  “I went to that Alie lady,” Lexa said softly.  “The one who knows about you.  She doesn’t seem like a threat.  Her girlfriend was a mermaid years back, she’s kept the secret for thirty years.  She told me to give this to you, and to try to find the other two matching lockets.  She said they were lost years ago, but it’s...important to her that they’re back together.”

 

Clarke opened the box, seeing a the silver locket.  It was simple; ovular in design, a smooth surface with no design embellished in it.  The only decoration was a small diamond sat at the top of the pendant, where the locket clasped around the chain.  “Pretty,” she mumbled, setting it aside.  She glanced at Lexa, seeing Lexa’s own necklace dangling as she leaned forward slightly. “It looks good on you,” she mumbled.

 

Lexa shrugged.  “I preferred the note it came with,” she said, quietly.

 

Clarke sighed.  “I appreciate you coming to apologize, Lexa,” she said, sitting upright.  “But I’m still angry at you.  You had _years_ to figure out your feelings for me, and you couldn’t even wait a month for me to figure out my own?”

 

“I know,” Lexa nodded.  “I really messed up.”

 

“And to top it off, you go off and start a relationship while I’m admitting to myself that I’m in _love_ with my best friend,” Clarke shook her head.  “I just--I feel like you stabbed me in the back, Lexa.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Lexa repeated, quietly.

 

Clarke clenched her jaw.  “I just...I’m hurt.  It’s hard enough admitting you have feelings for your best friend, but it’s a real bitch to see you with another girl after the hell I went through figuring out my feelings for you.  It...hurts to know that you have feelings for someone else, too.”  Before Lexa could say anything else, Clarke held up a hand.  “I can’t take any more excuses or apologies, Lexa.  Until you figure out what you’re going to do...I need space.  I can’t promise I’ll be okay right away if you stay with Costia, but...you mean a lot to me,” Clarke admitted.  “And I don’t want to lose you.  But I’ll need...time to adjust to this and sort everything out.  It won’t be easy for me to accept the two of you together, knowing you have feelings for me, too.  I just...need you to go.”

 

Lexa nodded, standing.  “I’m sorry, Clarke,” she said quietly.

 

“I know you are,” Clarke said, just as quiet.  “Please be safe in Polis.”

 

“I will be,” Lexa said, making her way to Clarke’s door.  

 

“Wait,” Clarke said almost desperately as Lexa stepped out of her room, jumping out of her bed and making her way to the door to meet Lexa.

 

Lexa turned.  Clarke threw her arms around Lexa, pulling her in tight.  Stunned, Lexa didn’t know what to do; it was only after a few long seconds that she allowed herself to wrap her arms around Clarke, reciprocating the hug.  She buried her nose in the crook of Clarke’s neck as she pulled her even closer, tears leaking from the sides of her closed eyes.  After what felt like only a second, Clarke released Lexa, sniffling as she stepped back.  

 

Not knowing what else to do or say, Lexa turned, leaving Clarke’s house.

 

* * *

 

Being greeted with a kiss caught Lexa off guard.  “Costia,” she gasped, pushing her girlfriend off of her.  “You can’t do that here,” she mumbled, looking around.

 

Costia furrowed her eyebrows, laughing.  “Why not?”

 

“I’m an intern here!” Lexa said, lugging her suitcase into the dorm she was staying in.  “You’re a supervisor,” she said, dropping the luggage onto the ground.

 

“But not _your_ supervisor,” Costia smirked, grabbing Lexa by the belt loops of her jeans.  She pulled Lexa closer, close enough that they were chest to chest.  “Besides, they all know we’re an item.  I _did_ have to switch with Roan, and it only took a few minutes for everyone to find out.  Niylah is Roan’s cousin,” Costia rolled her eyes.  “That family couldn’t keep a secret if their lives depended on it.” She leaned forward to catch Lexa’s lips once more, but Lexa pulled away.  “What’s wrong?” She asked, releasing Lexa’s belt loops and stepping back.

 

“What?” Lexa asked, shaking her head.  “Nothing, I’m just--spaced out.  Long drive,”

 

“Three hours is nothing,” Costia smiled.  “You’ll get used to it quickly.”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded.

 

“Well, do you want help unpacking?  Or...we could take a break and you could come back to my place,” Costia winked.  “My apartment is just a few minutes’ walk away.”

 

“I’m...good, thanks,” Lexa said.  “I kind of just need some quiet time.”

 

Costia nodded, looking at Lexa apprehensively.  “ _Ooo-_ kay,” she drew the word out.  “Well, we’re all meeting at six for dinner in the dining hall to discuss schedules and plans for the month.  I’ll see you there?”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded, looking away from Costia.  She turned to begin unpacking.  She couldn’t face Costia right now and act like everything was fine, not after the encounter she had with Clarke.

 

“Hey, Lexa,” Costia called out before leaving.  Slowly, Lexa turned, holding back a sigh.  Costia gestured to her own neck.  “The necklace is pretty, who’s it from?”

 

“Clarke,” Lexa said after a pause, and Costia’s smile faltered.  

 

“Oh?” She asked, quirking an eyebrow.  She cleared her throat, crossing her arms.  “Well, you gotta ditch it.  No necklaces allowed in the lab.”

 

“I’m not in the lab yet,” Lexa said, narrowing her eyes as she assessed her girlfriend.  Was Costia jealous?

 

“Not yet, but just make sure you leave it off for tomorrow, okay?” Costia said, putting on a smile once more.  “I would hate to have to write my own girlfriend up for lab safety infractions on the first day.”  She glanced over Lexa’s frame one last time before turning on her heel, leaving Lexa alone in the dorm room.

 

Sighing, Lexa put the thoughts of her girlfriend in the back of her mind.  She’d deal with those later.  She shut her dorm room door, locking it behind her as she moved back to her stuff.

 

* * *

 

Over the course of the first few days, Lexa paid close attention to the supervisors’ schedules.  They were the only ones who had access to the labs on campus via key cards, and Lexa needed to find a way to access the lab secretly.  She needed to keep running tests for the girls, to figure out a way to reverse their transformations, to make them waterproof, _something_ to keep them safe as school started back up and summer ended and they would risk exposure.  But, to do these tests, she needed to be sneaky.  Costia was already onto her about her project--she couldn’t risk anyone, not even her girlfriend, finding out what it was really about.

 

She couldn’t let this mermaid business go on.  She needed to find a way to turn them back.  It was too dangerous, dealing with the full moon; Lexa was afraid of the possibility that they could be moonstruck and stuck that way forever.  School would be starting again soon, and she needed to at least find a way to make them waterproof, if not turn them back completely.  Between gym class, water fountains, spills in the cafeteria, and reckless teenage behavior, the chances of their secret being exposed were too high for Lexa to simply let them walk back into school unarmed.  Here, in Polis, at one of the most highly esteemed university marine biology labs in the country, Lexa could run her tests.  She just needed to know how to do it and how not to get caught.

 

Finally, Lexa devised a plan.  If she swiped a supervisor’s key card and hid it, no one would be able to pin it on her, especially if it was not her own supervisor.  She needed to talk with Costia, anyway, about what _they_ were, to tell the truth about her feelings for Clarke; Costia deserved as much.  During that time, she would find a way to steal one of Costia’s key cards.  She already had a perfect hiding place in her dorm, where no one would look; her suitcase.  It would be an invasion of privacy for supervisors to look through interns’ personal belongings, even if they could examine the dorm room.  Lexa knew as much, it was in the forms she read thoroughly before signing.  The problem would be keeping Costia away from her belongings; it would raise suspicion if Lexa told her girlfriend not to look through her things.  Still, Lexa figured she would hide it in the pockets of one of her sweatpants, baggy enough to not give away any indication of an ID in the pocket.

 

Putting her plan in motion, Lexa slipped on a pair of said baggy sweatpants and a large shirt. She glanced down at her phone, pulling up the text that Costia sent which contained her address.  She popped it into her phone’s map and headed out the door.  Sure enough, after only about seven minutes, Lexa found herself outside of the complex.  She searched for Costia’s name along the line of buzzers.  Finding _Greene_ halfway down the line, Lexa pushed the button.  

 

“Hello?” Came Costia’s sweet voice.

 

Lexa held the button down.  “It’s Lexa,” she said.

 

She heard Costia’s laugh.  “Alright, tiger, come on in.  I’m on the second floor, 2F.”  The front door clicked, unlocking, and Lexa made her way inside.  Once she found herself outside Costia’s door, she wiggled the doorknob, letting herself in.  “Costia?”

 

“Hey, girlfriend,” Costia smiled over at her as Lexa shut the door.  She sauntered over, settling her hands on Lexa’s hips.  She pressed a quick peck to Lexa’s cheek.  “What are you doing here?”

 

Lexa shrugged.  “Not much.  I figured...I could use a little hanging out?”

 

“Of course, _girlfriend_.  You don’t need to ask, silly, we’re dating; you’re allowed over whenever you want.”  Costia said.  “I’ve just been reading in my room, wanna join?”  Lexa nodded, Costia’s hand slipping into hers as she led Lexa back.

 

Lexa took a seat on the edge of Costia’s bed.  It all felt so...weird.  She was in Costia’s home--her _girlfriend’s_ home, and yet, she felt like a stranger.  She felt like she was lying to Costia, or at least keeping something from her.

 

“What do you want to do?” Costia asked, climbing in next to her.  “I could start up my laptop, we could throw on some Netflix,” she winked.  “Or we could go out somewhere.  It’s not too late yet,” she said, looking down at her own watch.  

 

“I’d rather stay in,” Lexa said, giving Costia a smile.

 

“Perfect,” Costia said, grabbing her laptop.  She loaded it up, before handing it to Lexa.  “Pick a movie; I’ll go make some popcorn,” she said.  “I’ll be right back,” she winked.

 

Immediately, Lexa sprung to action.  She peered over into the nightstand beside the bed, digging through the drawers in search of the key card, to no avail.  She sighed, grabbing Costia’s purse and shuffling through it, but the card wasn’t there either.  She looked one last place, in Costia’s wallet, perched precariously on the edge of the nightstand, before she heard the microwave ding in the kitchen down the hall.  “Shit,” she mumbled, scrambling back to Costia’s bed and clicking on a random movie, pausing it.  In seconds, Costia was back, steaming bag of popcorn in hand.  She climbed next to Lexa, looking down at the title screen.  “Moana?” She asked, quirking an eyebrow.

 

Lexa hadn’t even known that was what she picked.  She shrugged.  “Never too old for Disney,” she laughed awkwardly.

 

They ate in silence, watching the movie.  Lexa had to admit; it was pretty good.  About halfway through, once the bag of popcorn was long gone, Costia pulled Lexa closer, resting her head on Lexa’s shoulder as she breathed out a sigh.  After a few minutes of staying like this, Costia began peppering kisses along Lexa’s neck.  Lexa froze, unsure of what to do; she _did_ like Costia, and Costia _was_ her girlfriend, there would be nothing wrong with letting Costia continue going down this path and making out with her girlfriend.  But still--it felt weird.  She didn’t know what she should do anymore, now that she _knew_ Clarke loved her back.  God, it was all so confusing.

 

She let out a shaky breath of frustration, which Costia must have read as one of arousal, as she picked up her pace and began biting down, suckling little red marks on Lexa’s skin.  Heat prickled along Lexa’s skin--she felt all too exposed, all too vulnerable, and all too _wrong_.

 

“Costia, we need to talk,” Lexa said, pausing the movie and moving the laptop onto the nightstand.  Costia pulled back, assessing Lexa.

 

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

 

“Clarke told me she loved me back,” Lexa blurted.  “I have feelings for you, but I have feelings for her, too.  I have for the longest time,” she breathed, looking away.  “I don’t know what to do.”

 

Costia hummed, scooting back a little on the bed to give Lexa space.  “Well,” she sighed after a moment.  “I hate to be the bad guy, Lexa,” she said, catching Lexa’s attention.  “But I think she’s lying.”

 

“What?” Lexa asked, confused.  “She wouldn’t lie to me, she’s my _best_ friend.”

 

Costia shrugged.  “From what you’ve told me about her, I’d say she’s lying,” Costia said, crossing her arms.  “You said that when you kissed, she said it was no big deal and that she wouldn’t hold it against you.  But she never said she liked it, or that she wanted to kiss you more...she said she wouldn’t be weirded out just because you’re gay,”

 

“Yeah, but I ran before I could let her finish…”

 

“And during those weeks you didn’t talk, she never came over, not once, to try to confess her feelings,” Costia said.  

 

“Because she was working through them on her own,” Lexa said, defensively.

 

Costia held her hands up.  “Look,” she said, “I’m just saying it’s... _fishy_.  If she liked you, she wouldn’t have said what she did about this kiss you guys had.  She would’ve, I dunno, been into it at least?  Told you how she felt?  But instead she waits until you start spending your time with another girl to suddenly realize she likes you.  And it’s only once she knows that we’re getting really close that she comes over with that picnic excuse.  I’m just saying,” Costia said.  “She just seems jealous.  You’ve been practically her only friend for years, and she doesn’t like that you’re falling for someone and spending less time with her.  She’s probably just trying to keep you around,”

 

“Clarke wouldn’t do that,” Lexa shook her head.  Costia reached out to touch Lexa’s hand, but Lexa pulled away quickly, as if burned. “You don’t know her the way I do.”

 

“You’re right,” Costia shrugged.  She looked at Lexa, scanning her face.  “You still love her, huh?”

 

The silence that followed was answer enough.

 

“Lexa...I just don’t think you should jump into this with her,” Costia said.  “I mean, we’re happy, right?” She asked, and Lexa nodded in honesty, because she had enjoyed spending time with Costia.  She wouldn’t lie about that.  “Besides, you’re gone for the rest of the month, here with me…” Costia smiled, pulling Lexa closer.  “I just think we should take this time to get to know each other well.  Spend some...intimate time together.  That way you can figure out your feelings for me, and if you realize you still love Clarke more once you go home...I won’t hold it against you,”

 

Lexa softened at that.  “What?”

 

Costia nodded.  “I know love is...complicated.  I have feelings for you Lexa, and you say you have feelings for me.  But I know you have feelings for Clarke, too, who you’ve known for years...I think that the more you and I get to know each other and test out this little relationship, the more easily you’ll be able to figure out your feelings.  You’ll never know who you really want to be with until you give a relationship either with her or with someone else a chance.  And since we’re already together, and are spending the next three weeks together,” Costia shrugged.  “Why not give us a shot if you really do have feelings for me?”

 

“I just...am confused,” Lexa said, frustrated.  “Because I know I have feelings for the both of you, and I know you both reciprocate them, now, and I don’t know what to do.”

 

“Well, here,” Costia said, straightening her back.  She turned so she was facing Lexa head-on.  “We’re spending the rest of the month together, anyway.  We’re girlfriends.  Let’s go ahead and give this a shot.  I’ll take you on some more proper dates, we can have some nights in like this one again...and you don’t worry about anything except figuring out if you’re enjoying these dates with me or not.  If you have fun and realize you like being with me, we’ll go from there.  If you spend those dates wishing you were with Clarke instead…” Costia trailed off.  “I won’t hold it against you, Lexa.  I know how serious you are about her.  But I just want you to guard your heart.  She had years to figure out her feelings for you, just like you did with her, and it just seems...well, nevermind.  Like you said, I don’t know her the way you do.  But Lexa,” Costia said, reaching out for her hand.  “I’m serious about this.  I genuinely like you, and would like to see where this goes.  If you want to walk away, I won’t stop you, but I just think testing this,” she gestured between the two of them, “out will help you realize your feelings for both me _and_ Clarke.”

 

Lexa nodded, sighing.  Costia did make a good point.  Even if she decided to leave Costia right now for Clarke, there was nearly 200 miles between Clarke and Lexa right now.  And Lexa owed it to Clarke to be certain of her decision about who to date before telling Clarke that she would give a relationship with her a try.  If things ended up being awkward, or if she ended up missing Costia, she would only inevitably hurt Clarke more than she already had.  She needed to be certain about who she truly wanted to be with, and Costia offered a pretty good solution about how to do that...like Costia said, they would be spending the rest of the month together, regardless, so it did make sense to continue to date her and assess her real feelings rather than push those thoughts aside.

 

“You’re right,” Lexa nodded.  “I do think we should keep giving this a shot.  And I guess I won’t be able to figure out what I want to do unless I give this a shot.”

 

Costia smiled.  She opened her arms wide.  “Come on, babe, give me a hug,” she laughed.  Lexa smiled, feeling much more at ease from this conversation.  She crawled into Costia’s embrace, feeling Costia pepper kisses along her cheek.  “You wanna stay the night and cuddle?”

 

“Sure,” Lexa laughed as Costia whooped, and the two got comfortable under the blankets.  Costia reached over, flipping the lamp light on the desk off, and pulled Lexa close.

 

-

 

In the morning, Lexa crept out of the bed quietly, careful not to wake Costia.  She tiptoed over to the closet, the last place she didn’t get to look the night before for Costia’s keycard.  She figured she’d stick with her plan; she’d swipe the card, hide it for a few days before making her move, and then get to work.  Bidding the door to stay quiet as she slid it open, Lexa celebrated when she saw the keycard clipped onto the front of Costia’s lab coat.  She plucked it off the coat, slipping it in her pocket before glancing back at her girlfriend and giving her resting form a smile.  Quietly, she opened the bedroom door.  She’d write a letter to Costia and leave it out in the kitchen.  She’d find some good excuse or other.

 

Costia sat up, eyes narrowed as she listened to Lexa’s footsteps echo down the hall.  Once the front door clicked shut, Costia shook her head.  “You’re making this almost too easy to figure out what you’re doing, Lexa,” she whispered to herself.

 

Costia sat up in bed, yawning.  She grabbed her phone, flipping through the pictures she’d taken a few days prior.  “OB...RR...CG…” she mumbled.  “Cells seem to turn from human to fish when in contact with water...mixtures 12% water or less don’t affect them...who are these people?” Costia sighed.  She kept swiping through her pictures, landing on one of her and Lexa in the lab, Lexa caught mid laugh as Costia kissed her cheek.  She started at the picture, focusing on surprised green eyes and chestnut hair.

 

“I need you to stick around, Lex.  I need to figure out what you’re up to.”

 

* * *

 

The day following Lexa and Costia’s talk was a Thursday.  Costia snuck Lexa into one of the bars on campus, telling her to enjoy “Thirsty Thursdays” as the college kids called it, giving her a glimpse into what the party life could look like for her on campus.  She’d brought a stumbling Lexa back to her dorm, tucking her in softly and pressing a kiss to her cheek.

 

Costia chose to ignore the key card sitting blatantly on top of a pair of Lexa’s sweatpants, rolling her eyes as she locked the dorm behind her.

 

The following day, she took Lexa to see a movie.  They watched _Wonder Woman_ , still playing in the small university theatre, and this time, they actually watched the movie.  She’d left a chaste kiss on Lexa’s lips as she walked her safely into the dorm, and was glad to see that her girlfriend had at least hidden her stolen key card that day.

 

Saturday found Costia and Lexa at a small cafe in downtown Polis.  Being a college town, it was rather small; everything that was needed for college-aged kids was conveniently placed in a psuedo-city environment in the heart of the campus.  The bookstore, a few restaurants, a little cafe, a small movie theatre that only showed about three movies at once, one single coffee shop, a few boutiques, a convenience store, and plenty of bars were all that Polis’ downtown had to offer.  Still, Lexa thought as she walked around, it was perfect.  Polis was not too crowded, a college of around 10,000 students.  Plenty big enough to avoid the awkwardness of having only a few people in each class, but still small enough that she’d rarely have lectures with multiple hundred students, especially for her selective major.

 

As Costia was showing Lexa around, she was falling more and more in love with the idea of attending university here.  She’d done the online virtual tours, but nothing compared to actually _being_ here.  She couldn’t wait to get started, to be done with high school and start actually living life, working towards her goals and ambitions.

 

“We could see each other every day,” Costia smiled as they settled into their seats on the cafe’s outdoor patio.  “Wouldn’t that be nice?”

 

A clawing feeling tugged at Lexa’s stomach.  Tight lips smiled briefly, and Lexa was saved from answering as the waitress came and took their orders.

 

“So?  Do you like it here as much as you hoped you would?” Costia asked, leaning back in her chair. Lexa nodded. “I love working here.  Everything you’d ever need, it’s all right here.” Lexa nodded mutely.  Costia sighed, crossing her arms.  “You know, if we want to give a relationship a try, relationships usually involve two people putting in effort.”  Costia shook her head.  “If you want to break up, Lexa--”

 

“No,” Lexa said, sighing.  She ran a hand through her hair.  She needed to try.  Costia was here.  She’d chosen Costia.  She needed to do this--it would help her figure out her feelings for both of them.  “I’m sorry, I’m just...yeah,” she shook her head.

 

The waitress was back, setting down two small iced coffees.  “Enjoy, ladies,” she smiled, setting the bill with it, as well.  Lexa pulled out her wallet, ignoring Costia’s tutting.

 

“I got this,” Lexa said, setting the ten dollar bill down on the silver tray.  “It’s the least I can do.  You’re trying to take me on a nice day out on the town.  You’ve been taking me out all week, actually, and I’m…” she shook her head.  “Being a bad girlfriend.”

 

A twinkle gleamed in Costia’s eyes.  “You can be a bit of a... _naughty_ girlfriend from time to time, but never a bad one,” she teased, sipping on her drink.  Lexa nearly choked on her own spit.  Costia grinned against the straw, before setting the drink down.  Snaking her hand across the table, she entwined her fingers with Lexa’s.  “You know, babe, it is a Saturday...we don’t have to go into the lab tomorrow.  Wanna come back to my place this evening?”

 

Lexa worried at her bottom lip.  Was Costia coming onto her?  “To do what?” She asked, voice cracking.

 

Costia squeezed Lexa’s hand gently.  “Whatever you want.”

 

Lexa observed Costia.  She really was going out of her way to try to do more things with Lexa, lately.  She was joking around with her the way a girlfriend should.  She was rubbing her thumb soothingly over Lexa’s hand, the way she always imagined hand holding would be.  She was a good girlfriend.  

 

Lexa relaxed, smiling back at Costia.  She needed to stop overthinking.  She needed to just _feel_ . Thinking would get her nowhere; she could think all day about what to do, who to pick, what to say, but at the end of the day, she knew it would mean nothing.  She couldn’t rationalize her feelings, as much as she wanted to.  She just needed to... _feel_ them, and let her heart speak for once in her life. “I think I would like that.”

 

They drank their coffees in relative silence from there, basking in the summer sunlight.   As the evening sun was starting to set, the two finally departed, walking hand in hand back to Costia’s apartment.

 

“I think the newest season of Say Yes to the Dress is on Hulu,” Costia said as she shut her front door behind them, locking it.  “Wanna go set it up on the TV?  I’ll make some drinks,” she offered.

 

Lexa nodded, rocking on her feet.  “No problem,” she said, sitting on the couch and reaching for the remote.

 

Costia watched her nervously fumble for a minute before she smiled and walked into the kitchen.  “Red, white, or pink?”  She called over to Lexa.

 

“Um, whatever works!”  Lexa called back.

 

Costia glanced into her wine cooler, sighing.  She’d really forgotten to stock up.  “Well, I guess we only have red.  But I think I have a bottle of champagne sitting in the fridge,” she called out.  

 

“Yeah, that works,” Lexa said back.

 

Costia pulled it out from the back of the fridge, observing it.  It was unopened, the last bottle left over from her own birthday celebration the prior month.  Twisting the cork off, Costia poured the champagne into two thin glasses.  She carried the glasses precariously in one hand, grabbing the bottle by the neck and holding it firmly in the other.  

 

Setting the drinks and the bottle on the coffee table once back in the living room, Costia pressed a soft kiss to Lexa’s cheek.  “Thanks,” Lexa smiled as she picked up her own glass, nearly downing it all in one go.

 

“Easy there, girl,” Costia laughed.  “I mean, have as much as you want, but you’ll get drunk pretty quick on the bubbly.”

 

Lexa poured herself a second glass, ignoring Costia.

 

“Okay,” Costia laughed, downing her own glass.  “Guess we’re sprinting rather than running a marathon, huh?” She teased Lexa.  She pressed play on the TV, snuggling up against her girlfriend as they watched a few episodes of the TLC show.

 

By the third episode and Lexa’s seventh glass of champagne, Costia sighed, pausing the TV.

 

“Okay, I’m officially cutting you off,” she tutted, pulling the glass out of Lexa’s hands.  “I have no problem with you drinking around me, you know that, I don’t care as long as you don’t drive anywhere.  But something is obviously wrong.”

 

Lexa shook her head.  “I’m fine.”

 

“Lexa,” Costia said, crossing her arms.

 

“Costia,” Lexa said back, hiccupping.

 

Costia rubbed at her temples.  “Lexa, please.  What’s going on?”

 

Lexa stared at her girlfriend.  Costia raised her eyebrows, giving Lexa a pleading look.  “I guess I’m nervous,” Lexa shrugged.

 

“Of me?” Costia asked, shaking her head.  “I don't want you to be.  You’re safe with me, Lexa.”

 

“Of the things I feel for you,” Lexa shrugged. “Of the things I feel for Clarke.  I don’t know what to do.  I feel like I’ll inevitably fuck up either way and hurt one or both of you.”

 

Costia set her own glass down then.  She leaned over, fingertips running along Lexa’s jawline.  She cupped Lexa’s cheek gently, scooting closer to press a soft kiss to Lexa’s lips.  “Lexa, we went through this.  I want you to do what you want.  If you want to keep giving this a try, then we will,” she said, swiping her thumb over Lexa’s bottom lip.  “If you want to walk away, you can.  Either way, the choice is yours.”

 

“You’re a part of this relationship, too,” Lexa said. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

“It’s better for everyone that you’re honest. If you aren’t, it’ll hurt people more, in the end.  So, what _do_ you want?  That’s up for you to decide, Lexa.” Costia said, giving her an encouraging smile.  

 

What _did_ she want?  

 

In the dark, illuminated only by the TV light, all Lexa could see was _blonde_.  She was hazy--she could feel her head spinning, could feel her heart beating.  She was dizzy, was it dizzy from alcohol or dizzy from love?  All she could see was blonde, all she could feel were warm cheeks and warm hands on her body.  

 

And within a second, Lexa lunged, pulling Costia against her roughly as she settled into her girlfriend’s lap.  She kissed Costia hard on the lips, hands coming up to rest on either side of Costia’s face, the surprised blonde gasping from underneath her.

 

“Lexa,” she laughed airily as her girlfriend pressed hot, open mouthed kisses along her neck.  She giggled as she rested her hands on Lexa’s hips.

 

Lexa smirked, hands sliding down Costia’s sides.  She glanced up at Costia quickly, who gave a sharp nod, and Costia’s tank top was off in a second, thrown onto the coffee table next to the nearly empty bottle of champagne.  

 

“You’re drunk,” Costia accused with a smile, Lexa’s lips working against the cups of her bra.

 

“Sober enough to do this,” she said, unclasping Costia’s bra in a single try, moving it own her arms and letting it join her top somewhere in the room.

 

“Lexa,” Costia began, voice breaking as Lexa’s lips wrapped around a pink bud.  Costia shivered, before biting her bottom lip.  “Lexa, enough,” she said firmly, pulling Lexa’s gaze back to her eyes.

 

“What?” Lexa asked.  “Am I--did I do something wrong?” She asked, sitting back on her feet.

 

Costia sighed.  “No,” she shook her head.  “But you’ve had quite a few drinks, Lexa.  I can’t let this go any further with a clear conscience, okay?” She said, leaning forward to steady a tilting Lexa.  “See what I mean?” She chuckled.  “You’re nearly falling off the couch.  You can’t consent when you can barely sit up without falling over.”

 

“I mean, I want to...do it.  You asked what I want,” Lexa hiccuped again.  “I want _that_.”

 

“I do too,” Costia said, ignoring Lexa’s drunken grin.  “Shush.  But not now, okay?  We don’t need to rush it.  And we are _not_ doing anything more than kissing when you’re drunk.”

 

Lexa pouted, eyes focused on Costia’s exposed chest.  “But--” Lexa gestured to Costia’s breasts.  “They’re so _nice_.”

 

Costia rolled her eyes.  “Okay, Romeo, I’ll keep my shirt off.  But we are going to lay here and watch TV, and that’s _it_ , okay?”

 

Lexa nodded with a sigh.

 

Costia opened her arms.  “Wanna snuggle?”

 

“If you’re staying topless, hell yes,” Lexa said, all but diving back into her girlfriend’s embrace, nuzzling against Costia’s warm chest.  She pressed a kiss against Costia’s chest, feeling the girl laugh beneath her and swat playfully at her rear.  “You watch that mouth, you can use it all you want in the morning when you’re sober.”

 

Lexa rolled her eyes, biting at the sensitive skin with a smirk.  She slid her tongue over the reddened skin to soothe it, humming to herself.  “Okay, I’ll stop.”

 

“Thank you,” Costia smiled, turning back on the show.

 

“I’ve always like your boobs.  I’ve just been too afraid to say it.” Lexa said, eyes fluttering shut as Costia ran her fingers through her hair.

 

“I’m flattered, Lexa,” she chuckled.

 

“I mean it.  Like, this whole time, all these years,” she mumbled, a yawn cutting her off.  “You’re just.  Pretty.  You’re pretty everywhere.”

 

Costia smiled, letting her go on.

 

“Your hair is so blonde and pretty,” she murmured.  “Your skin is so soft.  Your eyes are so--” Lexa hummed, content.  “So pretty.”

 

“You’re sweet,” Costia said.

 

“I love your lips.  Our first kiss was just...wow.” She muttered, snuggling closer into Costia’s skin.  “I want to kiss you more.”

 

“In the morning,” Costia said, fingers running along Lexa’s arm.

 

“Okay.  Promise?”

 

“Promise, Lex.”

 

"I've always loved it when you call me that..."

 

The two lay in silence for many more minutes, before a small whisper broke through the room.

 

“I just love you so much, Clarke.”

 

And then Lexa was fast asleep, snoring lightly against warm skin.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...she said Clarke's name, huh? What do you all think - has Lexa finally figured it out? What do you think is going to happen when she wakes up in the morning?
> 
> Thanks for reading this chap! Let me know what you think in either a comment down here or over on my tumblr, @gothamsgirlgang! (UPDATE: as of 5/19/18, I am at the URL @legendofbisexuals on tumblr! I may switch back to @gothamsgirlgang later, but I was in want of a good change. If you go to @gothamsgirlgang, no worries, it'll redirect you to my new URL!)


	8. July: Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Clarke's turn to join Lexa in dealing with her issues in destructive ways. Clarke and Anya have a heart to heart, and Lexa makes a big mistake in order to realize what she needs to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I hope you're having a great year so far! I'm sorry this has taken so long - I promise the next update will be sooner! Until then, enjoy! 
> 
> Catch the Parks n Rec reference to win a prize! (The prize will most likely be a congratulatory comment, but still!)

The morning greeted Lexa with a headache.

 

“Morning, sugar,” Costia called from the kitchen, seeing her girlfriend sit up on the couch.

 

Lexa glanced over, rubbing her temples.  “Morning,” she said, throat dry as hell.

 

Costia smiled, waving Lexa over.  “Come sit, I’m making pancakes,”

 

Lexa nodded, grabbing a strewn sheet from the couch and wrapping it around her body. She shuffled into the kitchen, taking a seat at the small kitchen table.  She let her eyes close as she focused on the sweet smell of cooking pancakes floating through the air. Costia hummed contentedly, feet padding across the kitchen as she made her way from the stove to the fridge.  

 

“Do you want orange juice or milk?”  

 

Lexa rubbed at her closed eyes.  “Milk,” she mumbled.

 

In a matter of minutes, a plate stacked full of pancakes was placed in front of Lexa, tall glass of milk at the side.  Costia pressed a soft kiss to Lexa’s temple, excusing herself to do some work. “I already ate, sleepyhead,” she laughed, when Lexa asked her to stay with her.  “Come join me in the office when you’re done.”

 

So, Lexa ate quietly, thinking.

 

She hardly remembered the night before.  She remembered up until the second _Say Yes to the Dress_ episode, where the bride wanted a garrish and, quite frankly, ugly red dress.  She remembered Costia, snuggling at her side. She remembered feeling flighty and confused, struggling to drown her worries with champagne.  

 

Considering she didn’t remember anything else, she figured she did a good job.  

 

After finishing her breakfast and cleaning her dishes, Lexa made her way down the hall.  She stopped outside of Costia’s office door, peeking in through the small crack. Her blonde hair was thrown haphazardly up into a bun, tan arm propping her head up as she scrolled on her computer.  Without her glasses on, and her contacts dried out in her eyes, Lexa couldn’t see what exactly Costia was doing--but considering the tiny font, it looked like it was research, sure enough. She knocked on the door gently, before pushing it open.

 

“Hey, Cos,” she said, sheet dragging on the ground as it rested atop her shoulders.  

 

“Hey, Lexa,” Costia said, turning in her chair.  “What do you want to do today?”

 

* * *

 

As the second week of her internship drew to a close, Lexa spent more and more time with Costia.

 

The time they spent together was nice--she rarely found herself thinking about Clarke.  She enjoyed their dates, whether they be movie dates, coffee dates, or dinner dates, and she _did_ enjoy exploring her relationship with Costia.  But as soon as she was away from Costia--in the lab, working, or in her own bed, struggling to fall asleep--all she _could_ think of was Clarke.

 

Clarke, and her beautiful blue eyes.

 

Clarke, and how Lexa missed her hugs.

 

Clarke, and how Lexa wished to see her, to ask her opinion of this all.

 

But she knew that wasn’t fair.  

 

Clarke specifically asked Lexa to figure out what she wanted to do on her own--and it made sense.  It would be wrong for Lexa to give Clarke false hope. It would be selfish for Lexa to ask Clarke to tell her what to do, since she can’t seem to make up her own mind.  It would just hurt Clarke more, to have her be involved in Lexa’s decision making, if, in the end, she chose Costia.

 

She was tired of hurting Clarke.

 

Across the table, Costia frowned.  She could feel Lexa slipping away from her lately.  She knew this relationship was not one that would last forever--not that she cared about _that_ , really.  But she needed Lexa to stick around, to keep trusting her and putting her first, just for a while.

 

“What’s on your mind, sugar?” Costia frowned, noting Lexa’s scrunched face.

 

“What?” Lexa asked, snapping out of her trance.

 

“You’ve been staring at the wall for a few minutes.  You haven’t even touched dinner,” Costia said. “Is everything okay?”

 

Lexa plastered on a smile.  She had to be okay. “Yeah, I guess I’m just not hungry.  Long day in the lab today, huh?”

 

Costia nodded.  “You’ll get used to it.  Why don’t you go ahead and put your plate in the fridge?  You can heat it up later if you get hungry.”

 

Lexa nodded, making quick work of doing so.  Costia finished up her own food, setting her plate in the sink.  She walked up behind Lexa, resting her hands on Lexa’s hips and pressing a soft kiss to the base of her neck.  Lexa froze beneath her.

 

“We haven’t talked about what happened last weekend,” Costia murmured against her skin.

 

“You mean when I was drunk?”

 

Costia nodded.  “Let’s go to bed, okay?  We can snuggle and talk about it and you can tell me what’s on your pretty mind.”

 

Lexa nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. She followed Costia into the bedroom, toeing off her shoes and climbing into the bed rapidly becoming familiar to her.  She nuzzled up against her girlfriend’s side as Costia pulled the covers over them.

 

“Do you remember anything?”

 

After a pause, Lexa shook her head.  “Only up to the fourth glass or so.”

 

Costia nodded.  “Do you want to know what happened?”

 

“I guess so,” Lexa sighed, playing with the hem of Costia’s cotton shirt.  

 

“Well, we snuggled.  You yelled at the poor bride for picking a red dress.  You cried when Randy decided to start his own line of dresses.  And then…”

 

“And then?” Lexa pulled back slightly, looking up at Costia.  “What?”

 

“Well, things got a little heated, but we stopped before anything really happened.  I didn’t want your first time to be when you were drunk, and I didn’t want to take advantage of you.  So...you cuddled up against me, and started babbling some nonsense.”

 

Lexa felt embarrassment swallow her.  “Did I say anything stupid?”

 

Costia laughed a little at that.  “Only if you think saying that you love me is stupid.”

 

Suddenly, Lexa’s whole body felt like it was on fire.  She scooted out of Costia’s grip, sitting upright. Her heart was hammering against her chest, going a hundred miles an hour.  “I said that?”

 

Costia nodded.  “You did. Did you mean it?”

 

“I….I don’t know.”

 

“That’s okay,” Costia nodded, placing her hand on Lexa’s arm.  She traced her fingertips up and down the length of Lexa’s forearm, giving her an encouraging smile.  “Because _I_ love _you_ , and I’ll wait for you to figure out how you feel.”

 

At that, Lexa froze.  “You--you love me?”

 

Costia nodded.  Her fingers rested against Lexa’s skin, ceasing their movements.  “When you confessed your love that night, despite being drunk...things just clicked for me,” Costia smiled.  “I knew I had to say I love you. Whether you really do or not, Lexa, I need you. You make my life much richer than it was before I met you.”

 

Lexa’s mind was racing at a speed comparable to that of her heart.  Costia loved her? Shit--shit, shit, _shit_. What was she supposed to do now?  Two girls, both of which she had feelings for, confessed their love for her.

 

She really was between a rock and a hard place.

 

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same,” Costia shrugged.  “I just thought you deserved to know what I felt. What I feel.  You’re important to me, Lexa. Invaluable.”

 

Lexa nodded, unable to think of any words to say. Finally, she sighed.  “Did I say anything else?” About Clarke? She thought to herself.

 

“You said...you said that you wanted to have sex with me, that night,” Costia added after a moment.  “And I do, too. With you. But only if you’re ready.”

 

“I...Costia, I don’t know what to do,” Lexa confessed, tears welling in her eyes.  “I care about you a lot, but I care about Clarke, too,”

 

Costia sighed, and Lexa felt Costia’s grip on her arm tighten.  “I figured about as much.”

 

“I don’t know what to do,” Lexa repeated, swiping at her tears.  “I think...I just need to figure this out.”

 

“I’ve always been the most truthful when drunk,” Costia shrugged, letting go of Lexa.  “I admitted to myself that I had feelings with you, after we went for drinks with my friends.  I knew I needed to tell you how I felt when we were drunk on that champagne. Maybe you just need to listen to your heart,” she shrugged.

 

At that, Lexa frowned.  “And you think it was my heart telling you that I loved you when I was blasted?”

 

“I’m just saying, Lexa,” Costia sighed, “that you obviously were trying to drink away your feelings to stop worrying about them.  And when you finally were drunk, you told me you loved me. I think you need to stop worrying, and just _feel_.  Does this feel right to you?”

 

“I don’t know,” she shook her head.  

 

Costia nodded.  “Okay. Well...take your time.  I told you, I won’t have any hard feelings.  You just figure this out yourself, okay?”

 

Lexa was gone in a matter of minutes, leaving Costia alone with her thoughts.

 

* * *

 

Four days passed without word from Lexa.

 

“CG.  OB. RR.” Costia murmured.  “Initials, for sure. But who?”

 

It had to be people close to Lexa.  Lexa only followed a handful of people on social media, so it seemed like an easy task -- but it turned out that Generation Z didn’t follow in the millenials’ steps of just making their names their usernames.  No, it was full of nonsense usernames, leaving Costia to spend way too much time snooping on the profiles of every friend of Lexa’s online.

 

Between her regular work hours and running tests on the scale she’d stolen from Lexa, Costia had put figuring out the identities of the people Lexa was sampling onto the back burner.  What good would having their names really do her? She couldn’t just go up to them and say, _I know you’re a mermaid, so prove it to me_!  She’d definitely be crazy to try that.  No, what she needed was hard evidence, and she needed Lexa to keep providing it.

 

And providing she was.  She’d snooped through Lexa’s things multiple times, gathering enough evidence to run her own tests on the scale she’d snagged.  So far, everything Lexa had claimed to find was true of this scale, and Costia could hardly believe it. Now, all she had left to do was wait.

 

She needed to let Lexa have space.  

 

Her plan was working perfectly.

 

She knew Lexa was spending all her free time in the lab, trying to avoid her.  Costia _knew_ she had to be up to something, had to be on the verge of something big.  

 

Her plan initially backfired--she had hoped with the lie of Lexa’s love confession, Lexa would believe her less than sober heart had chosen wisely, and stay with her.  Costia had cursed herself at first, fearing the worst--but seeing how Lexa was channeling her confusion, her anger, made her hopeful for whatever discoveries Lexa was making.

 

Maybe, in the end, Lexa would still come back for her.  Maybe everything would work out okay.

 

Or, maybe not.  But she knew Lexa wrote everything down; if worse came to worst, Costia would just need to find a way to get a hold of that notebook.

 

But now, with nothing to do after work--with no more tests to run on the scale, with no more Lexa to entertain for the evening, Costia figured she may as well try her hand at being a detective.

 

Sure enough, she’d found a few profiles that could work.

 

Lexa followed someone with the username _bio4life_99_ , a Riley Ryans from Arkadia high.  She had one single picture with Lexa, and it seemed to be something taken at school.  Lexa and she held a certificate together proudly, showing off the creation of Arkadia’s first official science club, supervised by none other than Dr. Marcus Kane.  This Riley girl was a contender for sure. Working in the biology club together could mean this Riley girl was aiding Lexa in this discovery. It would make sense for her to be the “RR” in the notes.  She knew Clarke was Lexa’s only really good friend outside of school, but then again, Costia figured it _could_ be a school thing; maybe the bio club found something interesting, and decided to all run tests together.

 

But upon further investigation, there was no “OB” or “CG” in the biology club, so that ran Costia’s theory that it was an Arkadian club operation straight into the ground.

 

After more snooping, she found an Olivia Bennett with a strange foreign username buried down the list of Lexa’s friends.  She was a student at Arkadia Community College, majoring in life science and oceanography. Again, it made sense that this could be the “OB” in Lexa’s notes, but there were no “CG” or “RR” friends they had in common, either.

 

And then, it hit her.

 

“Clarke...Clarke what?” Costia mumbled to herself.  She went to Lexa’s followers once more, scrolling all the way to the bottom, finally finding what she was looking for.  There, in that tiny profile picture, Costia could make out the blonde she’d seen only once before. She tapped on the profile, wide smile spreading when she saw the name pop up.

 

Clarke Griffin.

 

She scrolled through Clarke’s page, filled with pictures of her and Lexa from years and years ago.  Costia shook her head as she tapped on the first few pictures, with girls she didn’t recognize. And sure enough, there they were.

 

 _zerogbitch_ and _betterblake_.  Raven Reyes and Octavia Blake.

 

She cross referenced those usernames with Lexa’s page--sure enough, they were following each other.  

 

Raven and Octavia had lots of pictures with Clarke, and even a few with Lexa.  Girls’ nights in, sleepovers, a weird post that was a shot of the moon from a window that read “don’t trust this bitch no more #lesbianmoonhasturnedonlesbianlexa.”  Costia had _no_ idea what that meant, and didn’t even want to try decoding that.

 

Regardless of the strange things teenagers did that Costia didn’t understand, she’d found them.

 

Found the girls who the skin/scale samples were taken from.

 

Found the girls who were...mermaids?

 

Costia shook her head.  It made no sense. It wasn’t supposed to be possible.

 

And yet--everything Lexa had written so far, she’d matched.  

 

When in water, the skin sample showed up under the microscope as a scale.

 

When fully dry, the skin sample showed under the microscope as human skin.

 

When sprayed with a solution less than 12% water, no change occurred.

 

With 13%, it was a fish scale once more.

 

She’d cut a tiny part of the skin off of the sample, running it through a DNA tester, and sure enough, it came back positively as _human_ DNA.  

 

She’d done everything to verify Lexa’s findings.

 

There was no other explanation, was there?  And it would explain why Lexa was so invested in this project--it was no secret to Costia that Lexa loved Clarke.  Of course she would be trying to keep her friend safe.

 

She had been doing everything to get Lexa to trust her, to fall for her, so she’d let Costia in on this.  It was too big a discovery. It would change the course of science--of human history!--forever. She _needed_ to get Lexa on her side.  They needed to do this.

 

She drafted up an email to the head of the board, attaching pictures of both Lexa’s findings and her own.  

 

She’d written three alternative hypotheses for what this could mean. Genetic mutations.  Something in Arkadia interfering with cellular development. None of them made more sense than the simple: _they’re mermaids._

 

As Costia saved the draft, she glanced back down at her phone.

 

They were rather young, really.

 

So innocent looking.

 

Costia ignored the pulling feeling in her gut.  She knew what would likely happen to those three when she’d submit the findings to the heads of the department.  She knew what they would most likely go through. She knew they’d most likely become human test tubes.

 

“I’m sorry, girls,” she whispered to her phone, swallowing thickly.

 

She’d come this far.  The nagging feeling would go away eventually, she hoped.  Until then, she’d find a way to live with it.

 

For now, she needed more evidence before she could send that email.

 

* * *

 

“Are you sure about this?” Clarke asked, walking up to the mirror.  She wrinkled her nose in distaste, watching the way her cleavage bounced.  Raven truly had pulled Clarke’s boobs so far out of her bra that her nipples were almost visible.  With a grunt, she pushed them back into place.

  
“Hey!  You look sexy!”

 

“I look like a stripper,” Clarke rolled her eyes.  “Which is not a bad thing to be, but if I’m going to have my tits out, I _do_ want to be paid for it.”

 

“Have you never been to a party before?” Octavia asked beside Clarke, straightening her hair.

 

“Um, no?” Clarke said, looking at Octavia in the mirror.  “You do know who you just asked that, right? Clarke Griffin?  The girl everyone makes fun of at school? Do you really think I’ve gotten invitations to birthday parties before? Besides, who wears something like _this_ to a birthday party?”

 

Raven couldn’t help but laugh a little.  “Um, Clarke, babe, we’re going to a _house_ party.  As in, a frat party.  As in, Octavia’s boyfriend’s fraternity is throwing a party. Full of college kids. Not a birthday party.”

 

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows.  “What? Those parties are real? I thought the movies just made them up?”

 

“Oh, Clarke, you beautiful naive sophisticated newborn baby,” Raven sighed.  “Yes, they’re real.”

 

“But it’s summer? Why are frat houses throwing parties still?”

 

“Um, a lot of them live in Arkadia still, Clarke.  Not every frat dude can live in the frat house, so they live around downtown, on and off campus,” Octavia said.  “This is at Lincoln’s friend’s house, I think his name is Nyko.”

 

“So...there’s gonna be drinking?” Clarke asked, sheepishly.  She’d drank before, of course. She’d even gotten drunk, with Lexa a few times, and with Octavia and Raven once.  But she’d never experienced the party scene before, not really.

 

“Yes, which leads us to some ground rules,” Raven said, turning Clarke.  Once again, she shoved her hands down the front of Clarke’s top, pulling her boobs up and resting them precariously against the precipices of Clarke’s bra, showing off her generous cleavage.  “One, if you’re going to have a mixed drink, make it yourself. Two, only take drinks from me and Octavia. Nobody else. Not any boys, not any girls, not _anyone_.  Everyone can be a creep.  Three, if you set your drink down, leave it.  Never pick it back up and drink from it again.  Finally, if any drink tastes salty, stop drinking it right away and throw it out.  Your best bet is to drink only from beer cans or bottles, okay? Cause you can tell when those are tampered with.  The seal should break when you open it, and if it doesn’t, someone’s opened it before.”

 

Clarke nodded, taking it all in.  “How many parties have you been to?”

 

“A lot,” Octavia interrupted.  “We did use to be popular,” she shrugged.  

 

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Clarke laughed.  “I kind of wrecked your social status, huh?”

 

Octavia and Raven both shrugged, unbothered.  “High school kids are bitches. I’d much rather have real friends like you than spend time with wannabes who will burn out before they’re thirty.”

 

Octavia nodded in agreement.  “Besides,” she winked, “I still managed to land a college man.  That’s more than any of those prissy girls can say.”

 

The three rolled up to Nyko’s house only an hour later.  Raven and Octavia adjusted to the party scene instantly, grabbing drinks and dancing.  Octavia left about an hour in to spend some time with Lincoln, but Raven stayed close, which Clarke was thankful for.  When she saw how Raven was making eyes with a pretty redhead but refusing to leave Clarke’s side, Clarke told Raven to run off and have a good time, that she’d be fine.

 

So, she sat awkwardly in the kitchen, drinking a water bottle.  She figured someone had to be the DD for the night, and by the looks of Raven in the living room grinding on the redhead and Octavia’s mysterious disappearance, Clarke figured she was the last one sober.

 

“Hey,” a familiar voice called.  Clarke perked up, turning to see Anya.  

 

“Hey,” she said, giving the older girl a smile.  “How’s it been?”

 

“Lonely,” Anya smiled.  “Quiet. It’s just me in the house now.  Aden is spending all his time at soccer boot camp, and the parents are busy.  I miss having your voice in the house, you should come over more.”

 

Clarke nodded.  “I miss you, Anya.  It’d be nice to hang out.”

 

“Good,” Anya punched her shoulder lightly.  “Mind if I sit?”

 

“Sure,” Clarke said, scooting over on the kitchen table bench.  

 

“What is a girl like you doing at a party like this?” Anya asked.

 

“Um, I have a friend who’s dating a college guy,” Clarke shrugged.

 

“Octavia or Raven?” Anya asked.

 

“Octavia,” Clarke smiled.  She nodded over to the living room, where Raven was liplocked with the redhead.  “Raven has no interest in guys of any age.”

 

Anya frowned at the sight.  “She’s too old for Raven,” Anya tutted.  “She’s only sixteen!”

 

“You know the redhead?”

 

“Yeah, she’s well in her twenties,” Anya narrowed her eyes.  “Look at her--she’s shameless!”

 

“Anya, are you jealous?” Clarke teased, fingertips pressing into Anya’s side.  

 

“What?” Anya asked, turning away from the scene.  She ignored the flush of her cheeks. “Of course not, that’s ridiculous.  I only date older girls.”

 

“So does Raven,” Clarke shrugged, “obviously.  And I know a certain older girl who she likes.”

 

Anya quirked an eyebrow.  “Yeah?”

 

“But, as her friend, my lips are sealed.” She gave Anya a wink.  “So, why are you here?”

 

Anya assessed Clarke, before dropping it. “I know Nyko, he was in one of my classes before he transferred to Ark U.  He told me he was throwing a party, and I was bored as hell.”

 

Clarke didn’t miss the way that, through the entirety of their conversation, Anya kept glancing over at Raven.  The two were helpless, really.

 

Just then, Clarke’s phone rang.

 

_Octavia: I’m sober now :) Linc and I are spending some more…..quality….time together for a while.  Feel free to drink, I’m done for the night and will drive! Xoxox give me another two hours and then we can leave?? Love youuu_

 

Clarke sighed.  “Everything okay?” Anya asked.  Clarke simply showed Anya the text. Anya barked a laugh, before patting Clarke’s back.  “Get used to this, champ.”

 

Another text.

 

_Raven: GUESS WHO’S GETTING LAID IN THE BATHROOM, IT’S ME DON’T WAIT UP I’LL UBER HOME IF YOU WANNA GO LOVE YOU WISH ME LUCK_

 

At that, Anya frowned.  “I’m getting a drink, do you want one?”

 

“Well, if I’m stuck here while my friends are shaking up and Octavia offered to drive, why not?” Clarke smiled.  She watched as Anya scooped up two cupfuls of liquids from a huge bucket, unsure of what it was. Anya returned moments later with the cups, and they drank.

 

It was strong.  Fruity. Was that gummy bears she tasted?  Oh, there came the tequila. Why was her throat burning?

 

“What the fuck is this?”

 

“Jungle juice,” Anya nodded.  “Welcome to college, Griff.”

 

“What’s in it?”

 

“Well, it’s different every time,” Anya said, downing the rest of the cup in one go.  “The Pi Beta Phi girls made this one, and knowing them, it’s all sugar and fruity shit.  Usually when the frat boys make them, it’s a nasty concoction.”

 

“And why do people drink this?” Clarke asked, confused.  “It can’t taste good if it's everything mixed together!”

 

“Jungle juice gets you fucked up,” Anya snorted.

 

A glass became two, and two became three.  With the amount of different shots layered together in a single glass, it was no wonder that Clarke found herself getting tipsy fast.

 

“You should dance with me!” She told Anya decidedly, grabbing her hands and pulling her into the living room, filled with lots of people dancing.

 

Anya laughed at Clarke, but acquiesced.  Clarke was a good friend of hers, and she didn’t want to let her go off on her own so blasted--to be fair, Anya was a little drunk, too, but she knew this was Clarke’s first party, and forced herself to sober up a little to keep an eye on her.  She danced with Clarke for a while, before Clarke got tired and had to pee; she helped Clarke find one of the bathrooms and waited patiently outside, before Clarke dunked a new cup into the jungle juice and started all over again. Eventually, Clarke realized she wanted to go into the backyard and make s’mores at the fire.  

 

Anya hadn’t planned on babysitting, but she didn’t find it felt like a chore.  It was rather nice to catch up with Clarke--she _did_ miss her.

 

So, she helped make sure Clarke didn’t burn herself while making s’mores, and chatted with her, entertained at the blonde’s drunk ramblings.

 

“Did you know I’m bisexual?” Clarke asked after her third s’more.

 

“I mean, everyone kind of knew.  You figured it out?” Anya asked, feeling a slight headache coming on from the amount of tequila and who knows what else she’d drank earlier.  

 

Clarke nodded.  “I kissed your sister and she freaked out. Well, because I freaked out, honestly. And then I tried to make things right.  And. Well. You saw. She rejected me for that perfect, beautiful, smart, rich professor,” Clarke sighed. She grabbed a marshmallow from the bag on the picnic table and stuffed it in her mouth, not bothering to make another s’more.  “And now, she’s probably kissing Costia and having sex with her and it’s not fair, because she made me have like, this _giganto_ crisis about my sexuality and I realized I love her!  As in, I’m _in_ love with her!” Clarke laughed at the absurdity, before she lost her balance.  Anya reached out to stabilize the younger girl, a chuckle escaping. “I think I should sit,” Clarke nodded.  She shivered as a gust of summer wind blew her hair.

 

Anya maneuvered Clarke into one of the plastic chairs around the bonfire, shrugging off her leather jacket and resting it on Clarke’s shoulders.  “Here, blondie,” she laughed, taking a seat in the chair next to her.

 

“Thanks,” Clarke mumbled.  “Am I a bad person?”

 

“For what?”

 

“For being mad at Lexa.”

 

Anya shook her head.  “You’re both teenagers.  Love is tricky. You both have done some stupid things.  I’m not happy about her decision to be with Costia, either, but it is her life.  I can’t tell you how things will work out, but I know you two are soulmates, in some sense of the word.  You’ll be friends again.”

 

“I don’t wanna just be her friend,” Clarke said.  “I want to love her.”

 

“I know,” Anya said, sympathetically.  She rubbed a hand soothingly against Clarke’s back.

 

Clarke’s phone lit up.

 

_Group text: Mermaidddzzzz_

 

_Raven: HEY BITCHES cherry took me home with her!! We called an uber so don’t worry no drunk driving for us ;) I’m texting her address so you can find my body if she murders me_

_Raven: JK she’s a good person she’s gonna be a cop_  
_Raven: idk why she isn’t arresting me for underage drinking_  
_Raven: prolly cause she isnt a cop yet right okay_ _  
_ Raven: 3517 Jaha Rd Arkadia CA 90000

_Octavia: yes girl get some!! Be safe use dental dams! Or condoms!_

_Octavia: Clarke are you good to get home? Do you need me to drive you? I’m going back with Lincoln tonight cause his roommates are out of town! I can drive you home first?_

 

Clarke looked up at Anya.  “Are you good to take me home?”

 

Anya nodded.  “Yeah, I’ve sobered up enough.”

 

_Clarke: Lexa’s sister is here.  She’ll take me home. Have fun, guys!_

 

She locked her phone, tucking it in her back pocket.  “Thank you for hanging with me tonight, Anya. I appreciate it.”

 

Anya stood, holding out a hand for Clarke to grab onto.  “You want to go back to Abby’s?”

 

“No, I told her I would be over at Octavia’s,” Clarke sighed.  “I don’t want to go home drunk,” she said, right as she stumbled.  She giggled. “Point proven.”

 

“Alright, Griff, you can crash at our place,” Anya snorted.  She held onto Clarke tightly as they marched down the street lined with cars, walking back to Anya’s beat up truck.  She helped make sure Clarke got in safely, all buckled up, before hopping in, herself, and driving home.

 

Clarke rested her head against the window, watching Anya as she drove home quietly.  Illuminated only by the streetlights outside, Anya’s features blurred together. The amount of alcohol still coursing through Clarke’s system probably didn’t help that fact.  Still, Clarke mused, Anya looked pretty. She looked nothing like her sister--due largely to the fact that they were only half-sisters, of course--but she was just as beautiful.  

 

Clarke never really spent time assessing Anya’s features before.  She’d always been just _Anya_ , Clarke’s best friend’s older sister.  The girl always in leather. Always with too much eyeliner on.  Always with messy braids in her hair, always getting a new tattoo.

 

Her roots were growing, Clarke noticed.  A few inches of sandy brown sat atop dyed blonde waves.  It was longer than Clarke remembered, reaching midway down Anya’s back. Her signature messy braids still wrapped around her head, hair half pulled into a ponytail, the rest tumbling down over her shoulders.  

 

Clarke always thought Lexa had nice cheekbones, but she’d never noticed just how defined Anya’s were, too.  She supposed it must be a trait from their mother.

 

Her eyes trailed down at bit, to Anya’s lips.  They were a pale pink, almost the same as her skin tone.  Thin, but with a defined cupid’s bow. Very different than Lexa, who had full, rosy pink lips, top lip downturned, with a much subtler cupid’s bow.  No, they must’ve gotten their lip shapes from their respective fathers. Anya didn’t have the adorable lip freckle that Lexa did, or Lexa’s dimples, but she did have a mature elegance in the way she smiled.  

 

Further.  Anya’s neck was long, tanned.  Clarke could see her collar bones sticking out proudly, beautifully framed by her white v-neck shirt.  The same strong collar bones as Lexa.

 

Harsh black lines stook out against Anya’s skin, wrapping around her strong arms.  Anya was working on both sleeves, Clarke knew; she’d even helped conceptualize Anya’s right sleeve, the one she could see right now.  It reached down to her elbow at this point, a black and white and gray rendition of all the different planets in line. She knew Anya had future plans to continue down to her wrist, bringing the sleeve to completion by detailing a night sky and silhouettes of pine trees.  The tattoos looked good on Anya, for sure. Clarke could see the barest hint of a tattoo on the left side of Anya’s chest, peaking out from under her white shirt. She didn’t remember Anya telling her about that tattoo; it must be the newest addition to her collection, Clarke mused.

 

Glancing at said tattoo, Clarke’s eyes widened a bit, and she felt a blush rise on her cheeks.  Anya had given Clarke her jacket a while ago, and apparently, Anya was a bit cold.

 

Clarke tore her eyes away from Anya’s form, staring ahead, out the windshield.  She was tipsy, but not tipsy enough to be having these kinds of thoughts about her best friend’s sister.  About the girl she _loves_ ’ sister.

 

But, really, who could blame her?  Lexa had chosen someone else. Clarke had a newly discovered side to her sexuality.  Anya was hot. She was allowed to _look_ , for goodness’ sake.

 

So, she let herself glance back over at Anya.

 

In a matter of minutes, they were at the Woods’ house.  Anya helped keep Clarke--who was still tipsy, but sobering up--upright as they walked inside.  After stabilizing Clarke on the couch in the living room, Anya went to the kitchen, bringing some water and snacks.  “Eat a little, so you don’t get sick, okay?” She said, pushing the coffee table closer to Clarke. “I’ll be back in a few.”

 

Clarke did as told, munching on the pretzels and drinking the whole bottle of water.  She had to admit, she instantly felt better with some non-sugary food and non-alcoholic liquid in her stomach.  

 

Anya returned after a moment in pajamas, tossing a pair of sweats to Clarke, who thanked her gratefully and shimmied out of her tight jeans.  After pulling Anya’s leather jacket off and placing it on the side table, Clarke slipped the frayed gray sweatshirt overhead. She slipped Anya’s sweatpants on, admiring the old _Ark Middle School_ logo on the side.  She remembered when Anya used to play basketball; she went to more of Anya’s games than even Lexa did.  She remembered thinking the older girl was so _cool_ to be on the basketball team.  She remembered how Anya would call Clarke her little cheerleader and pinch her chubby elementary school cheeks.

 

“What do you want to do?  We can watch a movie, or play some games up in the game room.  Or you can sleep, you’ll need it,” Anya nudged Clarke with a grin.  “How are you holding up, partygirl?”

 

“Just fine,” Clarke croaked, clearing her throat.  “Um, a movie is fine. I don’t feel like walking all the way upstairs,” she smiled.

 

Anya nodded, turning on the TV and flipping on the XBox, sending it to Netflix.  “Any particular requests?”

 

“Surprise me,” Clarke shrugged.

 

Anya nodded, throwing on some comedy or other, relaxing on the couch.

 

Clarke couldn’t help herself.  With Anya distracted by the TV, she snuck a few more glances her way.  

 

She wondered what Anya’s lips would feel like, pressed against her own.  Would they be as soft as Lexa’s? They weren’t chapped. Anya was religious about her skincare, so Clarke assumed her lips would be supple.  Smooth. Would Any be the type of girl to take control? She wasn’t timid like Lexa; Anya was outspoken, brash, harsh. But could there be a layer of softness beneath it all?

 

What was getting into her?  This was _Anya_ .  She shouldn’t be attracted to _Anya_!

 

Guilt tore through Clarke.  This was more than looking, at this point.  More than observing. She was thinking about _kissing_ Lexa’s sister.  Touching her. Wondering how Anya would feel.  Lexa didn’t deserve this; Clarke was in _love_ with Lexa, after all.  Wasn’t this like cheating?  And worse, cheating on Lexa with her own sister?

 

And then, anger.  No, this wasn’t cheating.  She had no _reason_ to feel bad or guilty.  Lexa had left her. She’d opened her heart and soul to Lexa, had admitted her feelings, and Lexa had chosen someone else.  She shouldn’t dictate who she’s attracted to based on how Lexa would feel about it; Lexa chose someone else.

 

Courage, and anger, coursed through Clarke’s veins.  Lexa had no _right_ to dictate Clarke’s relationships with other people.  Sister or not. Lexa lost that right when she let someone other than Clarke be her girlfriend.

 

An hour into the movie, Anya glanced over at Clarke.  “Sobering up?”

 

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded.  “Definitely sober now. Feeling pretty good.”

 

Anya smiled, “Good.”  She turned her focus back to the TV, and Clarke resumed her appraisal of Anya’s features.

 

After a few moments, she couldn’t stand it anymore.

 

“Where’s Indra and Gus?” Clarke asked.

 

“Gus had business in New York, and Indra went with him. Said she needed a vacation,” Anya smirked.  “Like she’ll actually get any rest. She’ll be working on a case in her hotel.”

 

“Aden?” Clarke asked, assessing Anya’s side profile.

 

“Over at his friend Atom’s house for the night. Dropped him off before I went out,” Anya said.

 

“And no one is coming home tonight?” Clarke asked, feeling her heart pound against her chest.

 

“I don’t think so,” Anya laughed curiously, turning to face Clarke.  “Why?”

 

Clarke didn’t answer.  Instead, she lunged forward, throwing her arms around Anya’s neck and pulling her into a kiss.  She had _no_ idea what she was doing, but hell, if she wouldn’t try.  Anya shifted, gasping against Clarke’s lips and pulling away.  “What are you doing?”

 

“What does it look like I’m doing, Anya?” Clarke asked, annoyed.  She kept her arms wrapped firmly around Anya, but leaned back. “I’m kissing you.”

 

“Okay,” Anya laughed, cheeks flushing.  “Why?”

 

“Because you’re attractive and we’re both single and I might have been wondering for the past hour or two what it would be like,” Clarke said, before embarrassment washed over her.  She quickly dropped her arms, scooting back. “Oh my god,” she wailed, burying her face in her hands.

 

“Hey,” Anya said gently, reaching over.  She rested her hand on Clarke’s thigh, rubbing her thumb gently.  “Are you okay?”

 

“Embarrassed, the reality of what I just did is sinking in a bit,” Clarke said, voice muffled through her hands.

 

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Anya laughed.  She scooted closer to Clarke. “Just...walk me through what you were thinking?”

 

“Do I have to?” Clarke asked, sighing.  She looked back up at Anya, who had an annoyingly smug smirk on her face.  “Okay, Flynn Rider, stop with the smolder.”

 

“What smolder?” Anya teased.  “Seriously, Clarke. What’s going on?”

 

“I guess...I don’t know,” Clarke shrugged.  “I’ve always had a bit of a crush on you, I think.  I always chalked it up to admiration. You were the cool middle school kid who let me hang out with her, and then the cool high school kid who did, and now the college girl,” Clarke said sheepishly.  “I guess I have a type. Woods’ girls,” she laughed, embarrassed.

 

“And you didn’t just do that as some way to get back at Lexa?” Anya asked, tilting her head.

 

“What?” Clarke asked, shaking her head.  “No. I mean, yeah, I’m angry at Lexa, but I would never try to get _revenge_ on her.  She’s chosen her girlfriend, I’m...learning to be okay with it.”

 

“Okay,” Anya nodded.  “If you’re sure.”

 

“I mean, you’re hot,” Clarke said, gesturing to Anya.  “And I’ve just recently discovered I’m more gay than intended.  I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be making excuses. I should’ve at least asked.”

 

“It’s okay, Clarke,” Anya laughed.  “I promise. Besides, it wasn’t a bad kiss.  If I wasn’t so shocked, I probably would have enjoyed it,” Anya teased.

 

Clarke felt her face flush again, though this time, not from embarrassment.  “Yeah?”

 

Anya nodded, forehead wrinkling in thought. She was _flirting_ with Clarke.  As in, flirting with _Clarke._ And she kind of liked it?  

 

Holy shit.

 

“Are you okay?” Clarke asked.  “I didn’t upset you, did I?”

 

“No,” Anya shook her head, feeling her throat go dry.  She _never_ would have imagined herself in this situation with her little sister’s best friend, but here she was. “I guess I’m just wondering if it would be wrong to kiss you again.  I mean, my little sister _is_ in love with you,”

 

“Obviously not, if she has a girlfriend who’s _not_ me,” Clarke said, tongue darting out to wet her lips.  “But I mean, it _would_ be wrong, because Raven likes you.  And Raven’s my best friend. And you like Raven.”

 

“But, Raven took another girl home, too,” Anya said, leaning closer.  

 

“So I guess it wouldn’t _really_ be wrong, would it?” Clarke asked more to herself, feeling her heart go light in her chest.  “Just for tonight, of course. With Lexa...dating someone else. And Raven warming someone else’s bed.”

 

“I think it’s fine for tonight,” Anya nodded.

 

And then, Anya’s lips were on hers once more.  Hands gripped at Clarke’s hips and Anya was over her in an instant, pinning her down to the couch.

 

Oh, Anya was _definitely_ the type of girl to take control.

 

Clarke’s hands were up in Anya’s hair in an instant, lips trying to keep up with Anya’s hurried pace.  All she _could_ do was try to keep up. Everything was new to her; besides her chaste peck with Lexa, Clarke had _no_ experience with kissing, let alone anything sexual.  A mix of adrenaline and nervousness coursed through Clarke, lighting her up and letting her feel each and every one of Anya’s light touches, every kiss, every nip from her teeth, every breath against her skin.  She felt _alive_.

 

She tore the sweatshirt off of her own body, casting it to the ground.  Clarke slipped her hands up Anya’s sweatshirt, surprised to find no shirt--or bra--underneath.  She gasped as her fingers brushed against Anya’s bare skin, surprise swallowed by Anya’s hungry lips.  She felt Anya smirk against her lips before pulling away, tearing her sweatshirt overhead and tossing it aside.  Clarke could only stare at Anya’s bare top half, feeling her mouth go dry. Anya slipped her own hands up Clarke’s shirt, leaning forward to kiss her once more, hands coming around the back to unfasten Clarke’s bra.  “Is this okay?” She asked, lips brushing against Clarke’s as her fingers hovering over the bra clasp. At Clarke’s sharp nod, Anya unfastened the bra. Anya’s hands worked quickly to rid Clarke of her shirt, letting it join the growing pile on the floor.

 

Hands and lips roamed over Clarke’s chest, and all Clarke could do was focus on her breathing.  Anya suckled against soft skin, leaving a trail of red and purple marks along Clarke's cleavage as she gripped Clarke's hips, grinding down into them.  Clarke gasped, letting her eyes flutter shut as she lost herself in the feeling of Anya kissing her chest, nipping at it, wrapping her lips around her soft pink buds.  Anya's fingertips prodded gently at the waistband of her sweatpants, and they both stilled.

 

“Are you sure, Clarke?”

 

Clarke nodded.  “I’m sure.”

 

“You know I’m not in love with you, right?” Anya asked, toying with the elastic band.

 

“I know, and I’m not in love with you,” Clarke nodded.  “Doesn’t mean we can’t have sex.”

 

“Are you sure you want your first time to be like this? With someone you don’t love?  With _me_?” Anya asked, pulling her hand away.  She rested it on Clarke’s thigh, pulling back enough to assess her face.

 

“How do you know it’s my first time?” Clarke asked, eyes narrowing.  “I could have had sex before,”

 

“But you haven’t,” Anya grinned.  

 

Clarke couldn’t help but smile a little, too.  “Are we crazy?”

 

“Maybe,” Anya shrugged with a laugh.  “I don’t think this would be a good idea,”

 

“You’re really hot,” Clarke grinned, bringing her hands to Anya’s bare stomach.  She let them roam up along Anya’s body, wrapping under her breasts and around to her back.  “And this is fun. We’re allowed to just have fun, aren’t we?”

 

“Only if you want to,” Anya said.  “And only if it’s for the right reasons,”

 

At that, Clarke stilled.   _Was_ this for the right reasons?  Yes, she was mad at Lexa. But she was allowed to hook up with someone!  Lexa wasn’t _her_ girlfriend, she was _Costia’s_ girlfriend. And that was a decision _Lexa_ made.

 

It seemed like a weak excuse, though.  Maybe Anya was right. Maybe part of Clarke really _was_ doing this in some sick, twisted way to get back at Lexa.

 

Lexa _would_ be hurt if she knew her sister had sex with the girl she supposedly loved.  Lexa would be hurt, and it wouldn’t just be Clarke hurting her; Anya would, too.  And then, on top of hurting the girl she loves, Clarke would be hurting _Raven_ , who’d told Clarke her feelings for Anya.

 

Damn it, Clarke and Anya were breaking a ton of girl code rules.

 

“I want to, but maybe it isn’t for the right reasons,” Clarke admitted, sitting up.  “All I can think about is how this would hurt Lexa. We would _both_ be hurting Lexa.”

 

Anya nodded, pulling away from Clarke.  “I don’t want to hurt Lexa. And I don’t want to hurt _you_.  I don’t want you to look back on your first time and regret it because it was with the wrong sister,” Anya gave her a soft smile, poking at her sides.  

 

“I don’t want to hurt Lexa, either.”

 

“Even though she’s hurting you?” Anya asked, tilting her head to assess Clarke.

 

Clarke nodded.  “Even then. I...think this would really hurt her.  If we had sex. I mean…” she trailed off.

 

“No, you’re right.” Anya nodded.  “It would. I shouldn’t....sisters don’t do that to each other.  I’m sorry, Clarke. I should have stopped things sooner.”

 

“I should have, too,” Clarke grinned sheepishly.  She cleared her throat, reaching for the pile of clothes on the floor.  She tossed Anya’s sweatshirt back to her, before pulling her own shirt overhead.  “Well. At least we did stop. You’re right, I don’t--I want my first time to be special.”

 

“It should be with her,” Anya smiled knowingly.  

 

Clarke nodded.  “Can we chalk this up to just a lot of pent up anger?  I mean, hate fucking is a thing, right? Can you hate fuck someone when the hate is toward someone other than the person you’re fucking, though?”

 

“Well, while I guess that’s possible, we didn’t _fuck_ , it was more like hate making out,” Anya laughed.  “And not even hate. Just anger.”

 

“I mean, we’re both dealing with a lot of pent up issues surrounding our love lives, aren’t we?” Clarke asked.  “I mean, the girl _I_ love is off chasing her dreams with someone else, and the girl _you_ love took home some bombshell after a party.  We just aren’t winning, are we?” Clarke laughed.

 

“No, we’re not,” Anya smiled.  “I am sorry though, Clarke.”

 

“Me too.  I was the initiator, after all,”

 

“I kissed you back,” Anya said, pointedly.  Clarke nodded. “We’re both at fault.”

 

“Do we tell her?” Clarke asked, feeling a little nervous.  “I mean, would it hurt her more to know?”

 

“I don’t know,” Anya shook her head.  “But you’re the one who wants to date her.  If you want to be the one to tell her, I’ll let you.  But I think we should, so...if you’re not going to, I will.”

 

Clarke nodded.  “I think...it’s something I should tell her. Even though she doesn’t deserve it.”

 

“You’re a good person, Clarke,” Anya said, pulling her in for a hug.  “I’m sorry my sister is being a dimwit about this. She’ll figure it out.  You two are meant to be together.”

 

All Clarke could do was nod, and pull her friend closer.

 

* * *

 

A week passed, and Lexa didn’t speak to Costia once.

 

She buried herself in work to avoid both of the blondes who plagued her thoughts.

 

She had a lot of samples, after all.  A lot of work done outside the already taxing internship.

 

Blood samples, hair samples, nail samples.  She’d collected them all weeks before, before she and Clarke had even kissed; she just didn’t have the time or the means to test them out.  When she started, back in the volunteer program, she started right at the end, having only enough time to analyze the scale samples. Now that she had a lot of free time, unlimited access to every lab in the college, and the materials to let her experiment, Lexa was set.

 

She waited this long before starting so as to not arouse suspicion.  Costia remarked to her coworkers one day that she must have lost her key card, before going and getting a new copy from the head of the department.  None of the supervisors paid much mind, saying that every year at least two or three of them would misplace them, treating it almost as in inside joke.  Lexa decided she would go in at night, while all the supervisors were asleep, and found the lab furthest away from the dorms they were staying.

 

Finally, she could get started.  Over the course of the second week, she’d gathered enough info to start pulling the reins in and spending less time in the lab.

 

**_Hair_ **

_No important results from hair._

_There was no difference in hair structure between dry hair and wet hair samples._

 

_As fish do not have hair similar to a human, there is nothing to compare.  It is interesting to note, however, that RR has many medullas in her hair strands.  Fun fact to know about a friend, I suppose._

 

**_Nails_ **

_No important results from nails._

 

_No shift between dry & wet nails. _

 

_OB apparently really likes blue nail polish.  Why blue? I always thought it was such a gaudy color to paint your nails.  Talk with OB about better nail polish choices._

 

**_Blood_ **

_Human red blood cells (RBC) = no nucleus_ _  
_ _Fish, avian, & amphibian blood cells = nucleus _

 

 _Specimen CG RBC = no nucleus_  
_→ When Specimen CG RBC is put in a 1:1 ratio of blood:water_  
→ Specimen CG RBC shows nucleus after staining

 

 _Specimen RR RBC = no nucleus_  
_→ When Specimen RR RBC is put in a 1:1 ratio of blood:water_  
→ Specimen RR RBC shows nucleus after staining

 

 _Specimen OB RBC = no nucleus_  
_→ When Specimen OB RBC is put in a 1:1 ratio of blood:water_  
→ Specimen OB RBC shows nucleus after staining

 

_Conclusion: CG, RR, & OB experience not only molecular change from human → fish for skin cells when in contact with water, but also with blood.  As we know the scale cells showed characteristics of fish, we can rule out avian & amphibian species from transformation. Ergo, on a molecular level when in contact with water, CG, RR, & OB experience shift from human cells → fish cells for skin and blood. _

 

_How is this possible?_

 

What was left for Lexa to do was to figure out how or why this was happening--and that was no simple task.  That would surely take more time than the remaining two weeks she had to discover...for now, she would focus on finding some sort of spray to make the girls waterproof.  As she didn’t have the three girls physically with her, it would be hard to test out--leaving one remaining option.

 

She’d have to call them in for some testing.

 

But no, that was too risky.  It was all too much. She couldn’t have them come, couldn’t have them stay secretly in her dorm, right under Costia’s nose.  

 

Costia.

 

Being in the lab, it let Lexa think.  About Clarke, about Costia, about her relationship with them both.

 

She owed Costia an apology, she thought.  For going MIA on her. For not staying and talking about her feelings like an adult.  Besides apologizing, she needed to figure things out, once and for all.

 

So, she showed up at Costia’s apartment after finishing her last test of the night, locking her bag in her rented dorm room.

 

“What are you doing here?” Costia asked through a yawn, letting Lexa in.  “It’s late.”

 

“I needed to say I’m sorry,” Lexa said.  

 

“For?”

 

“Leaving the other night.  Being confused. I still don’t know what I feel, but you’re right about us being adults, and I shouldn’t run like a kid when things get hard.”

 

Costia smiled, pulling Lexa in for a hug.  “Does that mean you’re giving this another chance?”

 

Lexa breathed, shakily.  “I did a lot of thinking about what you said,”

 

“Which part?” Costia asked curiously, pulling away from Lexa.

 

“That we tell the truth when we’re drunk.  And I did a lot of looking into it and--” Lexa could feel her whole body shaking.  “And I guess it’s true. I told you I loved you, and maybe my mind just refuses to catch up with my heart, but there’s a way I can find out.”

 

“Yeah?” Costia asked, eyebrows furrowing.  “How so?”

 

In lieu of an answer, Lexa grabbed Costia’s face and pulled her in for a kiss.  Costia’s hands fell to Lexa’s hips instantly, pulling her closer and letting out a breath of surprise against Lexa’s lips. Lexa moved them backwards, until Costia’s back hit against her bedroom door.  Lexa was a shark, and it was a feeding frenzy; her lips couldn’t get enough of Costia’s softness, her tongue couldn’t get enough of the taste of Costia’s skin. “Lexa,” Costia huffed, pushing the younger girl back slightly.  “Are you sure?”

 

Lexa nodded, breathing hard. “I can’t think of any other way to know.  My mind and heart are telling me different things and I’m going crazy,”

 

“As long as a part of you is going crazy for me, I don’t mind,” Costia smiled, running her hands up Lexa’s sides.  “I’m okay with this if you are,”

 

Lexa’s heart was telling her this was a bad idea; her mind was telling her it was good.  Her heart still yearned for Clarke--but her mind was set on trying to make things with Costia work.

 

In the end, Lexa’s mind won, but it didn’t stop running wildly, even when she was pressed between Costia and her sheets.

 

***

 

It was unlike anything she’d ever experienced before.

 

The feeling of someone else’s fingers slipping inside her.  They felt different than her own. The feeling of being pinned against a bed, unable to form a coherent sentence.  The feeling of a mouth against her, hot and wet and unlike fingers or pillows or anything she’d used on herself.

 

And when it was over, she didn’t feel the way she always hoped to feel after her first time.

 

She used to expect that she would feel unbearably happy after it happened.  She used to think that all she would be able to think about would be the woman beside her, and how much she loved her.

 

But all she felt was guilt.

 

All she could think about was how she’d just hurt Clarke _more_.

 

Needless to say, she figured it out.

 

She didn’t love Costia, and she’d just given something precious to the wrong person.

 

She gave Costia the excuse of needing to go work on her summer reading to leave.  Costia was tired as it was, and waved Lexa off and gave her a kiss.

 

Nothing felt right.  She felt sick to her stomach.  She needed to shower, to burn the sin of sleeping with the wrong woman off of her skin and beg for forgiveness.  

 

As she made her way back onto the campus and into the dorms, she did the only thing she’d ever done when she felt her world falling apart.

 

She picked up her phone and called Clarke.

 

She listened to the ringer go on and on.

 

_Hi, you’ve reached Clarke Griffin.  I can’t come to the phone right now.  I’m probably with either my mom or Lexa, so give one of them a call if it’s urgent.  If not, leave a message!_

 

She hung up, choking up at the message.  She remembered sitting there when Clarke had recorded it years ago, snickering beside her.  If she listened close enough, she could hear her own laughter.

 

She tried again.

 

Once again, it rang for a minute.

 

_Hi, you’ve reached Clarke Griffin.  I can’t come to the phone right now--_

 

On the third call, it went straight to voicemail, Clarke’s voice echoing through the speakers.

 

_Hi, you’ve reached--_

 

Lexa hung up, defeated.  Clarke had denied her call, not even letting it ring.

 

And there, in the middle of campus beside the Polis University Founders’ monument, under the full moon, Lexa let herself fall onto the grass and cry.

 

* * *

 

Clarke glanced down at the phone ringing on her desk.

 

“Who is it?” Octavia asked, looking up from her drying nails.

 

“Lexa,” Clarke mumbled, letting it ring.

 

“You’re not going to answer?”

 

“It’s two in the morning,” Clarke shrugged.  “She’s probably up late, thinking, and calling to ask for my opinion on her love life.  I know her. She only calls this late when she needs me to give her advice.”

 

“So?  Tell her to choose you?” Raven said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

 

Clarke scoffed.  “No. I told her, she needs to figure this out on her own.  I won’t be that woman who begs someone to pick her. If Lexa chooses me, we’ll work through things together.  If she chooses Costia, then I let her go. I won’t involve myself in her decision, because if I did and she picked me, I don’t think I’d be able to trust she would have truly done so on her own.  I want to trust her feelings for me if I give a relationship with Lexa a chance.”

 

The phone stopped ringing, and Clarke let out a sigh of relief.  Less than a minute later, it rang again.

 

“Still Lexa?” Octavia asked.

 

Clarke nodded, pressing the lock button to silence the phone, but let it keep ringing.

 

“Harsh, but understandable,” Raven nodded.  “I can see what you mean.”

 

“What if she really needs you?  If it’s an emergency?” Octavia asked.

 

“Then she’ll call her sister or mother,” Clarke shrugged.  “Or she would have left me a message. I know Lexa. She’s just freaking out about something that she wants me to fix.  Well, she’s made her bed, and she’ll lie in it until I’m ready to pull her out of it or join her in it.”

 

“And you’re not ready?”

 

Clarke gave Octavia a pointed glare.

 

“Dumb question, sorry.”

 

The phone rang for a third time.  Growing angry, Clarke picked up her phone and hit deny, before slamming it back against her desk and turning it off completely.

 

She didn’t miss the looks Octavia and Raven exchanged, but she did ignore them.

 

* * *

 

“I thought I would find you in here.”

 

Lexa swiveled on her stool, eyes going wide.  Hastily, she shut her notebook and threw it in her bag.  

 

Costia raised her hands in surrender as she walked towards Lexa.  “I’m not here to look. I’ve known this whole time that you had my key card, Lexa.”  At Lexa’s stunned silence, Costia halted, crossing her arms. “I wasn’t born yesterday.  I know you’re working on your little...scale project,” she said, assessing Lexa. “I’m not mad, I’m the one who encouraged you to pursue this.  Besides, I know whatever it is, it’s something good. I have faith in you, Lexa. I don’t know why you feel the need to hide it from your girlfriend, but,” she shrugged, trailing off.  “And speaking of _that_ little matter.”

 

“I’m confused, Costia.” Lexa said bluntly, turning the microscope beside her off.  She pulled the slide from the top of the microscope, threw it in a plastic bag, and let it fall into the bookbag with the notebooks.  “I’ve just been working to...clear my mind, is all.”

 

“I understand.  I’m the same way,” Costia said, keeping her distance.  “Look, I should apologize. I may have been...overbearing in this relationship.  I hope you can find a way to forgive me. I really meant what I said, that I love you.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Lexa nodded numbly.  “I know you have feelings for me.”

 

“And do you?” Costia asked, letting her arms drop back to her sides.  “Did our night together clear things up for you? Do you have feelings for _me_ , that is?”

 

Slowly, Lexa shook her head.  “No,” she whispered, unable to meet Costia’s eyes.  “At least, not the feelings I have about her.”

 

Costia nodded, folding her hands behind her back.  “So--are we, breaking up?”

 

“I don’t know,” Lexa sighed.  “It’s--it’s all too much for me right now, Costia.  I need a minute. I feel like my mind is a thousand miles behind my heart and my mouth.”  She cleared her station, cleaning it quickly with a wipe. She threw it into the wastebasket beside the table, and slung her backpack over her back.  She reached into her pocket, pulling out Costia’s keycard and handing it back to her.

 

“Why?” Costia asked, looking at the card.  “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s worth looking into more,”

 

“It was a bust,” Lexa lied.  “I thought I was onto something big, but it was all wrong.  I have no use for this anymore.”

 

Costia grabbed the keycard, slowly clipping it back onto her lab coat.  “That can’t be right,” she shook her head. “You’re...a genius,”

 

“No, Costia, I’m not,” Lexa grunted, both hands grasping at the straps around her shoulders.  She turned away from Costia, beginning to walk away as she ranted. “I’m just a foster kid who got rich adoptive parents who paid for a hell of a lot of tutoring to overcompensate for the fact that my birth parents neglected to even teach me how to go to the bathroom or say ‘mom’ or ‘dad’.  I don’t know _shit_ about the real world, I don’t know how to fucking talk to the girl I’ve been in _love_ with for thirteen years without putting my foot in my mouth, and I make stupid decisions like having sex with the wrong person!” She shook her head.  “I’m just another dumbass teenager doing dumbass things and hurting everyone I care about,”

 

“Lexa,” Costia said, jogging over to her.  She placed her hands on Lexa’s arms, looking down into her eyes.  “The only person you’re hurting here is yourself. You didn’t hurt me,” she shrugged.  “And whatever Clarke is feeling...it’s her own fault. She had _years_ to tell you the truth, do you really think she loves you? She waited until her only friend was taken away from her to make up that lie.”  Costa shook her gently. “She’s just going to hurt you, she’s _lying_ to you, Lexa.  I let that go when we talked about it weeks ago, but look at the signs.  I don’t want you to end up hurt,”

 

“I appreciate it, _Dr. Greene_ ,” Lexa said roughly, all but tearing herself out of Costia’s hold, “but I want to go home.  It’s a Friday night, and I don’t have to be back until Monday morning for my shift. I don’t _have_ to be here on weekends.  I miss my parents, I have so much I need to say to Clarke--I can’t stay here right now, not when all I can do is sit here and worry about what I’m _not_ doing at home.”

 

“So, we’re done,” Costia asked, stepping back.  “Just like that?”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded firmly.  “Just like that. I can’t--I can’t deal with this, Costia.  It’s nothing against you, okay? I shouldn’t have thrown myself into a relationship to get over a broken heart, nothing good ever comes of that.  I--I _used_ you, and that’s not okay.”  Lexa shook her head.

 

“I can forgive that,” Costia said, holding her hands to her chest.  “There isn’t even anything _to_ forgive, Lexa.  I know there’s something real between us. We need to do the grown-up thing and move forward.  If you have any feelings for me, you won’t just walk away. Grown-ups talk things through together, and I care about you too much to let you leave without trying to understand why you’re doing it.”

 

“I don’t want to,” Lexa shook her head.  “I want to move forward with _Clarke_ . I’m sorry, Costia.  I--there _was_ something, there, between us.  But it’s nothing compared to what’s there between me and Clarke.  I can’t go on dating you, knowing the girl I’ve been in love with for years loves me back.  I can’t ignore that, knowing I have so much to do and say to apologize for what I’ve put her through.  I know you think she’s lying, okay, and I really do appreciate that you’re trying to save me from a broken heart.  But my heart is already broken,” Lexa swiped at the tears falling down her cheeks. “I spent years thinking Clarke was it for me.  I imagined my first time with her, falling in love with her, marrying her. And all of that hurts, knowing I may have fucked it up.  But the worst part? I’ve hurt my best friend. _Nothing_ feels worse than that. Not my own shattered ego, not the fact that I hurt myself by sleeping with you.  What’s hurting me the most is knowing that she loves me, and I hurt her. That she trusted me, and I broke that trust.  That she probably imagined I would come back to her, and instead, I fucked _you_. I need to go make it right.”

 

Costia stepped back, giving Lexa space.  With a sigh, she nodded. “You’re right.”

 

Lexa looked up at her through wet lashes.  “What?”

 

“I told you that I wouldn’t try to stop you if you chose Clarke.  Obviously your experimentation with me worked,” Costia said, choosing her next words carefully.  “They helped you figure out your feelings.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“You can’t help who you have feelings for,” Costia shrugged.  “Can I just…” she bit her bottom lip. “Can we have one more dinner night?  For old times’ sake. It’s nearly ten already, and it’s three hours back to Arkadia. I won’t want you driving tired.  I promise, I’ll let you go first thing in the morning. I won’t try to keep you. But...you’ve been in here for hours, I would love to fix you some food and let you sleep in a comfortable bed.”  Costia raised her hands once more with a grin. “I’ll sleep in my room, you’ll have the guest room. I know it’s better than the rock mattress in the dorm.”

 

Lexa sighed.  “I just don’t think that’s a good idea.”

 

“Okay,” Costia nodded.  “Then, let’s not do it for old times’ sake. Let’s have dinner and celebrate the start of a friendship, and hopeful future partnership,” she offered Lexa a smile, and stepped back.  “My name is Dr. Costia Greene, and I’m very impressed by your academic record and your performance so far here at Polis. I could lose my job for telling you this, Miss Woods, but we’ve already decided to select you for early admittance into the marine biology program.  Can I ask you to a congratulatory dinner? Strictly professional, of course,” Costia grinned.

 

She held out her hand for Lexa to take.  With a small smile on her face, Lexa gripped Costia’s hand.  “I guess one last dinner couldn’t hurt.”

 

Costia squeezed Lexa’s hand gently.  “Not a _last_ dinner,” she smiled.  “The first as colleagues.  We’ll be working together once you’re in the department, Lexa.  We have student workers, and I know they’ll be giving a position to you.”

 

“Are you serious?” Lexa asked, astounded.  “For real?”

 

“Yes, for real,” Costia nodded.  “I meant what I said, Lexa. You’re a genius.  People here can see your potential. Roan is impressed with you--and he’s never impressed with anyone,” she rolled her eyes.  “I know it could be...awkward,” Costia shrugged. “But we can move past this.”

 

Lexa smiled at her, a full smile that time.  “I really appreciate it, Costia. Dr. Greene.  I...don’t know what to call you, after everything we’ve been through,” she laughed, tugging at a loose strand of hair to busy her hands.

 

“Costia is fine, Lexa,” she spoke gently.  “Now, I have some leftover spaghetti. I know it isn’t gourmet, but are you down for it?”

 

“Of course,” Lexa said, letting Costia lead the way.

 

It was a quiet walk back to the off-campus apartments, neither woman knowing what to say.  It was only once they were settled, two plates of spaghetti and a table between them, that Lexa spoke.  “I really do think we could work together, Costia. In another life, maybe, where I met you first,”

 

Costia smiled at her.  “Maybe,” she hummed. “I’m sorry for what I said about Clarke,” Costia looked down at the spaghetti.  Well, if she couldn’t keep Lexa close as a lover, she’d have to as a friend. She still needed that trust.  It was a setback, but it _could_ work.  “I _don’t_ know her the way you do.  It was...the jealous part of me speaking,” she lied.

 

“It’s okay, Costia.  I told you, it was unfair of me to do this.  I should have treated both you and Clarke much better.  I shouldn’t have gone into any relationship...with you, with Clarke, with anyone, really...until I heard all sides.  Until I actually listened to my heart do some thinking for once instead of running away from it.”

 

“It doesn’t make you weak, you know.”

 

“What?” Lexa asked, eyebrows furrowing.

 

“Love,” Costia shrugged.  “Love makes us stronger. Whether it be romantic, platonic, erotic….whatever kind,” she smiled.  “I will always cherish you, Lexa. I hope, somehow, you’ll still love me as a friend. You’ve...enlightened my life in ways no one else ever has.  I don’t want to lose you.”

 

“Friends,” Lexa hummed, swirling her fork on the plate.  She nodded slowly. “I would really like that, Costia.”

 

At Costia’s wide grin, Lexa felt like everything was beginning to fall in place, where it should be.

 

***

 

Costia sent Lexa off to the bathroom with a borrowed pair of pajamas and a towel.  “Go shower, you smell like sterile lab,” she teased. “I’ll clean up out here,”

 

“Thanks,” Lexa said, taking the clothes and towel.  “I’m really glad we did this. Talked everything out.”

 

“Of course,” Costia nodded.  

 

Once the door clicked shut and the sound of the water turning on began, Costia dropped the plates into the dishwasher and cracked her knuckles.  

 

Lexa had been quick to stash the notebook earlier--she’d definitely found something more.  

 

She glanced at the bathroom door from the kitchen, peering down the hall.  Seeing that it was shut tightly, and with no indication that Lexa would be out any time in the next few minutes, Costia walked lightly into the guest room, where Lexa had dropped her bag.  She pulled out the journal, taking her time to read through it as she took more pictures on her phone.

 

The tests on the scales, she could easily replicate.  These were blood tests--she’d need Clarke’s blood if she really wanted to cross reference on her own.  Knowing there was no way she could go about doing that without seeming like a total lunatic -- or, without tipping off Lexa that she knew, Costia knew she’d need to lay low for a while, just until she’d figure out what to do.

 

Once the shower clicked off, Costia zipped the bag once more, making her way back into the kitchen.  She picked up the closest thing--a clean bowl, that had already been left out to dry, and ran a towel over it as Lexa made her way back from the bathroom.

 

“Thanks for the PJs,” she said, stopping at the kitchen.  She was squeezing the water from her hair in the towel. “I’m going to head off to bed.  I’ll probably leave early tomorrow, so I figured I should probably thank you now.”

 

Costia set the bowl and towel down, turning to face Lexa.  “There’s really no need to thank me, Lexa.”

 

“Still,” Lexa shrugged.  “And...I’m sorry about the other night.  I know it isn’t how I wanted my first time to be, and I know it probably wasn’t how you pictured...us...together, either.”

 

Costia gave a tight-lipped smile.

 

“Yeah, it’s all good,” she tried to shrug nonchalantly.  “People make...bad choices.” She cleared her throat.

 

“I just don’t know how I’ll tell Clarke,” Lexa sighed, pulling the towel from her damp hair.  She rolled it into a ball, holding it close, not caring that it made her shirt damp. She needed an anchor, something to hold onto right now.  “I need to start being fully honest with her. I know...if I have any chance of a relationship with her...I’ll have to answer some hard questions.  About us,” she gestured between them. “God, will it break her heart to tell her the truth? That I slept with you? Would it be better to keep that a secret?  But then, if she asks and I tell the truth and she realizes I didn’t tell her, won’t that piss her off? But on the flip side, if I tell her and she _doesn’t_ ask, will she take it as me, like...shoving our relationship in her face?  Will _that_ just make her feel bad?”

 

“I can’t answer any of that for you, Lexa,” Costia shrugged.  She really could not care less how the younger girl sorted things out with Clarke--the only important thing was that Lexa still trusted her.  “But I’m here for you. I know things are….strange now, considering what we’ve been through, but I genuinely do want the best for you.” She was getting good with these lies.

 

Lexa nodded. “Well, I guess I’ll go.  You probably want to get some sleep,” Lexa muttered.  “I’ll see you Monday, Costia.”

 

Costia nodded.  “Sweet dreams,” she said, feeling her stomach tie itself up in knots as Lexa walked away.

  
She shook her head.  No; she had no time for sympathy.  No time for regrets. No, she needed to get Lexa to team up with her, to let her in on whatever this is.  She needed Lexa to _trust_ her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. They're both making a ton of mistakes, lol. I didn't initially intend to have Anya and Clarke hookup, but sometimes the story writes itself and you, as the writer, are left to just nod and follow along. Writers know what I'm talking about, lol.
> 
> Now, before anyone gets too upset at Lexa: yes, I agree, she's being an idiot. BUT, please keep things in perspective. Lexa's been getting a lot of flack - a lot well deserved, of course - but she is just a teenager. She's never navigated a relationship before, so of course she's going to mess up, and I wrote Lexa's actions from a place I've been in, myself. It's easy to look at her and say "What the fuck, why would you have sex to try to figure out how you feel about someone? That's dumb!" when you're an outsider, but the truth is, it happens. My first time was a shitshow, and the only reason I had sex with him was to try to figure out if I liked him or not; I thought sex would be a magic answer. I'm older, wiser, and more mature now, so I understand that this isn't necessarily true; but like Lexa, I was young, naive, and caught up in my first whirlwind romance, and I thought sharing that part of myself with someone else would magically give me all the answers. So, if you wanna yell at Lexa, please feel free! Because she is being a bit daft, of course. But keep in mind, lots of people go through what Lexa did (including myself), so just be kind with your words :)
> 
> On the topic of virginity (my own opinions surrounding it): NO ONE is important enough to change any aspect of who you are just because you've slept with them. If you decide you WANT to be "changed" after having sex for the first time, that is up to you; but don't let society trick you into thinking you fall into some category because you have or haven't had sex. The ideas set in society surrounding being a virgin vs. not being a virgin are outdated, because your worth as a person is not dictated by retaining or losing your virginity. And by societal standards, I mean: "she's a prude because she won't put out" vs "she's a pure angel because she's staying chaste until marriage" and "she's a slut because she's had sex" and the likes. Everyone has the right to dictate who they share their body with, and when they do; for some, losing virginity is both a physical and emotional passage, and for some (including myself), somewhat of a spiritual thing as well. Your body is yours, and no one is allowed to tell you you're a prude, slut, whore, et cetera, just because of your personal choices to have or not have sex, and when to do so.
> 
> Virginity is a deeply personal matter which everyone will have a different experience with; for some people, being chaste is important, and for others, it's less important. Neither is right or wrong. No one can be right or wrong about virginity as a whole, and everyone's individual opinions on and preferences towards virginity are valid. My choice to have Lexa upset about losing hers isn't to perpetuate the standards in society that losing your virginity ultimately changes you as a person, bc that's some bullshit. It only changes you if YOU want it to--don't let society shame you for having, or for not having, sex. Lexa's frustration and shame doesn't stem from societal issues, but from knowing that she wanted her first time to be with Clarke, and she's ruined that. I hope that was clear enough! If you have a difference of opinion on anything that I've just said, that's awesome! These are just my personal views surrounding virginity, and I know not everyone will share them.
> 
> (Edit: thanks to a reader for pointing out my wording here, and I hope I've explained my own views better!)
> 
> So, all that aside, how's everyone been? Life has been crazy here for me (as you can tell, from me not updating in two months)! I'm very sorry about the delay, but I PROMISE a new chapter will be up quicker. I've had a crazy two months, full of a lot of emotions and busywork and real work and school, but life has been getting better. I've been taking a lot of time to spend with my newfound friends and do a lot of stupid crazy college shit, because I'm trying the whole ~putting your mental health~ thing first. Turns out, it works pretty well, lmao.
> 
> Well, I hope you enjoyed! Enough of my ranting! Come hang out over @gothamsgirlgang on tumblr and leave a comment down below! (UPDATE: as of 5/19/18, I am at the URL @legendofbisexuals on tumblr! I may switch back to @gothamsgirlgang later, but I was in want of a good change. If you go to @gothamsgirlgang, no worries, it'll redirect you to my new URL!)


	9. July: Part IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit to Alie; a confrontaion; an unlikely confidant; a reconciliation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chap! More notes at the end to catch up with y'all :)

 

 

She didn’t know why she was here.  

 

Taking a deep breath, Clarke walked towards the flower shop.  The California sun was setting behind the small blue shop, coloring the summer sky a rich blood red.  The moon was beginning to show high in the darkening sky, far above. As Clarke pushed the shop door open, a small bell rung, signaling her presence.

 

“Sorry, we’re closed,” an airy voice called from the back.  “We open tomorrow at seven.”

 

“Um, Alie, it’s me,” Clarke cleared her throat.  “Clarke. Clarke Griffin?”

 

Alie popped her head out from the storage room, a soft smile on her ruby lips.  “Oh, Clarke, how are you?”

 

Clarke shrugged, letting the glass door close gently behind her.  “I don’t know why I’m here, I just know that I need to talk to...someone.”

 

“Are Raven and Octavia not around?”  Alie asked, shutting the storage room and locking it.  

 

Clarke frowned.  How did she know about Raven and Octavia?  Had Lexa told Alie about them? No; she wouldn’t have.  If Alie had been able to figure out about Clarke just through observations, then she most likely could do the same with the other girls.  “They’re probably off somewhere together; I just--something is telling me I should talk to  _you_ ,” she clarified.

 

Alie assessed Clarke, holding her gaze.  After a long moment, the shopkeeper gestured to the small garden furniture set off along the side of the shop.  “Come sit with me,” she said, leading Clarke over. “Would you like some tea? I have sweet tea in back,”

 

“I’m okay, thanks,” Clarke said, sitting on the wicker chair.  

 

Alie sat across from her, crossing her ankles delicately.  “What brings you here, Clarke?” Alie asked, settling her hands on her knees.  

 

“I’m not sure,” Clarke admitted.  She looked around the dimly lit shop, eyes raking over the rainbow of colors surrounding her.  “I feel uneasy.”

 

Alie nodded.  “There is certainly trouble brewing, I can sense it.”  Clarke furrowed her eyebrows. “Ah, but that is not what you are worried about.  Your heart is facing a battle with itself.”

 

“I...guess so,” Clarke shrugged.  The way Alie spoke...it unnerved her, but she seemed like a trustworthy person.  She could have spilled their secret long ago, but she hadn’t. Maybe Alie did have something worthwhile to offer Clarke and the girls.

 

“It’s Lexa, is it not?” Alie asked, with a smile playing on her lips.

 

“Yeah,” Clarke admitted.  “I want to be so mad at her.  She said she loved me, and then she ran away. She didn’t give me any time to sort out my feelings for her.  I...pushed her away, I know that. I said the kiss meant nothing, but I knew...deep down it was  _something_.  And she ran before I could figure that out.”

 

“And now she’s with someone else?” Alie asked, though Clarke felt that Alie already knew the answer.

 

“An older, established, accomplished marine biologist.  Exactly her type,” Clarke sighed.

 

“And you are in love with her,”

 

Clarke nodded silently.  Alie simply hummed, nodding to herself as she thought.  “I feel so betrayed by her. How can she claim to love me, and then leave so soon?”

 

“The fear of rejection is powerful, Mako child.  Your denial of feelings for her only added fuel to that fire.  Lexa is a private person, no?” At Clarke’s nod, Alie drummed her fingers against the table.  “It makes sense, then, that she kept her feelings for you private. It takes an enormous amount of courage to confess love, and part of her must have known you two were not on the same page with the recognition of your feelings.  It was the moon that made you kiss, wasn’t it?” Clarke nodded again, and that infuriating knowing smile settled on Alie’s lips. Seriously, how did this woman know so much? “The moon often compels merfolk to act on lust, but also on love.  It was trying to give you that push you needed to be true to yourself. You see, mermaids share a soul-bond with the moon, in a sense. You can feel her, and she can feel you. She compels you to be your true self.”

 

“A mermaid?” Clarke asked, confused.

 

Alie laughed lightly.  “Yes, she loves to see her children swim, but I mean that the moon has a pull over merfolk to express themselves as they want to.  Deep down, you’ve loved Lexa all along; you just didn’t realize it the way she did. The moon cannot force merfolk to be unfaithful to themselves.  The full moon can cause a wild variety of emotions in merfolk, and intensify them; but she can never make you feel a way you do not.  The moon can do many mysterious things, but she does not give you feelings which are not your own.  When the moon is full, she can amplify emotions tenfold, just by sight alone, or by touching water - so long as they are your emotions, to begin with."

 

“From what the girls told me, I got a little water on my hand in the bathroom, and then I pulled my blinds to look at the moon.  And from there, I was...singing, like a siren. And it pulled Lexa in. But she’s not a mermaid?” Clarke looked at Alie nervously, feeling her heartrate quicken.  “Why did it affect her, too?”

 

“Ah, so it made you a siren.  Usually, sirens are associated with primal feelings, such as hunger or lust; but on rare occurrences, a siren reaction to the moon can reflect love.  Sirens hold pulls over those who are attracted to them, man or woman, human or mer. Usually the moon would not affect her so, but since it amplified you into a siren, those effects spread to Lexa, as well.”

 

Clarke nodded, taking it all in.  “So...the moon wasn’t trying to confuse things for us,” Clarke said. “It...she was trying to help me be myself, and recognize my love for Lexa?”

 

Alie’s eyes locked on the metal resting against Clarke’s skin.  “I see the necklace found its way to you,” Alie nodded, meeting Clarke’s eyes once more.  “Did you see Lexa off before she went?”

 

“I did,” Clarke nodded, confused why Alie shifted the conversation.  Her fingers came up to the silver locket, warm from the heat of her skin.  “It’s beautiful, Alie.”

 

“It belonged to my sister, Becca,” Alie said.  “Long ago.”

 

“And there were two others?” Clarke asked.  “Lexa mentioned something about more.”

 

“Yes, yes,” Alie said.  “Becca was my soulmate, in every platonic sense of the word.  We shared every secret. We were twins, but I was still the older sister, and I always looked out for her -- but there was a time I could not, and she paid the price.”

 

“What happened to her?” Clarke asked, intrigued.  Observing the pained look on Alie’s face, Clarke pulled back.  “You don’t have to tell me, of course.”

 

Alie shook her head, holding up a hand.  “No, it’s okay. I haven’t talked about her in years, perhaps it would be good for the soul.”  Alie took a deep breath, centering herself. “Becca and I had two other dear friends, Gracie and Louise.  The four of us did everything together. Louise was a beautiful girl, but she was very vain. She wanted to exploit their secret so they would gain admirers around the world.  She had these grand plans of running off with the circus, becoming a main act. She figured, if she did, she’d be the world’s most adored creature. All she wanted was to be loved; I think it was because she had such a bad home life growing up.  Her birth was quite a scandal; Louise was conceived when her mother was only fourteen, and the father was much older. He ended up leaving town, leaving Louise and her young mother on their own. Louise’s grandparents disowned them. Louise had a rough life, living in shelters, having no father.  Her mother worked endlessly to support them. She had no family besides her mother, who was never home, no money of her own or to inherit, nothing to call her own; only her beauty and pride. She was very protective of those things. She took great strides to look like she wasn’t struggling while we were growing up, and Becca and I would save up money every year to take her clothes shopping for her birthday.  She was a good girl, she always meant well, but she let her vanity destroy her. After her mother passed, Louise moved to a small town in England, and we lost touch for good. She ended up passing away a few years ago, some aggressive cancer in her pancreas.  It was sudden.”

 

Clarke nodded, unsure of what to say, what to ask.  It was as if a trance had come over her, begging her to listen to Alie, pulling her toward the older woman.

 

Alie continued. “Gracie was a good girl, but a flirt.  She was the valedictorian at our high school, well-liked by all the teachers for being smart, but she was also picked on by the students for being ‘easy’.  She was happy, though, and of course I never judged her; it wasn’t her fault that she fell in love easily. Those mean boys; they’d tell her they loved her, and she’d do whatever they asked.  She’d help them with their homework, help them study for tests, make them study guides. She’d even sleep with a few of them, if they strung her along enough and made enough promises. All she wanted was her fairytale romance.  She ended up getting it; she married at eighteen, just a few weeks after graduation. Thank goodness she married one of the nice boys in our class. She went into the field of chemistry, while her husband did some other science, I don’t recall what.  She had a baby girl around the same time my sister did, many years after her marriage when they were stable. She ended up moving to the Polis area after the girl was born.  I haven't heard from her since the move, even though she's close by.”

 

“And Becca?” Clarke asked gently, needing to know more.  

 

“As much as Louise wanted to share their secret, she never did.  Becca was very protective of their bond, and refused to let anyone know their secret.  She stopped Louise from running off, and took strides to ensure that Louise never spilled their secret.  After Gracie left with her husband, Louise began to drift away from us. She resented Becca, and so, she resented me.  It was just Becca and I, then. For ten long years, Becca kept the secret safe. She managed to fall in love, get married, and have a baby before her husband ever even found out.”  Alie dropped Clarke’s gaze, looking down at the table separating them. Clarke noticed tears brimming in Alie’s dark brown eyes. “Marcus was always a violent man. But Becca always saw the good in people, even if there was only a shred.  When he found out what she was, he...”

 

Clarke gasped, her hands coming to her mouth.  “No,”

 

Alie nodded solemnly, wiping away a single tear.  “He was caught. Too much evidence at their home. The children saw.  Of course, when he was rambling that she was a mermaid, nobody believed him; they simply thought he was deranged.  Those poor children….I haven’t seen my nephew or niece in years. They were both traumatized by the murder, sent away for extensive therapy with Marcus’ sister.  She was a gentle soul, the opposite of her wretched brother. I was hurt when they put in their will that Marie would get the children instead of me if something were to happen, but I knew at least they would be cared for better than they were by Marcus.  They must be...twenty four and twenty five, by now, the same as Gracie’s girl, since the girls were born the same year. I’ve sent my niece and nephew birthday cards each year, but they never respond. Marcus is still in jail. And I….am still alone.”

 

Clarke reached out desperately, grabbing Alie’s hand as though it were a lifeline.  “You aren’t, Alie,” Clarke said. She gave Alie’s hand a gentle squeeze, bringing her other hand to her locket.  “I know it isn’t much to have three teenagers to talk to, but Raven and Octavia and I are here. We share the secret, too.  If nothing else, that bonds us, doesn’t it?”

 

Alie smiled at the young girl, patting her hand in thanks.  “I suppose it does, my dear.”

 

“Can I ask, why were you never a mermaid? Surely you could have become one if you wanted, since you knew what they were, right?” Clarke asked.

 

Alie nodded solemnly.  “Someone had to watch out for those girls. Together, they were a reckless bunch.  I admit, I was often jealous, but I also knew that I was better suited to be a human and a guardian for them.  Besides, I was a member of the Arkadia High swim team, and a good one, at that; my whole future surrounded swimming, and I wasn’t prepared to give that up.  I hoped to be in the Olympics one day.”

 

“Why weren’t you?”

 

“I ended up injuring my shoulder beyond repair right as I started the training.  It was not a smart idea to swim competitively anymore. By that point, Gracie was in Polis and Louise wasn’t speaking to us anymore, so it was just Becca and I.  She tried to get me to join her….I’m glad I did not. If I were a mermaid, it would be too painful to remember her daily. Surely I could transform back to human if I wanted, but even seeing a tail on me...it would be like seeing Becca.  It’s already hard enough looking in the mirror and not seeing my other half beside me, getting ready.”

 

“I can understand that,” Clarke mumbled.  She glanced around at the plants surrounding her, letting go of Alie’s hand.  “Thank you, for telling me about them.”

 

“Of course, dear.  Have you managed to find the other lockets?” Alie asked curiously, settling in her seat much more comfortable than she was moments prior.

 

“No, but we are going to start looking.  Tonight, actually, we’re going for a night swim.  I’ll keep you updated on whether we find them or not.”

 

“It would bring me great joy to see them all reunited.”

 

“Do you have any idea where they could be?” Clarke asked.  “Anywhere at all?”

 

“The girls spent a great deal of time at the moon pool on Mako, where the transformation happened.  There were a few other places on Mako, like where the waterfalls are. Besides that, I can’t be positive where they spent their time in the water.  But I know Louise threw hers off the Arkadia pier, so hers should be around there. Gracie lost hers, so I can’t be quite as sure…”

 

Clarke’s phone beeped just then, drawing her attention away.  “Excuse me,” she muttered, pulling it out of her pocket. “Speak of the devils.  They’re ready to go.”

 

“Best be off, then,” Alie smiled, standing.  “But before you go, let me arrange some flowers for you.”

 

“Oh, I don’t have any money on me right now, Alie,” Clarke apologized, standing as well.  “But I’ll come back soon and get some tomorrow.”

 

“Nonsense,” Alie waved her hand.  “For you, flowers here will always be free.”  She gestured for Clarke to follow her, and bid her to wait at the register while she organized.  She came back with two potted orchids.

 

“Two?” Clarke asked, curiously.

 

Alie winked.  “I think a special someone could use a welcome home gift in the morning.”

 

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows.  “What do you mean?”

 

Alie simply smiled at Clarke.  “Have a good night, Clarke. I wish you luck on finding those other lockets.”

 

Clarke thanked Alie, confused, taking the orchids.

 

“Oh, and Clarke?” Alie called as Clarke reached the door.  Clarke turned, tilting her head as she listened. “Promise me that you won’t drift apart from your friends the way Becca and I did.  A secret like this...it’s a bond, too. One that doesn’t deserve to be broken.”

 

* * *

 

“And why exactly do we care about finding these lockets?” Octavia huffed as they scoured the moon pool.  

 

“Alie thinks it’s important for us all to have them,” Clarke shrugged.  “And I promised her that we would at least try.” She shivered as she hoisted herself out of the moon pool, settling on the sandy ground.  

 

“Whoa, Clarke, someone’s driving with the headlights on,” Raven snickered.

 

Clarke rolled her eyes, bringing her hands up to cover her breasts.  “It’s not my fault we don’t get magical mermaid bras! And it’s chilly in here, it’s night.  Of course my nips are gonna be hard, so are yours!”

 

“But I’m in the water,” Raven winked.  “Harder to tell.”

 

“Please, you two, just enjoy the free show you get,” Octavia rolled her eyes.  “You’d think two sapphic women would love seeing boobs all the time,” she teased.

 

“What, boobs don’t do it for you, wild child?” Raven teased, nudging her friend.

 

“Seeing as I’m the only straight one here,” Octavia paused for dramatic effect, “no.”

 

“I’m not going to check out Raven, O,” Clarke sighed.  No, there certainly  _was_ someone she would check out, but sadly, said girl was a bit of a numbskull who’d gone off and gotten herself a girlfriend.  Clarke let her hands fall back to her sides, propping herself up in the sand so that she could lean back. She listened as Octavia and Raven rambled about some summer project or another they really needed to start working on soon, and Clarke stared up through the mouth of the volcano at the waning moon.  It really was beautiful here. As afraid as she still was, as dangerous as being what she was, was, she supposed she was rather blessed. She would make good on her promise to Alie.

 

As she assessed the moon, she couldn’t help but recall what Alie told her.  The full moon can only amplify a mermaid’s feelings, not change them, or replace them.  So she truly did love Lexa from the beginning. And the moon was trying to help Clarke....and Clarke had to go and complicate things, after the fact.

 

In a twisted way, the moon did her job; she made Clarke realize her feelings, but they were too late.  Or did Lexa leave too soon?

 

It still hurt her, deep down.  That Lexa was able to walk away.  But then again, Alie was right--what did she expect?  She’d rejected Lexa, it was only natural for the private girl to build up her walls and run.  Neither girl was blameless, and neither was fully responsible for their current predicament.

 

That didn’t mean Clarke wasn’t bitter, though.  The thought that Lexa was dating someone else, kissing someone else; that she was sharing all those intimacies with Costia that she shared with Clarke, and then some...it was unnerving.

 

It’s scary as hell to confront your feelings only to realize there’s nothing you can do about them.  Perhaps she was a bit slow in figuring them out, but Lexa was too hasty in leaving.

 

The moon was trying her damndest, but Clarke and Lexa had to go and complicate things which needn’t be complicated.  

 

Human nature, Clarke supposed.  

 

“Okay, so we searched the moon pool here, and there’s no locket.  What’s our next stop?” Octavia asked.

 

“Clarke, you said Alie mentioned the pier?”

 

Clarke nodded, looking back down at her friends.  “She said Louise tossed hers into the ocean around there.  It could have sunk and still be around the pier, or....”

 

“Swept off into sea,” Raven nodded.  “Well, we’ll give it a try. Then the waterfalls here, next.”

 

Clarke watched as he tail bobbed gently in the water.  “I’m sorry that I’m still not comfortable diving deep down….I really tried to help search around the pool and outside today, but it was...overwhelming,” she winced.

 

“Hey, you’re doing really well, Clarke,” Raven promised, swimming up to her.  “One thing at a time.”

 

“Yeah, look how much progress you’ve already made!” Octavia grinned, coming up to her other side.  “You can swim easily in shallow waters, and you can swim in the open ocean for short bits as long as you’re with us.  You’re comfortable  _in_ deep water, just not going  _down_ in deep water.  You’re making huge improvements!”

 

“And we’re really proud of you,” Raven smiled, rubbing her hand along Clarke’s tail.

 

Octavia held up her thumbs and forefingers, making a rectangle with them.  “You’re doing amazing, sweetie,” she joked, pretending to snap pictures of Clarke.

 

Clarke guffawed at that, slapping her tail in the water so that it splashed all over Octavia.  The three girls laughed, beginning a splash war. “You have an advantage, cheater!” Raven called from the pool, splashing up at Clarke wildly with her hands.  “You can just flap your tail!”

 

“Think smarter, not harder, Reyes!” Clarke poked her tongue out.

 

Raven and Octavia exchanged a glance, nodding.  They reached out, grabbing one of Clarke’s arms each, and pulled her to join them in the pool.

 

Clarke sputtered as she surfaced, but grinned wildly.  “‘Kay, I deserved that,” she held up her hands in surrender.  With a sly grin, she flicked her wrist, sending a large wave crashing over her friends.  “We always forget we have these powers. Why don’t we use these to win splash wars?”

 

With a glint in her eye, Raven smirked.  “You’re going down, princess!”

 

“But Lexa’s not here--” Octavia began teasing, before both girls hit her with a large splash.

 

After another hour or so, when the sky was pitch black and the moon was at its highest point, the girls found their way back to Clarke’s house.  “Do you two want to spend the night?” Clarke asked as they finished drying off.

 

“Can we stay in here for a change?” Octavia asked, looking around.  “I love your room and all, don’t get me wrong, but we could like...turn this place into a massive hangout area.  Imagine it, with twinkle lights and tapestries and bean bags...we could totally make this a girls’ place!”

 

Clarke hummed, looking around the room.  She hadn’t thought of that before; she and her mom rarely used this space.  “If Abby’s okay with it, we can redecorate. But I know she’d be fine with it if we stayed the night in here, so why not?” Clarke shrugged.  “You two, can you pull out the couch and pull the cots out from the storage closet? I think there’s one or two tucked up in there. I’ll go grab some snacks and my laptop so we can watch some movies,”

 

The reason the girls so often chose to convene at Clarke’s house was because it was the easiest, and safest, option for mermaid transportation.  Clarke’s house sat on the waterline of a large inlet which connected to the ocean, allowing the girls to sneakily and easily swim from Clarke’s backyard to Mako, and any other places they could get via water.  The Griffins owned a small guest house in the backyard, right up against the water; it was a tiny thing with a working bathroom, a small kitchenette, and a living space with a pull-out couch and just enough room for a few cots or blow-up mattresses.  It used to be Jake’s boating workshop before he died; once the accident had happened, Abby and Clarke couldn’t bear to keep his things ever-present in their yard. So, Abby had packed his boating supplies up, sent them off to Jake’s parents’ house, and remodeled the shed into something of a guest house.  It was hardly ever used; Lexa and Clarke were always too afraid to sleep in there by themselves when they were younger, and Abby certainly had no need for it. Thus, it was the perfect place for the girls to dry off and collect themselves after a swim. The shrubbery surrounding the yard as well as the large wooden fence surrounding the property up to the water kept prying neighbors from seeing the girls come ashore; their only concern was making sure that Abby was not out in the yard gardening or able to see them from the back porch.

 

Clarke made quick work of gathering the supplies, coming back to find Octavia and Raven setting up the cots.  Clarke set her laptop down gently on what would have been used as the TV stand, had the Griffins ever actually used the extra space, and went to go pop the popcorn in the kitchenette.

 

“Is there air in here?” Raven asked, fanning herself with her hand.  “It’s humid as fuck, and mama doesn’t like being sweaty.”

 

“No,” Clarke shrugged apologetically.  “This was Dad’s workshop. He was in here all the time, but refused to pay for heating and cooling; he said we paid enough for the electricity and wifi to be out here, too.  He would just bring in fans and space heaters when needed. You can open the windows, though; the breeze is pretty strong tonight.”

 

Raven did as told, grumbling about the sweat pooling in her sports bra, nevertheless.  

 

“We definitely need to claim this space,” Octavia mumbled, tucking in the sheets of the last cot.  “We could spend, like, all of senior year in here...doing homework, watching movies, hanging out,”

 

“That would be fun,” Clarke smiled softly.  “Bit of a squeeze, though, don’t you think?”

 

“Nah,” Raven shrugged.  “We don’t all have mansions like you, rich girl,” she winked.  “Besides, we could bring over O’s patio furniture and set it up outside.  Then we could hang out, out there, too,”

 

“I don’t think Bellamy would be happy about that,” Octavia frowned.

 

“Did I ask what Bellamy would think?” Raven grinned.  “Please, O, he never uses that shit; y’all waste it!”

 

“He has his fancy professor get togethers every now and then, and he needs the nice furniture for those,” Octavia shook her head.  “But maybe we can all save up and split the cost and buy some new patio furniture. I like the idea of having an outside space, too.”

 

“Can this be our hookup space, Clarke?” Raven asked suddenly, her eyes alight.  “This would be perfect!”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes as she dumped the bags of popcorn into bowls.  “I guess, not that any of us really have the need for a hookup spot,” she snorted.  At Octavia’s indignant look, Clarke tutted at her. “Your boyfriend has a whole apartment, Octavia.  You go over to his place for your little hookup sessions, don’t deny it.”

 

“It’s true,” Octavia relented with a shrug.

 

“I just don’t like the idea of hooking up in Bell’s house,” Raven shuddered.  “I don’t want big brother to hear that shit.”

 

“I mean, just shoot me a text so I know when you’re using it,” Clarke shrugged, walking over with the three large bowls.  

 

“Don’t worry, you’d get first dibs,” Raven assured.  “If you had any guys or lady friends over, you’d get priority.  Your place.”

 

“I don’t think that’s something we need to worry about any time soon,” Clarke sighed.

 

“The hickey on your tit says otherwise,” Raven said in a sing-song voice.

 

Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed.  A hickey? But she hadn’t - oh.  Oh,  _fuck_.

 

“A hickey?” Octavia screeched, jumping off the cot to assess Clarke.  “Holy fuck!”

 

Clarke’s hand flew to the tops of her her chest, covering it up.  “What? I just burned myself while curling my hair,” she lied, eyes flickering over to Raven.  

 

“Bullshit, Griff.  You’re talking to a girl with a boyfriend and a girl who’s had many a hookup in her days,” Raven said.  She pried Clarke’s hand off her neck, assessing it. “It’s almost healed, but I notice that shit, Clarke.”

 

“ _That’s_ why you were staring at her chest in the moon pool,” Octavia grinned.  “Why didn’t you say anything there?”

 

“It was dark, I couldn’t tell whether it was a birthmark or whatever.  I didn’t think it was, ‘cause I’ve seen Clarke’s girls enough over the past few months to notice if she’d had a birthmark before.  But that tank top does  _not_ leave much to the imagination, and now I’m sure; so ‘fess up, babe.  Who’s the guy?”

 

“Or girl,” Octavia added, and Raven nodded in agreement.  “Are you exploring your sexuality, Clarke?”

 

Clarke deflated.  Well, there was no hiding it now.  “I guess,” she mumbled.

 

“And when was this exploration?” Octavia asked, sitting back down on the cot and crossing her legs.

 

“About a week ago,” Clarke admitted, busying herself by walking back into the kitchen to gather more snacks.  She couldn’t bear to look at Raven when this confession inevitably happened.

 

“After the party?” Octavia gasped.  Clarke nodded.

 

“Give us the deets!” Raven yelled, tossing a decorative pillow at Clarke.  Clarke ducked, letting the small pillow thump against the small fridge. “Was it a girl? A guy? Someone from school?  Someone older? Younger?”

 

Clarke took a deep breath, squeezing the countertop.

 

Octavia shushed Raven, casting a worried glance at Clarke.  “Clarke?” She walked over to the blonde, resting a hand on her shoulder.

 

“It was Anya.”

 

The goofy grin fell from Raven’s face.  

 

“I’m so sorry, Raven,” Clarke said, running a hand through her hair.  “All we did was make out, though, I promise we stopped before -”

 

“Anya?  As in, the girl I’ve been crushing on for  _months_ , Anya?” Raven threw the sheets off of her body, standing.  “Anya as in Anya Woods?  _That_ Anya?”

 

Clarke nodded numbly.  “Raven, I -”

 

“How could you?” Raven shook her head, eyes welling with tears.  “You  _know_ I’ve been crushing on her and you do that to me?”

 

“We had been drinking before that!” Clarke cried out, moving over toward Raven.  “God, I just--I was sad and angry about Lexa, and she was sad that you were hooking up with someone else, and I totally fucked up, I know,” she reached out to touch Raven, but the girl backed away from her, hot tears falling down her cheeks.  “We stopped before anything happened, I swear, Raven!”

 

“Don’t lie,” Raven said, her voice shaking.  “She obviously left hickies all over you,” she gestured to Clarke’s chest.  

 

“And that’s as far as it got, I swear!”  Clarke’s whole body was shaking; she couldn’t bear to see her newfound friend crying because of her.  “We agreed to stop; we knew all we’d be doing would be hurting you and Lexa.”

 

Raven scoffed.  “Everything comes back to her,” she yelled.  “You just wanted to fuck her sister to get some revenge, didn’t you?  Even though you knew that’d hurt me?”

 

Clarke swallowed.  “I think some part of me was really attracted to Anya...I think I've always had a crush of admiration on her.  I don't have feelings for her, but it just felt...in the moment...yeah, I knew I’d be hurting Lexa, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to hurt her the way she hurt me…but I never intended to hurt  _you_ , Raven.  I’m so sorry,”

 

“Fuck you,” Raven shook her head.  “That’s some serious girl code breakage, Clarke!  If you wanted to get under Lexa’s skin, fine! Go fuck around with some girl if you have to!  But  _Anya_? You fucking betrayed my trust, Clarke! You know how I feel about her, and you’d still do that to me?”

 

“We didn’t have sex!” Clarke yelled, feeling her own eyes fill with hot tears.

 

“It’s not about the sex!” Raven yelled back louder, and Clarke flinched as though she’d been slapped.  “It’s the fact that someone I consider my friend would even think about hooking up with Anya, knowing how I feel about her.” Raven clenched her jaw, staring at Clarke as though she was in disbelief.  “I trusted you. I would  _never_ make a move on Lexa, knowing how you feel about her.  I think she’s hot as fuck, but I would _never_ do that to my friend,” she spat.  

 

Clarke crossed her arms, standing her ground.  “Two people can hook up, Raven! Anya and I don’t owe anyone anything!  I know you like her, but it wouldn’t have been a fucking crime if we  _did_ sleep together; you two aren’t dating!”

 

“Just because you’re pissed that  _you_ fucked up with Lexa and she ran off with her tail between her legs doesn’t mean that you get to hurt me!  You can kiss your best friend and then deny your feelings and fuck up whatever relationships of yours you want, but it’s a new fucking low for you to hook up with the girl I’ve had a crush on, Clarke.  Go fuck yourself.”

 

Octavia and Clarke stared at Raven in shock.

 

“Raven,” Octavia called out, running over to the girl.  “Don’t leave angry,” she grabbed Raven’s wrist carefully.

 

“Did you know?” Raven asked Octavia, much more gently than she’d spoken to Clarke.

 

“No,” Octavia shook her head.

 

“Well, what do you think?” Raven asked, eyes flickering between her best friend and Clarke.  “Don’t you agree with me?”

 

“Don’t make me pick a side,” Octavia shook her head.  “That will only hurt the three of us even more,”

 

“Of fucking course,” Raven pulled out of Octavia’s grasp.  “I can’t--” she shook her head once more. Raven took a breath, calming herself down. “I could care less what you did, Clarke,” she said, voice much quieter.  “Kiss her, make out with her, have her play with your tits,  _fuck_ her, it’s all the same.  It’s not what you  _did_ with Anya, it’s the fact that you broke my trust.  I would never  _dream_ of making moves on someone you care about; it’s just not what friends do.”

 

“I know,” Clarke whispered, her voice cracking.  “And I fucked up and I’m sorry. We had been drinking all night before that, and I know that’s not an excuse, especially because we were sobered up when it happened, but I  _stopped_ it because I didn’t want to hurt you.”

 

“If you didn’t want to hurt me, you would have told me this after it happened,” Raven said.  “You would’ve told me, and ‘fessed up, and I would have forgiven you. But to keep this from me?  I just--I can’t even look at you right now. Friends don’t hurt each other and lie about it.”

 

“I didn’t--”

 

“Lies of omission are lies all the same,” Raven glared down at the floor.  “I’m going home. Octavia, are you coming with me?”

 

Octavia glanced between her friends, worrying at her lip.  “I--”

 

“Forget it,” Raven murmured.  Within seconds, she was out the door.

 

* * *

 

She was going to do this.  She was going to  _do_ this.  She (Lexa Woods) was going to do this (apologize for all her fuck-ups and confess her feelings to Clarke), and she was going to do this  _today_.

 

Lexa drummed her fingers against the steering wheel as she approached Arkadia.  What would she say? She knew Clarke loved  _Pride and Prejudice_ \- should she try to wook Clarke in a Darcy-esque manner?  Well - there was the tiny fact that Darcy actually insulted Elizabeth when he was trying to woo her in his proposal, so, despite the fact that Clarke loved the classic novel, perhaps looking to Fitzwilliam Darcy for love confession advice would be a bit of a dumb move on Lexa’s part.  No, the only worth Darcy had for her at this point was to serve as hope that if Elizabeth could take Darcy back, perhaps Clarke could find it in her heart to take Lexa back,as well. Then again, Darcy didn’t sleep with someone else. Though, he  _did_ insult Elizabeth’s entire family and social ranking in one go, so, who knows? Maybe there was hope for Lexa yet.  Fifty/fifty, really.

 

Lexa shook her head, clearing all thoughts of Elizabeth and Darcy aside.  No, she had to do this as Lexa. Trying to be anything other than wholly and completely herself would backfire.  If she wanted a chance at a future with Clarke, a future of any kind, she needed to be open and honest, and be true to herself and to Clarke.  The only way to go about that would be to buck up and own up.

 

As she approached a red light, Lexa groaned, settling her head on the steering wheel when she came to a full stop.  Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm her nerves, to no avail. She lifted her head shakily, staring at the light, her fingers drumming anxiously.  There was no use to calm down, she knew, because her mind had an uncanny ability to race at lightspeed, always thinking up new scenarios, both good and bad - but usually bad.  As the light turn green, Lexa sped ahead, flying past the cheerful blue “Welcome to Arkadia, a Californian Utopia!” sign. Within minutes, she found herself parked on the road outside of Clarke’s house, unable to work up the courage to get out and go knock on the door.

 

From the looks of it, someone was home.  Clarke’s car was parked in the driveway, so unless Raven or Octavia had picked her up this morning, there was a good chance the girl was still inside. Glancing at her clock, Lexa saw that it was only eight in the morning; surely, Clarke would still be asleep, none of the girls got up that early if they didn’t have to.  Lexa had left Costia’s apartment as early as possible, for a multitude of reasons. She was anxious to get here to begin with, and she didn’t want to deal with seeing Costia before coming to talk to Clarke. She needed to be alone this morning, to think alone and feel alone and plan alone. Her ex-girlfriend/ex-lover would only serve to distract Lexa.

 

Lexa swallowed thickly as she turned the keys in the ignition, pulling them out.  She set the keys on her lap, resting her head against the headrest and closing her eyes.  After a restless night and three hours of deliberation in the car, she still didn’t know what she wanted to say.  Anything she said, she only anticipated the worst reactions.

 

If she told Clarke she loved her, Clarke could reject her and say she lost her chance.  If she told Clarke she was sorry, Clarke could say that sorry can’t repair what Lexa’s damaged.  If Lexa told Clarke the truth, that she slept with Costia and regretted it, Clarke could refuse Lexa, refuse her for sharing something special with someone else.

 

If Lexa didn’t say she loved Clarke today, Clarke could lose hope for a relationship and awkwardness would settle between them.  If Lexa didn’t say she was sorry, Clarke could grow to resent her. If she didn’t tell Clarke that she slept with Costia, Clarke could find out on her own, somehow, and feel hurt; or she could catch Lexa in that lie and everything would fall apart.

 

She knew that the chances of walking away with Clarke as her girlfriend today were slim to none.  She didn’t even want that, really; as much as she wanted to be Clarke’s girlfriend  _one day_ , as much as she knew she fucked up and needed to sort things right, she knew they’d have to take their time working on their friendship and sorting out their feelings before doing anything else.  She wasn’t worried about Clarke not returning her feelings; she knew Clarke did. She was worried about what Clarke would want to do with those feelings - worried that Clarke would want to bury them away and leave Lexa behind.

 

Lexa glanced around the neighborhood, tapping her foot against the car floor.  Should she go get Clarke apology flowers? No, she’d already done that; that would be trying way too hard.  Should she take her out to breakfast and have this conversation over pancakes? Well, that would be assuming that Clarke would be willing to get in the car with her.  At least they couldn’t yell if they were in public, and Lexa had a feeling that Clarke may be (rightfully) pissed off at her. Should she go buy an apology present, like a teddy bear, or some chocolates?  That all seemed quite cliche, as well.

 

Here she was, outside of Clarke’s house, no idea of what she’d say, and no idea of what she’d do.  Nothing to give to her as an apology; not even sure  _what_ to apologize for.  Some parts? All of it?

 

“Damn it all to hell,” Lexa sighed, frustrated.  She rubbed her temples, looking straight ahead. The road before her stretched only about fifty yards before leaving the neighborhood; it would be easy and fast for Lexa to turn the car back on and high tail it out of there, speed back to Polis, and forget this ever happened.  At least then she’d have time to collect her thoughts.

 

But, no. No, she couldn’t do that; she’d come all this way to settle things with Clarke, once and for all.  To apologize. To grovel, most likely. To just….get her best friend back.

 

Yes, at the end of the day, that’s what she wanted the most.

 

She would be okay with the situation if Clarke decided it was better that the two didn’t pursue a relationship just yet.  She could deal with it if Clarke needed more time to think, to process. Fuck, she could be okay, down the line, if Clarke wanted to strictly be friends, and close any and all chances to be something more.  But hell, Lexa could  _not_ deal with losing her for good.  Clarke was her best friend first and foremost, and she did not want a life where Clarke was not in it.  Even if that meant watching Clarke date other people, marry other people, have children with other people; if, at the end of the day, Lexa had to settle with just being friends, she could handle that.

 

She just wanted her friend back.  The past month was not one she ever wanted repeated.

 

A tap on the passenger window made Lexa jump in fear.  She knocked her head against the roof of the car, doubling over in pain as she clutched it.  “Fuck!” She yelled.

 

A disapproving voice tutted at Lexa, saying, “Watch your language, young lady.”  Lexa glanced over sheepishly, blushing deeply when she saw Abby Griffin with her arms crossed in disapproval.  

 

“Sorry,” she mouthed, and Abby rolled her eyes.  Abby gestured for Lexa to get out of the car, so Lexa bucked up and did as she was told.

 

“Lexa, I thought you were in Polis for another week?” Abby said as Lexa shut the door and locked it.  Lexa walked around the front of the car to greet Abby.

 

“I have the weekend off before I have to be back Monday.”  She glanced at the driveway, seeing that Abby’s car had joined Clarke’s.  “Did you get off a night shift?” Abby nodded. “Have you been here long?” Lexa asked nervously, feeling embarrassment wash over her.

 

“Long enough to see you having quite the internal struggle,” Abby said with a soft smile.  “Is everything okay, Lexa?”

 

Lexa shook her head.  “No,” she glanced away, unable to meet Abby’s eyes.  “I broke up with Costia.”

 

“I see.  So, now you’re here to try to win my daughter back?” Abby asked carefully, not letting her voice show emotions about the situation either way.

 

Lexa paused for a moment, before shaking her head.  “No, I don’t think I’m in a place for a relationship.  I think I have a bit of growing up to do, first.” She finally looked back at Abby, holding her gaze.  “I hurt her, and I realized that I was hurting myself, too. I just want to apologize, and try to salvage our friendship.  If she wants something more, that’ll be up to her, on her own terms...and this time, I’ll do the waiting if she wants me to.”

 

“Well,” Abby said gently, resting a hand on Lexa’s shoulder, “I agree you have some growing up to do before you start a relationship, but you’ve got a pretty mature plan there.  I’d say you’re on the right track.”

 

“You aren’t going to give me a lecture about how I’ve hurt Clarke?” Lexa asked, wincing preemptively.

 

“As much as I want to,” Abby said, taking her hand from Lexa’s shoulder, “I think you’ve beaten yourself up over it enough.  Just don’t rush into anything, okay? You’re Clarke’s very best friend, and she needs that friend. You’ve almost lost her once, and I had to pick up those pieces; I don’t think either of us could handle it happening again.”  Lexa nodded, swallowing thickly. “Now, come inside. I’ll make some breakfast for you, and then I’ll head off to bed. Maybe Clarke will wake up if she smells pancakes,” Abby grinned.

 

Lexa followed her inside, taking a seat at the island in the kitchen.  She and Abby made quiet smalltalk, mostly filling Abby in about what she’d been doing as part of her internship.  Lexa could tell Abby was curious as to what happened with Costia; she kept asking questions which involved the girl, but never direct ones.  As Abby set the plate of pancakes down in front of Lexa, Lexa sighed. “You can ask the question, Mrs. Griffin.”

 

Abby twiddled her thumbs for a moment, before sitting next to Lexa.  “What made you realize you loved Clarke? Why did you break up with Costia?”

 

Feeling defeated, Lexa said the only thing she could think of.  “I made a mistake.”

 

“Care to elaborate?” Abby asked, inquisitive.

 

Lexa worried at her bottom lip, before nodding.  “I...slept with Costia. To sort out my feelings.”  Lexa felt her face heat up as she admitted this.

 

“And you realized you slept with the wrong girl?” Abby asked softly.  So softly, so  _understanding_ , that it broke Lexa.

 

Lexa buried her face in her hands, her body shaking.  As embarrassed as she was, she couldn’t help the spring of tears that began to flow.  “I made a big mistake, Abby, and I’m scared she’ll never forgive me,”

 

“Oh, honey,” Abby sighed, scooting closer to Lexa on the bench.  She wrapped an arm around Lexa, allowing the teenager to hug Abby close and cry into her neck.  “It’ll be okay.”

 

“She’s going to hate me, isn’t she?” Lexa cried, gripping onto Abby’s shirt.  “I already hurt her by dating Costia, how can she forgive me for this?”

 

“Well, honey, she’s going to have to,” Abby shushed her gently, smoothing down Lexa’s wild curls.  “You didn’t do anything wrong; Costia was your girlfriend. Clarke had to know on some level that you...engaging in those activities was a possibility.  If she’s begun to forgive you for dating Costia, she’ll learn to forgive this, too.”

 

Lexa pulled back slightly, looking up at Abby through wet lashes.  “How can  _I_ forgive me?”

 

Abby frowned, her soothing motions on Lexa’s hair stilling.  “What do you mean, Lexa?”

 

“I always knew I wanted it to be her,” Lexa admitted.  An awkward predicament, talking to Abby about wanting to have sex with Abby’s daughter; but it felt  _good_ to vocalize this.  “Everything. My first kiss, my first date, my first….” she trailed off, and Abby nodded.  “And I was so _hurt_ and  _angry_ after we kissed and she said it meant nothing.  I pushed her away and I  _wasted_ all those firsts I wanted with her,”

 

Abby brought her hands to cradle Lexa’s face, brushing Lexa’s tears away gently with her thumbs.  “Darling, love is hard. Life can’t be planned. We all want magical first times, but most of us don’t get them.  They’re awkward, they’re painful, they’re with the wrong person…” Abby shook her head. “The only first that matters is the first that happens between you and the love of your life.  All those other firsts...first dates, kisses, first time having sex, they all stay milestones in your life, they’re all memories, but they aren’t as important, not anymore. Each relationship is like a new chance.  We can’t erase what’s been done, but we can try again.” She assessed the young girl, her heart hurting at how pained she looked. “Yes, I think it will...hurt Clarke when you tell her this, but she loves you, Lexa.  I don’t know in what ways...if she still is  _in_ love with you, or just as a friend.  But she loves you nonetheless. She can hold a mean grudge and make life hell if she doesn’t want to let it go,” Abby mused with a grin, “but she hasn’t given up on you yet.  I hear the girls talking, I know she wants to patch things up with you. She’s just a little hurt right now. It’s best to tell the truth, and give her time...everything happens for a reason.  Perhaps your first time didn’t go as planned, but you learned from it, yes?”

 

Lexa nodded mutely, comforting in Abby’s hands cradling her face.  

 

“As long as we learn in life, that’s all that matters.  You know now that sex is more meaningful to you than just the physical fun.  You want that special intimacy. And now you know to not settle for anything less than what you really want,” Abby said, reassuringly.  “I can’t promise you and Clarke will date, or even that you two will go back to the way things were. But both can happen if you’re honest with each other and try.  And as for the sex thing,” Abby said gently, tucking a curl wet from Lexa’s tears behind her ear, “if things do work out with you two, I promise, that will be the only first time that matters.  You can’t change that your first time was with Costia, but your first time with Clarke will mean so much more.”

 

“I hope so,” Lexa mused.  

 

Abby rubbed her thumb soothingly over Lexa’s cheekbone. “I won’t go into details, but I was in a similar situation,” she confessed.  Lexa looked up at Abby with wide eyes. “I always envied my friends who were open sexually. They seemed to have so much fun being with different people, and they all felt free.  I never judged them, of course. I think having control over your sexuality is empowering; I just knew for me, I wanted to share that only with someone special. For some people, sex is just sex and it’s fun, and that’s okay, as long as it’s consensual and safe.  Some people don’t want sex at all, and that’s fine, too. And for some people, sex is something more than just fun...it’s a certain intimacy they care about deeply. I didn’t care about waiting until marriage, but I didn’t want my first time to be with someone I wasn’t in love with. I thought my first time would be some amazing, soul-bonding experience.  The boy I was dating at the time was nice, he was handsome enough. After the fact, I realized I didn’t love him, and it hurt,” Abby’s lips turned downward. “I felt similar to how you do now. I felt like I betrayed myself. But Lexa, I promise, as soon as that first time happened with Jake…” Abby shrugged, a smile falling back on her lips. “It didn’t matter anymore.  Because I had my first time with  _him_ , and that’s all that mattered, really.  That’s all that will matter if you and Clarke do get together.”

 

Lexa nodded.

 

Abby dropped her hands then, clearing her throat.  “Not that I particularly want to know when or if you two have sex, but you’re always welcome to come to me for...questions,” Abby furrowed her brow.  “Well, not about the act itself, I’m sure you two can figure that out for yourselves. I meant, for um, emotional support? Or health things?”

 

“I think I get the message,” Lexa muttered, cheeks aflame once more.

 

“Um…” Abby cleared her throat.  “But I will put my foot down as a doctor and as Clarke’s mother and insist that you get screened before you….ah, engage in activities with my daughter….since you have….potentially been exposed to-”

 

“I get it,” Lexa nodded, at least glad to see a matching blush on Abby’s face.  “I will. No problem.”

 

“Great,” Abby clapped her hands together, standing from the bench.  “Free STI testing at the clinic across from the hospital. Just...let me see those papers when you’re done.”

 

“No problem,” Lexa all but wheezed.

 

Abby took a minute to collect herself, before walking over to Lexa once more.  Placing a gentle hand on Lexa’s back, she said, “Awkwardness aside, thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.  I’ve watched you grow up, Lexa, and I’m always here for you. Emotionally, spiritually...whatever it is. Moms know a lot, but sometimes it’s easier to talk to one that isn’t your own.”

 

Lexa nodded.  “Thanks for listening.”

 

Abby patted her back gently.  “Now, eat your pancakes, they’re getting cold.  I’m surprised Clarke hasn’t woken up, yet...do you want me to grab her?”

 

Lexa shook her head as she picked up her fork.  “No, I want to...think about what I’ll say.”

 

“That’s a good plan,” Abby nodded.  “Well, I’ll be off to bed, then. You’re welcome to stay as long as you like, this house is yours, too,” Abby said.  “Well, unless Clarke kicks you out. You’re still welcome then, but better to let her simmer down than to face her wrath if she gets angry,” she said with a chuckle.

 

And despite her anxiety, Lexa couldn’t help but laugh with the older woman.

 

So, Lexa ate her cold pancakes and waited.  She watched the clock tick away on the wall, feeling each second echo through her bones.  An hour passed before Lexa got up the nerve to walk upstairs to Clarke’s bedroom, to see if the girl was awake.  Gently, she knocked with two fingers, and waited for a response. When none came, Lexa tried again. Once more, only silence.  Slowly, Lexa turned the doorknob, pushing open Clarke’s door as quietly as she could.

 

She was surprised to find the room empty.  “Clarke?” She asked, stepping into the room.  “Are you in your bathroom?” She called, stepping in further to peer in.  “It’s me, Lexa,” she said, feeling silly as soon as she said it. Of course Clarke would know her voice.  Sure enough, Clarke wasn’t in her bathroom, either. Lexa’s brows furrowed as she looked around the room. “Strange,” she muttered.  Clarke’s car was here, so where was she? Lexa peered out Clarke’s window, overlooking the inlet past the backyard. Maybe Clarke went for a swim?  Or perhaps Raven or Octavia had picked her up the night before, and she had stayed with one of them?

 

Lexa resigned to wait as long as it took for Clarke to return.  She hesitated, not knowing if it was appropriate or not to sit on Clarke’s bed while she waited.  God, she hated this; she was Clarke’s best friend of thirteen years, for fuck’s sake, she shouldn’t be feeling this awkward to be in her room!  She needed to settle these feelings out, and she needed to do it today. She just hoped Clarke would come back soon; if Lexa had to wait around all day, she might pass out from the nerves.

 

Deciding to sit on Clarke’s window seat, Lexa pulled one of the decorative pillows into her lap.  She held onto it, squeezing gently as she rested her head against the wall. She looked around Clarke’s room, eyes widening when she saw all of their old pictures still tacked up on the wall above her vanity.  All their pictures were there; the old tapestry they made together still hung above Clarke’s bed; the denim jacket Clarke stole from Lexa still hung proudly on the outside hook of Clarke’s closet. Maybe there was hope?

 

Lexa set the pillow aside, walking over to the wall of pictures.  One, from the first day of kindergarten, the day the two really hit it off.  There they were, holding hands, publicly declaring their best friendship to their mothers when pickup time came.  Another picture, of the girls at the pumpkin patch a few years later, struggling to hold their gigantic picks. Pictures of the girls on the fourth grade soccer team (Clarke quit later that year, though Lexa played all throughout middle school and junior high); pictures of the girls in ballet class (Lexa quit after a year, but Clarke continued until high school).  Pictures of the two making crafts together, pictures of the two at sleepovers, pictures of Lexa and Clarke on their first day of high school, pictures of the two girls playing board games. Three rows of Polaroids, clipped to lengths of twine, draped themselves in bowed patterns directly over Clarke’s vanity. Those pictures were sillier than the old fashioned disposable camera pictures.  The Polaroids included the girls making silly faces at each other, catching each other off guard, dressing up in each other’s clothes, showing off their manicures. Lexa was all over Clarke’s walls; she hadn’t taken them down. Surely, it had to mean she was forgiving Lexa. Surely, it had to mean Lexa could salvage their friendship.

 

A sniffle caught Lexa’s attention.  She swiveled around quickly, meeting the startled, and red, eyes of her best friend.

 

“Lexa?” Clarke asked, swiping at her cheeks.  “Why are you here?”

 

“I wanted to see my best friend,” Lexa shrugged, stepping closer to Clarke.  “Clarke, are you okay?”

 

Clarke’s lip wobbled. “I...can’t do this right now, Lexa.  Can you please--”

 

“Clarke,” Lexa reached out for her, grabbing hold of her hand.  “We don’t need to talk about….our things, right now. We will, but right now I just care about knowing if you’re okay.  What happened?”

 

“I’m so sorry, Lexa,” Clarke shook her head.  “I...Raven already hates me, I can’t bear it if you hate me, too.”

 

“Me?  Hate  _you_?” Lexa asked, stunned.  “Clarke, if anyone should hate anyone here, you should hate  _me_.”

 

“I did something awful,” Clarke said, pulling her hand from Lexa’s.  “Please, just leave me alone for now.”

 

“No,” Lexa said, surprising both of them as she put her foot down.  “Fuck this, Clarke. I  _care_ about you; you’re my best friend.  There is  _nothing_ you can ever say or do that would make me hate you.  Please, the whole reason I came back early was...to fix things.  To fix  _us_ ,” Lexa sighed.  “Please, let me be here for you.”

 

Clarke threw herself into Lexa’s arms, breaking down.  “I hurt you and Raven,” she cried out, burying her face in Lexa’s tee shirt.  “And I’m so sorry,”

 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Lexa said, rubbing Clarke’s back.  “Let’s sit down and talk, okay? I promise I won’t get mad.”  Lexa led her gently to the bed, pulling herself up on it. The two girls situated themselves against the headboard, and Lexa turned so that she could face Clarke from her side.  She grasped Clarke’s hand firmly in her own two hands, and promised to stay quiet while Clarke talked. Once Clarke was calm, Lexa urged her on. “Now, what is it, Clarke?”

 

Clarke stared ahead, eyes focused on the wall.  “I...I hooked up with Anya,” Clarke admitted in a whisper.

 

Lexa felt her heart drop into her stomach.  “My sister?” She asked, her voice squeaking like a mouse.

 

Clarke let out a shuddered breath.  She nodded once.

 

“Okay,” Lexa said, her mind racing.  “Um...when?” She asked, hoping for some background, some reason...because her sister wouldn’t do that to her.  Would she?

 

“We...met up at a party.  Unplanned,” Clarke drummed her fingers against her thigh.  “I got drunk. She wanted to bring me home, but I didn’t want Mom to be mad, so she just took me back to your house.”  Clarke paused.

 

Lexa waited a beat for Clarke to continue, but she didn’t.  A sudden dreadful thought planted itself into her mind. “Anya didn’t....take advantage of you, did she?”

 

That caught Clarke’s attention.  Her head all but snapped over to Lexa, shaking wildly.  “No, no, God, no, Lexa.” Clarke wet her lips. “No. I was tipsy when we got home, I’ll admit, but sober enough to know what I was doing.  Sober by the time we started doing stuff.  She was sober. We both consented.”

 

“I see,” Lexa swallowed.  So...Clarke...and her sister?  “Are you two...together?”

 

Clarke shook her head.  “No,”

 

“But you had sex?”

 

“...we stopped before it got that far,” Clarke sighed.  “But...we made out. Did some...stuff. But we didn’t have sex.”

 

Relief flooded Lexa.  Not even because she wanted some claim over Clarke; nothing like that.  The relief was that Clarke hadn’t wasted her first time, like Lexa had. She wouldn’t wish that on Clarke, not ever.

 

“Okay,” Lexa shrugged.  “Why would I be mad at that?”

 

“You aren’t?” Clarke asked, confused.  “But...I betrayed you and Raven,” Clarke said, as if anger were the only logical reaction from Lexa.  “I wanted to sleep with your sister to get back at you, and I didn’t even think about Raven up until stopping it.  She was pissed at me for breaking that friendship code, why aren’t you?”

 

Lexa hesitated.  Would now be the time to tell Clarke?  After Clarke had made a point to stop the tryst before it went too far?  “Clarke....I have no right to be mad at you,” Lexa resigned with a shrug.  “I’m the one who left you for another girl. I don’t get to be angry or sad or upset if you chose to have sex with someone else.  I mean...it does hurt a bit...only because it’s my sister...but I’m not mad,” Lexa shook her head. “I have no right to be. You don’t owe me anything, Clarke.  Least of all your body. That’s for you to decide what you do with it. I understand Raven’s pain...it’s understandable that she feels betrayed, since you knew she had such strong feelings for Anya.  But, really, neither you nor Anya owe anyone else anything,”

 

“That’s what I thought,” Clarke sighed, bringing her hands to her face.  “But she got so mad, and I was afraid that I would ruin our friendship and--”

 

“Clarke, please,” Lexa stopped her.  “I...have my own confession to make.”

 

Clarke dropped her hands, looking at Lexa curiously.  “What?”

 

“I slept with Costia.”

 

Silence hung in the air between them.  Once again, Clarke’s eyes began to fill with tears.  “Oh,” she said, voice dropping. “Um, congratulations!” She said, trying to be cheerful.  “That’s amazing, Lexa. I’m glad you could...be that happy with her,”

 

“I’m not,” Lexa admitted.  Damn it, Lexa had already cried once today, she was  _not_ going to cry again--but Clarke’s watery blue eyes gazed into her own, and Lexa broke.  “I’ve been an idiot, Clarke. A complete idiot. I’ve been looking for love with Costia this whole time, and I’m so  _fucking_ dumb to have thought it could be anywhere but right here,”

 

Clarke gasped at that, a tiny, almost unnoticeable hitch in her breath, but Lexa heard it.  

 

“I’ve loved you since I was five, Clarke,” Lexa gave a watery smile.  “I loved you through Girl Scouts and soccer and all the sleepovers and the  _hell_ that is middle school,” she laughed at that, a real laugh.  “Through our braces and breakouts and the horrible synced puberty we had.  I loved you through all the middle school dances and the etiquette classes Indra made us take.  I loved you through all of our petty fights and disagreements, through every good memory we’ve ever made and every picture we’ve ever taken.  I’ve loved you for thirteen years and I’m a damn fool for running away when I was afraid. I waited thirteen years; I should have waited one more month.  There’s no excuse for leaving you. I thought about you every day I was with her,” she didn’t miss the way Clarke winced. “And I know that’s the  _exact_ thing I’m not supposed to say, but fuck, it’s the truth!  Every date, I pictured you instead. Every kiss, I wished it was you.  I only slept with her to try to force myself to love her, to forget you...but there’s no way I could ever forget how I feel about you, Clarke Griffin.  You’re my best friend. And I understand if that’s all we’ll ever be--but I can’t go on with her, not when I know how I feel about you. Not when there’s a chance that one day, you’ll forgive me.  Your friendship means more to me than a fling with her, and I’m such an idiot to have thought for even a minute that I could do any better than you.”

 

“Lexa,” Clarke whispered in disbelief.  “You...you’re done with her?”

 

“Done,” Lexa gave a solid nod.

 

“For good?” Clarke asked, a hint of...hopefulness? in her voice.

 

“For good,” Lexa repeated.  “I spent all these weeks trying to force myself to love Costia.  I was a coward for running away from you, and I was a horrible friend.  I love you, Clarke; I’m  _in_ love with you.  And I will do whatever it takes to be your friend again.”

 

“You...idiot,” Clarke laughed, her tears falling down her cheeks, splashing onto their legs.  “You’re still my friend. I was just...angry, and hurt.”

 

“Rightfully so,” Lexa laughed back, wiping her own tears.  “There’s no excuse for how I treated you.”

 

“I’m not blameless, Lexa,” Clarke said, reaching for Lexa’s hand.  “I was the one who pushed you away.”

 

“But I was the one who chose to keep walking,” Lexa said.  “And it was the worst decision of my entire life. I know that we need to...take some time to fix things, to fix our relationship,” she gestured between them, and Clarke nodded.  “But please, just tell me now: do you  _want_ to fix things, or do you want me to walk away?  Because I understand if I’ve hurt you too much. I don’t expect a relationship, I don’t even expect a friendship...I hope for both,” she admitted, wiping at her tears with her free hand.  “God, I really hope for both. But if you say the word, I’ll leave you alone.”

 

Clarke assessed Lexa, not speaking for a long moment.  She’d been so  _angry_ these last few weeks; so hurt.  But was this anger worth holding onto?  Or was it something to let go of, and to start anew?

 

She held many grudges in her life.  Against petty things kids had done in grade school, like stealing crayons.  Against the entire sixth grade when they made fun of Lexa for coming out. Against her mother, for a good time after her father had died, because she felt that  _somehow_ her mother could have saved him, even though she knew it wasn’t logical.  And what had those grudges accomplished? She didn’t get that blue crayon back.  Those kids still ostracized Lexa, and went on to make fun of Clarke. Her father wouldn’t come back from the dead.

 

God, she was so  _tired_ of holding grudges.

 

One moment, Clarke was looking into Lexa’s green eyes, wide and watery with worry.  The next, she was pulling Lexa by her shirt, wet from both of their tears, and pressing Lexa’s lips against her own.

 

Lexa gasped into the kiss.  She tried to move back, to give Clarke a chance to stop, but Clarke only pulled Lexa closer, more desperate.  Lexa laughed happily against Clarke’s lips, letting her eyes flutter shut as she wrapped her arms around the girl.  “You idiot,” Clarke mumbled against Lexa’s lips.

 

“I know,” Lexa laughed, and Clarke kissed her again.

 

Their lips moved, slow and soft, Lexa’s hand sliding up the side of Clarke’s neck, cupping her jaw gently.  Clarke pressed several soft, tentative kisses against Lexa’s lips, and Lexa was willing to let Clarke lead. Lips brushed gently, hands gripped tightly, and Clarke let out a shuddering laugh of joy against Lexa’s lips.

 

When Clarke pulled back, Lexa was flushed; pink, not from embarrassment, this time, but from happiness.  “Freshly kissed is a good look on you,” Clarke mumbled, scooting back from Lexa. “Does that answer your question?”

 

Lexa, still in a haze, narrowed her eyes.  “What question?” She asked breathlessly, unable to think anything other than  _oh my god, Clarke kissed me_! playing on repeat in her mind.

 

“You’re a useless lesbian,” Clarke laughed. “I don’t want you to walk away, Lexa.  I love you, too. I wouldn’t have been so hurt by you and Costia if I didn’t love you.”

 

Lexa felt her heart swell at Clarke’s words.  A wide smile spread across her face. “Really?”

 

Clarke nodded, fingers dancing down Lexa’s arms.  “Really.”

 

“So, what do we do from here?”  Lexa asked, reveling in Clarke’s touch.

 

“Well,” Clarke sighed.  “I don’t think it would be good to jump into a relationship, not until we talk everything out.  I've been harboring so many angry and hurt emotions for the past few weeks, I don't think...it would be smart to do anything like that right away.  I care about you, but I'm not ready for a relationship with you.  Not yet," she added after a moment, her hand resting on Lexa's knee.

 

“I think that's understandable," Lexa nodded. 

 

“I want to  _try_ ,” Clarke said.  “I want to really try.  But no relationship works on rocky foundations.  We need to...rebuild our friendship first.”

 

“All I care is that you're my friend, Clarke,” Lexa nodded.  "If you decide you don't want a relationship after everything - I can't blame you.  And I won't.  But I would love to be a part of your life, in any way you'll let me."

 

“I...am still hurt,” Clarke admitted.  “And I won’t lie about that. But nothing will be accomplished if I wallow.  I’ll just grow to resent you.”

 

“I don’t expect you to not be hurt,” Lexa said.  “I don’t deserve forgiveness so easily. I’ll work towards it.”

 

“Oh, Lex,” Clarke sighed.  “Of course you have my forgiveness.  We just...need to work on rebuilding that trust.  We need to get back to that place where we can talk to each other, without fear of mean words, or rejection.  I will admit...my denying that our kiss meant anything to me started this whole mess. I know I’m not blameless.  I wasn’t sure of my feelings then, but that’s not an excuse; I should have picked up on the signs, I should have realized what you meant to me.  I - I have to learn to be more in touch with my feelings, and communicate them better with you.”

 

“And I need to learn how to trust that you won’t reject me, or fear for the worst,” Lexa agreed.

 

“So...it’s probably best that we...talk to someone?” Clarke asked, furrowing her brow.

 

“Like a relationship counselor?” Lexa asked.  "Aren't we a little young for that?"

 

“I think that could help,” Clarke shrugged.  “My mom probably knows a few.”

 

“If that's what you want to do,” Lexa smiled.

 

“As for...hanging out, what do we do?” Clarke asked, looking around.  “Should we...carry on? Continue to shop, and have sleepovers like we used to?”

 

“I think treating our friendship any different than it was would put us back, right?” Lexa asked.  “It makes more sense to...try to do the things we used to do, and see how that works out.”

 

“I think that makes sense,” Clarke said.  “And as much as I enjoyed that kiss, it's probably for the best that we don't...do that anymore.  For now.  I want us to do this right. If we jump into something now without making sure we’ve settled everything…” she trailed off, and Lexa nodded in understanding.  “Maybe it’s best if our sleepovers are less frequent, and in separate beds.”

 

“Probably,” Lexa muttered, a little put out by the thought, though it made sense.  “Clarke...I need to know, because it’s killing me.” Clarke quirked an eyebrow, urging her to continue.  “Do you hate me for having sex with Costia?”

 

Clarke chose her words carefully, knowing how fragile the situation was.  “I...am hurt that you would have sex with her, especially since I _stopped_ before I had sex, because I knew I wanted it to be with you.  I’m a little sad that...you say you love me, but you shared that with her.  But I don’t hate you,” Clarke shook her head. “It will take some working through for me to be okay with, but I don’t think I could ever hate you, Lexa.  I can certainly be mad at you,” she laughed a little, and so did Lexa. “And to be honest, parts of me are still mad at you. But we’ll work through it. Whether we just stay friends, or something else...I want you back in my life, and I can’t do that with any hate.  I’m hurt, and I feel a little betrayed because you claim to love me, yet did all these things with someone else...but I will try to work through it.”

 

And really, that was all Lexa could ask for.

 

After a moment, Clarke spoke again.  “Even though I didn’t have sex with her, I’m sorry that I did...fool around with your sister.  She saw through my intentions before I even knew them, myself. It was wrong of me to try to hurt you by sleeping with your sister.”

 

“I understand where that anger is coming from, though,” Lexa said.  “And I can’t say the want for revenge is unwarranted. I hurt you, and I know that while you’re a good person, there’s a spitfire in you that likes to get even from time to time,” Lexa grinned at Clarke, dodging a pillow to the face.  “You react because it’s true,” Lexa teased. After a moment, she sobered herself up, the smile fading from her lips. “I’m hurt, too. Neither you nor Anya owe me anything, but it does sting a little. It’s something...I’ll also have to forgive and work through.  But you mean too much to me to let that break us, when all I want to do is fix us.”

 

“Then, it’s settled,” Clarke nodded seriously.  “We’ll talk to someone, together. Sort out our feelings.  Hang out like we used to...with minor adjustments. And if we can rebuild our friendship, we’ll decide what to do from there.”

 

“It sounds like a plan,” Lexa smiled, and for the first time in weeks, she felt like everything was falling back into place.

 

Clarke sighed, looking past Lexa and out her window.  “I feel really bad about hurting Raven. She...isn’t angry that I  _did_ stuff with Anya, she’s angry that I broke that friendship trust when I did it.  And I...can understand that, now that I’m calm. How do I go about fixing this?” She glanced over at Lexa.  “I’ve already hurt our friendship, I can’t lose her, too.”

 

"She'll come around, Clarke.  I did," Lexa smiled.  "And so did you.  We all just need to sit down and have a good old girl pash."

 

Clarke smiled, but it didn't last long.  "We were going to turn the little guest house into our hangout space.  Fairy lights, decorations; just make it a huge, cozy pillow fort.  And make a nice little area outside, with patio furniture and plants...and Raven wanted it to double as a 'hookup room'," Clarke smiled sadly.  "I doubt she'll even want to look at me right now, let alone do that."

 

An idea.

 

That bastard Fitzwilliam Darcy might just have known what he was doing in the end, after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! Sorry I've been gone again, finals rolled around sooner than anticipated and it was *Jean Ralphio voice* the wooooorst.
> 
> But I'm back now! How have you all been? I hope you're enjoying the story so far! I'd estimate we have anywehere from four to ten more chapters, depending on what y'all want. There's gonna be a few chapters of clexa rebuilding their friendship and then the resolution (with some action & drama left) but the angst is, like, 99% over. Y'all want some extra filler chapters of fluff, or me to get straight to the point? Let me know!
> 
> So, clexa is on the right path, finally! What do you think is gonna happen next? And what's Lexa's brilliant plan?
> 
> Also, as much as I love the clexa kisses, don't expect more for a while. Clarke acted on impulse - but they've got a ways to go to rebuild, and throwing them back together right away would only result in disaster. More fluff will come, and the majority of the angst is over...now is the waiting game ;)
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed the chapter! Catch me on @gothamsgirlgang on tumblr, and PLEASE kick my butt about updating quicker. Now that it's summer, I have no excuse other than laziness :) (UPDATE: as of 5/19/18, I am at the URL @legendofbisexuals on tumblr! I may switch back to @gothamsgirlgang later, but I was in want of a good change. If you go to @gothamsgirlgang, no worries, it'll redirect you to my new URL!)
> 
> Also, if anyone hasn't read P&P, sorry if you have no idea what I've been talking about this chap. Short and sweet - essentially, the proposal went a little something like this (obviously exaggerated and paraphrased)...
> 
> "Look, Elizabeth, I've been trying really hard to not have feelings for you, but I can't deny that I'm in love with you." ... "It's natural that when a guy proposes to a girl, he cares about how she's going to react. But the truth is, I never cared for your opinion before now, even though you've always given it to me, anyway. I'm sorry for that, and I'm sorry if I've offended you for it." Elizabeth expresses some distaste at his choice of words, and he tries to stay composed though she doesn't speak. "Okay, so it's a rejection. But that doesn't matter." Elizabeth asks if he realizes he's insulting her, and brings up something shitty he's previously done to her family (preventing Jane, Elizabeth's sister, from marrying the love of her life, Darcy's best friend) and says that even if she had felt favorably for him before, that action would have prevented her from loving him. She basically says that she's allowed to think he's a jerk, and calls him out. Says Darcy: "You right, you right, my b, and I don't regret it; she's poor, he's not." Elizabeth obvi is pissed at this point, and says that waaay before that, even, she thought he was a jerk with how he treated his so-called friend (a whole other thing I won't get into, just know it was a big misunderstanding, this time on Lizzy's part). Darcy doesn't elaborate on her misunderstanding (big mistake, everything could be cleared up here, dude), and instead says: "Look, I tried to not love you, but I do! What, do you expect me to be happy that you're of a low social class? It's embarrassing to love a poor girl!" and of course...that is the wrong thing to say. Elizabeth goes on to roast him...a roast which I can't even paraphrase, because it's too good. But, essentially, she says that she's thought, from their first meeting, that he was rude, haughty, and prideful, that Darcy doesn't care about anyone but himself, and that Darcy is "the last man in the world whom [Elizabeth] could ever be prevailed on to marry" (ch 34). Darcy essentially has had a new asshole ripped for himself, and he scurries off with his tail between his legs.
> 
> Following this, Darcy has an inkling that maybe....he doesn't understand the concept of privilege, and Elizabeth may be right that he's a prideful prick and prejudiced against those of a lower social standing. So, Darcy goes off on a journey of discovery and begins to recognize the socioeconomic imbalance in society, the privilege he was born into, and realizes the error of his ways. He does a lot of stuff to change as a man, and he does it all without boasting it to Elizabeth, because, if she were to give him a second chance, he wants her to do so on her own will, seeing that he is trying to change.
> 
> As for specifically what he does RIGHT, which inspires Lexa...well, if you've read the book, you might have an inkling of what's to come. If not, I don't want to spoil it for you ;)


	10. July: Part V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa works to make things right with Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chap! It's very clexa-centered, and less plotty than other chapters, kinda like the previous one. This chapter has some mermaid bonding and a lot of clexa! Enjoy it now, cause while these two idiots will continue being cute, some of the big plot points are coming up in the next few chapters, which will take a lot of the focus as well. For now, enjoy some fluffy filler!
> 
> Warning: there is an injury in this chapter, with a mention of blood. Nothing is too graphic, and all of the characters are okay. Just be warned in case blood is something that freaks you out!

“Is there anything you want to tell me, Anya?”

 

Anya glanced up from her bowl of cereal, eyes wide.  “Lexa,” she grinned, patting the spot next to her at the breakfast table.  “Why are you home? When’d you get back?”

 

Lexa crossed her arms, shifting the majority of her weight to one leg as she appraised her sister.  “You’re an idiot, you know.”

 

“Why?” Anya asked, resting her spoon against the bowl.  “What’d I do?”

 

“You hooked up with _Clarke_!” Lexa tutted at her sister.  “Why the hell would you do that?”

 

Anya shrugged, looking only slightly apologetic.  “She’s cute, we’re both single, unlike you,” Anya said.  “I can hookup with whoever I want, you know,”

 

“Oh, quit being defensive,” Lexa snapped. “I’ve already had this conversation with Clarke.  I’m - I don’t know what I feel! But I am confused _why_ you thought that was a good idea?  Clarke’s been struggling a lot this summer with everything, Anya -”

 

“And whose fault is that?” Anya asked pointedly, mimicking her younger sister by crossing her arms.

 

“Mine, yeah, and I’ve taken responsibility for it,” Lexa sighed.  She moved toward the table, taking a seat across from her sister. “I know you feel bad for it, Clarke told me as much.  I’m not angry….at least, I don’t think so. I told Clarke I wasn’t, because she was upset. I guess I’m a little hurt, but I don’t think I’m particularly mad.  It’s just...a lot to take in, the fact that my sister almost slept with the girl I love,”

 

At that, Anya softened.  She dropped her glare, offering instead a look of remorse.  “Sorry. I just go into defensive mode easily, you know that,” she mumbled, before clearing her throat.  “I know that was a sucky thing to do to you.”

 

“Uh, yeah,” Lexa laughed.  “How would you feel if I made out with Raven?”

 

“Not the same,” Anya shrugged.  

 

“Totally the same,” Lexa countered, resting her forearms on the table and leaning over it.  She caught her sister’s gaze, staring at her. “Tell me otherwise.”

 

“It’s different,” Anya said.

 

“Nope.  You like her.  Just admit it,”

 

“No.”

 

“You know, you being a hardass is what started this whole weird love square anyway.  Clarke told me you two only hooked up as a way for her to back at me and for you to get over Raven,”  Lexa narrowed her eyes, not breaking her gaze. “And now we have a crying Clarke and a pissed off Raven on our hands, and that combination means trouble.”

 

“She’s pissed off?” Anya’s curiosity betrayed her attempted nonchalance.

 

Lexa grinned at that, sitting up straight again.  “Yeah, she and Clarke got into it the other night, I guess.  She screamed at Clarke, Clarke’s been crying ever since, and now Clarke’s afraid that she’s ruined their friendship, and ours, too.”

 

“How is everything going with Clarke, anyway?” Anya asked, obviously trying to divert the attention away from her own love life.  Lexa let it slide for now; she had plans for Anya and Raven, later. “Is that why you came back? To talk with her?”

 

Lexa nodded, resting back against the chair.  “I broke up with Costia, and I came to patch things up with Clarke.”

 

Anya cocked an eyebrow.  “You finally saw what a bitch Costia was?”

 

Lexa frowned at that.  “Hey, Costia did nothing wrong.  She just isn’t the one for me,” Lexa said.  “She was very understanding about the situation.”

 

“And what exactly _was_ the situation?” Anya asked, picking up her spoon once more.  After taking a bite of her cereal, she asked, “Why’d you finally break it off?”

 

“We had sex, and -” Lexa began, watching as Anya choked on the grainy cereal.

 

“You _what_?” Anya interrupted her sister, face going red.  “Lexa!”

 

“I know, it was a mistake,” Lexa held her hands up.  “But it was the mistake that really….kicked me in the ass,” she shrugged.  “Abby and I had a long talk about it this morning. Really helped put things in perspective.”

 

“What’s there to put into perspective?” Anya yelled at her little sister.  “Babe, the girl was using you. Why on earth would a twenty-four year old want to date a kid?”

 

“Because she likes me?” Lexa said, affronted. “What would she even have been using me for?  It certainly wasn’t for _sex_ , we only did it once!”

 

Anya shook her head. “All she could talk about with us was how _smart_ you were, and how _big_ a deal your little...scale project was to her,” Anya waved her hand dismissively.  “Not that I even know what could ever be so interesting about a _fish scale_ , but she seemed….into it.  And only after she seemed into that, she was into you.”

 

Lexa paused.  Costia talked about the scales a lot, sure, but that was just her scientific curiosity, right?  What Anya was saying was a baseless claim. She’d seen Costia’s interest in the work, but Costia was a renowned marine biologist; surely if she _had_ seen any of Lexa’s notes, she would have laughed them off, thought they were some fantasy.  A project, maybe, or a story. No legitimate scientist would take Lexa’s farfetched journal as truth, would they?

 

A rush of panic coursed through Lexa’s body.  No, she thought; Costia wouldn’t invade her privacy like that.  She had been nothing but kind and sweet to Lexa. Hadn’t she been careful? She’d always kept things in her bag, and she’d never _seen_ Costia sort through her things.  But could she have? She supposed it was possible…Should she call Costia, and ask her about it?  No - that would just be asking for trouble. Why would she tell the truth, if she had? And if she hadn’t, what would Lexa say to explain such a strange question?

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lexa lied, standing up from the breakfast table.  Lexa shook her head, ridding those thoughts from her brain. There was nothing she could do if Costia had seen those notes; worrying about a possibility would get her nowhere. “But get dressed, you and I have some things we need to do today.”

 

“Like what?” Anya grunted.  “I was planning on relaxing today.”

 

“Well, too bad.  You’re part of the reason Clarke is upset, and I need her happy.  You’re helping me fix this mess we both made.”

 

Lexa didn’t miss the middle finger Anya sent her way.

 

* * *

 

Clarke pressed the end call button dejectedly, setting her phone aside.  “She hates me,”

 

Octavia frowned, scooting closer to Clarke.  Wrapping an arm around her friend, Octavia rested her head on Clarke’s shoulder.  “She does not,”

 

“She totally _does_ ,” Clarke pinched the bridge of her nose.  “Why wouldn’t she? I’m supposed to be her friend, and I do that to her?”

 

“Hey, we all make mistakes,” Octavia said, lifting her head to look at Clarke.  “And you know, I’m not taking sides, because I think both of you were in the wrong.  But, I mean, as shitty as hooking up with Anya was, Raven’s been too scared to act on her feelings.  She has no claim over Anya, and you can’t call ‘dibs’ on a human. I mean, yeah, she has a right to be mad, ‘cause that was like, some serious girl code breakage, but she has to realize that you didn’t _really_ do anything wrong sooner or later.  It’s not like you had some sort of malicious intentions when you hooked up with her crush,” Octavia shrugged.  

 

“I mean, I did,” Clarke sighed.  “Not towards her, but towards Lexa...Anya was right, I guess I wanted some revenge.  Or to have my anger against Lexa validated. I don’t know. But I feel bad that I dragged Raven into this mess.”

 

“I don’t know what to say,” Octavia frowned apologetically.   “Nothing I say will make you feel any different about the situation than you do, and you can’t force Raven to forgive you.  But as angry as she is right now, Raven will come around. She’s a family-oriented girl deep down. You’re part of that family now, Clarke,” Octavia rubbed Clarke’s shoulder.  “I can’t tell you how many times we’ve fought. Our personalities together means either an amazing time or absolute hell. As angry as we can get, we don’t stay angry for long.”

 

“I just wish I could make it up to her, somehow,” Clarke let her head rest against her friend’s.  

 

“Well, you can start by not feeling sorry for yourself, and actually doing something,” Octavia poked Clarke’s ribs teasingly.  “Why don’t we go look for the locket at the pier? It could be a peace offering if you give the next one to Raven,”

 

Clarke lifted her head quickly, eyes going wide.  “That’s a great idea!” She jumped off the bed, excited, before pausing.  “Wait, that means….” she paled. “I can’t swim that deep!”

 

“I’ll be with you, Clarke,” Octavia slid off the bed and grabbed Clarke’s hand.  “I know it’s scary, but we can do it.”

 

“You and Raven were supposed to do the pier, and I was going to do the nice shallow water on Mako,” Clarke said.

 

“And we’ll visit Mako later, but the pier is our best bet.  We know one of them was there, at some point. And besides, it’s dangerous at the pier, what with all the hooks and fishermen out there.  Safety in numbers, we have to watch each other’s back.”

 

“Or, only _you_ should go, because two mermaids in a public place could be asking for disaster,” Clarke said, toeing off her socks.  “And I can go in the nice shallow, hidden water in Mako.”

 

“Clarke, what happens if one of us gets tangled up in a net by the pier and we’re all alone?”  Octavia crossed her arms. “The pier is risky, yeah, but it’s just as dangerous to go alone. Even though we could be seen, it would be worse if we went alone and got pulled up in a net.  They won’t be able to prove anything if they see some tails under the water, but they _can_ prove a hell of a lot if I get stuck in a net I can’t get out of.”

 

Clarke inhaled deeply, before groaning loudly.  “Fine. You’re right.”

 

“Like usual,” Octavia snorted.

 

Clarke’s phone buzzed on the bed.  She sprinted to it, hopeful that Raven was calling her back - but was shocked to see a different name.  “Hey,” she chirped, casting a worried glance at Octavia. She hadn’t told the girl that Lexa had come over, or that they’d promised to start working on a relationship, or that they’d _kissed_.  

 

After all the hell Clarke had gone through with Lexa, dragging along her newfound friends, they were...protective, to say the least.  Clarke hadn’t figured out exactly what to tell Raven and Octavia about the Lexa situation. It was uncertain how both girls would react, and the last thing Clarke needed was anyone else’s opinions overshadowing her own feelings.

 

Octavia quirked an eyebrow at Clarke’s nervous gaze, but said nothing.

 

“Hey,” Lexa said over the phone.  “What are you doing today?”

 

“Um, not much,” she said.  After a pause, Clarke continued. “Going for a swim with Octavia,” Clarke winced, catching Octavia’s surprised look.  As far as anyone besides Raven and Octavia knew, Clarke didn’t swim. She knew she’d have some explaining to do. “And then we’re going to do something to, um...hopefully get Raven back in my good graces.”

 

“You’re swimming now?” Lexa asked, astounded.  “Clarke, that’s great! Oh, I’m so proud of you!”

 

Clarke felt herself redden, a mixture of Lexa’s pride and Octavia’s curiosity causing her to feel rather embarrassed. “Thanks.  Um, what’s up?”

 

“Oh, I just wanted to see what your plans for the day were.  Can we do dinner tonight?”

 

“Uh,” Clarke saw Octavia cross her arms.  “Yeah. Sounds great. What time?”

 

“Around seven, if you want?  A little bird told me that you had a good time at a certain party drinking, and Gustus happens to have a stash here at the house.  I figured I could make dinner and we could have an actually _good_ drink?”

 

Clarke felt herself smile.  “Hey, I’m not held responsible for what happened at or after that party.  The events of that night may have been my doing, but they were ultimately _your_ fault, you know.” Octavia’s eyes were saucers as she listened to Clarke’s end of the conversation.  Clarke simply waved her off. At Lexa’s silence, Clarke laughed. “You know I’m teasing you, right?”

 

“Oh.  Good.”

 

“Come on, I don’t want things to be awkward between us,” Clarke sighed.  “I know we said we’d move forward from...what that happened. But we can’t do that if we tiptoe around each other.”  

 

Octavia mouthed some shocked words at Clarke, but Clarke didn’t waste the energy to figure out what the girl was saying.  She’d have to explain everything in a minute, anyway. She shushed Octavia, putting her index finger to her mouth, earning a disgruntled huff from her friend.

 

“No, you’re right,” Lexa sighed on the other end.  “I guess I’m still just unsure of where I stand.”

 

“Even after our long talk?” Clarke asked, sitting on the bed, turning away from Octavia.  “You know what you mean to me.” Octavia shook her head wildly behind Clarke.

 

“I do,” Lexa said, and her voice sounded like it was shaking.  Clarke narrowed her eyes at that, curious. “I’m just scared.”

 

“About what?”

 

“That I’ll say or do something else wrong, and you’ll get your head on straight and leave me.  I’ve hurt you a lot, and I -”

 

“Stop,” Clarke said firmly.  “I care about you, you know that.  Don’t talk like that. You know where we stand.  I meant what I said, and I don’t take any of it back.  We don’t have to be on eggshells around each other. We’ve agreed to move past the incident, and go back to being friends.”  After a pause, she continued. “So, I’ll see you at seven?”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa cleared her throat.  

 

“Are you picking me up for this dinner date, or am I coming over by myself?”

 

“Uh, no, I’ll come get you.  Wait - _is_ this a date?”  She sounded nervous, and hopeful.  It was cute.

 

“Do _you_ want it to be a date?” Clarke asked, seeing Octavia run to the bed in her periphery, looking confused as hell.  She waved her hand in Octavia’s face, mouthing a promise to explain.

 

“Only if you do,” Lexa said.  “This is on your terms, Clarke.”

 

“Okay then, it’s….just dinner between two friends.  We agreed to work on that part, didn’t we?”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa said, and though Clarke was thankful Lexa was being respectful of her wishes, she did feel bad for the slight tone of disappointment in Lexa’s voice.  But they’d get there.

 

“So, get that cabinet ready! I’ll be expecting some good alcohol after that praise of Gustus’ collection.”

 

“It’s not hard to be better than jungle juice.”

 

Clarke laughed at that.  “You’ve got a point, there.  Gustus and Indra won’t care?”

 

“No, as long as it’s in the house, they won’t care.  They’re still out of town, anyway, so it can be our secret.  Besides, it’ll just be us there, unless Aden leaves his friend’s house early.”

 

“Oh, Woods, you’re bringing me over to your house to drink with you in secret, without your parents knowing?  And we have a whole house to ourselves? That sounds like a corny teenage date to me -”

 

Octavia fumed, grabbing the phone right out of Clarke’s hand.

 

“How could you do this, Anya?” Octavia yelled into the phone.  “Making one mistake and hurting Raven once is one thing, but bringing Clarke over to drink alone with you?  Are you serious? You’re really making moves on the girl your sister _loves_ ?”  Clarke sighed, burying her face in her hands as she listened to Octavia rattle on. “That’s a new low even for you, Anya!  Clarke has been crying all day because she doesn’t want to hurt Raven and she wants to fix this friendship, but you’re making it really difficult for her!  If you and Clarke need to go back to being friends because your hookup was awkward or something, that’s fine, but don’t wine and dine her! Go play XBox or paint each others’ nails or do _normal_ friend things! Don’t you care about Raven?  Or is this your really fucked up way of telling her to back off?  Because Raven _really_ likes you, Anya, so if you like her too, stop fooling around with Clarke!  You’re asking for trouble! Either get off your high horse and admit that you have a crush on Raven, or find a way to let her know you _don’t_ like her that doesn’t involve her friend!”

 

“Um,” Lexa cleared her throat. “Wrong Woods sister.”

 

“Lexa?” Octavia gaped.  “What - why - aren’t you in Polis?  Why are you….oh my god, are you and Clarke dating?  Are you cheating on Costia? Oh my god, Lexa! How _dare_ you make Clarke the other woman, she loves you, asshole!  She deserves a real relationship if you’re going to -”

 

Clarke snatched the phone back, holding it up to her ear.  “Looks like we have some explaining to do,”

 

“Uh, you can handle that,” Lexa said.  “Anya and I have something we need to get done, and I’m afraid of Octavia right now.”

 

Clarke laughed, “Pussy.”

 

“Ha-ha,” Lexa droned.  “Seriously, I gotta go.  Good luck with Octavia. Paint me in a nicer picture than I painted myself, please?”

 

“Oh, come on.  Stop being hard on yourself.  I’ve been hard on you long enough. We’ll get through it.  And what she thinks doesn’t matter.” She didn’t miss the way Octavia groaned, flopping down on the bed.

 

“Yeah.  I love--” Lexa hesitated.  “Am I allowed saying that? I know we used to say it all the time, but now…”

 

Clarke smiled to herself.  Lexa really was being thoughtful about their situation, almost overly so.  “Of course you can. I love you, too, you dummy. You’re my best friend, no matter what we go through, that will never change.  I can love you and still be mad at you at the same time,” she laughed.

 

“I love you, Clarke.”  She could hear the relief in Lexa’s voice. “And for the record, I’d be mad at me, too.”

 

“I’ll talk to Mom about the counselor, okay?  See what she thinks.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“I know it’s weird, but it would make me feel better.”

 

“And I told you, whatever you want.  We’ll do it.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Um, what time do you think you’ll be back? From your swim?” Lexa asked curiously.

 

“Ah, probably in an hour or so,” Clarke said.  “It shouldn’t take long. After that, O and I will probably head over to her house.  Why?”

 

“Just wondering,” Lexa said.  After a moment, she spoke again. “I really have to go,” Lexa said apologetically.  “I forced Anya to do stuff with me today, and she’s getting huffy that I’m talking to you.”

 

“Was that conversation with Anya awkward?” Clarke winced.  

 

“I mean, uncomfortable, but not awkward,” Lexa said.  “We’ll get through it.”

 

“Okay, go.  I’ll see you at seven.”

 

Almost as soon as the phone was hung up, Octavia was on her.  “Clarke, what the fuck is going on?”

 

“Calm down,” Clarke said, raising her hands in surrender.  “It’s...a long story.”

 

“She’s back in town?  I thought she was still in Polis?”

 

“She has to go back Monday morning,” Clarke said.  “But yeah, she came back.”

 

Octavia crossed her arms.  “She’s not playing with you, is she?  Please tell me she didn’t come back just to hook up with you or something.”

 

“No, she and Costia broke up,” Clarke said.  “I’m not the other woman, she’s not here to sweep me off my feet right away.  We are….rebuilding our friendship first, and if something happens later, it happens.”

 

“And yet you’re already having a date tonight?” Octavia asked, unimpressed.  “Seems like she’s trying to speed that train along. It’s not good to relationship jump, Clarke.”

 

“It’s not a date, we were just joking around.  It’s dinner.” At Octavia’s gaze, Clarke shrugged.  “It’s _just_ dinner, Octavia, I don’t know what to tell you.”

 

“So, you’re seeing her for the first time tonight?  Or what? When did you talk to her?”

 

“This morning.  She came over while you were still asleep in the guest house, and we...talked.”  Clarke felt her cheeks heat up.

 

Octavia squinted.  Then she gasped. “You kissed her!”

 

“What?” Clarke asked, her body tense.

 

“You hesitated, and you’re blushing,” Octavia grinned.  “You’re too easy to read.”

 

“Shut up,” Clarke grumbled.

 

“Are you happy?” Octavia asked after a moment of teasing.  

 

“I think so,” Clarke smiled.  “I mean, I’m still really pissed at her.  And I won’t lose those feelings overnight.  But we’ll work through it.”

 

“Well…” Octavia trailed off, before sighing.  “I can’t say I’m into the idea of you and Lexa jumping into anything.  I mean, I’m obviously team Clarke here - you’re the one who’s been hurting because of her.  I can’t say I’ll come around easily, but I do want you to be happy. But I _am_ going to be pissed at her for a while, _someone_ should be.”

 

“Thanks, Octavia,” Clarke smiled.

 

“Well,” Octavia clapped, standing up from the bed once more.  “We have some shit to get done, don’t we? You have a not-date at seven, and we need to find Raven her locket.”

 

She’d gotten good at sneaking past Abby and swimming away.  Sure, it was a little suspicious that their cars were left behind, and Abby surely did comment on how it was strange that the teenage girls would walk places instead of drive to them, but Clarke convinced her that it was a health kick kind of thing.  It wasn’t a lie; swimming long distance was doing wonderful things for Clarke’s muscles. It just wasn’t the full truth.

 

Once she and Octavia had stripped and they were safely in the water behind the house, they set off.  Octavia pointed which way to go, and Clarke followed. She was still nervous being in the water; taking charge of where they went wasn’t something she did.  She preferred to follow in the water than to lead.

 

She had to admit, it was always beautiful, swimming out in the open water.  Bright colored fish would swim by, some would curiously swim up to her tail and tag along the mermaids from time to time.  She was relieved that sharks and whales paid no attention to them while swimming; she had been terrified that, in the open water, a shark would attack her or the others, mistaking them for prey.  For the most part, the sea creatures left her alone. It was only those nosy fish that ever really approached them, and even then, Clarke figured it was more of an instinctive curiosity, or a fishy friendship, than a threat.

 

Octavia surfaced after about twenty minutes, right as Clarke was just beginning to feel her lungs burn.  Octavia and Raven could stay underwater for longer periods than Clarke, which was not surprising, as they had many more weeks’ worth of experience swimming underwater.  They adjusted quickly to Clarke’s needs, however, once she started tagging along. It was amazing how easy holding her breath was now; it was almost instinctual. The human part made sure its presence stayed known, though, and sure enough they would have to breathe every once in a while.

 

“How far away are we?” Clarke asked as she felt her lungs relax again.  

 

“Just another few minutes,” Octavia said.  “You ready to do this?”

 

“I suppose so,” Clarke said, her heart fluttering.  “It’s a little nerve wracking. The pier goes down so deep, how will we even see that far below?  Won’t it be dark?”

 

“It’s not _that_ deep, Clarke,” Octavia promised.  “There will still be light. The pier doesn’t go far enough out to be close to where the ocean floor drops.  It’s only about twenty feet or so down.”

 

“Way more than I’ve ever gone,” Clarke mumbled, mostly to herself.  “Okay.”

 

“Alright.  We can’t surface for air by the pier, so we have to work relatively fast.  Swimmers aren’t supposed to go past the halfway point of the pier, so someone would _definitely_ come grab us is they saw us.  If we don’t find the locket in about ten minutes, we’ll have to swim back out here, regroup, and try again.”  To make her point, Octavia lifted up her waterproof watch. “When we get to the pier, I’ll set a timer on here.  I’ll grab you after the ten minutes are up, and we’ll swim out again. Okay?”

 

“No going back now,” Clarke shrugged.  “Let’s do it.”

 

In total, it took the girls about two hours.  They made a total of four trips back from the pier to their meetup point, taking long breaks to catch their breaths each time.  It was no easy task to scan the perimeters of the pier. Shuffling the sand around, digging around the pier’s posts, and swimming amidst a mass of fish hooks was tiring.

 

The first trip was unsuccessful.  Octavia and Clarke scanned the front two posts of the pier, running along from top to bottom, before searching the space between them.  Carefully, so as to avoid touching the discarded and dirty hooks along the sand, the two girls dug up sand as they scanned the ocean floor.

 

The second trip, no different results.  Clarke scanned the space they’d already checked once more while Octavia looked along the next two posts back.

 

The third trip, Octavia retraced their steps while Clarke swam alongside both sides of the pier.

 

The fourth trip, Octavia ventured out past the pier, leaving Clarke to finish checking around the pier on her own.  

 

By the end of their fourth search, Octavia had been ready to call it quits, ready to accept the fact that the ocean had most likely swept the locket out to sea, when a flash of light caught Clarke’s eye.  She ignored Octavia gesturing to return for their air break and dove down, ignoring the building feeling of fear in her stomach. She swam through the pier’s large posts, diving deep as she focused on the subtle shining.  There, at the very bottom of the ocean floor, three posts back on the pier, was a little chain wrapped around a protruding nail. Clarke settled her tail against the sand to steady herself against the current, yelping as a sharp pain surged through her tail’s midsection.  She grit her teeth, trying to ignore the dull pain and the feeling of salt water burning her lungs, reaching to dig up the sand surrounding the very bottom of the post. Sure enough, as she dug, more and more of that chain was revealed. Using her nails, Clarke tried to untangle the knot that had formed in the chain, furrowing her eyebrows in frustration as she worked.  It was useless; a hard black crust had settled over the chain of the necklace, seemingly fusing the chain to itself, and to the rusted nail.

 

Once she felt the steady burn start to settle in her lungs, Clarke forced herself not to panic.  She _had_ to get this locket, and she wanted to do it now.  Diving this deep was overwhelming, and between the tiredness, the ache in her lungs, the overwhelming headache, and the new sharp pain coming from her tail, she did _not_ want to have another panic attack while trekking deep under the pier for a fifth time.  Once the ache in her lungs was becoming too much, Clarke grit her teeth, wrapped two fingers around the protruding nail, and pulled _hard_. She pulled with as much force as she could, pressing her tail deep into the sand, ignoring the painful digging between her scales, to anchor her body weight and provide some leverage.  The nail wiggled in the splintering old wood, giving way as Clarke tugged and tugged with all her might.

 

Feeling her frustration grow, Clarke let go of the nail.  Holding out her hand, Clarke froze the water around the protruding nail, freezing the nail itself, until it was a block of ice.  Lifting her tail up from the floor, Clarke swam away a bit, before hitting her tail against the block of ice with as much force as possible.  She heard the satisfying crack of the ice, and swam over quickly, seeing that the nail had broken in half. Quickly, Clarke melted the ice, scooping the locket, nail and all, up into her hands, and swam back to Octavia.

 

She pointed ahead, before pointing to her lungs.  Octavia got the message. She nodded once, before grabbing Clarke’s free hand in her own, and the two set off, propelling themselves forward with as much speed as possible.

 

As soon as they were far enough out into the open water, away from the pier, Clarke surfaced, gasping for air.  She sputtered, coughing up the salt water she’d swallowed, feeling the entire inside of her chest burning.

 

“Holy fuck,” she panted, before holding the chain up proudly.  “I did it!”

 

Octavia threw her arms around Clarke.  “You did!”

 

“Ugh, this was a _bitch_ to get,” Clarke said, her heart drumming against her chest.  She crinkled her nose as she looked at the blackish crust along the chain.  Some of it was even on the locket, itself. “Ugh. This is gross.”

 

“I’m sure a jewelry place could clean it up,” Octavia said.  “There has to be someone who can fix water damage on necklaces _somewhere_ in California.”

 

“How much is that going to cost me?” Clarke huffed, before gulping and taking another deep breath of air.  She let out a loud yelp as a flash of pain tore through her tail again.

 

“What’s wrong?” Octavia asked, looking worried.  “Are you okay?”

 

“I think something’s in my tail,” Clarke winced.  “Something feels really sharp in there.”

 

“Let’s get home, and I’ll see what it is.”

 

While they were out in the open water, far away from land, Clarke mostly swam with her head above the water.  Her lungs still burned from the lack of oxygen and the salt water she’d inhaled, and the whole way back, she coughed.  Octavia held her above water as they swam, supporting a good deal of Clarke’s tired weight. Once they started approaching the residential area along the water, the two dove, swimming in the shallow waters.  Once they were back to Clarke’s house, they scanned the perimeters. Seeing no neighbors outside, and finding no sign of Abby, the girls proceeded. “I think it’s all clear,” Octavia said, giving Clarke the thumbs up.

 

They hoisted themselves up onto the boat deck along Clarke’s backyard.  Clarke instantly spun so she was sitting on her rump, finally catching a glance of the hook imbedded deep into her tail.  “Okay,” she muttered, watching as crimson blood began to rise to the surface of her tail. “That’s a big hook,”

 

“Shit,” Octavia said, her face going white.  “Oh, god. Bell used to take me fishing as a kid, but I always made him unhook the fish.  How the fuck am I supposed to do this?”

 

“I can handle it,” Clarke said, forcing herself to stay calm.  With a shaky voice, Clarke continued, “My mom is a surgeon. She’s taught me some basic first aid, and when my dad was alive, we fished a few times.  I think I can remember how to unhook...myself,” she grimaced. “Come on, we need to get to the guest house.”

 

As if on cue, the front door to the guest house swung open.  Octavia yelped in surprise, jumping so far that she fell off the dock and back into the water with a large splash.  

 

“Lexa?”

 

“Shit, shit, shit,” Lexa said, eyes wide.  “Anya’s right inside your house!” Lexa panicked, running over to the dock to crouch by Clarke.  “You have to get back in the - oh, fuck,” she trailed off, catching sight of the large hook embedded in Clarke’s scales.  

 

“Why are you two here?” Clarke hissed.

 

“We were going to - no time to explain right now, I’ll tell you later.  I just need to - distract Anya. Fuck, stay here,” Lexa said, standing upright.  “Can you get back in the water for now?”

 

“I kind of want to get this hook out of my body first,” Clarke winced in pain.

 

“Right.  Um. Can you two get to the guest house?  I’ll distract Anya for a few minutes if you can dry off.”  Lexa said.

 

“Got it,” Octavia gave a thumbs up, hoisting herself back on the dock.  She began to army crawl the short distance from the dock to the house, leaving Clarke on her own.

 

“I can’t - fuck, if I crawl over there, I might make the hook go in deeper,” Clarke sighed.  

 

“Shit, um,” Lexa panicked, before reaching down to grab Clarke.  With a grunt, she picked Clarke up bridal style, wrapping one arm around Clarke’s naked torso and supporting her bright blue tail with the other.   Clarke yelped as her bare chest came into contact with Lexa’s torso, face flushing bright red. “Sorry,” Lexa said, averting her eyes. With some difficulty, she shuffled her way into the guest house, setting Clarke down on the pull out couch gently.  Lexa rushed into the bathroom, grabbing a few towels and throwing them at Clarke. “Don’t get blood on the couch,” she called as she raced out of the guest house, slamming the door behind her.

 

Octavia grinned at Clarke’s red face from the floor.  Hand hovering above her tail, Octavia steam dried herself, legs popping back in a matter of seconds. She went over to the closet, pulling her clothes back out and redressing.  

 

“Fucking shit,” Clarke muttered, soaking up as much blood as she could with the towels.  

 

“What’d’ya reckon you have stuck in there, Clarke?”

 

Clarke peeled back the towel, observing the hook.  It wasn’t ginormous, but it was a good size, and it was pretty deep in her tail.  She thought back to all the times she used to fish with her father when she was a child, trying to remember exactly how to extract a hook.  She’d seen a mishap with her dad once as a kid, when he’d gotten a hook stuck in his thumb; that was a tiny hook, though, nothing as big as this one.  “I don’t remember what the sizes are exactly,” Clarke shrugged. “Maybe a five-aught, I think that’s what it’s called?” With her left hand, she gave an experimental tug on the hook.  She could feel the hook moving deep inside of her, and she paled a little as she realized how deep it was. “Shit,” she muttered. “This might get bloody.”

 

Just then, Lexa opened the door quietly.  “How are you doing, Clarke?” She asked.

 

“I’ve been better,” Clarke said, letting her hands rest against her tail.  “I am...not looking forward to pulling this hook out of my body.”

 

“Can I do anything to help?” Octavia asked.

 

Lexa looked over at her curiously.  “Actually, yes,” she said. “Can you run with Anya back to our house?  I’ve distracted her by getting Abby to talk to her, but that will only last so long.  Can you say I left a box in my room and you two need to grab it for me? I didn’t leave anything, but it’ll be a long enough distraction, I hope,”

 

Octavia crossed her arms, assessing Lexa.  After a moment, she huffed. “Fine.” She wished Clarke luck with the hook, and left the guest house.

 

Lexa moved to Clarke’s side as the door shut.  She crouched next to the girl, placing a comforting hand on her back.  “Are you okay? You’re pale.”

 

“Well, I can handle this,” Clarke cleared her throat.  “I mean, my mom’s a surgeon. I’ve gone fishing with my dad.  I should be able to pull this out, right?”

 

“I have no doubt that you could,” Lexa gave her an encouraging smile.  Her eyes flickered down to Clarke’s chest, before resting on her tail.

 

“It’s just...different,” Clarke swallowed.  “Doing first aid on other people. It’s easier.  It doesn’t bother me. But just, pulling something out of my own body...kind of freaks me out a bit.”

 

“Do you want me to get it out?” Lexa asked, rubbing small circles on her back.  She desperately tried to keep eye contact with Clarke, or to only look at her tail.  Clarke’s heaving, bare chest was _not_ where she should be looking.

 

“Can you?”

 

“I mean, I fish all the time,” Lexa shrugged.  “I know how to get it out safely. Do you have first aid supplies here?”

 

“There should be some in the bathroom, I think,” Clarke said, holding the towel down around the edges of the hook once more.  

 

“I’ll be right back,” Lexa said, wiping some of the damp hair sticking to Clarke’s forehead aside.  In a matter of minutes, she was back with an armful of supplies. “Okay, do you know where any fishing line would be?”

 

“Probably in the supply closet.  There might be some left over from when Dad used this as his shop,” Clarke pointed toward the small closet.

 

After finding the fishing line and letting out a triumphant cheer, Lexa was back at Clarke’s side.  “Okay, it looks pretty deep, so I would just...close my eyes if I were you.”

 

“Did you wash your hands?” Clarke asked, trying to settle against the couch so that she was comfortable. She squirmed, shoulders tensing as Lexa lifted the towel from her tail.

 

“I did,” Lexa smiled.  “When I was grabbing all the supplies.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Clarke, relax,” Lexa said, reaching for Clarke’s hand.  She gave it a tight squeeze. “Tensing up will only make it harder to get out, okay?  I know it’ll hurt, but you’re strong,”

 

Clarke nodded. She let out a breath.  “Okay. Simple first aid. You know what, why don’t I just do this,” Clarke said, pushing herself up on her hands.

 

Lexa reached out, palm resting against Clarke’s chest.  She pushed the girl back down gently, blushing as she realized just where her hands were.  “Ah - sorry,” she apologized, pulling her hand back as though she’d been burned. Clarke’s own cheeks turned a pinkish color.

 

“It’s - it’s okay,” Clarke stuttered, feeling suddenly breathless.

 

“I just,” Lexa said, eyes locking on Clarke’s bare chest for a moment.  Her skin was rather pale despite the California summer, contrasting against the small pink buds, hard in the cool evening air.  Lexa swallowed, forcing herself to look back at Clarke’s tail. “Sorry. Just let me handle this. You may be the one with the doctor mom, but I’ve unhooked many fish before, and myself.”

 

“Okay,” Clarke said, laying back down, resting her head against the armrest.  “You - you’re allowed to look, you know,” she muttered after a moment.

 

“What?” Lexa asked incredulously, looking back up at Clarke’s face.  “What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, we’ve been naked around each other before,” Clarke shrugged, feeling her cheeks grow warmer.  “And I know you like me, and _I’ve_ looked at yours before,” she trailed off.  “Or maybe that would be counterproductive towards our friendship.” She looked away from Lexa, abashed.

 

“Do you _want_ me to look?” Lexa asked, feeling her brain short circuit at the thought of Clarke wanting her to look at her intimately.

 

“I mean, one day,” Clarke said, looking anywhere but at Lexa.  “We said we’d work toward...a relationship, right?”

 

Lexa’s mouth was dry.  “You - nice boobs, I wouldn’t mind looking at them,” she settled on saying, before grimacing at herself.  Really? Of all the things she could have said -

 

At Clarke’s small laugh, Lexa felt her cheeks go even redder.  “Really? That’s what you say?”

 

“Cut me some slack,” Lexa laughed awkwardly.  “I have a pretty girl topless in front of me, basically giving me permission to ogle her.  It doesn’t help that she’s a girl I _like_ ,”

 

Clarke looked back at Lexa, catching her gaze.  She assessed Lexa’s face, from the brightness of her green eyes to the pinkness of her cheeks.  Clarke licked her lips, suddenly very aware of the lack of space between them, of how close Lexa was to her, of how Lexa’s hand rested precariously close to the swell of her breast.

 

“Right,” Lexa said, breaking Clarke’s trance.  “Back to the hook,” she muttered, picking up the fishing line and cutting it at a decent length.  She cleared her throat.

 

Clarke sighed, closing her eyes as she rested - as best she could - against the couch.  Had that been a moment? Were they going to have more of those moments? God, she knew she shouldn’t rush into anything with Lexa.  But now that she was back, and single, and now that Clarke _knew_ about her feelings for Lexa, and knew about Lexa’s feelings for _her_ , it was hard _not_ to want to kiss her again and say fuck it.  

 

But no; she had to be responsible.  She’d already kissed the girl once, she could wait before doing it again.  They needed to do this right.

 

But it was so hard to want to take their time when Lexa looked _that_ pretty embarrassed, when her hands were _that_ close to touching her so intimately.

 

“Brace yourself,” Lexa warned.  Clarke squeezed her eyes in anticipation, before feeling a sharp sting.  She jolted a bit, though the pain was not unexpected.

 

“Is it out?”

 

“Yes,” Lexa said, and by the sound of the clattering on the hardwood, Lexa had set the hook aside.  Clarke felt pressure on her tail, two hands on it. She opened her eyes to see that Lexa had pressed the bloodied towel against her tail again.

 

“How bad is it bleeding?”

 

“It’s not gushing, but it’s a steady stream,” Lexa said as she lifted the towel to observe.  Pressing it down again, she said, “Can you steam dry? I want to see how deep this is on your actual skin.”  Clarke nodded, raising her hands to do just that.  Lexa watched in fascination as the water evaporated from Clarke’s tail, the shimmering, opalescent blue scales turning a dull shade of gray as the water lifted from them.  Clarke’s legs were back in a minute, leaving Lexa holding a towel very, _very_ close to her inner thigh.  She glanced away. “Um, do you want to put your clothes on while I clean you up?” She asked.

 

“Can you grab my underwear from the closet?  That’s where we’ve been keeping our clothes,” Clarke said, both embarrassed, herself, and amused by Lexa’s own embarrassment.  Lexa nodded, instructing Clarke to hold down the towel as she went to the closet. She daintily picked up Clarke’s white bra and blue boyshorts, handing them over to the girl.  She stared at the wall as Clarke redressed, only turning to face her when Clarke grabbed her hand.

 

“Um, I have hydrogen peroxide and rubbing alcohol, I could just go ahead and use that if -”

 

“Don’t,” Clarke said.  “It’s actually a misconception.  They can -”

 

“Do more harm than good, I know,” Lexa sighed.  “I just...using water and soap will just turn you back to a mermaid, and I need to get this disinfected.  The rubbing alcohol is probably the best bet,” Lexa said, poking around the wound. “It was deep in your tail, but it doesn’t look like that translated to being very deep in your skin, which is good.  It’s a pretty shallow wound, nothing that needs stitches,”

 

“Yeah,” Clarke agreed.  She sighed. “I guess the best method is kind of counterproductive.  Okay, we can use some of the alcohol pads.”

 

Lexa set off to work, apologizing as Clarke winced when the pads burned her skin. Lexa made quick work of disinfecting the area, before rubbing some ointment on the wound.  She placed a large bandage over Clarke’s thigh, making sure it stuck against her skin, before reaching for some gauze and wrapping it around her thigh.

 

“Overkill, much?” Clarke said with a smile playing on her lips.

 

“I just want to make sure you’re all patched up,” Lexa said, wiping her slightly bloody fingers off on one of the towels.  “I’ll be right back,” she said, collecting the bloody towels and first aid supplies and heading towards the bathroom. Clarke heard Lexa wash her hands as she sat upright, feeling a little woozy.  She hadn’t lost _that_ much blood, but the combination of an exhausting day on top of pulling a hook out of her body left her feeling rather drained.  “You okay?” Lexa asked as she wiped her wet hands on her shorts, coming to sit next to Clarke.

 

“I think so.” Clarke nodded.  “Thanks for helping me get that out,”

 

“It’s no problem,” Lexa smiled.  She reached for Clarke’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

 

“So, why were you and Anya here?” Clarke asked, looking around the guest house.  She saw a few boxes which she didn’t recognize - they must’ve been Lexa’s.

 

“Well,” Lexa said, biting her lip.  “You mentioned how you girls wanted to turn this into a hangout space, and between Anya and I, we have a lot of old tapestries and room decorations...I thought I could surprise you by fixing this place up,” Lexa shrugged.

 

“Lexa,” Clarke smiled, feeling her heart thrumming against her chest.  “That’s so...sweet of you,”

 

“Yeah, well,” Lexa cleared her throat.  “We were doing it for you _and_ Raven, actually.  I was going to...set them up on a date here tonight while we hung out at my place.  I thought it would make both of you happy to see this place all decorated and whatnot, and it would be good for Raven and Anya to spend some time here together to...sort their things out.  I’ve already texted her, I told her that Octavia would be here and you’d be with me, and well, I haven’t exactly told Anya yet,”

 

“You were going to go all Darcy on me, huh?” Clarke teased, nudging Lexa’s side with her elbow.  “Setting our very own Lydia and Wickham up on a date and not taking any credit for it, right?”

 

Lexa shrugged sheepishly.  “Well, that was the goal. I mean, I wanted you to enjoy the guest house all nice, too, but, yeah.  Raven and Anya was the big goal. The bastard knew what he was doing when he married them.”

 

“Well, it meant a lot to Elizabeth,” Clarke smiled, resting her hand on Lexa’s thigh.  

 

“Darcy really fucked up, but he really loves Elizabeth, you know,” Lexa said, resting her hand on Clarke’s.  “And even though she had every right to tell him to fuck off, she gave him another chance.”

 

“Well, he deserved it when he changed his ways,” Clarke hummed.  “Helping Elizabeth’s family meant a lot to her. He could’ve easily let the people she cared about be dumb idiots without helping them out.”

 

“Well, he knew how much they meant to her,” Lexa shrugged sheepishly.  

 

“You know, Elizabeth wasn’t blameless, either,” Clarke said after a moment, turning her hand over on Lexa’s thigh so she could interlock their fingers.  “She made a lot of mistakes in the beginning.”

 

“Rightfully so, Darcy was kind of an ass.” Lexa grinned.

 

“Kind of?” Clarke teased.

 

“Okay, a giant ass,” she laughed.

 

“They get their happily ever after though,” Clarke mused with a smile.  

 

“I hope so,” Lexa whispered.

 

“I know we said we’d take it slow,” Clarke said, the teasing grin falling from her lips into a softer smile.  “But I really want to kiss you again.”

 

“We can still work on our friendship and kiss, can’t we?” Lexa said, breath hitching as Clarke leaned in.

 

“I think so,” Clarke nodded.  She ran her free hand along Lexa’s jaw, fingers resting under her chin to pull her closer as she leaned in -

 

“You bitch, you made me drive all the way home and all the boxes were here!”

 

Lexa jumped back, pulling her hand from Clarke’s as she slid to the other side of the couch.

 

Anya blinked in surprise, before letting out a loud laugh.  “So much for taking your friendship slow, huh, Lexa?” She snorted as she watched both of their faces turn bright red. Clarke brought her hands to her chest.  “Oh my god, you even got her down to her _underwear_?  No need to cover up, Clarke, I’ve already seen it.  Glad to know my little sis is catching up with me,” she winked.

 

Lexa crossed her arms.  “Anya!”

 

“Too soon to make that joke?” Anya asked, glancing between the two girls.  Seeing both of them with rather unamused expressions, Anya held her hands up.  “Sheesh. We _can_ joke about it, it’s a healthy coping mechanism.”

 

Clarke excused herself, going to the closet to shimmy on her clothes.  “Anya, just start unpacking, we need to get this setup tonight.”  Lexa said.

 

“Why?” Anya asked, looking at the few boxes of stuff.  “Don’t you want to bang your girlfriend out here? Isn’t that why you sent me away?  We can do this later -”

 

“We’re setting you and Raven up on a date,” Lexa said, cutting her off.  She crossed her arms, as if daring her sister to challenge her.

 

“What?” Anya sputtered.  “I told you, I don’t -”

 

“Anya,” Clarke tutted.  “Shut up. Yes, you do. You pretty much admitted you had feelings for her right before you almost went down on me.”

 

“Ew,” Lexa uncrossed her arms, letting them fall at her sides.  “I don’t need that mental image,”

 

“The point is,” Clarke shushed Lexa, “we know you like her, and we know she likes you, and you both mean a lot to us, and it’s annoying as hell to watch you two dance around your feelings.”

 

“You mean like you two have been doing for thirteen years?” Anya asked, pointing between the two of them.

 

“We’re different,” Lexa said.  “We’ve been best friends for life, and that’s very different from meeting some girl in your college chemistry class and wanting to bone her.  Just accept that you like a girl younger than you for once, get off your high horse, and go on a date with her.”

 

“Besides,” Clarke said, reaching for Lexa’s hand.  “We’re figuring things out.” She rubbed her thumb across Lexa’s knuckles, smiling when Lexa grinned at her with pink cheeks.  She looked back over at Anya. “You should do the same with Raven.” After a moment, she asked, “Hey, where’s Octavia?”

 

Anya laughed.  “Well, she may have yelled at me a lot about my...'inability to express emotion', and how 'using Clarke as a means to get over Raven was just a selfish way or refusing to take responsibility for my feelings' or whatever, and I kind of kicked her out of the car back at our house.”

 

“Go get her.” Lexa demanded.

  
“Hey, I thought it was -”

 

“Now.” 

 

* * *

 

“Thank you for doing that,” Clarke said after she and Lexa had settled onto the couch.  True to her word, Lexa had cooked an amazing dinner for the two of them, complete with good sangria and dessert.  With full bellies and big smiles, they'd retired to the gaming room upstairs, throwing on Hulu to catch up on their shows together.

 

Lexa turned on the beanbag to face Clarke, giving her a smile.  “For what?”

 

“Decorating the guest house.  It definitely looks really cute now.  All the tapestries and furniture really make it feel pretty and homey.”

 

“It wasn’t a big deal,” Lexa shrugged, hearing the TV chatter away as she looked at Clarke.

 

“Maybe not to you, but it was to me,” Clarke said.  Just then, her phone rang. “Sorry,” she said. “It’s...Raven?”  She picked up the phone. “Hey, Raven, how’s the date going?”

 

“Uh - well, it was going good.  I didn't know there  _was_ a date to be had, so I look like a slob because I was expecting Octavia, but - that's besides the point,"

 

“Listen, I’m really sorry about everything, I’m really glad you and Anya -”

 

“Yeah, Clarke?  The apologies can wait.  I mean, still as pissed at you as I am...anyway, there's a bigger issue here than my being angry at you. Anya passed out.”

 

“Wait, she _passed out_?” Clarke asked, eyes going wide. “I’m putting you on speaker, I’m with Lexa.”  She turned towards Lexa as she clicked on the phone screen. “What happened? Is Anya okay?”

 

“Yeah, she’s breathing, I think it was just shock,” Raven’s voice echoed through Lexa’s living room.

 

“What, did she fly through the roof when you kissed her or something?” Lexa asked, humor in her voice.

 

“We didn’t get to that,” Raven said, before grunting.  “Okay, listen, there was an accident. She got us some water for dinner and I knocked it over and it spilled and I got all wet -”

 

“Oh no,” Clarke gasped.

 

“Oh, yeah,” Raven said, voice clearly panicked.  “I tried to run to the bathroom but it’s so damn tiny that my tail just flopped right out and - Anya saw and started babbling and now she’s on the floor.”

 

“Shit,” Lexa muttered.  “Okay, stay calm. Dry off if you can, we’ll head right over, okay?”

 

After Clarke hung up, she caught Lexa’s gaze.  “This is going to be a mess, isn’t it?”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all liked the chap! Let me know what you thought here in the comments or over @legendofbisexuals on tumblr! (I changed my url from gothamsgirlgang, so I'll be over @legendofbisexuals for now!)
> 
> Get ready for some plotty drama-rama! It's coming soon! (Don't worry, clexa won't break up or anything!!)
> 
> Sorry if y'all wanted to see the Ranya date, but I wanted to keep this chapter oriented around Clarke & her relationships (mainly with Lexa, but with O, too). Fear not, we'll get some good ranya scenes soon - after all, the next chapter will deal with the repercussions of their little date mishap, and the reconciliation between them and Raven & Clarke!


	11. July: Part VI/August: Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya learns the truth about the girls, and confronts Lexa. Lexa finally gets her head out of her ass. A princess mechanic make-up <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Disclaimer: I know NOTHING about computers and/or hacking, so just go with the flow, yeah? Okay, thanks. Also, if anyone was wondering, no, the moon cycle is not accurate to how it was IRL. Again, suspension of disbelief please. I'm a literature major, science is not what I specialize in lmao

When the cold compress was pressed against her head, Anya finally spoke.

 

“Would someone mind telling me what the _fuck_ is going on?”

 

“How much do we tell her?” Raven asked, looking directly at Lexa.

 

“She saw your tail, Raven,” Lexa sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.  “There really is no easy cop-out from explaining this, is there?”

 

“I guess not,” Raven whispered, eyes shifting between the siblings.

 

“Anya can be trusted,” Lexa promised with an affirmative nod.  “She’s loyal. Especially to me. If I ask her to keep this a secret, she will.”

 

“I’m not an idiot,” Anya said.  “It’s pretty obvious that if I tell anyone about...that, Raven will end up as shark bait.  Or worse. Of course I would keep something…” she trailed off, wincing in pain as she tried to lift her head too fast.

 

Clarke bit her bottom lip, feeling sweat pool at the nape of her neck.  The less people that knew about this, the better, right? But she knew Anya; she knew Anya could be trusted.  Still, the thought of anyone outside of the affected group knowing about their secret was an intimidating one.  Who knew what could happen to the girls if something like this got out? Alie’s story reeled through her mind. There were plenty of people like Becca’s husband out there -- many people who would hurt them, even kill them, for being what they were.  There were deranged, soulless scientists, fortune hungry journalists, and greedy corporations who would stop at nothing to get their hands on a _real_ , live mermaid.  Something of myths and legends.  

 

Concern washed over Anya’s features as she caught sight of Clarke shifting on her feet.  Anya sat upright, ignoring the throbbing in her head. “You’re pale. You need to sit down while Raven tells us what’s happening to her.  Whatever it is...it’s a lot to handle seeing. If you’re this nervous, you should really not be standing.” She patted the spot next to her.  “We don’t need you passing out, too, miss anxiety attacks,” Anya teased with a grin. Clarke offered her a small smile in return, but it quickly faded as fear rushed through her once more.  The reality of what was about to happen was hitting Clarke like a bag of bricks to the head.

 

Lexa guided Clarke to the pull out couch, placing her beside Anya.  “Anya, the thing is,” Clarke spoke as she sat, “it’s happening to me, too.  And Octavia.” She reached for Lexa’s hand anxiously as Lexa began to walk away from her, pulling Lexa back to her side.  Only when she was sure Lexa was anchored in place next to her on the couch, and that she wouldn’t be pulling her hand away or getting up any time soon, did Clarke’s vice grip loosen.

 

“All three of you?” Anya asked, eyes widening.  “Lexa?” She glanced over at her sister, brow knitting together.  

 

“No,” Lexa shook her head.  “Not me. Just them. I’ve just been...helping them through it.”

 

“And what exactly is ‘it?’” Anya asked, placing her hand on the back of Clarke’s shirt.  She rubbed soothing circles at the small of Clarke’s back, feeling the girl beneath her attempt to steady her breathing.

 

Raven watched the two carefully.  “We’re mermaids,” she said simply, tearing Anya’s attention away from Clarke.  

 

“As ridiculous as that sounds,” Anya said, “I guess it’s also the only logical explanation.  How?” Her hand stilled, but it did not move from Clarke’s back.

 

Raven’s eyes narrowed.  “We aren’t sure about the scientific facts, so we chalk it up to magic,” she said.

 

“You?  Raven Reyes, believing in _magic_ over science?” Anya cocked an eyebrow, tilting her head.  “Who thought we’d ever see the day?”

 

Raven shook her head as she focused on Anya.  “It’s not an easy solution for me to grasp onto, but until Lexa or I can figure this out, that’s what we’re saying.”  She settled her hands on her hips. “It happened a few months ago, we were on Mako. We were stuck in the mouth of a volcano, but there was a pool of water under the opening.  We were in the water when the full moon passed overhead, and the next morning,” she shrugged. “Tails. Want to try to figure that out scientifically, Anya? I doubt your B- in chemistry will let you do a better job than Lexa,”

 

Anya frowned.  “Hey, I don’t need this attitude, Raven,” she said. “You can’t expect me to just sit idly by and ignore that you popped a _tail_ during our date.  I’d like some answers, especially if it’s affecting Clarke and Lexa, too.”

 

“Yeah, of course you do.  I can see how much you care about her, alright? Maybe you should just date her, since you obviously had _so_ much fun on our date.”  At Anya’s confused look, Raven elaborated,  “You’re already feeling up Griffin again!” Raven scoffed when Anya began to deny her accusation.  “Whatever. Now you know. Forget this, okay? I’ve had enough for one night, I’m going home.”

 

“Raven, don’t be like that,” Lexa frowned.  “Anya is just concerned because Clarke is obviously on the brink of a panic attack.” She gestured at Clarke with her free hand; Clarke’s leg was bouncing as she tapped her toes against the floor repeatedly, sweat dripping down the sides of her neck.

 

“You’re really okay with her all over your girl?” Raven asked, crossing her arms.  “Are you really that much of a wimp that you’ll let your sister get her? That’s just what you do, isn’t it?  Run when things get hard. You betray Clarke, and now you don’t even fight for her?”

 

“Raven, stop it,” Lexa warned.  “I may have messed things up with Clarke, but we’re working on it, okay?  And nothing is going on between them,”

 

“They hooked up, Lexa!” Raven yelled.  Her eyes watered as she clenched her jaw.  “Your sister and Clarke almost had sex! Doesn’t that make you mad?  Don’t you feel fucking _betrayed_ by both of them?  Anya is your _sister_ and almost slept with the girl you love!  And Clarke -- she almost got revenge on you in the lowest way.  Aren’t you _sick_ thinking about it?” Hot tears spilled down her cheeks.  “Because I am! I’m _pissed_ that my friend would go behind my back and hook up with Anya like that --”

 

“I know,” Lexa said, raising her free hand.  With her palm out, facing Raven, she took a breath.  “I know, okay? And I know that it was a fucked up thing for them both to do.  And I know they hurt both of us by doing it, okay? But it was a mistake. We’ve all made them here...most of all, me,” she said, not missing the way Raven dropped her gaze.  “And I can’t say that I’m happy about them...hooking up, but we ran from them, Raven,” she shrugged. “I chose Costia over Clarke, and you chose to hook up with strangers instead of talking about your feelings with Anya.  We can’t really be mad if they tried to move on, can we?”

 

“I’m always someone’s second choice,” Raven said softly, looking back up at the girls in front of her.  “And I can’t bear it, being second choice again.”

 

In a matter of seconds, Clarke pushed her rising panic back down.  Instead, a swell of concern for Raven gripped her by the arms; Clarke’s heart dropped at Raven’s broken voice.  “What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, I’m no one’s favorite person,” Raven said through a watery grimace.  “My mom didn’t even want me, she never cared about me; no one’s ever picked me to mean anything to them.  I’ve only ever been someone’s hookup or rebound, and I have this _massive_ crush on a girl who would probably rather date _you_ , and --”

 

“I wouldn’t,” Anya spoke up, shaking her head.  “I wouldn’t rather date Clarke, Raven. It was never something that actually meant anything.  We were just...tipsy and lonely, and sometimes that combination means trouble. She’s...I love her, but not like that.” Anya stood from the couch, leaving Lexa to sit next to Clarke alone.  “And none of that is true. Well, maybe about your mom, I don’t know,” Anya shrugged. “But you’re Octavia’s best friend. I’ve only known her for a while, but you _never_ shut up about her in chemistry class.  You were always talking about her, always gushing about how beautiful she is, what a good friend she is, all the things you’d do together...I know she loves you more than anyone else.  And I know you love her, too. You’re not alone, you know that.  Don't be the type of person who pities herself for something that doesn't need pitying.”

 

“You’re our friend, Raven,” Clarke said.  “And for the record, I’d always pick you to be in my life.” At Raven’s confused frown, Clarke smiled. “You’re intelligent, and kind.  You reached out to me when things were bad with Lexa. You were there for me. I’m sorry I didn’t show my appreciation for that. I was selfish to only care about my own love life.”

 

After a beat, Raven said. “You wouldn’t pick me over Lexa.”

 

Clarke’s smile grew.  “Well, I wouldn’t pick _anyone_ over Lexa,” she said, feeling the hand in her own squeeze her tighter.  “But I think that’s a little unfair, seeing as she’s my soulmate,”

 

Lexa felt her cheeks grow warm as Raven’s eyes widened.  “You two --”

 

“No,” Clarke said, looking over at Lexa.  Lexa’s goofy grin and pink cheeks matched Clarke’s own, and the two reveled in a shared moment of understanding.  “But I know she is. In some sense of the word. She’s my best friend,” she looked back over at Raven. “Like Octavia is yours.  You’re Octavia’s soulmate, as much as Lexa is mine. Maybe in the same way, maybe in a different way. Would I pick Lexa first, overall? Of course.  Just like you would pick Octavia over me. You two have history that you and I don’t have, and that’s okay. But when choosing friends beyond Lexa? I’d pick you first, Raven.”

 

At that, Raven finally smiled, a small laugh passing through her lips.  “Of course you would, I’m awesome.”

 

“You really are,” Clarke nodded, letting go of Lexa’s hand to stand, shakily.  “Even though you can be a bitch.”

 

“So can you,” Raven grinned.

 

“See?  We’re meant to be friends, we have so much in common.”  After a pregnant pause, Clarke opened her arms. “Can we please make up now?”

 

Raven hesitated for a moment, before giving in.  “I guess I have a soft spot for you, after all,” she said, wrapping her body around Clarke’s.

 

“Well,” Anya said, making her way to the table.  Grabbing her purse, she said, “I've had enough drama for one night, and I think you two should hash some things out.  I’ll take Lexa home and she can catch me up to speed with everything. She has to leave in the morning anyways, so she should need to repack a bit.”

 

Clarke pulled out of Raven’s hold, turning to face Lexa.  “Will you at least come say goodbye in the morning?”

 

“Of course I will, Clarke,” she promised, standing.  She turned to Anya. “You two will schedule a make-up date, right?”

 

“I guess the fish thing did get in the way of the boring first date questions,” Anya quipped.  “While I now know your deepest, most closely guarded secret, I still need to learn all the useless things about you, like your favorite color and your first pet’s name.”

 

With a challenging grin, Raven said, “I thought you only dated older women?  Clarke and Lexa trapped you into this date, but now that you have the choice, are you sure you don’t want to run and find that hot lit professor to bang instead?”

 

Anya’s jaw dropped slightly. “That was a mistake,” she pointed at Raven, “and something I really hoped Lexa would never find out about.”

 

“Your _professor_?”

 

“Oh, can it, squirt, you dated your _boss_.” Anya crossed her arms.

 

Lexa pulled back, sheepish.  “I guess you’re right,” said said, rubbing the back of her neck.

 

Anya clapped Lexa’s shoulder, before facing Raven once more.  Assessing her for a moment, Anya hummed. “I thought you were cute in chemistry.  But you’re right, I only date older women.” When Raven’s smile dropped, Anya sent a wink her way.  “You didn’t really get a fair shot at convincing me to change my ways tonight, so I’ll give you another chance.”

 

* * *

 

The short car ride was insightful for Anya.  Lexa told Anya all about her predictions and her suspicions surrounding the girls, the multiple tests she’d already run, the future tests she was planning, and all of the notes she’d taken so far.  She answered each and every one of Anya’s stunned questions with patience, and promised to try to convince Clarke or Raven to let her get a closer look at the girls in their other form.

 

Once the Woods sisters were back in the comfort of their own home, Anya knew what she had to do.  As Lexa made her way down the upstairs hallway to retreat to her room, Anya grabbed her wrist gently.  “Hey, Lexa,” she said, nodding her head to the side, a gesture for her little sister to follow her. “Can we talk?  In private?” She added, casting her eyes to the silhouette of their younger brother, hunched over his XBox in the game room with the door thrown wide open.  Furrowing her brows, Lexa nodded slowly, following Anya down the opposite end of the hall. When they were in the sanctuary of Anya’s room with the door shut and locked, Anya closed her eyes and leaned back against her door.  “Lexa, can I ask you something without you getting angry?”

 

Lexa frowned, but agreed nonetheless.  She sat on the edge of her sister’s bed, resting her palms against the curves of her knees.  “What do you need to ask, An?” At her sister’s silence, Lexa sighed. “Look, if it’s about you and Clarke, can we please not talk about this right now?  I’m really trying to be okay with what happened. I promise I’m not mad; I’m a little weirded out, though, and I just need some time --”

 

“It’s not about that,” Anya shook her head.  She dug her nails into her door, letting her head fall back against the dark wood with a thud.  "Okay, I’m not blaming you, alright? I want to start there. So, please don’t get all defensive.”

 

Lexa cocked her head to the side, annoyed.  “You’re the one who gets all defensive,” she countered.

 

“We both do, we get it from Indra,” Anya sighed.  “And you’re getting defensive by deflecting onto me.”  Opening her eyes once more, she pushed off of the door, walking next to her sister and taking a seat next to her.  The black duvet compressed as Anya sat, rustling as she shifted around. “Okay, I know you...genuinely believe that Costia had feelings for you,” Anya began.  Seeing the annoyance rising in her sister’s eyes, Anya held up her hands. “And I’m not saying she didn’t, okay? But...is there any possibility that she knew about Clarke and the girls?”

 

Lexa paused.  “I never showed her my notebooks, and I never did any tests around her.  I did them all in private. Whenever she came by, I’d pack it up.  So she shouldn't.”

 

“Did that ever make her…” Anya searched.  “Curious?”

 

“I don’t think so,” Lexa sighed.  “Anya, can we please drop this?”

 

“No,” Anya shook her head.  “Because now that I know this secret, I’ll be damned if I let anything happen to those girls.”  Anya’s eyes darkened as she stared down her little sister. “You love Clarke. What would you do if something happened to her because someone found out about her secret?”

 

Lexa shook her head, unable to formulate an intuitive response.  “I have no idea. Nothing good would come of that,”

 

“No,” Anya agreed, “nothing good.  Lexa, please; sure, Costia may have developed feelings for you, but if she did, when did that line get crossed?  When did she go from acting professional around you, to flirting with you?"

 

Lexa combed through her memories, scooting further back on the bed.  She kicked her flip flops off, bringing her feet onto Anya’s bed and hugging her knees to her chest.  “I guess...there was one day where we were doing field research when I was volunteering with the crew.  She wanted me to invite her over for dinner with the family,”

  
“Were you working on your tests that early?” Anya asked.  While Anya was a rather brooding, serious person by nature most of the time, her intensity was beginning to frighten Lexa.

 

“I mean...I was doing simple tests, nothing too--” Lexa’s eyes widened.  “The skin sample. I was working on the skin sample.”

 

“The one that turned to fish scales with water?” Anya asked.  With Lexa’s nod of confirmation, Anya sighed. “And this seemed like a sudden change in her demeanor?”

 

“I mean, we were flirty to begin with,” Lexa shrugged, feeling her heart falling further into her stomach each second.  “But yeah, I guess it sped up around then.”

 

“Could she have seen it?  The sample?” Anya pressed.  When Lexa was silent, Anya swore.  “Okay, we need to do some damage control.  We need to find out what she knows and...figure out a way to convince her it’s all some prank.”

 

“I just…” Lexa shook her head.  Lexa looked away from her sister, down at her knees.  “She wouldn’t do that to me. She couldn’t. We had something real. I--I knew she’d seen the sample, I did damage control, remember?” She asked, looking back up.  “At our dinner at Firefly.  I told her it was an experiment we'd done in biology."

 

Anya placed a hand on Lexa’s shoulder, gripping it softly.  “Kid, I had a bad feeling about her from the start. I always thought she was using you...but, shit, this is bad,” Anya said quietly. “At that dinner at Firefly, all she could _do_ was talk about that project you said you were working on."

 

"Which she said she didn't know anything about," Lexa raised her voice.  "Why are you trying to make her out to be a bad person?  She said she only saw me working on something with a scale, not that she  _knew_ what I was working on.   Don't you think she would've said something about a property changing cell if she had the chance?  She said she didn't see anything,"

 

"People lie, Lexa," Anya said.  

 

“Lie or not, she wouldn’t do anything to hurt Clarke,” Lexa said, shaking her head stubbornly.  “She’s not that kind of a person. She has to know what would happen to her if other scientists found out.  She's a _good_ person, Anya, she wouldn't hurt a stranger.”

 

“Kid,” Anya said.  “What’s stopping her from hurting a stranger when she's already hurt someone like you?”

 

“Stop it,” Lexa said, shaking her head.  “Stop! No, she hasn't hurt me. She wouldn’t do that, she’s not that type of person--”

 

“Lexa, shut up!” Anya yelled.  Lexa jumped, startled by the intensity of her sister’s voice. “Yes, she _has_ hurt you.  She's been using you! Let go of your pride and just accept the fact that you could’ve judged her wrong.  What’s more important to you -- holding onto your ego and letting Costia possibly extort Clarke because of _your_ poor judgement of her character, or admitting you could be in the wrong, and taking the steps to make sure Clarke is safe?"

 

Lexa froze. Anya’s words were a slap to the face.  

 

Of course she wanted Clarke to be safe.  

 

But Costia, was she really someone who would do something like that?

 

"I spent so much time with her, Anya.  She always seemed so...kind to me," Lexa said.  "I don't want to believe she could do that."

 

"But what if she only showed you the good parts of herself?" Anya asked. 

 

“I...I don’t want to believe that she could do that to me.  To Clarke,” Lexa’s said. “But I...guess there's a possibility. That she knows something."  Lexa’s voice cracked as she said, "Why didn't I see it?  If all I was to her was some...guinea pig for her to watch, why didn't I see it?"

 

Anya frowned, pulling her sister into a side hug.  “Hon, you were too caught up with thinking you were falling in love.  Of course you were a little blinded,”

 

"Shit,” She pulled out of her sister’s embrace.  “I have to go back.”

 

Anya nodded. “How will you figure out what she knows?  I mean, if she really _doesn’t_ know as much as we think, even just questioning her could make her...figure out more,”

 

“I don’t know,” Lexa shook her head.  “But I need to go, now.” She opened Anya’s door, marching down the hall to her own room.

 

“What about Clarke?  Aren’t you going to tell her goodbye?” Anya asked, following her.

 

“I’ll call her on the drive in,” Lexa said, going to her dresser.  She tossed random clothes into her already open suitcase, still half-full from the previous weeks spent in Polis.

 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Anya asked as they walked into Lexa’s bathroom.  

 

Lexa picked up her toothbrush and toothpaste, shrugging.  She tossed them into a ziploc bag, saying, “I’d rather her be angry about me leaving and safe over waiting any longer and risking Costia doing something stupid while I’m gone.”

 

“Squirt,” Anya stopped Lexa as she tried to grab her brush and return to the bedroom.  “You have to say goodbye. Don’t make her mad at you when you’re on the path to fixing this mess, okay?”

 

Lexa acquiesced, nodding once.  “Fine. I’ll stop by the house.”

 

* * *

 

“So, how was the date?” Clarke asked, pulling one of her decorative pillows into her lap.  Raven sat across from her on the cot, wrapped up in one of Clarke’s oversized hoodies. “Tell me all about it?”

 

Raven smiled, resting her chin on her knees as she picked at the nail polish on her toes. “It was…” her smile faltered.  “Honestly, it was weird. Neither of us were expecting it. I was wearing...spandex and a baggy t-shirt, so I felt awkward.  But it was okay. We laughed about you two setting us up…” Raven shrugged. “I guess we didn’t get that far into the date when the accident happened.  I ran, but obviously I wasn’t fast enough, and now...here we are,”

 

“Come on,” Clarke blanched.  “No juicy details? No love confessions?”

 

“Uh, no,” Raven reddened.  “Mostly, I was shit talking you,” she winced.  “Sorry.”

 

Clarke faltered, shoulders dropping.  “Oh,” she said, before shaking her head.  “No, it’s okay. I deserve it,” she said, leaning back against the back of the couch.  “At least you get a re-do date soon, though?”

 

“Yeah,” Raven nodded, before humming.  “Do you think she actually likes me, or do you think she’s just going along with it?”

 

“I think…” Clarke began, choosing her words carefully.  “I think that you definitely have a bigger crush on her than she has on you, but it’s undeniable that she’s interested.  I mean, she resisted you for a long time, probably because she looked at you like a kid, and she _was_ apparently sleeping with her professor, but I think that chemistry class really made her start to think about you.  At that party, she was definitely bummed that you were hooking up with someone else. And when we--” Clarke halted, nervous to mention the tryst after she and Raven had just made up.

 

Raven rolled her eyes.  “You can say it, I’ve already forgiven you,”

 

Clarke nodded, continuing.  “Okay. When we...hooked up, I said something along the lines of ‘both the girls we love are with someone else’ and she didn’t refute it.  I don’t think it’s _love_ yet for her, but she would’ve denied it if she actually wasn’t interested in testing out a relationship with you.  I mean,” Clarke said, “she’s Anya. She doesn’t agree to a date unless she’s genuinely interested. If she just wanted to fuck, you would’ve done that by now.  She’s not a player, but she gets around. But when she’s serious, she’s pretty serious.”

 

Raven nodded.  “Yeah, it was a secret, but I knew...the professor thing.  They were hooking up for a few months, halfway through the semester.  I was...jealous,” she admitted.

 

“Trust me, I know the feeling,” Clarke offered a smile.  “But when they ended things?”

 

“I don’t know,” Raven shrugged.  “I wasn’t shy about it. I joked about my crush.  I’ve always been that way, even with O. She never vocalized any interest in returning my feelings.”

 

“Probably just because she was still sorting them out,” Clarke said.  “I’ve been doing a lot of that this summer -- or at least, trying to. Turns out, sorting out your feelings before acting on them makes things a little easier in the long run,”

 

Raven laughed at that.  “I guess you’re right. Maybe she was...or, maybe she’s just stringing me along,” she sighed, the smile dropping from her lips.

 

“She’s not that type of person.” Clarke shook her head vehemently to express her point.  “She may come across as this badass, no feelings, hard exterior bitch who takes no shit, but she’s a softie inside.  She’s the most caring sister to Lexa, and I got to see a bit of that...intimate sweet side she apparently has. Like I said, she’s not a player.  She’s honest with her intentions. When we almost had sex, she told me, straight up, that it would just be sex.”

 

“Nothing about that would’ve been ‘straight up,’ Clarke,” Raven snorted.

 

“Ah, we’re approaching the making jokes stage,” Clarke rolled her eyes with a grin.  “Lucky me.”

 

“You make it too easy,” Raven said.

 

“Anyway…” Clarke bounded off the couch, going to sit next to Raven on the cot.  “Anya is an honest person. The fact that she hasn’t told you that she just wants sex means she wants more.  The fact that she hasn’t admitted to wanting a relationship means she’s still unsure of what exactly she wants, and she doesn’t want to lead you on.  But she did tell you that she thinks you’re cute, and that she wants a re-do date.” Clarke rested her head on Raven’s shoulder. “I think she just needs some time to admit to herself that she’s feeling _feelings_ other than lust for the first time in a while.  A few good dates will set her straight.” As soon as Raven opened her mouth, Clarke sat upright again, swiveling around to press a finger to Raven’s mouth.  “I know, nothing about her will ever be straight. Got it,”

 

“You know me well, Griffin,” Raven laughed.

 

“Oh, hey,” Clarke said, eyes lighting up as she remembered something.  She ran over to the kitchenette, picking up something placed alongside the sink.  “This is for you,” she said, walking back over to Raven.

 

Raven peered at the object closely, before her eyes went wide.  “Is this one of the lockets?”

 

Clarke nodded.  “Yeah,” she smiled.  “Now we just have one left to find,”

 

“Where was it?”

 

“The bottom of the pier, wrapped around a nail,” Clarke said.  “Lexa and I spent hours scrubbing that thing with jewelry cleaner and rust remover.  I went through, like, five pairs of rubber gloves.”

 

“Shouldn’t O get this, since she got it from the ocean?” Raven asked, running her fingers along the chain.

 

“Actually,” Clarke said sheepishly, “I went down and got it.”  

 

Raven’s jaw dropped.  “No shit.” At Clarke’s nod, Raven punched her lightly on the arm.  “I’m proud of you, Griff!”

 

“Thanks,” she said, clearing her throat.  “Anyway, I get to decide who this one goes to, and I want it to go to you.  My first pick,” she winked. “Don’t tell Octavia that.”

 

“Never,” Raven smiled.  “Thank you,”

 

“It’s the least I can do to offer some peace, after...everything.”  Clarke said.

 

Raven unclasped the necklace, bringing it to her chest.  Hands reaching around the back of her neck, she clasped it once more, securing the locket and giving it an experimental tug to ensure that it stayed in place.  

 

A knock at the guest house door startled both girls.  “Did you invite O?” Raven asked curiously as Clarke began to walk over.

 

“No,” Clarke shook her head, before opening the door.  “Lexa?”

 

“Hey,” Lexa said, scuttling into the room.  “I may have done something bad, and I need you two to not be angry and just please trust me to fix it,”

 

“Oh, god, here we go again,” Raven sighed.  Lexa shut the door, walking into the room. She pulled Clarke over to the couch with her, and sat her down.  

 

“I think Costia knows about you,” Lexa said, glancing between the girls.  “I was really fucking dumb to have done those tests in her lab, but I thought I was being sneaky.  Anya...more or less knocked some sense into me, and the timeline of Costia...falling for me is suspicious.  I know she knew I was messing with scales, but I don’t know how much she understood or saw. Best case, she thinks I’m just looking at some weird fish.  Worst case...she knows the secret, and that it’s you two and Octavia. Regardless, after she saw me looking at your scales, she started flirting with me more...and I think Anya may have been right all along, that she was using me.”

 

Raven and Clarke stared at her, neither able to formulate a response.  Raven’s eyes were narrowed in thought, appraising Lexa’s guilty face. Clarke’s were wide with horror, face flushed.  

 

“I’m really, really sorry,” Lexa said, before either girl could speak.  “I know, I shouldn’t have trusted her. And I know that if she knows this, I fucked up big time.  But I _will_ fix this.  I have a week left of the internship, I can figure out what she knows.  And when I do, I’ll call you first thing, okay?”

 

Clarke nodded, numb.

 

“I wish I could be mad at you,” Raven whistled.  “But shit, I spilled the beans, too. I won’t let you make a hypocrite out of me...at least, not as long as you fix this mess,”

 

“I will.  I promise,” Lexa took a deep breath.  She turned to face Clarke, focusing solely on her.  “Clarke...I get it, if this is the breaking point for you.  God, I’ve already put you through so much, I understand if you can’t forgive this, or don’t want to. But I promised you that I was serious about loving you, and doing whatever I can to help you, and I still am. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

 

Clarke shook her head again, silent.  Her mouth opened and closed as she searched for some words, any words.  In the end, all she could do was nod.

 

“I’m so sorry, Clarke.  I thought choosing her was the biggest mistake I’ve made, but now I see that wasn’t it at all.  My biggest mistake was letting her anywhere _near_ you to begin with.  I should’ve known, I should’ve picked up on her interest in these scales as more than simple curiosity.  I might've messed this all up, but I will fix it, okay?”  Lexa said.

 

“You...are the person I trust the most,” Clarke finally said.  She let out a shaky breath. “I know you would never...show Costia those notes.  If she knows, it’s because she’s snooped,” Clarke reasoned, trying to convince herself more than actually respond to Lexa.  “It’s her fault,” she nodded. “Not yours,” she said, looking up into Lexa’s eyes. “You’ll keep us safe?”

 

“I will,” Lexa said.

 

“You’ve already hurt me enough, Lexa,” Clarke said, voice breaking.  “You...betrayed me, by giving up on us so soon. You broke my heart by choosing her over me, when I just needed _time_ to come to terms with my own feelings.  If you hurt me again --”

 

“I won’t,” Lexa promised.  Taking both of Clarke’s hands in her own, Lexa gave them a tight squeeze.  “I know what I want now, and that’s _you_ .  Simply you,” Lexa swallowed thickly.  “Your needs are mine. Your safety is the most important thing to me.  I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe, okay? You, Raven, Octavia -- you’re my friends.  My people. _Our_ people. And I’ll do whatever I have to in order to keep our people safe.  Especially you,” When Clarke nodded, Lexa sighed in relief. “I don’t know what she knows.  She might not know anything at all, okay? Let’s hope for that. But I wanted to be honest with you, in case she does know something…we’ll need to figure out a game plan.  Can you talk to Alie while I’m away? See if there’s anything she can do?”

 

Clarke nodded. “Yeah.  I’ll talk to her. But I think we should _both_ talk to her, when you get back.”

 

“We will.”  Lexa glanced at the clock on the wall.  “I better get going. It’s a bit of a drive, and I’d rather not wait until the morning.  I promise, I’ll fix this.”

 

“I know you will,” Clarke nodded.  Lexa released Clarke’s hands slowly, letting her fingers brush against Clarke’s as they parted.  “Will you please keep me updated?”

 

“Of course,” Lexa nodded.  “Every day. As soon as I find anything out, I’ll call you.”

 

“Okay,” Clarke said, trying to swallow her nervousness.  As Lexa stood to leave, she grabbed Lexa’s hand. “I know it’s not really your fault, even though it kind of _is_ ,” Clarke said, struggling with her words.  “I would be mad if I could, but I just can’t.  I’m over being mad at you. I just want to move on.  This summer has been a series of one fuck up after another, but no one’s blameless.  I won’t waste any more time being mad on you, as long as you make this right. Even though this situation is shitty…I still love you, Lexa,” she said, standing up.  “And I still want us to work.” After a pause, she added, “But I need to not be cut up into tiny pieces in a test tube somewhere for that to happen.”

 

Lexa perked up at that.  “Was that a joke?” She teased, allowing herself to smile.  When a small smile blossomed on Clarke’s face as well, Lexa laughed with a little snort.  “Compartmentalizing anxiety. Not exactly the healthiest coping mechanism, but I’ll let this one slide.”

 

“I’ve always trusted you, Lexa,” Clarke said, tone turning serious once more. “Even through all that drama.  But I’ve _never_ trusted her.  On some level, I always felt like she would know something she shouldn’t by getting to you.  We all did.  You might've been a little...careless with running the tests, but I know you were doing them for me.  If she knows anything, it's on her, not you.  You figure this out, okay? Because I still trust you. And I love you,”

 

“I love you, too, Clarke,” Lexa said, leaning in to press a soft kiss to Clarke’s forehead.  “Let’s hope for the best, okay?”

 

Clarke smiled, leaning into Lexa’s kiss.  She let her eyes flutter closed, focusing on the feeling of Lexa’s petal-like lips against her skin.  Ignoring the wiser part of her mind telling her to pull away, Clarke lifted her head slightly, brushing her nose against Lexa’s.  This close, she could feel Lexa’s ragged breaths against her skin; she could almost hear her heartbeat. She could almost kiss her.  It would be so easy…

 

Sighing, Clarke pulled away.

 

Lexa tried to swallow her disappointment.  Surely, Clarke was about to kiss her, before…

 

Tucking a piece of stray hair behind Clarke’s ear, she whispered, “Be careful.  In two days, there’s another full moon. August 1st. Lock up the guest house, don’t let any moonlight in,”

 

Clarke promised they would stay safe.  "You better get going then, yeah?"  Lexa nodded.  With one last hug, she was off.

 

As soon as Lexa closed the door behind her, Raven whooped.

 

“That bitch just swore _fealty_ to you!  That was some of the gayest shit I’ve ever seen, and I’ve been a part of an orgy full of college softball players!”

 

Clarke groaned, picking up a throw pillow and smacking Raven upside the head with it.  “I forgot you were here,” she said, letting herself smile through Raven’s hollers.

 

* * *

 

The first day, she got a call from Lexa.  

 

It wasn't good.  Any hope that Costia had only seen the scale dissipated as Clarke walked in circles, listening to Lexa's voice on speaker.

 

_“I snatched her phone in the lab.  She had pictures, Clarke. A lot of pictures, from my journal.  I deleted them all. Checked her trash, deleted those too. Can you get Raven for me?  I want her to hack into Costia’s cloud to double check that they’re gone for good.  I left all my journals at home, they should be locked in my desk.  I didn't want to bring them back, so she at least can't get her hands on them again."_

 

Needless to say, Raven was positively thrilled to have a snooping job of her own.  Within five hours, provided an old laptop, Costia’s Apple ID, some basic facts about her life, and a series of important dates in Costia's life that Lexa could remember, Raven had been able to crack her password and hack in.  Raven made quick work of eliminating those pictures forever, and logged back out of the account with no problem. “People really need to think of more inspiring passwords than birthdays and pets,” Raven remarked after she had deleted all of the pictures.

 

The second day, Clarke only received a text.

 

_Lexa: Nothing new today.  Costia didn’t say anything abt the pics.  Either she doesnt know or is playing it cool.  Will keep you updated._

 

During the day, the girls visited Alie, like Lexa had asked.  Alie admitted that she felt a disturbance in the world, that the girls were in danger, but she didn’t have any answers.  She told Clarke and Raven to hold out hope for Lexa and do their part to help her when they could; if they stuck together, their secret would be kept safe, no matter what.  As they began to leave, Alie pulled Clarke aside, telling her to bring Lexa once she’d returned. Alie stressed there was something of the utmost importance to share - something she needed Lexa to see.

 

That night, Clarke, Raven, and Octavia shut the blinds and barricaded themselves in the guest house for the full moon.  None of them made out with each other, but Raven had accidentally caught sight of the moon through a thin pair of curtains, and had subsequently gained an insatiable appetite for seafood.  She annihilated all of the garlic shrimp in the freezer, and woke up feeling as if she’d had a hangover.

 

The third day, Lexa called again.

 

_“Hey, I thought of something today - her email.  Can you and Raven try to hack in? There’s no way I can do it.  It’s guarded by the university, so if I fuck up guessing the password while on campus, they can trace it to me.  I don’t have the means to sneak my way around the wall here on campus. It’ll probably be harder to crack, she might just have a university administered password.  But we need to see if she sent anything to anyone.”_

 

Octavia begrudgingly helped Raven and Clarke.  Anya eagerly accepted the invitation to join in, cracking her knuckles and declaring that it was time to get even.

 

(Octavia had been furious when Clarke and Raven told her the news; she was upset, first of all, because Lexa and Anya knew about their secret, but the girls refused to let Octavia tell Lincoln.  Strike one. Strike two, Octavia was pissed at Lexa in general for everything she’d put Clarke through. Strike three, the final one, had been when she learned that Costia knew about her and the girls.  She argued with Raven and Clarke for hours that they should cut Lexa off and bring in Lincoln instead to help them, but that argument ended quickly once Anya got involved and put her foot down. Of all people in the world, Clarke found out that Octavia Blake was afraid of Anya Woods, and only Anya Woods.  Raven nearly jumped Anya’s bones, saying her intimidating voice was a turn on.)

 

It took them well into the fourth day to actually crack the code.  Raven had, resentfully, called their classmate Monty Green, a future computer science major and hacking savant, in for help, paying him off to crack the code and keep quiet with ten grams of weed.  

 

(“My whole goddamn fucking stash...do you know how much that cost me? Do you know how much these fucking racist, uptight suburban white kids at our fucking yuppie school charge per gram? Too much, that’s how much!  I even got the bundle discount and spent way too much!”)

 

The nail in the coffin for Raven had been that she was close, _so_ close to the password, only a few digits off.  Monty assured her that she was doing amazing for a novice, and propositioned her to be his new partner, since his former partner Jasper Jordan was transferring to Mount Weather in the fall to be closer to his girlfriend.  Raven agreed, but only on the terms that they would split both the pay and the weed they earned 60/40.

 

In the end, they found several drafts of emails, with attached pictures.  Luckily, none had been sent so far. They deleted all of the emails from Costia’s account, and with Lexa's help on campus, breaking into Costia's office to access her computer, Monty taught Raven how to remotely hack into a computer from an outside location - that outside location being his clunky, indestructible, homemade, “untraceable” laptop, named Jeeves.  There, he accessed Costia’s hard drive, erased everything on it -- _everything_ , not just evidence about the girls -- saying that Costia would be less suspicious if everything was wiped, as opposed to just the files she had on the scale project. Along that line of thinking, Raven hopped back onto Costia’s cloud, and wiped the rest of the pictures, as well.

 

The fifth day, Lexa got into Costia’s Instagram, herself.  Costia had given Lexa access to her account during their relationship to post pictures of them together, and Lexa remembered that she had been logged into Costia’s account on her browser.  So, not necessarily hacking -- just luck, she supposed. Accessing Costia’s search history, Lexa saw that she had looked up Clarke, Raven, and Octavia, all one after the other.

 

_“Yeah.  She knows it’s you three.  But we’ve wiped her computer and her phone, so she has no evidence.  All we need to do is to keep you three away from her. She has nothing on you, and no one would believe an esteemed marine biologist claiming there’s mermaids out there without any evidence.”_

 

* * *

 

As Lexa was packing to return home, a knock echoed through her small rented dorm room.  Sighing, she finished zipping up her suitcase before walking over to the door.

 

Unsurprisingly, it was Costia.  “Hi, Lexa.”

 

Lexa nodded politely.  It had been quite the Herculean task to pretend to be on good terms with Costia after everything that had happened, but Lexa needed to keep her cool.  Acting as though nothing was wrong was the key to not alerting Costia of her knowledge. “Hello, Costia,”

 

“I just wanted to come by and say thank you for your hard work,” Costia smiled.  “I can say with almost certainty that you’ll be accepted into our program here.”

 

Oh, that.  Lexa had forgotten all about the program, to be honest.  She hadn’t even been _thinking_ about college, which was unusual for a studious, hard worker like herself.  She’d been so wrapped up in worrying about Clarke and destroying the trail of evidence she’d left behind that college seemed like a faraway dream.  Almost a myth, at this point. “Oh, that’s fantastic,” Lexa smiled. “I’m glad,” she said, uneasiness settling in her stomach.

 

“Well, I guess I'll see you around,” Costia said, leaning against the door frame.  “We’ll be back in Arkadia at the end of summer to do some more fish counts. Maybe we can grab lunch sometime?”

 

Lexa forced herself to nod, even though she knew she would back out of those plans as soon as they were made.  “Sounds great. Sorry, but I have to go -- Clarke’s waiting, we’re having dinner tonight,”

 

“Oh!” Costia said, a large smile plastered on her face.  “How’s that going?”

 

Lexa shrugged.  “Slow, but we’re getting there.”

 

“Good,” Costia nodded.  After a moment, she said, “Hey, by chance can you email me those files I sent you way back in June about the fish counts we did then?  Somehow my entire hard drive got erased, and I need those stats to compare with the August counts.”

 

“I can see if I still have them,” Lexa nodded.  “For sure.”

 

“It’s the weirdest thing...my phone _and_ my computer.  Almost like...I got hacked.”  Costia’s eyes never left Lexa’s, scrutinizing her very carefully.

 

“That would be unfortunate,” Lexa said, shifting on her feet.  “Has I.T. tracked what caused it?”

 

“No, not yet.  They’ll be able to figure out whether it was just a computer error, or whether someone else did it, somehow.  I don’t know all that mumbo jumbo,” she smiled. “I was talking to my mom about it; she’s a chemist, you know.  We laughed about how we’re two academically successful women with doctorates, yet neither of us can figure out a damn computer.  I would love for you to meet her sometime, we never got around to that…” Costia trailed off. “My mom would love you. I get my middle name from her, you know?  Grace. Costia Grace Greene. Though, my mother always did prefer nicknames, like you, Alexandria,” Costia winked. “You two have a lot in common. Both smart, both gorgeous brunettes, both have the prettiest nicknames…”

 

Lexa nodded, keeping her smile plastered on through her annoyance.  “I’m flattered, Costia. But I really do need to get back to Clarke,”

 

“Of course,” Costia said, standing upright again.  “Travel safe.” After a moment, Costia added, “I’ll see you soon, Lexa.”

 

Lexa couldn’t figure out exactly what it was, but something in Costia’s tone made her uneasy.

 

* * *

 

Three hours later, Lexa was greeted by warm arms and violet scented blonde hair.

 

“Clarke?” Lexa asked, confused as the girl wrapped her arms around her.  “What’re you doing here?” Lexa asked, dropping her bag to return Clarke’s hug.  “I thought I was coming to pick you up?”

 

“I missed you,” Clarke said, smiling into Lexa’s neck.  “Anya brought me over before heading out with Raven. I couldn’t just sit around in my room anymore, I was so worried…” she shook her head.  “Thank you.”

 

Lexa didn’t need to ask her to elaborate.  “Of course,” Lexa said, leaning her head to the side, resting atop Clarke’s. “Are you okay?”

 

“I’m just glad you and Raven and Monty deleted all of those files.  I'm glad that this is over,” Clarke sighed happily.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa said, pulling Clarke closer.  “Me, too.”

 

Why did it feel like it wasn’t?

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends! I really don't have any excuse for this long delay, except that I've been working a lot this summer! I got a job as an orientation leader at my university, so I've been on campus for multiple days at a time all throughout summer, working fourteen hour shifts. Beyond that, I've been working my regular 9-5 job, too. So sorry I haven't updated! The only extended period of down time I had this summer was this previous week at the beach, but I was with my cousins who I only get to see once or twice a year, so they were the priority. Thanks for being so understanding! I'll definitely have the next chapter up in less time than two months. Thank you all for having so much patience and sticking with this little story!
> 
> Get ready for a fluff fest ;)
> 
> Come hang out over @legendofbisexuals on tumblr! Drop me some fic requests/prompts if you like, I'll see what I can do as I wrap up my summer term break.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all liked it!
> 
> Leave a comment here or over on my tumblr, @gothamsgirlgang (UPDATE: as of 5/19/18, I am at the URL @legendofbisexuals on tumblr! I may switch back to @gothamsgirlgang later, but I was in want of a good change. If you go to @gothamsgirlgang, no worries, it'll redirect you to my new URL!)
> 
> Let me know if you liked it! Anyone remember the show H2O: Just Add Water? That's the inspiration for this fic, if you can't tell--but it'll be much more grown up.
> 
> Should I do a disclaimer? Do people still do those? Neither The 100 nor H2O: Just Add Water are mine. There, covered my ass just in case. I grew up with FF.net, you guys, that fear of not having a disclaimer will never leave me.


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